FF: Betrayed by Love ~(Note pg 151)~ - Page 87

ARFF-2

Part 18

Late Evening, Ravi Lodge

Arjun dropped the keys on the bedside table, locked his gun and wallet in the drawer and placed the laptop bag on the table. His hand lingered on the bag, tempting him to empty it's content and grab the first diary to start reading it right away yet he hesitated. He decided it can wait few more minutes, first he wanted to freshen up and then have his usual tea before he got busy diving into his wife's past.

He grabbed his jogging suit and a towel then headed to the bathroom for a shower. He turned the shower knob to cold before he undressed and got under the cool water. He let the cool water wash away the tension of the day and prepared for what was ahead of him for the evening.

He closed his eyes and lifted his face to the shower to let the cool water sooth him. His mind instantly conjured up the picture of the hospital scene and Priya. He again thought back to the tattoo on her wrist and his heart clenched at the thought of it. Courage and strength, he thought, were two words that were easy to associate with Priya but for her they meant something else he was sure of that and he wanted, not he needed to know what.

When he had held her hand in his he had felt the urge to wrap her in his arms and hide her from the world, he had wanted to shield her so that she would never feel any sort of pain from anyone, but the distance between them prevented him from doing anything but try to be there in the best possible way he could think of.

The walls he had built around his heart long time ago were being knocked down by her mere presence in his life and he didn't know how to put those walls back up. He should be feeling guilty for having these sorts of thoughts while he still hasn't been able to do anything to find the guy who killed his wife and get her the justice she deserved, instead all he was able to do for the past two days was think about Priya.

Arjun turned off the water then dried and dressed quickly; he needed to stop procrastinating and start reading the diaries. The sooner he reads them the sooner he can get to the truth. He came out and ordered his tea he then took the diaries out and placed them in order from first to last.

Twenty minutes later he sat in the bed with his back against the headboard and opened the first diary.

My first diary-Roshni

Dear diary, wow, my very first diary. I have never thought of having one but many of my friends says that they feel much better writing down their thoughts at the end of the day so for my sixteenth birthday I have decided to gift myself this book to share all my thoughts with that I can never ever share with anyone else.

So as I said today it's my 16^th birthday, let me tell you all that have happened and all that I have done today…..

Arjun's mouth curled up at the corner as he read Roshni's thoughts on her sixteenth birthday, he never imagined that Roshni could have been a typical teenage girl who worried about clothes, make up and how she looked to the others. As he continued to read her teenage thoughts slowly a picture of young Roshni formed in his head, one very different from the woman he had been married to.

He thought Roshni's thoughts were those of any typical girl until he came across the first entry in the second diary.

Dear Diary, this cannot be happening. My cousin Priya will be living with us from now on, why? I know her parents died but why does she have to come live with us? As is mom and dad argue about Priya's mom and importance of them in dad's life now things will even get worse. On top of that she will be attending the same school as me.

Mom hates Priya's parents for whatever reason and I hate to see her get upset by this, and on top of that Priya is perfect in everything so now dad will start his, why can't you be more like Priya chant every day.

Arjun sat up as he read more of Roshni's thoughts on Priya. He understood that at the time Roshni was a teenager and at that age girls were easily jealous of other girls and tend to think they can never measure up to certain people but for Roshni these were not thoughts of a typical teenage girl but reflections of feelings of her own mother for Priya and her mother.

Roshni had hated Priya because her own mother had been unable to deal with the fact that her husband had loved his younger sister and that younger sister had married in to a wealthy family. Roshni never saw Priya through her own eyes; she always saw Priya as her mother had seen her which had been cause of lot of friction between the two girls as they grew up together after the death of Priya's parents.

Arjun was shocked to learn how far Roshni had gone to keep Priya out of her life. She had gone as far as alienating Priya in school from all of her friends and made sure that Priya had no close friends except for one other girl.

Even without knowing Priya's side of story he was sure that Priya must have tried hard to make friends with Roshni but Roshni had been more stubborn than he and Priya put together to give in easily.

He thought back to the academy days and the underlying sadness in Priya's eyes, her being reluctant to make friends and her wanting to be left alone; he was now starting to understand all that and more. It hadn't been only about losing her parents but what must have taken place after she went to live with Roshni's parents must made another big impact in her already out of control life. He could never imagine what it may have been liked for her to lose her parents and then the people who could have supported her thru her grief had instead piled more grief on her because of misplaced anger.

He also understood the closeness between Priya and Sam because of shared loss. They both lost their parents in the same tragic way and this had been the bond between the two that had made it easy for Sam to win her over. He should have seen those things at the time but he hadn't because he had still been stuck on being the best cop mode. He hadn't looked past his own self to understand the pain in Priya's eyes, not then and not now either.

He closed his eyes as he remembered the days after Roshni's death. Priya had come to see him but he hadn't even turned towards her to look at her let alone listen to her. Is it any wonder that she no longer wanted to tell him things that he hadn't wanted to hear back then?

But now he wanted to know, no he needed to know all her secrets. He turned back to the diaries with a heavy heart; he had expected that something big must have happened for so much distance between the two girls but there has to be more for Roshni to carry the grudge of teenage years into adulthood.

One hour later he threw the fourth and the last diary across the room in anger. He felt a huge pressure in his chest where his heart lays beating rapidly. His whole world turned upside down in matter of minutes. His every belief shattered into millions of pieces. He stood up to pace the length of the room. No matter where he looked all he saw was betrayal and deceit in a form of a person he had come to love despite his feelings for another. He had given up on everything so that she would never feel as though he didn't love her and in return all he got was a heat break.

He felt the walls of the room closing in on him as everything he read in the last diary echoed thru his mind. He unlocked the bedside drawer to take his gun and wallet then grabbed the car keys. He slammed the door behind him as he hurried outside to outrun the demons locked in his room.

As he drove through the city mindlessly, with no destination in mind, his head was being bombarded with so many questions about himself that he was unable to answer honestly.

Could one person have two different personalities? And if they did how had they managed to keep their other personality hidden from other people for so long?

No Arjun, not from other people just you. And she didn't hide it from you either you just ignored that personality when it did come out. Your own guilt stopped you from questioning those moments. You knew you hadn't loved her like you should have so you worked extra hard to make her feel loved by not acknowledging the fact that the person you have come to care could be mean in anyway. You thought you failed at your first attempt at love so you did everything you can so you wouldn't fail the second time. And you continue to do everything you can to prove yourself right instead of facing the fact that you had failed before you had even begun.

Arjun gripped the staring wheel tightly and changed gears to increase the speed of the vehicle. Leave it to his conscious to set him straight and he couldn't deny it either. He hadn't loved Roshni like he should have because he couldn't face the heartbreak the second time. He had always held a part of himself back from her. Could he blame her for doing what she did?

So what if you didn't love her like you did Arjun, she still didn't have the right to betray you or Priya. The cop part in him reasoned with the man in him.

She loved you Arjun, his conscious reminded him.

And that is why she should have known that her betrayal would shatter Arjun completely. The other part of him argued.

Arjun kept increasing the speed of the car as the man in him fought the cop in him. He was aware only of the arguments in his head not realizing that he was driving too fast nor was he aware of the traffic around him until he heard a loud horn. He came to his senses then and decreased the speed of the car. He looked around and realized he was headed towards Priya's apartment but he did not turn around to go back to the lodge. Few minutes later he pulled up in front of her building. He turned off the engine then leaned his head back to stare up at her apartment window.

The battle between the man and the cop in him came to an abrupt halt. His mind had gone quiet but the pain in his heart was endless and unbearable. He didn't know why he came here but for some reason he felt at peace for just one moment then his thoughts turned again and the pain in his heart increased. He got out of the car because he felt as though he couldn't breathe, as the realization of what Roshni did start it setting in more and more.

Arjun slumped against the car and looked up again. How can I ever face you again? How do I make up for what my one mistake lead to Priya? Arjun turned and placed his head on the cold surface of the SUV and let the tears flow down his cheeks that he held in since the moment he realized what Priya had gone through since her parents death.

She had come to terms with everything but he spent her world spinning again because of his own selfishness. He wished he hadn't pushed her to be friends with him back then. My intention had been to ease the pain in your eyes back then Priya not add to your already broken heart and I hope that someday you forgive me for it.

He didn't even know what he needed to make up for but he was sure that Sikandar hadn't spared Priya once Roshni told him that Priya was an undercover cop. His mind conjured up picture of Priya and he had inkling of where and how Priya may have acquired the scar on her face.

Arjun stood up straighter as he recalled the conversation he had with Priya the few nights before. He had known then that she had deliberately mislead him about certain things but now he was sure that things did not end with Avinash getting her out and hiding her.

He remembered thinking that Priya would have had the evidence on her when she left so then what happened to that evidence and how did Sikandar manage to flush Priya out of hiding? He did not have any answers to theses questions and he also knew that he will have to go hunt for those answers himself because he is now sure that Priya would never reveal anything that could hurt him.

Arjun didn't know how he would deal with things if Roshni had something to do with this also but only the truth can set him free. First he needed to come to terms with what he has learned so far and he also knew that there is only one place in this whole wide world that will bring him peace. The place he has avoided for almost three years now. The place and the people he forsaken almost three years go because he had felt as though he didn't deserved to be loved by anyone. He still didn't deserve them or their love but he will still go to that place and seek for the peace in his mother's arms.

Arjun glanced towards Priya's apartment one more time before he drove towards the ETF office. He needed to complete some things before the morning to catch the train to Delhi. The prodigal son was going home; he didn't know what kind of welcome he would receive but it was time to seek forgiveness as well as peace.

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Well threre it is part of Roshni and Priya's true relationship is out. Of course there is little more than what I have revealed here which will come out in next updates.

Thanks everyone.😊