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We open in the fishmarket of red herring-gate. Madhu is not the one interrupting the forbidden love tryst of RK and Malik! It is a nameless servant bearing meds. RK shouts at him: OOOUUUTTT! Yes, RK come out of the closet, why don't you? Plus it is never cool to shout at peeps trying to do their jobs. No wonder you have people trying to kill you all over the place, you know!
Madhu is looking for her Malik in her old bedroom. Orly?
RK threatens and cajoles Malik. The logic and rationale of this conversation should not be examined closely. It'll give you motion sickness -- there are so many circular arguments in it. And a whole lot of repetition, and contradiction and lack of reason. But its all bearable because RK looks v hot and answers the question I put to the forum many moons ago: ergo, how tall is RK? Five feet eleven, peeps. Just the right size for Goldilocks FQ who wants to lick him and slurp him and eat him all up. Oh, am sorry-- did I just write that down?
Er, and there are also bits about how Madhu will behave when RK dies, and that his blood is now Madhu's and I think he said in his own convoluted way that he lubs her very much indeed.
So this whole scene was like vomit being flushed down the toilet bowl, but vomit flecked with gold. Is that visual enough for ya?
Madhu finally manages to find her way to her bedroom after looking through the entire Kremlin. I mean RK's house.
She pushes open the double doors of drama to find Malik in a compromising position... No, he is just leaving and babbles a bit about bathrooms. Madhu says there are no bathrooms here. Because superstars don't poop! Or if they do, they excrete rainbows, which are put up in the sky for peeps to admire.
Malik leaves. RK teases Madhu by indulging in a lot of Rkspeak and looking sexy while doing so. Madhu suspects a different kind of tryst.I wonder what she'll think when she finds a suspicious wet patch on the bed later on? She gets all miffed.
Downstairs, Malik returns looking guilty as the guiltiest guilty in guiltdom. Deep observes. Pads is confuzzled. Radha is effusive-- just like a mad psycho bunny-boiler before she mixes rat poison in the evening supper.
Malik actually blurts out the katl word, avoids Madhu and leaves looking as guilty as someone who has stolen ornaments and lacs of rupees from the house. Sigh! I guess we'll have to go through that tediousness before Malik realises that RK isn't that bad a person after all. Predictable plot of predictability ahoy!
Madhu is super annoyed at seeing her peeps leave. She is angry at husband and gives him his dinner with no love whatsoever. RK tries to make her feed him because as far as I know he has eaten two spoons of porridge all day and has engaged in all manners of kinky shenanigans since. Have a care, Madhukins, such perfect musculature doesn't maintain itself you know!
Rk then acts like my friend's two year old-- who wants everything just so when he feeds-- mom wearing silk pyjamas, Chanel number 5 perfume and sitting with her legs 'croffed'. I kid you not. RK insists that Biwi sits down just so and then feed him. She does, sullenly and feeds him the salan. But does not look at his face. Because who could resist that face! Just look at it!
But Madhu is made of stone and is sulky sulskerson.
RK gives up on dinner and asks her to help him rehearse his lines. Good that you're getting in a filmy situation writers. But, could that scene be done any worse? It makes no sense. Had no story, situation, narrative progress whatsoever. Just a random inclusion of a film script. Just B. A. D.
Madhu rants about RK insulting Malik, he almost blurts out that Malik came to kiss him, and it is supposed to get all art reflecting life reflecting art and heavy foreshadowing but it just comes across as clumsily written by a trained monkey. With dyslexia. And possibly a concussion and a hangover. What a waste of a scene and two hot cast members. Take a bow, writers and director. In the U bend of Rk's non existent loo.
Meanwhile in Chawllenge, Malik is trying to look even guiltier by trying to make a quick getaway. Is he now sharing rooms with Pads? Have they given up on the platonic ideal? It sure seems so, because Pads questions him like a nagging wife. He gets irritated . And has wrapped his gun in a RED cloth of obviousness. The mind boggles.
Apparently the police have stopped peeps from leaving town. Yeah. Not while they were there In front of everyone during the pooja. But by a discrete word on Facebook perhaps. Just stop with the plot holes now. And stop using monkeys to write your scripts. I'll sic the RSPCA and PETA on you.
Precap. Pads is totally crossing all limits and fishing aound in Malik's undies. And finds his sekrit pr0n stash. Or worse, drops his shiny bullets. And talks about it for five minutes. Kill me now.
PS. If you read FQnama, do not forget to read Bhakti2's post below. She posts almost every time I post, and her response is ALWAYS hilarious. She is the samosa to FQ chai.
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