Part 33
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." – C.G. Jung
The white, bright light surrounded him, and he closed his eyes, a hand coming forward to block out the light. Looking around, he saw nothing except the bright light, no sense of ground, or sky, and he felt the illusion playing on his mind, as he felt himself go dizzy with confusion. Falling forward, he gave out a gasp, not knowing whether he was going to fall on solid ground, or float mid-air.
The scene switched, and suddenly the rain was pouring down on him, causing his eyes to flutter as they tried to keep the water away. His face scrunched up in confusion for a brief moment, before clarity seeped through his features as he stared up at the familiar mansion. Dread filled his being, and his feet slowly started to step back as he shook his head. Not again, he pleaded, as he saw his father stumble out, an arm thrown over a woman scantily dressed, slurring out words that he could not understand, and a bag held in the other, overflowing with his mother's saris and jewellery.
Fury clouded his mind, as he ran towards his father, his hand drawn back to punish him, but he slowed down, to see his younger self run out, trying to stop his father.
He saw his younger self, demanded to know what his father was doing, and watched as his father, pushed aside the woman, drunkenly pushed Arnav forcefully with his hand, slurring abuses. He saw as his younger self fell to the ground, the hard gravel that covered the ground, scratching his upper eyelid, drawing blood, which trickled down the side of his face, only to be washed away with the rain. He saw as his younger self cried at the pain of the wound, and looked up at his father, trying to figure out what was happening, whimpering.
He closed his eyes, as he swallowed hard, the unshed tears causing his chest to constrict, as his fingers traced the scar, the painful memories continuing to play in front of him.
The scene shifted again, and he opened his eyes, surprised to see the bright light again, and looking around, he realised his was on his hands and knees, from where he had started to fall before, panting hard, the tears continuing to trail down his face.
He slowly got up, the confusion making him frustrated, and he looked down, the scowl deepening on his face.
He felt two arms sneak around his stomach, as a soft body pressed against his back. He inhaled sharply, as her scent filled up his senses. He wasn't sure how he knew her scent, but he did.
He turned around, and saw as she looked down, a blush prettily spreading across her cheeks, and he felt his own lips twitch in amusement, a thumb brushing across her cheek, wanting to feel the softness.
She looked up, and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as she recognised him. Arnav frowned, and dropped his hand from her face, his fingers, brushing her skin as they dropped to his sides, and panic took over his mind. He shook his head, but Khushi stepped away, her face scrunched up in confusion, a hand coming up to cover her chest, as she looked around confused, her breaths quickening, and her lower lip between her teeth as she chewed at her worries.
He took a step forward, his hand raising to bring her back to him, to feel the warmth of her body against his again, to feel the softness, to let her scent surround him, to feel the hair brush against his skin, but she took another step back, and the white light slowly swallowed her, leaving Arnav alone, again.
********
Arnav got up with a gasp, the sweat collecting on his brow, the blanket collected between his legs, which showed that he had twisted and turned a lot during the night, a dull cramp settled on his shoulder and neck, and he groaned in frustration, running a hand through his hair.
Trying to massage away the pain, he looked out, and saw that the sun was just about rising. Knowing he wasn't going to get any more sleep, he pushed aside the blanket, forgetting to fold it in his preoccupation of the dream, grabbed a tshirt to put over his shorts, a pair of runners, and went out for a run, knowing he needed to clear his mind of the painful memories, of that night…and of her feel against his body.
********
Khushi got up, her fingers rubbing at her eyes to get rid of the tiredness, as she looked around and saw the bright light flooding in. Scrunching up her eyes, and groaning, she turned over in her bed, and sighed.
She opened her eyes again and saw that the room was in the same condition it was in last night, and she closed her eyes again, wanting to get those few extra minutes of sleep.
********
"zara zara chalne se thakne laga dil mera…" Khushi hummed under her breath as she stepped into the shower, wanting to get in before Arnav decided to shower, which got her thinking, she hadn't heard the coffee machine spurring to life this morning, nor had she heard the sound of the TV as he would have put the news channel. Lathering up the shampoo in her hair, she massaged her head, the night's events still replaying in her head.
He had been quiet, and she had noticed, although she had tried not to. He had been unusually quiet, ever since they had come back from the beach, and had quietly walked into the room, changed into his nightwear, coming out in a tshirt and shorts, and she knew he would remove the tshirt only when Khushi would step inside the bedroom. She had walked out once before Arnav had woken up, and had been shocked to see the sight of him bare-chested as he had slept on the couch.
She rubbed the soap on her arms, giving out a sigh as she thought back to his odd behaviour. Could it be that her words had finally had an effect on him? He had hardly snapped at her, and now instead of her trying to keep out of his way, he was trying to keep out of hers.
Washing away the shampoo, she grabbed some conditioner, and generously rubbed some on her hair.
Her mind drifted back to the day of the beach, and remembered the many times their eyes had held each others' during the outing. Once when she was with NK, then another when she had stood behind him, then another when she was in the water, the wind making her shiver, but she was enjoying the sea too much, and then Arnav had got up, and stared at her till she had looked up at him. She remembered averting her gaze as quickly as their eyes had met during that time, because she had seen something in his face that she had never seen before, and that was something she was unable to put her finger on. Something uncomfortable and settled in her stomach at that point, and she had consciously pulled down the dupatta, feeling her heart race as Arnav had covered the distance between them in a few steps, standing close to her, his hand brushing against hers as he had started to walk with her back to their hotel. She had wrapped her arms around her body, her hands fisting up as her thumb brushed over her fingers, so their hands would no longer brush against each other, still feeling the tingle at the place where his fingers had touched hers.
As she washed away the excess conditioner, she took the towel and wrapped it around her body. Staring at her reflection, she decided that the Laad Governer was confusing her, and she wasn't sure what to make of his strange behaviour.
********
Stepping out of the room, her hair open and leaving it to air-dry, she frowned as she saw the still kitchen, and living room.
Walking towards the couch, her frown deepened as she saw the blanket pushed away, not even folded, and no sight of Arnav. Adjusting the dupatta, she grabbed the blanket, and folded it, her eye roaming around, wondering where he had gone.
********
Khushi placed two breads in the toaster, and waited for them to come up, the coffee machine ready for when Arnav would get back home, and the breakfast getting ready. She had assumed he had left for a meeting, but knew that he couldn't have, as when she had stepped into the bathroom, it had looked unused.
She shrugged her shoulders, grabbed the toasts, and placed them on a plate, taking out some butter to spread on them.
Khushi sat on the table, buttering a toast, just as Arnav stepped into the room, a hand running through his hair, panting heavily. She bit her lip, the question almost ready at her tongue to as where he had been, when he went to the kitchen, opened the fridge, grabbed a jug of water and drank from it. Khushi's eyes bugged slightly to see him drinking straight from the bottle, instead of pouring it out in a glass, but she kept quiet. Her eyes focussed on the toast, but she was acutely aware of his presence, as she noticed when he opened the fridge, when he placed the jug of water back, and when he leaned against the counter, his breathing slowly evening out.
Feeling a trickle down her neck, Khushi looked over again and saw that he was leaning against the counter, his arms crossed at his chest, as he looked right at her. Khushi stared back for a few seconds, and was about to look away when he moved away from the counter and took a step towards her, his eyes holding hers in a steady gaze. Khushi sensed that he wanted to say something, and so she waited, the knife and toast still in her hands, but her attention completely on Arnav who was frowning hard, his eyes still holding hers.
She swallowed as he took another step closer, his mouth opening, as he let his arms fall at the side of his body, his hands clenching into fists, and unclenching.
"Khushi…" He started, and Khushi noted the soft tone, as she waited for him to finish, but he averted his gaze, looked down, before he looked back up again, and took in a deep breath to continue. He opened his mouth again, and closed his eyes frustrated, and Khushi frowned in confusion, getting an odd satisfaction at seeing him flustered, but at the same time confused as to what he wanted to ask her.
"We're going out for breakfast" He said, and briskly started walking away from the counter to the room, before Khushi could respond. Was he asking her or telling her?
"What?" Arnav asked, as he turned around, and Khushi noticed that his entire body was stiff with tension. Realising she had said her words out loud, Khushi pushed back her chair and stood up.
Don't back down now, Khushi, Devi Maiya ki kasam
"Are you asking me, or telling me?" Khushi asked again, and Arnav frowned in confusion,
"What does that mean? Don't you want to go?"
"But you did not ask me, you told me that I am to come with you" Khushi said, and Arnav's eyes hardened, and he shifted, so his entire body was facing hers, his arms crossing at his chest.
"Khushi, just because I've been silent the last two times you have screamed at me, does not mean you can snap at me whenever you want. I won't tolerate-"
"What about the countless times you have snapped at me?" Khushi retorted, feeling a tremor of fear shoot down her spine as his eyes turned cold, but she swallowed hard and sent a prayer up to her Devi Maiya.
"I've already apologised-"
"By gifting me jewellery I did not want"
"Khushi!" He snapped, but Khushi took a step towards him, not backing down, "I made a mistake, fine. Do you want to come out for breakfast, or not!" He growled out, his eyes still spitting fire, and she saw as his body stiffened up further, his shoulders pulled back, the muscle in his cheek jumping from agitation as he unknowingly clenched and unclenched his fists, waiting for her answer.
That's when Khushi realised something about Arnav Singh Raizada – he was afraid of refusal. Or more like, he was not used to saying the word, 'no'. So she did, what most people probably never had the guts to do, she smiled up at him, a wide smile stretching from one ear to another, a small giggle bubbling inside, which she managed to contain, and said the word that he was obviously dreading,
"No"
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