FF-Obsession,chapter29 and next thread-pg150,7oct. - Page 66

It had been 2 hours since maan left the studyroom and geet got busy with one of the old magazine in the pile. As she realized the time,she immediately took off towards drawing room wondering "what had taken maan so long there."As she entered the drawing room,her steps froze near the door.Maan was laying on the floor with his knees bent towards the stomach.His back was facing her.

"Maan...."She whispered and ran towards him.She held him from his shoulders and made him face her.Now she could see the laptop held tight against his chest and his face wet with tears...She brought him in sitting position and cupped his face.."Maan.."she said again..She tried to snatch the laptop from him but he did not let her..."Maan..talk to me.."She screamed loud shaking him from his shoulders,,,Her screaming made him look towards her.."what happened maan..tell me"She said wiping the tears from his face. In response,he removed the laptop from his chest and showed her the screen..There was a word document opened on it..,,

Attraction..

word itself is too small for

what i feel

when i read her words...

Its more than what a moth feels for flame,,

its more than what a magnet do to piece of iron...

its more than what earth feels for sky,,

when they meet at horizon..!!!!

Satisfaction

word itself is too small for

what i feel

when i read her words..

Its more than what thirst feels

after being quenched with water..

Its more than what hunger feel

after being fed with gourmet platter!!!

Obsession

words itself is too small for

what i feel

when i read her words..

This feeling is far deep

than whatever is called

ecstasy, fascination or passion,,,

its more than what

an obsessed can feel for

object of its obsession!!!

It pulls me, more i try to push it..

It engulfs me,more i try to run from it..

It shatters me,more i try to crush it..

It crawls in to me,more i try to hide from it...

I am tired..

I am exhausted,,,

I know it will conquer me..

But now my love is aware of it

as he is trying his best to save me!!!!!!!

I can't let him down

I can't see him suffer...

But its not in my hands any more

with time gone

its getting tougher and tougher!!!!

Its time to kill it

Its time to end it..

Only way left for this

is to finish myself with it,,!!!

So with you in my heart

I am ending my story..

I know i am killing two lives

but for fighting more

i am too weary!!!

Knife does not prick any more my flesh

when memory of pain and fear in your eyes covers my conscience..

Sight of blood dripping from my wrists does not panic me

when memory of your smiling face,fills my heart with joyance..!!!!

Believe me

I did not betray...

you will understand some day

that it was the only way..!!!!!!!

Maan..

Suddenly all the words in dictionary were falling short for me..I wanted to say alot to you but I was out of words..I didn't know from where i should start???I didn't know how i should start???Words and thoughts were jumbling in my mind to such extent that it seemed impossible for me to get some coherent..Still i tried to write something and it resulted in this poem..It is my first poem which will turn into my last one with in few minutes..

I have a friend named Kavita.Poems and stories have always peeved you and the only reason behind my friendship with Kavita was "Poems".Now you have understood why i have never told you about her.I am obsessed with her poems,maan...!!!! You are well aware of extent as well as consequences of my obsession.I don't know reason behind my obsession.I never tried to find it before anyways, till that "temple visit" with my mother.That was the first time when i realized that something is wrong with me.It might be because that was the first time when i was away from poems for fifteen long days.I found myself "longing" to read her poems but i could not read because neither i had my diary with me,nor i could access internet there.After realizing it,I decided to fight but it appeared toughest task to me.Hence I decided to tell you about my problem.I don't know how but you were already aware of my problem.Your support was only thing which steeled my determination to fight against my obsession.I wanted to live a normal life with you..

But last night,I had a chat with Kavita...Maan!!!She is very upset with her boyfriend and I know she will definitely write a poem about it with in few days..She herself had told me that her subject would be this time,"what she wants to do but can't do"..and all she wants to but can't do these days is to kill her boyfriend for cheating on her.I am very scared..maan..What if i could not control myself and read her poem..Knowing the effect of her words on me, i am dreading that after reading it i could harm you in most lethal way..I am already unable to forgive myself for lying to you regarding my pregnancy.I am regretting every minute for thinking you as a psychological patient..I can't take risk of letting my obsession control my senses once again because i won't be able to bear the consequences this time..So before my obsession could control me,I want to kill it..Only way to kill it that i could find,was to end myself with it..I am so sorry maan for the way i have chosen...but i am helpless..Hope you will forgive me for doing this to myself and our child..I thought a lot but i could not choose our child over you..

I love you,i have always loved you, i will always love you..

and if you don't hate me despite what i am going to do with in few minutes then you will live your life after me..

yours

pari

ps-I am dedicating my first and last poem to my friend"Kavita"...I don't know whether she will read it or not but i have posted a "part" of this poem where she could read it.I know I am acting selfish for not sharing my complete poem with her but I don't want Kavita to regret her decision of sharing her wonderful poetic creations with me..

Maan,if you would ever meet her,don't let her know about my problem...!!!

She felt her throat chocked with emotions,as she turned towards Maan and embraced him. He hugged her back.His whole body was wracking with uncontrolled sobs. Geet felt the dampness on her shoulder but she continued cradling him. She wanted to absorb all his grief and pain . His sobs turned in to hiccups after some time but neither he,nor she,were ready to leave each other's arms...

"No one can love you more than pari...maan..."She said in low voice and he hugged her more close to him in response....

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hope this update was worth your wait...😊Love you all...!!!