Todays episode was a little heart breaking for me to watch - my thoughts are as follows...
OS | Make You Mine Again
Her short tresses gently blew over her vigilant face - silently observing the man sat on a ledge outside the Raizada Mansion.
She hadn't planned on this at all.
But seeing him again; feeling that familiar spark between them whilst they were playing basketball - She couldn't help herself.
She knew it wouldn't take much for him to give in. It had been the same back then... And it would sure as hell be the same now.
She stealthily approached him, resting a hand on his shoulder as she seated herself next to him.
'Kya soch rahe ho Arnav?'
He looked up at his old friend and smiled lightly, acknowledging her presence before looking back out in to the distance. He sighed as he felt himself unravel at her question.
'Khushi... She had a DNA test done on Aarav and me.'
Feigning surprise, she entertained an audible intake of breath as he looked back round at her apologetically. She kept her hand on his rigid shoulder as he carried on.
'Even after I told her that we were only dating. That it was all in the past. Phir bhi she went behind my back. I thought I wasn't angry with her... But I guess I still am'
She watched intently as his clasped hands began to press further together - the skin turning white over his taut knuckles. She inwardly breathed a sigh of relief knowing that he was feeling anger towards his wife. She knew full well that it was wrong for her to feel this way... But being here beside him, she could feel her resolve tearing away.
'Khushi is young. She's naive... She doesn't know the ways of the world Arnav. She doesn't understand the concept of dating.'
Arnav momentarily considered Sheetals words before scrunching his eyebrows in confusion. 'What is she trying to say?' he pondered to himself knowingly as she averted her gaze and continued. He didn't like the way she had just spoken about his wife.
'She's immature Arnav... You can't blame her'
Arnav sensed her inching closer. Turning towards her fully, he saw her leaning forward - her hand reaching out to push back those wayward strands of hair; brushing down his face as she lightly stroked his face - her alluring eyes boring in to his.
It felt so wrong.
'Honestly, it shocks me that you are married to someone like Khushi... I always thought you had a higher standard'
It took a moment for Arnav to comprehend just what Sheetal had actually said to him - His expression blank as he just stared at her face; watching as it slowly deformed into a gruesome facade in his mind.
~
It wasn't that she had given up. It was just that she was drained. Completely drained.
Khushi could literally feel herself become detached - not from anyone else, but from her own personality; her own self.
'What am I even doing?'
In her head, she could envision the way she had been acting for the past few days - and it did nothing but make her cringe. She had done nothing but make a fool out of herself. And for what? For Arnav to distance himself further from her.
'But is it really my fault?'
Did he really expect her to just act normal; to actually believe that 'it meant nothing,' when he was so clearly flaunting his affiliation with Sheetal so defiantly in front of her - whether he knew what he was doing, or not.
And then to have the audacity to ask her the question that made her feel so implausibly ridiculous
'Don't you trust me?'
Trust was the one thing that had caused their chaotic love to go through so many trials. And why was this?
Because the truth of the matter was, that there wasn't actually any trust between them.
'Had there ever been?'
Khushi could safely say that she alone had blindly given in to him.
When? She couldn't tell you. But the trust had come automatically with this.
But Arnav?
Over and over again, he had doubted her, suspected her; accused her left right and centre - Right from their very first meeting. It had taken the facts in front of his oblivious eyes for him to finally trust her - she cringed once again thinking about the ways in which she had begged and implored him to see the reality each and every single time.
She could see now that it was merely the setting for their life together.
And now that he trusted her? She could see clearly now that at each stage; at each trial... Her trust had slowly been shattering.
How had she not seen this before?
How many times had she tried to convince herself that it was Sheetal she didn't trust? When the truth was that it was Arnav all along.
'But I love him. And my love won't give up that easily' she thought with a sad smile. She knew it would take time, but she also knew she couldn't do it on her own.
'Trust is gained. Trust is earned... Make me yours again Arnavji'
~
It hit him.
Shrugging Sheetals hand off his shoulder as he walked off towards the house, without so much as giving her a second glance. It hit him.
He had done nothing to stop this. Come to think of it, he had barely even paid any attention to Khushi for the past few days... He didn't even know what she had been doing.
He didn't know how, but even at the office, it was Sheetal he had been spending most of his time with. Talking, laughing... Reminiscing. It was a different matter that he had started to remember just how annoying she was. Sheetal was down-to-earth, but was over confident with a tendency to look down at others - he had noticed she had been doing so with the rest of the family... And even Khushi. This thought made him shudder in disgust. Not at Sheetal, but at himself. How had he witnessed this, and done nothing about it? Why did he not even attempt to defend Khushi?
And why was it that even though they live under the same roof... He was missing his wife?
Arnav felt ashamed of himself.
Of course Khushi was upset. He didn't even think jealousy was the word anymore. If he knew Khushi at all, he knew that she was probably beyond it; that she was slowly breaking.
How had he not seen through her crazy antics?
His mind reverted back to the jealousy he used to feel when NK used to shower her with attention. They hadn't even been together at that stage. They hadn't really been anything.
But this? 'She's your wife, for gods' sake Arnav!' he thought to himself angrily.
He had unwittingly put her in such a heart-breaking position... And he hadn't even noticed. He no longer cared about the DNA test. What right had he to become so angry about that; to insinuate that she didn't trust him, when he alone had probably broken it at every possible moment before?
He closed his eyes and clenched his fist - the thought of Khushi up there, all alone without his presence making his body clench in blame.
He needed her
~
Standing outside the bedroom doors, he could feel his uneasiness ebb away in to the cool air - dispersing around him as it somehow reflected off the walls. Call him crazy, but it was almost as if his room was a safe haven. And when he said his room... he meant their room. Only with Khushi in this house did this room feel like home.
He could always feel his troubles whither away in to nothingness, transforming him as he stepped through the doors. Today was no different as he silently immersed himself in the warm aura of his wife - Treading lightly as his gaze rested on her sleeping form.
He took one look at her and felt his insides crumble in to a slur of emotions. - His guilt surpassing the rest.
The feel of Sheetals hands was still burning viciously in to his skin. Her sickly scent suffocating him as he tried to mentally pry her off of him.
He'd had enough of her... He'd had enough of himself
Quickly getting changed, he slipped in beside Khushi and gently turned her towards him on the pillow - her shallow breathing calming his guilt ridden heart.
He would make everything ok.
He lay down and slowly manoeuvred her head so it was resting against his chest - her arms automatically winding around his waist in her deep slumber.
An involuntary smile adorned his face, wrapping his arms around her tight as he thought about just how right it felt with Khushi beside him and in his arms. This was it... This was his home.
Laying a kiss on the top of her hair, he glanced down at her content face and softly spoke to her.
'Khushi... Hum jaante hain ke tum Sheetal ko leke pareshaan ho. And I know it's not just about Sheetal. But I promise you, I'll make it all better for you...'
'I'll make you mine again'
_______________________________
This is honestly a track i'm not fond of at all. I know it will lead to good things. But it was really hard to watch
Hope you all like this one though!
Shay X
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