Posted:
OS- The Pain I Feel
Khushi sat by the poolside closing her eyes in an attempt to hide and stop the endless tears. She felt defeated and worn out, she was at a loss and did not know what to do. When Khushi had come to know about Anjali's reckless decision to abort her baby, Khushi did not know whether to be pained and hurt for the loss and deceit Anjali had suffered or to be angered at her thoughtlessness. She clutched her knees close trying to forget the anger in Nani's eyes and Mami's rude remarks, she wanted to just give up and walk away, she could not bear to live through all this knowing that they believed her to be a cause for all the damage, the lack of support and strength that she was receiving weakened her will to keep going and left her feeling broken.
She taught about Arnav and how much things had changed between them, she remembered how a few weeks back all she wanted was to gain his trust and how she just wanted to bring him back and keep him safe, her heart had then prevented her from seeing beyond the love she felt for him and had not questioned the mistrust between them but now after finally winning his trust, bringing him back her mind fired questions at her that pierced through her like daggers and made her question his love for her, she asked herself 'Does not love bring along trust as well' a small whisper pained her and made her fight to find hope in all this mess ' If he loved you he would have believed you'.
She buried her head in her knees and weeped, she tried desperately to find a way of knowing what to do, where to go, which path to tread. She could not see the blame and pain in their eyes and wanted to throw away all this that was making her drown in agony that made her want to cry. She wanted answers, hopes, trust and love but here she sat fighting with herself to find out where to go. Voices whispered within her, some pleading with her to stay by his side and hold on to that tiny glimmer of hope, others asking her to just walk away from all this and leave behind everything and erase the pain. She cried aloud desperately waiting for an answer when suddenly a distant yet crushing memory slowly fleeted into her mind and reminded her of what this really was. 'You will stay with me for six months' 'It disgusts me to breathe the same air that you are breathing' 'After six months you will walk away from my life' The voice repeated itself over and over again in her head snatching away any reason for staying back, she rose up and walked back into the room the pain still evident in her eyes but behind them there lay determination to get herself away from all this and put an end to all the pain she was putting herself and them through.
Khushi pulled out her clothes and threw them into her suitcase, trying hard to hold her tears and sobs, she tried to not look around and remember a few pleasant moments that they had shared, she wiped away her tears and told herself that their six months were almost over and she had to do this to wipe away the pain and leave behind hope for erasing the bitter past. She stilled when she sensed Arnav enter the room, she tried hard not to break down in front of him. 'Where are you going?' he asked her softly. 'I'm leaving' she said in a calm voice brushing away her tears, trying to look strong.
Arnav froze listening to Khushi's words, he felt trapped and empty thinking of being without her. He slowly turned her around and asked 'Why?'
'Our six months will soon be over' she replied and tried to hold back her tears and turned away from him and resumed throwing more things into her suitcase. Arnav stood staring at her stiff back and wondered how he had foolishly assumed that the mistakes between them would be just forgotten and erased without a single,without any answers. He painfully remembered how he had utterly crushed her and left her with no hope, yet she had stood by him, to keep him safe. He could not let go of her, he knew that if he did he would be empty, lifeless and lost, he needed her.
He pulled her back and looked into her pained tear filled eyes, 'I can't let you walk away' he said quietly and she just stared back at him blankly trying to feign nonchalance, biting her lips to keep her tears from falling. He looked into her eyes searching for hope and all he saw was more tears blinding her vision forcing her to put her head down and whisper' I can't do this anymore, I don't want all this, the pain in their eyes, the blame' she breathed in to control her tears and looked up into his eyes this time 'I can't go on living knowing that the man I loved, the man I hoped would stand by me once uttered the same ruthless words which were spoken by Shyam' she said in a broken voice and turned around to hide her tears, her body shaking in pain and tears.
He stood there knowing that he had damaged her beyond repair and crushed her leaving very little room for love. His concern for Anjali had veiled him from the hurt and pain that Khushi was trying to fight, he had forgotten for a moment that his biggest mistake still remained uncorrected. He pulled her towards himself and made her sit on the bed and he kneeled down next to her holding her hands in his. She looked into his regretful eyes, eyes that she had loved, eyes that had failed to see the truth, she shut her eyes to hide the pain and listened to him.
'Khushi' he whispered ' I can't ask you to forget what I have done, it is impossible, I need you' he breathed in and continued ' I dragged and forced you to live a miserable and sorrowful life, snatched away all happiness, I am not worthy of your forgiveness, your selfless love, but I can't live without you, live each moment knowing that I had you close but just let you walk away, threw away everything, your love' he said sadly closing his eyes to fight the pain that he saw in her tear filled eyes. 'I make mistakes Khushi and its always too late when I realize I'm wrong, I don't want to make another one by letting you go, I need you love, I need you by my side, I need another chance to make things right' he whispered as she sobbed, her unstoppable tears erasing away the fear he felt for himself and giving rise to the need to wipe away her sorrow, her pain.
He pulled her close and stroked her hair 'I'm sorry Khushi, I'm sorry' he whispered into her hair and cried for having brought her down and trampling her love. Her body shook painfully as she weeped into his chest, her tears tearing through his heart causing him to regret every lie that he had blindly believed. She clutched his shirt and weeped, her tears soaking his shirt silently promising him that she would be by his side, give them another chance.
They cried together, holding on to each other trying to erase the numerous mistakes that were made, trying to forget the pain. As the moon light glittered into the room, they sat there hugging each other close, the silence bringing hope of a blank wall that they could newly paint, the tears flowing endlessly revealing the bottled up pain, everything revealed, love no longer disguised as they clutched each other close promising themselves that this pain would soon vanish.
How was it? Do comment/ like and tell me what you taught about it, it really really encourages me.
Buddy me for pm's.
