Ashutosh aur prayaschit ka pitara!

SPOOF

Disclaimer - This is a fun post for those who read it. But let me tell you, Ashu is really serious about what he is doing. He means every word of what he says!

Ashutosh was is a fix. He did not know what to do. He had taken time off from work, told Ranga he had important work to do and even sent Ahana on her way. That stupid kid had reminded him of how much his wife loved him. As if he did not know! It was this very love and mahanta that was weighing him down now. Why did Nidhi have to be so good? Why did she have to love him this much? Why did she have to be such a paragon of virtue? Man, was she a tough act to follow! He had sent her on her way with harsh words! Now, that was child's play to him. It was what his male DNA had programmed him to do. Abusing and oppressing their wives was what men did best! But now, he had to turn an exception. He muttered an apology under his breath to his brethren.

" Sorry, bros, I gotta change, I gotta be different from y'all cause I gotta woo my wife back. And the only way I can woo her back is to be different. So, here's to being different!"

But how was he to be different? What was he to do to prove himself to his wife? Wash her feet with rosewater and then gulp it all down? The doctor in him rebelled at the thought! So, what else could he do? He had to pull a rabbit out of the hat somehow. The problem was he wore no hat! So where did he pull the rabbit out of? How did he surprise her with his penitence? That was the whole point of this exercise. Pretending mock anger and sending her away. So he could apologize to her in style and prove himself worthy of her! Okay, maybe not worthy of her but maybe worthy enough to kiss her feet? Yeah, he could live with that if he could make it happen!

He exhaled loudly as he leaned back on his chair. However he did not account for the strength of his sigh. It was so loud and powerful, since it had the power of husbandly penitence behind it, that it scattered all the papers on his table.

Cursing himself for his male incompetence, he bent down to pick them up. What was that? Did he actually see what he did or were his eyes playing tricks on him?

"Raashtirya Mahila Mandal ' abla nariyon ki suraksha ke liye

Mardon ko ghirake rahenge...unhe unke aukad dikhake rahenge"

OMG, just what he wanted! He wanted to be taught a lesson. He wanted his wife to know he had learnt the lesson.

He picked up the phone and dialled the number with trembling fingers!

Ashutosh stood up with an expression of respect and reverence as the phone was picked up at the other end.

"Naari shakti ki jai!"

"Naari shakti ki jai!"

"Haanji...boliye!"

"Deviji...main ek abla pati...!"

"Ruko...wahin ruko...tumhari himmat kaisi hui...tumhe pata nahi ki abla shabd jo hai woh naariyon ke liye copyrighted hai...?!"

"Galti hogayi hai, Deviji...maaf kijiye...main ek abla nari ka kator pati bol raha hoon!"

"Yeh hui na baat...ab bolo...kya chahiye tumhe?"

"Deviji...mujhe prayaschit karni hai...main apni patni ke khilaf bohot bure sulook kiye hain!"

"Ab isme naya kya hai...wohi toh har pati karta hai...aage bolo!"

"Par Deviji...main sach much sharminda hoon...aur sach mein apne aap ko sudharna chahta hoon...meri patni ko kush karna chahta hoon!"

"Sach keh rahe ho?"

"Haan Deviji...!"

"Phir toh teekh hai...hum apne lawyer ko tumhare ghar bhejdenge...ei Shanti Kasturi Sheela Mala...koi hai...hamare kale coat wale...jo vella baite hain...un me se kisi ek ko bulao...!"

"Deviji...Deviji...kaale coat waalon ki kya zaroorat...main toh sudhaarke apni patni ko kush rakhna chahta hoon!"

"Wohi toh main bhi keh rahi hoon...ek aurat ki sacchi kushi mard se mukti milne se hi milti hai...jis din tumhari patni ko tumse chutkara milega...usko azadi milegi...usi din uski zindagi mei khushi waapis lautegi...!"

"Deviji...please aisa mat boliye...please...mujhe ek aur mauka dijiye...main sach much sudhar jaoonga...jo aap kahenge woh main karoonga!"

"Accha...accha,...teekh hai...pehle tum apne saare apradon ko kabool karo hamare saamne...phir hum dand ka nirnay karenge...!"

Ashutosh confessed to all his crimes. Right from turning personal hairdresser to Mallika to playing nursemaid to her! He did not leave a single one out.

"Maamla badi gambheer hai...tumhari patni ke khilaaf tumne bohot atyachaar kiye hai...mujhe nahi lagta ki iske liye tumhe maafi milni chahiye...ab kale coat waale hi kaam aayenge...arre Shanti..Kasturi...Sheela...Mala...!"

"Deviji...main maanta hoon main maafi ke khabil nahi hoon...phir bhi...ek chance dijiye...please!"

"Teekh hai...par ek shart hai...!"

"Main koi bhi shart maanne ko tayyar hoon..!"

"Dr Mallika ko hamare group mei shaamil karo...humein lagta hai woh bohot dhamakedar astra saabit hogi mardon ke khilaf hamari is ladayi mei!"

"Par woh to Australia mei hain!"

"Toh kya hua...hamari Mandali ke branches poori duniya mei hai...24 hours helpline bhi khole hain hum tum jaise patiyon ko sabak sikane ke liye!"

"Bohot kushi hui yeh sunkar Deviji...main kisi bhi tara Mallika ka contacts aap ko laakar doonga...ab please aap mere liye koi upai batayiye...!"

"To teekh hai...ab tum ghor se sun!"

Ashutosh was in a happy frame of mind. Well, as happy as he could be under the circumstances. However, the circumstances did not matter. He was a man on a mission! He called Nidhi's home.

"Sir, main ashutosh bol raha hoon...mujhe Nidhi se baat karni hai!"

"Par woh toh ghar chod ke chali gayi!"

"Kya...aapke ghar bhi?"

"Mere matlba hai ghar se nikal gayi...bas ek note chod ke gayi hain...ab is ka matlab kya hai...yeh mat pooch mujhse?"

"Kya likha hai, Sir...us note mei?"

Col Verma reads out the note to him.

AShutosh shakes his head in disbelief.

"Yahan main prayaschit karne ke liye ideas doond raha ta...aur yeh ladki mujhse treasure hunt khel wane ki soch rahi hai...hey Bhagwan...main is ladki ka...!"

He stops himself right there. He takes a deep breath and then continues.

"Naari shakti zindabad...Hiraman Kaka...diriver ko gaadi nikaal ne ke liye boliye...aur mujhe gaadi tak chodiye!"

The car reaches the tea stall.

"Driver...gaadi ko stall ke paas lejayiye..please!"

"Saab...aap aagaye...aap ke liye wait kar raha ta...!"

"Kyun?"

"Madamji ne bola aap aayenge...aap ke liye yeh note chod ke gayi hai...aur aap ko muft mei ek chai bhi dene ke liye bol ke gayi hain!"

"Meri patni mujhe kitni acchi tarah samaj rakhi hai...mujhe adrak waali chai se zyada muft mei chai peena pasand hai..!"

"Lijiye saab!"

Ashu takes the note from him.

"Yeh lijiye, bhaiyya!"

"Saabji...main paisa nahi loonga!"

"Paise kaun de raha hai, bhai...agar aapki Madamji yahan waapas aayi to meri taraf se dedena!"

He gives him a cover and leaves from there.

Nidhi comes out from her hiding place. She takes the envelope from the chaiwala and opens it.

It is a photograph of Ashu at Amar's feet!

"Ab yeh kya hai?"

The chaiwala looks at the picture over her shoulder.

"Yeh kya hai, Madamji...Saheb kisi ka paun pakde kyun hain...aur yeh kaun hai...aapka chota bhai lag raha hai!"

Nidhi glares at the chaiwala.

"Aap bas apna kaam kijiye!"

Nidhi takes a shortcut to the dargah.

She goes to the flowers seller and shows him AShu's picture and tells him what to do.

The man is confused.

"Par Mohotarma...mere missus ka naam Saluba nahi hai...na hi main wahan kabhi gaya hoon...toh main kaise...!"

"Bhaiyya...please...yeh pyaar ka mamla hai!"

"Phir toh teekh hai...pyaar ke liye hum apne jaan bhi denge...!"

"Jaan leke main kya karoongi...aap bas mere pati tak yeh sandesa pahoncha dijiye!"

Nidhi sees Ashu's car drive up to the dargah. However, Ashu does not get down. Instead the driver gets off and comes into the dargah and looks around.

Nidhi is furious.

"Inki yeh himmat...mujhe doondne ke liye apna driver ko bhej rahe hain!"

She is so angry that she feels like cancelling the whole plan. But what of the Baba whom she has already paid an advance to at the Saluba place?

"Mohotorma...aap ke pati aagaye hain kya?"

"Woh dekhiye...chauffer ke uniform mei jo aadmi khada hai...unse jaake bol dijiye!"

"Aap ka pati driver hai kya?"

Nidhi gets really irritated.

"Haan...aur main kaamwali bai hoon...bas...ab jaake woh boliye jo maine kaha...!"

Nidhi rushes to Saluba ki biradri ahead of Ashu.

She hides behind the partition, strategically places the dupatta atop it and waits.

Ashu's car draws up. Yet again, the driver comes looking for Nidhi.

The Baba is confused.

"Mohotarma...ab main kya karoon...ek driver hi to aaya hai...unse jaake dialogue bol doon?"

"Aap kuch mat kijiye...jo bhi karna hai...ab main karoongi!"

Nidhi rushes out of the hiding place and heads for the car.

"Aap apne aap ko kya samaj te hain...aap mujhe doond ne ke liye apne driver ko bhejenge?"

"Nidhi...meri bat sun...!"

"Mujhe kuch nahi sunna hai...aap ne mujhse maafi bhi nahi maangi...phir bhi main...!"

"Par Nidhi...yeh sab maine tumse maafi maangne ke liye hi to kiya!"

"Kya kiya?"

"Tu ne woh photograph dekha?"

"Aap ka dimag toh teekh hai...mujhse maafi maangni hoti toh mere pair pakad tete...aap us gadde Amar ka pair kyun pakda?"

"Par tu ne bhi Mallika ke pair pakdi ti na..toh hissa barabar karne ke liye mujhe Amar ke pair hi pakad na ta na?"

"What?"

"Don't worry...ab main Amar ko ek mahine hamare ghar mei aakar rehne ka invitation bhi dediya hai...toh ab main uske liye khana pakaoonga, uska dekbal karunga...aur tum uske sar ka tel maalish bhi kar sakti ho...main khud tel garam karke doonga...aur tumhe violin bhajana nahi aati hai na...koi baat nahi...tum uske saamne naach bhi sakte ho...aur violin main bajaoonga ...bas mujhe kisi bhi tarah hissa barabar karna hai!"

"Satyanaash...Itne behtareen ideas aapke dimag mei aaye kahan se?"

Ashutosh starts saying something and then changes his mind.

"Naari shakti zindabad!"

"Kya ?"

"Haan Nidhi...Mahila Mandal ke President ne hi mujhe aise behtareen ideas diye te taaki main poori tarah prayaschit karke tumhare liye ek yogya pati ban sakoon!"

"Wah wah wah..!"

"Itna bhi nahi, Nidhi...maine kuch aur bhi kiya hai...par afsos...uski wajah se main tumhe khud dhoond nahi paaya...driver ko bhejna pada!"

"Woh kya?"

Ashu opens the car door.

Nidhi is shocked to see his bandaged feet.

"Kya kiya aapne?"

"Jalte hue koyle ke upar pair rakha...Mahila mandal Deviji ne kaha ki mujh jaise nalayak patiyon ke liye sab se bada prayaschit yehi hota hai!"

Nidhi's eyes are now red with fury.

"Us Deviji ka number aur address mujhe denge please?"

"Kyun...?"

"Bas uska khoon karna hai...baaki kuch nahi!"

Epilogue- The Mahila Mandal president and ladies are now playing hide and seek with Nidhi!

lol...!!
Madam itz juz super hilllarious...!!!
Double thumbs up fr u..!!!!
Hahaha..!!!!!

Sujatha,

Originally posted by: myera

lol...!!
Madam itz juz super hilllarious...!!!
Double thumbs up fr u..!!!!
Hahaha..!!!!!

Thank you Myera!

Originally posted by: Malvika_rajeev

Sujatha,

Loved it all the way...especially the comparison between mallika and amar...

Thank you Doc...that of course was the pice de rsistance!

Aaila Sujhatha Ji..Kya raapchik Post hai..Waah...

Originally posted by: rabzonedge

Aaila Sujhatha Ji..Kya raapchik Post hai..Waah...

Divya...mah soul sista...main aap hi ko link bhejne wali ti...meri Hindi ke baare mei toh aap jaante ho...phir bhi maine koshish ki...ab masterni sahiba...kitne marks dhenge mujhe...?!