Use of word 'Paramishvar' for husband

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sectoreight

@sectoreight

Inactive

Posted: 12 years ago

#31

I dont know why "obey" is considered a dirty word nowadays.

There used to be/and still is a negative connotation with the word "comfort zone" (using this word as an example).

all leadership books, and leadership seminars talk about being in the comfort zone as a dirty thing. As if someone who was comfortable was good-for-nothing, not enterprising, not worthy , not having any ambition etc. so i pushed myself to do all sorts of idiotic things to "get out of my comfort zone". some of the activities caused me down right discomfort, some i didnt even enjoy, but by God, I was determined to be a "leader" and not someone who stuck in her comfort zone.

after a while, i just let go of all the discomfort, and am only doing things which I find myself comfortable with. I am just happy, and my happiness makes me a better leader. Comfort zone is really a good thing -- it implies ease and flow and joy.

Similarly, I think the word obey does not have to be a negative word which implies "screwing someone into submission". Rules and regulations also dont need to be a negative word.

I mean, consider the example of a traffic light. That is also a rule that we must obey, to stop if it is red. Rules provide order, they provide direction. If each person just drove a car whenever and wherever they wanted because they didnt want to "obey" the traffic light, then it would be total chaos.

I believe that when I ask someone to obey me (my children for example, or my juniors at work)... I do it with a sense of knowing what is best for them, or best for the overall big picture, not because I want to "show them who is boss" or to exert power control over them.

I think in living in democratic societies and practicing free will and talking about independence and freedom, somehow we have lost the respect for hierarchical structures which are good organizational mechanisms.

even at work, we have hierarchies. at home, parents and children cannot be on the same level. on the road, the government authority has decided what speeding limits should exist on the roads, and where red traffic lights are to be adhered to.

I basically think it is an issue of trust. if you trust someone, you will automatically obey without feeling stifled or oppressed. But if you dont trust someone, obedience seems like an imposition and suffocating and something limiting your personal freedom. If you trust someone, obedience will feel like something that enhances you, and gives you a positive direction to your life ... not something that takes away from you. If you trust someone, obedience does not cause resentment, ... instead it makes you cherish the other person more.

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Nandita / Tina

@5cents

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#32

Originally posted by: aparnauma
@ 5cents

Most of my beliefs come from my mother,

For her relationships meant everything she gave everything to relationships; be it with her parents, husband or children.Because she felt it was her duty to give herself up for these relationships.

At the same time she was very particular about retaining her own identity.She never changed her name post marriage she had her own bank account and nobody including my father could ever question her about how she spent her salary.
She made sure that me and my brother and sister learnt how to do all the house work.
My father had no qualms about making coffee in the morning.She didn't like the idea of my father working in the kitchen.But she gave an excuse that men are messy😆

But at the same time she was very particular about all those symbols like mangal sutra glass bangles flowers etc.She wanted to die wearing them.

She was the most perfect woman I have ever come across.

She always used to say that a woman's role began and ended with motherhood.Rest of the duties towards your parents siblings and of fellow human beings it didn;t matter whether you are man or a woman.

Just because you in phrases like pati parameshwar or you like to wear all the symbols of marriage doesn't mean that you are not a liberated or an independent woman. JMO.

Aparna, such perfect woman like your mom are still very few in India. Balancing work & home and carving a niche for herself without neglecting anybody is hard indeed. But I salute such woman. But my question is why only women have to do everything, I don't have any answer except that men don't have that much strength n flexibility to undergo all that. God gave us the uterus & capacity to bear a child & undergo labor pains, ability to nurse the baby & spend her life to bring up her own flesh & blood...!!we can only be proud of ourselves 👏.

But I have myself seen in the family & worked with a few wackos. They have been brainwashed and drilled with certain ideas, such as "Pati Parmeshwar" etc. so how can they even see themselves as equals?

Unfortunately, few people have the tenacity to go against a defined society norm, which is why we still see submissive behavior from many women.

I feel India is still a male dominating society...I think it's in a 'Transition phase'. But still rules are different for boys & girls. We women are the red herring in all this...if we raise our kids better we'll have a better and educated India.

Well, your mom kept her maiden name for her own satisfaction...I would not call this independence. It is a choice & she choose what she liked. But she had the freedom to choose...wonderful!!

My SIL has retained her maiden name but I have changed mine on my own sweet will. My In laws name bothered. My take is ...Last name/ Surname represents identity of a 'family' according to their religion,caste n profession right? When we get married, the other family welcomes us as and we become one of them... If one DIL was 'vaidya' in 'Mehta's family', another was 'Shah', third one 'Singh';then where is 'one' family?? After all marriage is called an institution, so if one student decides to go into another the division, new div. will appear on his id and not the old one. I'm just saying that by changing our last name we don't lose our identity but we gain a new identity, the moment we turn into DIL from a daughter!!

There goes Anandi Shivraj Shekhar😳

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samantha1987200

@samantha1987200

Navigator

Posted: 12 years ago

#33

Originally posted by: sectoreight
I dont know why "obey" is considered a dirty word nowadays.

There used to be/and still is a negative connotation with the word "comfort zone" (using this word as an example).

all leadership books, and leadership seminars talk about being in the comfort zone as a dirty thing. As if someone who was comfortable was good-for-nothing, not enterprising, not worthy , not having any ambition etc. so i pushed myself to do all sorts of idiotic things to "get out of my comfort zone". some of the activities caused me down right discomfort, some i didnt even enjoy, but by God, I was determined to be a "leader" and not someone who stuck in her comfort zone.

after a while, i just let go of all the discomfort, and am only doing things which I find myself comfortable with. I am just happy, and my happiness makes me a better leader. Comfort zone is really a good thing -- it implies ease and flow and joy.

Similarly, I think the word obey does not have to be a negative word which implies "screwing someone into submission". Rules and regulations also dont need to be a negative word.

I mean, consider the example of a traffic light. That is also a rule that we must obey, to stop if it is red. Rules provide order, they provide direction. If each person just drove a car whenever and wherever they wanted because they didnt want to "obey" the traffic light, then it would be total chaos.

I believe that when I ask someone to obey me (my children for example, or my juniors at work)... I do it with a sense of knowing what is best for them, or best for the overall big picture, not because I want to "show them who is boss" or to exert power control over them.

I think in living in democratic societies and practicing free will and talking about independence and freedom, somehow we have lost the respect for hierarchical structures which are good organizational mechanisms.

even at work, we have hierarchies. at home, parents and children cannot be on the same level. on the road, the government authority has decided what speeding limits should exist on the roads, and where red traffic lights are to be adhered to.

I basically think it is an issue of trust. if you trust someone, you will automatically obey without feeling stifled or oppressed. But if you dont trust someone, obedience seems like an imposition and suffocating and something limiting your personal freedom. If you trust someone, obedience will feel like something that enhances you, and gives you a positive direction to your life ... not something that takes away from you. If you trust someone, obedience does not cause resentment, ... instead it makes you cherish the other person more.

You are looking at the literal meaning only. In olden days the word "obey" was in the woman's vow in order to show her submission to her husband. These words seem small now, but back then there was a lot of burden attached to these words.

Edited by samantha1987200 - 12 years ago

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sectoreight

@sectoreight

Inactive

Posted: 12 years ago

#34

@samantha,

I think the concept of 'obedience' is not century specific or generation specific or ancient vs. modern type of debate.

The issue is the same at all times. 'obey' only constitutes burden when we dont trust the other person.

when we feel the other person is our well-wisher and wanting the best for us, obedience is a joy, because we feel the other person is giving us a road map for our happiness. we feel that there is someone looking out for our well-being. then obedience does not become a burden.

Quote

samantha1987200

@samantha1987200

Navigator

Posted: 12 years ago

#35

Originally posted by: sectoreight
@samantha,

I think the concept of 'obedience' is not century specific or generation specific or ancient vs. modern type of debate.

The issue is the same at all times. 'obey' only constitutes burden when we dont trust the other person.

when we feel the other person is our well-wisher and wanting the best for us, obedience is a joy, because we feel the other person is giving us a road map for our happiness. we feel that there is someone looking out for our well-being. then obedience does not become a burden.

I am talking about use of it in marriage vows and why it was omitted.Obviously it meant a lot to women and feminists in that era, marriages were more of an arrangement than love.

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Nandita / Tina

@5cents

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#36

Originally posted by: sectoreight
@samantha,

I think the concept of 'obedience' is not century specific or generation specific or ancient vs. modern type of debate.

The issue is the same at all times. 'obey' only constitutes burden when we dont trust the other person.

when we feel the other person is our well-wisher and wanting the best for us, obedience is a joy, because we feel the other person is giving us a road map for our happiness. we feel that there is someone looking out for our well-being. then obedience does not become a burden.

There is a proper way to love wife, and that is not being demanding, ruling, abusive, controlling, or bossy. A husband's love is submission to his wife not obedience. So then I guess it works both ways. This is the kind of submission God is talking about because it is the same way Christ submitted to the Church.😳

I feel husband & wife's relationship is based on equality there cannot be any obeying involved in it. It'll be a lie if I say ... obedience is a JOY for me. Hahhaha I'm such a rebel.😛 I don't know when to OBEY my husband & when to throw a FIT. 😆

But you know if we go deeper into the issue there are extremes too.

I feel there is difference between the serious 'Suppression' of woman & so called feminist's liberation!!

Even in India there still exists society where woman is treated as a housemaid & a doll to physically play with, where sixteen yr old innocent girl is made to marry forty yr old divorcee ( Gehna & Vasant), where woman is not allowed to undergo tubectomy even after five deliveries till she gives birth to a male baby, where sex determination & killing of female fetus is still prevalent...yes this is serious male domination & has to be dealt with strictly, the key being woman's education, self respect, self preservation , confidence & courage to rise..!

On the other hand there is slowly developing another mentality ,If males can have no. of extra marital affairs why can't we? There goes Mallika sheravat & Neha dhupia's .

God made two sex only to complete each other...this give & take may be 50/50 or 80/20 , we only have to try our best so that both of them get equal chance to expand their wings & use their potential to the maximum by complementing each other...

There is scope of OBEDIENCE in a relationship as we women are more patient, more tolerant & more strong ...woman is symbol of that!!

Edited by 5cents - 12 years ago