A note on the psyche of divorced ladies

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aparnauma

@GoodDoc_2105

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#51

Originally posted by: mocking_bird
@ Shinya
I agree with you fully. It is not Shiv's job to pull her out of her past. It is her past and she needs to come out of it on her own.Had there been no Shiv in her life,would she be languishing in her past forever? Always expecting Shiv to stand by her and help her to overcome,is something extraordinary. It is true that we need to help people in distress,but,ultimately they themselves need to address it more positively.Shiv can only be a support system,which he is,but,expecting him to be at her side all the time is a bit too much.

Sukanya-

Even without Shiv she would have come out of it.In fact she was coming out of it quite nicely and was building a great friendship with Shiv not knowing that DS was making plans for her remarriage without informing her.Had DS not interfered it A and S relationship would have progressed smoothly.

DS and her mother forced her into making a commitment when she was not yet ready for it. Her behaviour towards Shiv also could be her way of putting up a passive resistance to that alliance that is being forced on her.

Without DS's meddling also ANSH would have happened but it would have happened more slowly .

In fact the way I see it it is not A who is clinging to the past.It is J who was clinging on to A in his mind and not just her purse strings all through his married life with G.That's why he could so easily leave G.

A had accepted the fact that J didn't want her any more even it killed her.That's when she proceeded to make a life for herself.It just that she did not obtain a divorce until much later for various reasons.It was definitely not because she wanted to cling on to J.

Just because she was not keen on getting remarried it should'nt be assumed that she didn't want to move on in life.It just that marriage was not a part of her plan.

Just because she cries a lot it shouldn't be assumed that she is weak and needs support.

In fact both DS and A are strong women they just take on what life throws at them and make the best of it.

I also do not agree that she should let go of all the memories of J.Why should she?He was a major part of her childhood infact he was her childhood.Why should she let go of her childhood memories?Why she should she not remember her days of adolescence with fondness?

It just her misfortune that those days of her life where connected with her ex husband.Should she let go of her childhood and adolescence memories because they are connected with J?

J and A relationship happened during their formative years.A large part of what she is today is a result of her relationship with J the good part and the bad part.So I think J being part of her pshcye is a result of her child marriage.It is not her desire to cling on to her past. Did she expect Shiv to stand by her ?I don't think so.It is his decision to stand by her and be her support if she needs it or asks for it.

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madhubala.fan

@madhubala.fan

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

#52

Originally posted by: mocking_bird

It is a great decision on your part. Not many in your place would have thought in the same way or have the patience to give the marriage a chance. It takes great courage to take such a step. It is true that you need not always remember the bad things,but, I feel,in abusive marriages(which I feel Anandi had,for me, mental torture does a far greater harm than physical torture) she would have remembered the bad times as well. Normally ,we do that.

and when you talk of giving social message,you are trying to bring about social changes,the responsibility towards your viewers increases manifolds. You need to be very careful about the content and what message ultimately goes out to the masses. Because,ultimately the buck stops at your door step.

i cannot say it was a great decision on my part. i was a financially dependent woman with a kid. my decision may have been driven by constraints. but good memories did help me tide over my negative and hopeless feelings each day and made me strive for betterment. of course my partner was not a habitual abuser or an adultrer . i only commented on th ememories part.

may be even i would have had good memories had i separated , m only guessing. but in that would i be wrong? i dont think so. even in that case i woudl just be a good human with a sensitive heart not a weakling. it has somthing to do with my soft heartedness.

BUT memories can also prove to be shackles. hence i discourage the show showing it so much.

Edited by madhubala.fan - 13 years ago

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Sukanya

@mocking_bird

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#53

@Aparnauma, At the outset I must thank you that you still follow what all are being written in the thread.

Now to Annadi and her childhood memories.It is said that,""The price of a memory, is the memory of the sorrow it brings." Jagya is her childhood friend and confidant. No doubt. The same Jagya when he grew up changed so drastically that we all lost touch with this character. Anandi's all sufferings started when she was beginning to understand the meaning of marriage and her equations with Jagya changed from being a close friend to a husband. So naturally when Ashima broached the subject of her marriage with Shiv she lost her cool. She even told Dadisa that she does not want to go through the pain,the humiliation,the sufferings again in her life. She remembered only this in her adult hood that marriage means this. So when her childhood memories keep flooding her,it is only natural that she should remember the sufferings she endured once she grew up. Had that happened, it would have balanced things out. But, selective memories of good times,I do not think that is possible. Because any good memory also will bring the bad ones with it. and abused wives do remember bad times more vividly than the good times,as far as I know.

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aparnauma

@GoodDoc_2105

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#54

Originally posted by: mocking_bird
@Aparnauma, At the outset I must thank you that you still follow what all are being written in the thread.

Now to Annadi and her childhood memories.It is said that,""The price of a memory, is the memory of the sorrow it brings." Jagya is her childhood friend and confidant. No doubt. The same Jagya when he grew up changed so drastically that we all lost touch with this character. Anandi's all sufferings started when she was beginning to understand the meaning of marriage and her equations with Jagya changed from being a close friend to a husband. So naturally when Ashima broached the subject of her marriage with Shiv she lost her cool. She even told Dadisa that she does not want to go through the pain,the humiliation,the sufferings again in her life. She remembered only this in her adult hood that marriage means this. So when her childhood memories keep flooding her,it is only natural that she should remember the sufferings she endured once she grew up. Had that happened, it would have balanced things out. But, selective memories of good times,I do not think that is possible. Because any good memory also will bring the bad ones with it. and abused wives do remember bad times more vividly than the good times,as far as I know.

Sukanya - You may be right about abused wives. If you notice when she remembers J there is only pain in her face it is not happiness that you see on her face.That is because she is trying to figure out what went wrong with her marriage rather than wanting to cling on to the past.Mnay times when things go wrong we go over it again and again while trying to figure out why it has happened that way.Once we get the answer we move on.Here Anandi did not get the answer for her question so she keeps going over it again and again trying to find the answer.Only when she gets the answer there will be a closure to that thought process.Once J and A relationship gets a closure she will not be bothered by memories of J as her husband will remember J her friend with fondness.

Edited by aparnauma - 13 years ago

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