MAIRAs BIRTHDAY 13.1
CAKE KA TAMASHA 14.1
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Ariya OS: The Silent Analyst
Chapter 28
"When you've suffered a great deal in life, each additional pain is both unbearable and trifling."
-- Yann Martel, Life of Pi
Winter in India is a strange occurrence. In mid-November, it makes it's duly appearance, bringing with it a certain, unshakeable gloominess. The Sun satisfies itself with a few guest appearances but otherwise chooses to remain safe and warm in its heavenly abode. The strong, invisible winds blow lazily at first, ruffling a few leaves here and there and bringing a few sniffs now and then, before it gains an unnatural momentum and becomes as cold as it is bitter. It then proceeds to swing a few trees, dangerously and those sniffs then turn into full-fledged demeaning colds. The clothes are snatched from their perches and made to dance merrily in the air and people are seen pulling their coats a little tighter around them and their hats a little lower on their heads to shield themselves from the dull coldness that trademarks the onset of Winter. The brown dust in blown right into the constricted eyes making them sting and water, reminding us that Winter can be as ruthless as it can be pleasant.
And all this while the gloominess stalks you like a shadow, never letting go, constantly reminding us of its feared and unwanted presence. The drab grey sky looks down at us with pity and all the colours assume a muted form of their original brightness.
She walked down the street with her hands stuffed in her coat pockets and her breath coming out in smokes and turned the corner to head into the local park. It was almost deserted as the weather had driven everyone indoors.
But she couldn't live in the confines of her house anymore. She felt suffocated there. But then again she felt suffocated just about anywhere.
She sat on the first park bench that she spotted and leaned against the backrest, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath.
Over the course of time, she had come to realize what was bothering her mere existence.
His absence.
She couldn't remember the last time she had smiled. The last time she had felt happy. Her life had become a depressing cage of endless moments that tortured her very soul with their unhappiness. She had been unhappy before. But then he had come along, bringing with him a calming, all-encompassing warmth, overwhelming her with a happiness she had thought she was incapable of feeling.
And now he was gone. And the coldness and unhappiness that he had left in his wake was more crushing than before.
She had gotten used to his presence, never paying any heed to it or showing her gratefulness for it. And now he had left and his absence constantly screamed at her and taunted her, telling her that it was all her fault.
She couldn't pin-point when exactly had she realized that she was in love with him. It hadn't been a sudden moment of epiphany. It had been gradual and obvious. When she had finally realized it she wondered why she hadn't seen it before. Maybe she had she just didn't want to admit it. But she knew she was fighting a losing battle. She didn't know she was capable of loving someone so much. Her life hadn't been exactly encouraging. She wondered who had taught her to love like this.
And almost instantaneously she got her answer.
Him, of course.
Along the way life had played cruel tricks on her, robbing her of any chance to be happy. So much so that she had accepted it as her Fate. She had accepted that happiness wasn't meant for her and that Love had been given expressive orders to come nowhere near her.
Yet he had managed to break through all of it and question her very Fate. He had brought Love back into her life, taught her the true meaning of it. So it would make complete sense for her to fall in love with him.
She was in love with him.
As much relief and happiness as this thought brought to her, it also brought along with it the heart crushing realization that she was doomed. She had pushed him so far and so many times that she didn't know if he would ever even talk to her again. She wanted to apologize, for every darned thing she had said to him but she didn't think it would be enough.
And then there was this nagging thought that he didn't deserve to be with someone as damaged as she was. Just because he made her happy doesn't mean that she made him happy too. She was too broken for that.
She let out a huge sigh and slowly opened her eyes.
She got up from the bench and made her way towards home.
For another day of loneliness and heartbreak.
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He was sitting on the front porch of his house, lost in his thoughts when she came and sat beside him. He didn't realize she was sitting next to him until he felt her hand on his shoulder. He jerked his head, surprised to see her there as she gave him a small smile.
"Hey stranger!" said Kriya.
"Hey." He smiled, more for her sake than his.
"How have you been?" she asked.
"Fine, why'd you ask?" he said, playing dumb.
"Oh C'mon Swayam! You think none of us noticed that something is up with you? You blank out during practices. You space out in the middle of a conversation. I haven't seen you smile in ages. Even the smile that you think we don't notice is fake." She said.
He smiled again.
"Yeah, that's the one." She said sadly. "I've noticed that you don't talk to Sharon anymore. Did something happen between you two? Because she looks about as depressed as you do. The only time I've seen you genuinely smiling since...since that accident is when you were with her. What happened, Swayam?"
For a few minutes there was complete silence. At last he spoke.
"I'm in love with her, Kriya." He said, resignedly.
"I know that dumbo. I noticed it the first time I saw you two together. But you say that as if it's a bad thing!" she said.
"It is! It is a bad thing!" he all but shouted.
"Why?" she asked him.
There was another round of silence.
"Swayam." She said in a reprimanding tone.
He sighed.
He hid his face in his palms, rubbed his eyes a little and proceeded to run his hand through his hair.
"Because I just found out that my dad has been cheating on my mom." He said in a rush.
He heard the tiny expected gasp emitting from her mouth and he didn't dare to look at her.
"I'm sorry Swayam." She mumbled, not knowing how to react.
"Oh wait, that's not the worst part! My mom knew and didn't do anything about it!" he said, now openly shouting.
"What?" she said, before she could stop herself.
"Yeah! I heard dad talking to someone on the phone and it sure as hell wasn't mom. And the only person he should be talking like that to is mom! I went and asked her about this and did you know what she told me?" he asked, now completely angry.
He continued without waiting for her to respond.
"She told me she knew! She bloody knew! And do you know what happened then?" he shouted hysterically, panting a little. "They both sat me down on a chair and explained to me that it wasn't a big deal and I should keep this news to myself like "our little family secret"! That is what they told me! Those people are neurotic! I thought maybe it was just my dad but when I took my mom aside and asked her if she was downright crazy to agree with him like this do you know what she told me? That we can't let a small thing like this affect us. We have a bloody status to uphold in this goddamn society!"
He once again submerged his face into his palms, his body shaking a little.
Kriya hesitatingly wrapped an arm around him.
"I'm so sorry Swayam." She said, pressing her cheek against his shoulder.
"Which is why I can't be in love with her. Look at my parents! Look at what they've become! I don't want to end up like that." He said.
"Swayam! That's the craziest thing I've heard come out of your mouth! And that includes the time when you told me that you would become a detective when you grow up. You were wrong then and you're most definitely wrong now." Said Kriya, knowing very well where this was headed.
His lips curved up into a small smile as he recalled that memory.
"Maybe" he said, sighing. "But what was wrong with my detective plan?"
"Oh please!" Kriya snorted. "You are so darn clueless that you couldn't recognize a clue if it stared you right in the face!"
He stuck his tongue out at her.
She smiled.
"At least I got a smile out of you." She said, dramatically.
But then she sighed and continued-
"Please Swayam, don't let your parents ruin your life. You don't have to walk down their path. You are NOT you parents." She said firmly. "Just promise me you'll think this over."
"I will." He said, uncertainly.
"Okay then, I have to go." She said, getting up. "And you had better be smiling the next time I see you or else!" she said giving him a warning look.
"Kriya?" he called after her, causing her to turn around, "Thanks."
"Anytime." She smiled. "After all, what are friends for?"
He laughed.
"That is such a clich thing to say!" he called after her retreating figure.
____________________________
A week later
She turned around, very subtly looking over her shoulder. She was sure that she was being followed.
She quickened her pace, wrapped her hands more tightly around her body and mentally cursed her damn luck.
What was she thinking, coming out at this hour of the night? Couldn't she have taken a walk some other goddamn time? But how could she have stayed in the house for a minute longer? It's like all the things in her house had somehow attached themselves to him. Wherever she looked, at least a single memory would trigger itself in her mind. His memory.
Only the other day, she had been cleaning her bookshelf to keep her mind preoccupied and then out of nowhere she had happily and cruelly been reminded of the first day he had come inside her house. He had run his fingers over those very same books, admiring them.
And then quite stupidly, she had found herself on the floor, silent tears running down her cheeks. She didn't want to cry but somehow the tears didn't really take her opinion on crying into account. Each teardrop had his name etched on it. Each thought had his memory etched on it. Her very heart had her love for him etched on it.
A slight shuffle brought her back into the present.
She once again looked over her shoulder and this time she most definitely saw the silhouette of a figure.
Someone was following her.
Instinctively, Fear gripped her heart with sharp, digging claws. She turned suddenly round a corner in an attempt to thwart the person.
Big mistake.
She found herself in an empty, quite literally deserted lane. It was the part of the town where warehouses and factory outlets were the only buildings present and where you couldn't find a soul at this hour of the night.
In short, a place where bad things usually happened.
Add to that the fact that it was completely dark except for a little light emanating from a flickering, almost extinguished, broken lamplight.
She had a bad feeling about this.
Well done, Sharon! She thought bitterly to herself. Fine day for choosing to take a creepy little shortcut to your house.
She gave a small little gasp. This time she had certainly heard loud, distinct footsteps.
She didn't even try to hide it this time. She turned around swiftly to see if she could spot anyone. She couldn't.
Belatedly, she realized that in her hurry to get away from her house, from his memories, she had forgotten to take her coat. Now not only was she scared, but also cold.
She rubbed her hands over her bare arms. For the first time she realized what she was wearing. A small skirt over three fourth leggings coupled with a racer back T-Shirt. Great! She thought She hadn't even bothered to change from her home clothes.
She was now almost running towards the flickering lamp as if the distorted light from it could somehow manage to drive her pursuer away.
She had almost reached the lamppost when two sets of beefy hands grabbed her from behind.
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Chapter 1 (In Every Birth, Find Me) The night air in Mathura was thick with monsoon rains. In her small room lit only by a flickering diya,...
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