We need more Sunny Leones in the industry:Abhay D.

Abhay Deol, 36, is unconventional in his choices and considers himself an 'insider who is an outsider'. He opens up to TOI and talks about rebellion, Sunny Leone and why he would love to work with Farah Khan.

Even though you grew up in a traditional family, you are unconventional both in terms of your lifestyle as well as your choice of films.

I grew up in a joint family. My father is the younger brother of Bobby bhaiya's father and as is the case in joint families, I call my dad 'chacha' and call Bobby Bhaiya's father 'dad' who is the father figure of the house. I shocked my family first by moving out at the age of 23 and then having a live-in relationship. As regards the kinds of films I did, they were more concerned that the non-formula films I did, would not get the required support and that I was naive to do them. But I am glad I was ignorant for I could have succumbed to mainstream pressures and played safe and not done the films I did. I was fortunate that I have already worked with directors that the world has discovered only now, be it Anurag Kashyap, Dibakar Banerjee, Zoya Akhtar, Reema Kagti, or Imtiaz Ali. I worked in films where the director, the producer and the subject were new. I was an insider who was an outsider.

Looking back, what aspect of your personality do you think prompted these decisions?

I was always stubborn. My family always called me a 'dheeth'. We all rebel against our families while growing up. I did not mean to extend the same attitude to the industry, but I guess I ended up being true to my nature. I was petrified and did not respect the song and dance routine. For instance, I find item numbers vulgar, even though they are the norm today. I am surprised that no one finds them demeaning towards women, seeing it as a way instead to celebrate our culture. Am glad we had Sunny Leone do a film. I hope more po*n stars come in to our industry as it fits in very well. We are so overtly sexual yet we deny our sexuality. In such a situation, it's better to get someone from the po*n industry who is completely uninhibited. It just might help us be more uninhibited. Because we are not open, we put our girls into the skimpiest of costumes.

Some of the crotch gyrating movements and shaking boobs is much more vulgar than a woman standing naked in Hollywood films. I read in one of Sunny Leone's interviews that kids come and ask her if they can take pictures with her and she asks them if they are sure they want to take a picture with her as she is a po*n star and I find that very touching. People who are more open and embrace sexuality are less sex obsessed as opposed to people who are repressed and have sex on their mind all the time. This is representative of our society and creeps into our films.

You come from a traditional but successful film family. How did this affect you emotionally?

I am a secure person because I know I have the family I have. But at the same time, I have always been raised to make my own path and not be dependent on them. We have a joint family and I know my taaiji and my cousins are always there for me and they produced my first movie, but my parents would always tell me to carve out my own path without taking any help. So, I have a great balance between being pampered and being encouraged for being independent.

I grew up with low self-esteem. I was always emotional and sensitive and started taking charge of my life only as I grew older. I had no confidence in myself. I was bad at studies, sports and everything else except that I could go up on stage and act and was good in languages and art. Basically I was an underachiever. At home they felt I was intelligent but could never figure why I could never get the marks. I was not vocal and my complexities took over my childhood which turned me into a rebel.

My brothers are different personalities and we all grew up with the same rules and regulations. Sunny Bhaiya has always been a fitness freak. He was always disciplined, never drank or smoked. Bobby was the opposite, a normal cool guy. We had girlfriends who had more relaxed deadlines than our 11.30 pm. Bobby who shared a room with me used to put pillows under his blanket and sneak out. One night when he returned, he saw me sleeping and woke me up only to find that I had sneaked out leaving the pillow under the blanket, just as he used to. His mom was angry with him for being a bad influence on me. In retrospect, it is quite funny and endearing.

You have a live-in relationship with Preeti Desai? Any plans of marriage?

A sign on a paper does not confirm your loyalty to your loved one. You can't put a stamp on love. I know enough marriages where people cheat on their spouse. A live-in relationship works well since it is by choice. A marriage does not give you any guarantee of loyalty. Only honesty between two individuals can guarantee that. I would love to have kids except that I don't like the world we live in. Preeti and I have been together for three years and are really happy with the way we are. She is a free spirit like I am. Both of us treasure honesty and loyalty, which we know exist in our relationship.

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