Posted:
Originally posted by: payalibm
@pari
@earth@anku darling@micheli totally agree with what you all are saying...we learn a lot from and around our enviornment...even at the age of 50 or 60 still we can learn a lot... but was tht my question or my need to know about the MOST COMMON THINKING OF MAN AND EVEN OF A WOMAN..CRIMINAL,IDOLLGIST,SOCILOGIST..ANY HUMAN BEING IN THIS PLANET...the very common thinking is why mostly in places like india men are given the upper hand and not woman...why a man piks his hands on woman...why dosent he do with his sister...why do he coems home and rest and acpect his wife to do all the chores and take care of kids even when she too coems from work...why MAN THINKS ITS WIFE DUTY TO SHAPE THE KID AND NOT HIM AND HE WILL ONLY GIVE MONEY OR TAKE THEM AROUND FOR HOLIDAYS OR FOR SMALL TREAT AT NIGHT LIKE PAAN AND ALL...WHY??????WHY THIS THININGwhat you all are saying about an individual...evry mind for me is unique...their thinking amazes me...it gives me so much knowledge to read about the way of one thinking...be it any one and i respect it...but was that realy my question...????????????
i think i understand your view ... but as u know it is next to impossible to expect discussions to stay strictly on track or adhering to your original topic. i am still to forget how merely me defending the need for sleep to gauri escalated into something so ugly. so while it is desirable to stay on track still being humans it is impossible i feel to stay on track. and actually sometimes those side tracks which tak eoff shoots from the original topics can provide lot of informations as long as the information provided is viewed int he right manner and dsnt get lost in other things.
again to strtetch this out a bit ... we need to find out why we need to indulge in internet discussions at all. as such no one has ever or onyl rarely agreed to a contrasting view point. by trying to convince we only earnte label of being stubborn. it does not happen the way we imagine or want. anyway so i feel internet discussion or any informal discussions are fine as a time pass , if we want onyl entertainment but beyond that the valu eis questionable. again my POV i need not be bashed for it!
now coming to your post ... u see today while teaching my daughter hindi wanrmala ... there came the letter "au" err difficult to write ... usne ke neeche likh atha ...
"au se aurat ka karo samman , wo hai nar se sada mahaan".
this hit me as so ironic. the truth is in india ... we have such double standards where females are concerned. as devis we worship them and then int he same temple we sell them as dev dasies.
we treat our sister and mother with so much respect ... but in the role of wife we spend our lives humiliating an subjugating them. and daughters? there is a reason why india is the only nation with so much disparity in the sex ratio. state of haryana having the worst one in entire world with 827 girls per 1000 boys.
even in so called educated people circles ... the marriags come with a premise "ladke wala are superior, their egos need to be placated , their demands need to be met, and they can be as rude to ladki walas as they want but ladki walas shud always be polite and pleasing!".
or the marriage is off simple. demands can be explicit dowry or coerced dowry where nothing is said up front but everythign is expected. and i can confidently say what i said applies to a large percentage of marriages.
if aurat is indeed mahhan than nar then why this? why parents are killing girls for they become unwanted due to dowry. now the custom of dowry is not only practised shamelessly even in people having holding high ffices in government departents but even defended when told it is a social evil.
teh reasons ? as far as i can think of ... all this is part of systematic subjugation of females to make them subservient to males. everybosy needs a cook, a care taker of home and of course no one wants to be replied back as it hurts our ego ... so the process of systematic subjugation ... females are conditioned since the day they become little older one day they will get married and they have to go n please husband's family so be polite , be pelasing.
dowry as a cstom took effect initially to give daughters their share of parental porperty . but the custom soon became one about demanding money. how much property to demand assumed the status of groom's right rathe than the brides ... today girls dont see a penny of dowry money again in heir life.
the reasons of these problems are faults of human nature :
1) our need to prove superiority by subjugating the weaker.
2) our greed to make marriages a potential source of income
3) our selfishness to get services involving house chores free of cost
4) our egos which need to be soothed and placated for us to feel nice
may be others but these come first. hence the entire system was created to hink men r better.
u see mothers were once daughters. they were children as innocent as anyone. they were probably treated far far worse than us by the society in its attempt to instill teh social constructs intot heir minds to condition them to become subserviant females. hence they behave the way they do.
when i got married , my mother in law was exceptionally dominant an di would be left amazed at the lengths of logics she would give me. is she for real? lke i had written in another thread my initial days were horrible, nothing short of torture ... i was heaped with house work and in spare time had to listen many unflattering thins about my family etc i was so miserable kahan phans gyi , but as i spent more and more time with her ... i got to know she is actually a very sad soul. she as very intelligent and hard working but was never allowed by her husband to work. instead he ordered her to educate the children! nto like he treated her very ell despit her sacrifice. she had served him her entire life and by her logic it was now her time to order around and rest and reap the fruits of hard work she has doen all her life!
teh day i understood this, i understod she is as much a victim of the system as i am. the day i analysed her ( the reason why i analyse gauri ) i could understand why she behaves the way she does ... my hate just disappeared ... and i was cured of a lot of nagative feelings. not like im warm with her, but now her things dont make me so sad as they used to. i have nt turned into a saint, i still get flashbacks sometimes and feel negatively, but in retrospect since i understand her behaviour i am not pained or affected by it. and it made me less hostile towards her leading to improvment of sorts. she dsnt bother me much now and is civil to me too SOMETIMES.
social conditioning starts with little things. tum ladke ho ladke nahi rote, tum ladki ho ladkiyan nahi answer backkarti. so many things need a revamp!
the reason i wrote so much was to elaborate u cannot expect a person conditioned since childhood to behave contrary to what she has been taught. so dont blame mothers. blame the system. yes as part of the system mothers can be blamed, /mils canbe blamed but to make females sqaurly responsible is wrong. the real blame goes to the doors of chauvinistic males who have made patriarchial females their associates in their agendas of female subjugation.
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