Swaron FF: Living the dream - Page 65

Originally posted by: tanukaswaron

when are you updating nidhi ????

Originally posted by: Sawyer_Tom

This weekend. 😊

I know, I know that I said I won't update till the weekend. But if I hadn't posted this part I would have kept making unnecessary changes to it. So, here it is. And if you guys thought the earlier parts were big, you're in for a huge shock. This part here is the longest part that I've ever written. Lots of twists and turns. Hope you guys enjoy it.

Chapter 22

"I DON'T CARE!" Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"
"You do care," said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. "You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it."
-- J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

"Sharon?"

His voice reverberated across the empty rehearsal hall.

She turned around to see Swayam standing there, with a confused expression on his face.

"What are you doing here?" he continued.

"Nothing." She said, looking anywhere but at him. "I was just leaving."

She headed towards the entrance, but he moved ahead to block her path.

"Sharon." He said, simply.

"Let me go, Swayam!" she said, stubbornly avoiding any sort of eye contact.

"Not before you tell me what the hell is wrong with you!" he said, raising his voice a little.

Still looking pointedly away, she said, "I don't have to explain myself to you!"

That's it! He thought. His frustration was now rising to the point of outright anger. He couldn't take it anymore. Grabbing her arm, he pinned her against the mirror.

"The hell you don't!" he shouted. "For the past two weeks you've been avoiding me like the bloody plague and you tell me you don't have to explain yourself to me! I've been going crazy here, worried sick about you and you act like you don't give a damn about it! Why Sharon? Why are you doing this?"

She squirmed in his arms trying to free herself but to no avail. His iron grip firmly held her in place. Her discomfort level increased as she realized how close they were. She didn't want to stand here, so close to him. She didn't want to stand here and answer any questions. She wanted to leave, wanted to run. Run away from all of this. It was better, much less painful than standing here and facing it.

But she didn't seem to have a choice as she felt his eyes burn a hole through her, demanding answers.

"Swayam, let me go. Just leave me alone!" she said, breaking her iron mask of composure.

He lifted her chin with his index finger and she readily complied. She felt her barriers slipping away as she looked into those lustrous brown eyes, filled with pain to the very depths of it.

"Please Sharon," he said softly, almost whispering. "Don't do this to me. Don't do this to yourself. I can't see you like this, so emotionless. You can try to push me away all you want, but I can see right through you. Don't isolate yourself. Let me help you. Let me heal you. Let me love you."

Her eyes widened in surprise and she felt something tugging at her heart.

"I'm in love with you, Sharon."

For one endless moment everything seemed to stop. Nothing else existed with the exception of those two. For one moment, everything seemed blissful. Like there was no worry in the world. No pain, no loss, just never ending happiness.

She felt the stoic, stone walls, encumbering her heart, crumbling into dust under the powerful force of his love. Her hardened eyes melted as his loving ones looked so tenderly at her. From somewhere deep down, a tear emerged and made its way out of her eyes, rolling down her cheek. He gently wiped it off with his thumb, unaware that his own eyes were shining with huge pools of unshed tears.

When she didn't say anything he moved his face closer to hers till they were only a breath's space apart. His hot, minty breath hit her like a tsunami, fresh and powerful almost crushing her. She looked longingly at him, almost begging him to kiss her. She needed it, more than anything else in the world.

He hesitated for a micro second before complying.

He kissed her so gently, so carefully like he was afraid that she was going to break. She didn't respond to it at first, just enjoying the feel of his lips against hers. She let his love encompass her, submerge her, scorch her.

Slowly, the intensity of his kiss increased and she couldn't help it, as her lips moved in sync with his. She felt something burst inside her and she let her hands move up his neck.

And then quite suddenly she stopped as Reality set in.

What was she doing? She thought, alarmed. She couldn't do this. This wasn't supposed to happen. She couldn't do this to him!

She removed her lips from his and gently shoved him in the chest.

"I can't!" she almost screamed.

And before he had the chance to do or say anything, she ran out, unaware of the fact that she had just crushed his heart and broken it into millions of ruby red shards.

____________________________

A month later

He looked up, sub consciously, not knowing why, until he saw a pair of green eyes looking at him. For the past month, that's the only contact they had been having with each other.

Why? Why does she do that? He thought. If she doesn't want me then why does she look at me like that?

He didn't want to look into those eyes because all it did was give him pain. He had been hurting for the past month and every time he convinced himself that he was done with it, one look from her would shatter that conviction.

And the worst part was he didn't feel as much pain for himself as he felt for her. The thought of her going through all that alone ate at him from the inside. He wanted to help her, be there for her but she wouldn't let him.

"Hey dude!" said Vicky, placing himself between them, effectively breaking their eyelock.

He watched as she entered the Math class at the other end of the corridor.

"Dude?" said Vicky, swiping his hands in front of his face in order to get his attention.

"Yeah?" he said.

"Rehearsals after school?" asked Vicky.

"Sure." He said, unthinkingly.

"Cool. Later." Said Vicky, thumping him on the back and heading towards his next class.

The bell rang through the hall, reminding the students as well as the teachers that they needed to be in their respective classes.

But he didn't move. Instead he stared wistfully at the place where she had stood a few minutes ago.

If only she would let him in.

All she needed to do was ask.

____________________________

She lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. She had been feeling very tired a lot lately. Mentally and physically.

Her thoughts drifted towards the pair of soft brown eyes that she had so intently stared into this morning. Why couldn't she look away?

She knew she was torturing him, torturing herself and yet she had found it impossible to look away.

The longing and the love in those eyes haunted her day and night. She shut her eyes hoping that they would leave her. But in vain. They were etched in her mind constantly reminding her of his pain.

She didn't mind the pain as long as she was the only one affected by it. She had gotten used to it by now. Even welcomed it, because it constantly made her aware of the fact that she was alive.

But nowadays, she didn't even feel that. She didn't feel a thing.

But she couldn't see him in pain. He shouldn't have to feel pain. That too because of her. It wasn't fair.

But she could do nothing to relieve him of that pain. Not without pulling him into the dark abyss that was her life.

The sharp sound of the doorbell rang through the house, pulling her out of her thoughts.

She opened the door to see a smartly dressed aged man standing on the doormat with a small, kind smile on his face.

He was wearing a tight fitting suit and carried a black brief case in his left hand. He looked quite fit for a man of his age.

"Ms. Sharon Raiprakash?" he asked.

"Yes?" she said, confusedly.

"I'm Mr. Mehta. Your father's lawyer." He said, his smile widening a little.

She looked at him blankly. She had no idea her dad had a lawyer. But then again, she had hardly ever known anything about him.

"Can I come in?" he asked

She contemplated that for a second and thought that he looked harmless enough. So she moved a little and led him into the living room. He made himself comfortable on the couch, while she sat on the armchair.

After a minute of awkward silence, he cleared his throat and said-

"First of all, I'm sorry for your loss." He said, seeming genuinely sad.

She nodded.

"So then, back to business. Are you aware of the fact that your father had drafted a will before he died?" he asked.

She shook her head in the negative.

"Well, he had. And since it concerns you as you are next to kin I'm obliged to tell you about its contents." He said, in an exceedingly polished manner.

He then proceeded to open his briefcase and take out several official looking documents, while she stared at him in shock.

He opened one of the documents and asked-

"Would you like me to read its exact contents or should I just tell you, in simple jargon, what is mentioned in here?"

Her wits were still scattered about, as she looked at him as uncomprehendingly as ever.

"Hmm……" he said, "You are clearly not in the state to listen to official nonsense so let me just tell you what's written in it."

He removed a pair of thin spectacles from the inner pocket of his suit and adjusted them firmly on his nose. Then clearing his throat he began-

"Your dad had a vast number of assets and properties and he left most of it in your possession. That includes, an estate in Pune, a beach house on the coast of Mumbai, 5 fixed deposits- two of which will be converted into a charitable fund for cancer patients as per his wishes, 11 saving accounts, 3,16,000 shares in 19 different companies- the details of which are clearly mentioned here," he said, handing her a document, "and all his personal belongings."

She had listened to all this in stunned silence. She looked at the facts and figures on the number of documents that he had handed her and looked stupidly at them, all of it going above her head.

"My father…..left all this for…..me?" she asked, looking incredulous.

"Yes. And he also left you a letter." He added casually.

She whipped up her head suddenly and looked at him in shock.

"What?" she asked.

"Yeah." He opened his briefcase once again and took out an envelope. "Here you go."

In her eagerness, she almost snatched the letter from his hand. He looked at her amusedly.

"Well then, my work here is done. If you need my help, here's my card. Feel free to call or visit anytime you want." He said, getting up and handing her a business card.

He walked to the door and stopped suddenly.

"You know Sharon, your dad was a good man. I was one of his closest friends and he talked about you more often than you think. I know that the way he treated you wasn't right but I also know that he truly regretted it." He said, sadly.

She could bring herself to say anything so she just nodded.

He gave her a smile and left.

____________________________

For the past twenty minutes, she had been sitting on the bed, clutching that letter tightly in her hand. For the past twenty minutes, she had been contemplating whether or not to read it.

She couldn't for the life of her imagine why her father would have written a letter to her. After everything that had happened between them why would he bother to write a letter to her? Why?

There was only one way to find out.

She ran her fingers across the one word written in black ink on the envelope.

Sharon

That was unmistakably her father's scrawl.

She tore opened the flap and took out the letter. Keeping the envelope safely on the bed next to her, she let her fingers tentatively unfold the letter.

My dear Sharon,

If you are reading this letter then it means that I'm already dead. Because I know I would never have the courage to give it to you for as long as I live.

I know you have no reason to read this letter and listen to what I have to say after the way I've treated you. But I know that you will. You've always had a big heart. You got that from your mother.

I can't even begin to apologize for what I've put you through. For the past ten years I've shunned you, pushed you away, blamed you for my mistakes. And you didn't deserve that. Didn't deserve any of that. You deserved to be treated with utmost love and care. But I was too selfish, too lost in my grief to give you what you more than deserved. And for that I can never forgive myself.

All these years you silently bore the monster that I had become, never once complaining. And all I gave you in return was more pain. I just noticed that I had lost my wife. But I overlooked the fact that you had lost your mother. I should have been there for you. But I wasn't. And for that I can never forgive myself.

That day, you had come to me, demanding answers, demanding love. But all I did was once again thrust my pain on you, thrust my guilt on you, when I should have embraced you, showered you with love. When I should have asked you for your forgiveness. I told you that you were dead to me, hoping that if I hurt you I wouldn't hurt myself. And for that I can never forgive myself.

I let the pain get the better of me, not knowing that by doing so I inflicted more pain on you. I have been a horrible father and nothing I can say would ever justify what I've done to you. I know that my soul is beyond redemption, but yet I would ask for your forgiveness. I know I don't deserve it, yet I hope that you do.

And I wish to God that you don't end up like your poor, miserable father. Don't push away the people who love you Sharon, don't give them the pain I gave you.

But I have yet to ask for forgiveness for the biggest sin that I have committed. There is no other way to put this so I'll put it as simply as I can- you have a sibling. I told you the other day that you mother was pregnant and both she and the child died during labor. I lied. Your mother died but the child survived. But my hate and my pain had blinded my thoughts and I gave it up for adoption almost as soon as it was born. And that is the biggest regret of my life. I don't know what you would do with this piece of news but if you ever want to see that child I've enclosed the address of the orphanage with this letter.

I know I haven't been a model father, but you are the best daughter anyone could ever have.

And I know it's too late to say this but I love you. Always have. Always will.

Love,

Dad.

She read the letter once again. And again. She felt something crawling down her cheek and landing gently on the letter immediately smudging the ink.

Something inside her heart burst free which had been repressed till now, as if bidding it's time to rebel at the right moment. All the emotions that she had for so long kept smothered inside of her, broke free of their restraints flowing freely in the form of wet, salty tears.

For the first time since her father had died, she cried. She cried for her dead father. She cried for her mother. She cried for the family that they once were. She cried for her orphaned sibling. She cried for Swayam and she cried for herself.

She knew she had already forgiven her father. She had never held it against him in the first place. All that mattered now was that he had loved her, even if he hadn't shown it or expressed it in so much as some words.

She couldn't help reading the last line of the letter over and over again.

She cried till there were no more tears left in her. And even through all the pain, she felt elated because she had once again started to feel. She once again felt alive.

And then she thought of Swayam.

The pain she had put him through by repeatedly pushing him away, refusing his care and tossing his love aside like a piece of garbage.

She had done to him what her father had done to her. And she knew how it felt to be on the receiving end.

And she didn't want to end up like her father, asking for forgiveness long after she was gone. She wanted his forgiveness when she was still alive, when she could still feel.

She knew it would be a long time before she was completely healed. But she knew that when that day came, she wanted him standing beside her.

And then doubt crept into her mind as stealthily as a snake.

Would he forgive her after all she had done to him?

She didn't know what she would do if he didn't.

She stood up suddenly, giving herself a head rush and ran out, closing the door behind her.

She quickly got into her car and headed towards his house.