hamari dil ki dhadkan apke pas aane se tez ho jati hain
kyunki hamare dil ki dhadkan ek ho jate hain...
i now knew what it was...the strange pull towards the man...my delight when he gifted me chudis,the melting of my heart when he stared wistfully at the stars searching for his lost maa, his care for his family and di, when he licked his chops at my jalebis, when his brown eyes bore into mine with sudden concern and what i could only call...possessiveness... my tears when he was away, how mere saansein ruk jate jab he didn't believe me...how it hurt that he was hurt , his gift of jugnoos, that magical night the first night i was happy with him , his desperate attempts to resurrect me when he found me on the cliff, his hugging me like i was his life...
I KHUSHI KUMARA GUTA SINGH RAIZADA WAS IN LOVE.
With my...husband.
I almost giggled at the absurdity of it.
I had always dreamt of a fairytale marriage...a prince coming to whisk me away to a dreamworld where only flowers and happiness bloomed...love spilled over the brim...everyone happy for me...my family and my prince's happy and well..and a happily ever after.
I got a beast...who occasionally gave me a glimpse of how perfect he truly was...when he let down his guard...when he became my laad governor, my...my arnavji from the asr accustomed to be feared and obeyed.
A man who was nice ...but was afraid to show it...afraid of showing his heart being broken if exposed
"Khushi I love you" his words came back to me...my refrain when he was away from me...my rajkumar.
Buaji was right i thought she said she fell in love with fupaji after their marriage...not before she didn't even know him beforehand. So did i. You cant really love anybody without knowing them first. Attraction without knowledge is just that, an attraction...but i had found... love..in the most unlikely man.
I was jolted out of my trance as di fainted. I caught hold of her before she could hit the ground.
Arnavji had returned. He carried her upstairs and the rest of the family followed in worry as jijaji dialled a doctor.
The rest of the day passed in a blur.the doctor sedated di so she did not wake up all of today as her stress would be too much too handle in one day in her condition. Would numbing the pain really work? I wondered . isn't that what di has been doing all her life...shutting her eyes to all unpleasantness, zoning out everything but the only refrain that if she gives her best she will get the best in return? Loving but never caring to probe whether everything was too picture perfect to be true? Whether she was loved in return or not?
Mami and nani were still unconvinced. They thought arnavji supported me because i was his wife. Mami still believed that what shyam had said about me and jiji having bagged rich husbands was true. After all i had lost all the proofs...i needed time to convince them.
Jiji walked me to our bedroom. "don't worry khushi. everyone will realise the truth by and by. "she said. I wish you had confided in me.engrossed in my own life, i did not pay much attention to my baby sister and it kills me that i was not there for you when you needed a friend most. but your jiji wont let anybody hurt you anymore". She had dressed my wounds already and like she had been doing ever since i came into her life as a sister, mothered me.
"thank you jiji "i said"for defending me like that. I know you are shy to speak up like that and mamiji..."
"i did what i should have done long ago khushi .i don't care what sasuma said, its not true anyway; humne kissiko nahin fasaya.i said the truth and truth always wins in the end. i know you bore everything for my happiness and peace as much as di's. I can only thank you and say sorry for not being a better sister..."
"no, jiji"
"i shall also say something else"she said turning into the stern elder sister mode and adopting a grave voice. She knew her pitiful attempts at being strict always made me laugh.
"what jiji?"
"goodnight, get some sleep, you've been through enough"
I entered the room.
Someone was having a vigorous and extremely soapy bath in the bathroom. All sorts of smells---hair gel, shampoos, soaps, deodorants attacked me. I laughed to myself when i saw the toota phoota vest he had been wearing during his kidnapping thrown vehemently into the waste paper basket.
I made the bed, he would take it today, he has to...and i would take the recliner.
Arnavji entered,wearing his favourite tracks and tee, towelling his hair dry, looking relieved to be clean at last.
He looked at me as i dropped the pillow and straightened up at his approach and stared at him, safe, sound and ok. Finally he was back where he belonged. I had gotten him back. Thanks to devi maiyya.
He came nearer and frowned.
Now what had i done?
The frown cleared as he looked at me his brown eyes soft and apologetic.
"khushi i am sorry for not believing you...hurting you and..."
"pata hai humein..." i said placing a finger on his lips and stopping him. I had smote him that he was too proud to say sorry...but today i realised i did not want arnav singh raizada to bow his head and apologize, even to me... i could not bear the sadness in his eyes.
"no dammit! " he with an effort stopped snapping at me and continued,"i want to make it up to you and please can you forgive me even though i probably wont be able to forgive myself?" his eyes rang with sincerity as he glanced apprehensively at my face like a small boy caught in wrongdoing and unsure of being forgiven.
"haan arnavji, par bas ab aap aur maafi mat..."
"oh but ek puri paragraph aur hein...'he trailed off
"what?"
"haan vo main practise kar raha tha tumhe kya bolkar maafi mangu...i really am so sorry khushi ..."
I turned away from him and he immediately asked as if his worst fears had come true ,"khushi please i need one chance...please...let me make it up to you"
His voice grew more desperate and i turned to face him quickly, my laughter subsiding as i saw the terrible pain on his countenance.
"arnavji...bas...enough. i forgive you ok?" his practised words could not convey what the torture in his eyes had said...the dumb pain, torturing him like he was on fire. no words could have spoken more...
his eyes always spoke a lot more than his lips anyway, you just had to get near enough to read them.
His face broke out in one of the rare smiles, not his smirk, his boyish smile i loved.
'thank you khushi' he said with his voice and eyes dripping with ...love...for ME??
"For?"
"for being brave enough to come and get me, i know you swapped those cans of oil...otherwise i was a goner today."
"aapko kaise pata ki hum ne hi...' i interrupted.
" i know you mrs khushi kumara gupta singh raizada." He touched my nose with the tip of his finger."and...for forgiving me so easily i don't deserve to get off so easily and i will build you a better world than the one i destroyed khushi.'
'vo to hum jante hain...aap baat pehle bigarte ho phir use banate ho...laad governor."
"and for saving my world"
"but arnavji only bcoz of me your world was at stake... i was to blame for your di's picture perfect life smashing. I could not save it, i was not the perpetrator, yes, but i was the trigger to his devilry... i caused a lot of pain and caused you inconvenience..aapko itna pareshhan kiya...
"...itna pareshaan ,ki ab main tumhare bina nahi reh sakta.you also colored my world..aur tumne... you did your utmost to save my di's maariage, but diwar par jame papriya nahi chhupte khushi...bahar to aana hi tha...aur its for the best that he is gone...he could have caused more damage. Never ever blame yourself again"he forbade me.
He moved closer to me and wiped the tears that had fallen unnoticed by me with his thumb.' I don't want to see you crying again ever again...do you hear?" he barked at me, sounding himself at last
"phirse daant rahe hai aap..." i complained
"oh no sorry, if i'm rude to you again..."
"...i'll know you're back to normal" i completed and pulled him by the hand" ab soo jaaiye raat ho gayi hai..." i trailed off as i saw him looking hungrily at the contact of my fingers upon his wrist...with an almost childish delight.
I left him and moved to the recliner.
"where are you going? He enquired, following me across the room.
"vo aap aaj bed pe so rahe hai...pata nahi kitne din nahi soye hai thikse...aaj aap hum aapki bahas nahi sunenge, aapko bed pe sona hi parega...hum ihaan so jate hain"
"no" decisively.
"par..."
He herded me into a corner, and said"aajse tum mere paas soougi..." so saying he swept me off my feet.
Like he had done that nighrt in the woods he placed me on the bed gently . then moving over me he gently kissed me on my forehead...my cheeks...all over my face...as i lay helpless under his sweetly incapacitating assault...as strange, unknownand swamping sensations took over my body at his touch.
But then he stopped.
"not tonight, we're not ready yet" he whispered more to himself than to me.
I was still quivering.
He hooked an arm around my waist and reeled me in my body drawing complyingly into his warm nether, molding me to himself. He gently draped my arms around his neck and cuddled me .reposing my head in the crook of his neck, he fondled and petted me until my erupting heartbeat slowed,."everything is gonna be fine khushi . i'll make it fine" he promised and my heart sang. nuzzling closer to his warm shelter i sighed contentedly.
tired , gazing at each others faces in the faint light reflected from his pool, we sunk into slumber...waiting for the first morning of our love.
i just wanted to do khushi's point of view so i did ...do tell me if u like it or hate it plzzz?😳
my other works:
https://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=3070698(os:love(mature)
https://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=3066057(os: you will be mine someday)
https://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=3058739(os:homecoming)
https://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=3053986(os:the best thing i never knew i needed)
Anupamaa
