Dowry in my family:Disheartening:

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Sabarnee

@Sabarnee_25

Inactive

+ 6

Posted: 13 years ago

Hey I'm a new member of this forum. I love the show to the core so thought to share something with you all. Let me confess that my dad-mom is against Dowry and my dad didn't take a single paise while he got married to my mom. But recently one of my cousin's wedding has been finalized with a guy who is doing a job as a millitary. I thought then that the boy must be open minded but I was wrong. I can't imagine that the well settled boy can demand for fridge, televion set, washing machine, a new car, gold ornaments of around 3 lacks and even a set of utencils?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is massive. Like Rani sais in the show that beggers also beg loudly I felt that my sister is going to be a member of the begger's family. I've told about my feelings and sadness to my parents but they are also helpless in this matter. How can my dad say all that to his elder brother. Don't you think that our society should be more modest to stop such incidents??⭐️

Please share your views here...

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Blukitten

@Blukitten

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

Only way to treat this menace is to educate the girls and make them economically independent.I dont know why parents r desperate to get their daughters married off.

They should get out of this caste creed mentality.Once a person is mature enough he/s she can look for their own life partner there's less chances of exploitation is such marriages.

Younger generation has to become strong.Girls should strongly oppose such marriages and guys should stop being mama's boys.

In ur sister's case u can try to convince ur sister not to get married in such family...u never know this this just a start later on they might keep on demanding.Since the guy is in army who knows her MIL might stop her from joinning her husband and keep her as a maid in her house.

explain thse things to her and tell her to oppose this marriage.

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Sabarnee

@Sabarnee_25

Inactive

+ 6

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: nniks
Only way to treat this menace is to educate the girls and make them economically independent.I dont know why parents r desperate to get their daughters married off.
They should get out of this caste creed mentality.Once a person is mature enough he/s she can look for their own life partner there's less chances of exploitation is such marriages.

Younger generation has to become strong.Girls should strongly oppose such marriages and guys should stop being mama's boys.

In ur sister's case u can try to convince ur sister not to get married in such family...u never know this this just a start later on they might keep on demanding.Since the guy is in army who knows her MIL might stop her from joinning her husband and keep her as a maid in her house.

explain thse things to her and tell her to oppose this marriage.

thanks for your suggestion but I'm the youngest member of the family and live 300 kms away from our real residence with my parents..I've not been that close to her to convince her about it..but just have the feeling that she is in a great danger...

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XAiShBaBy08X

@XAiShBaBy08X

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

In my opinion, (strictly my opinion...lol) I think it is important to respect your elder brother, but what is right will always be right and what is wrong will always be wrong. I don't think that the fear of disrespecting an elder should ever get in the way of the truth and what is right especially when it can save someone from a lifetime of humiliation and suffering. Even if the new family treats your cousin well after the marriage, she will still have to live with the fact that her husband took advantage of such a pure relationship...which is something I could not live with.

If I were you, I would talk to my Dad and tell him to at least give it a try and seriously talk to his brother. Nothing else matters when it come to the right thing to do and your cousin's happiness in life.

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undisclosed

@undisclosed

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

awww your dad should defenitely talk to his bro...the boy is not worth it if he is requesting all those things...its best if your cousin doesn't marry if it has to be with that person...i think its time to start doing "wedding showers"...we have them in the US...invite friends and family and they will come with a gift for the house...that way the bride and groom will have some basic things they need...and can work together on getting the other things...little by little they will have all of their basic necessities covered...no one should have to buy these sort of things for anyone...and much less as a condition for marrying someone's daughter...

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

Ask your father to speak to your elder brother about this issue. If the groom is so persistent on dowry before marriage goodness knows what all his demands would be after marriage.

If he's an officer in the army, then the army provides all these items to their officers. So it should not be such a big deal to them to get these items from the bride's family. However, in case your Uncle feels reluctant to broach the topic and it is decided by the family that the match must be taken forward, here's what your Uncle can do.

Buy all items requested in the name of your cousin, with your Uncle's address given as the residential address. All Cash can be given in the form of Fixed Deposit again in the name of your cousin. Jewelry should be bought in the name of your cousin with proper receipts for the same. Ask your Uncle to maintain a full record of all gifts being given to your cousin at the time of marriage and have someone witness the transaction. In case the groom's family demurs on the witness then their intentions are not honorable. Also maintain a full record of gifts that your cousin receives - including jewelry and have it independently valued, with valuation receipts attached. As per the law this is all "Stree Dhan" and belongs to the bride alone in case there is any dispute in the marriage.

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indi

@fannn

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

>>Only way to treat this menace is to educate the girls and make them economically independent.

I know couple of economically independent women (engineers,doctors) being harassed too. Their husbands are also well off and educated. Greed can make a person so cheap!..Education sometimes has nothing to do with it.

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Rich`

@cs-07

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

please ask ur sister to watch te show or better email or call her abt ur concerns.. u arent close to her.. talk to ur dad, they r helpless but if the demands increase the matter wud be out of hand.. i am sure they wud understand.. just dont stop.. they will get more good rishte but if the guy starts tormenting the family. it may become too depressing for the girl more than anything.

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indi

@fannn

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

sometimes they just kill with verbal abuse. You may not see the scars. The abuse and harassment can be so subtle. But it does hit the target. It is sad that there is no best way to stop greed from popping its ugly head.. Govt. can only make laws. Fear of arrest or laws has made people avoid the term 'dowry' but theys till ask in different terms and ways.

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megustajalebi

@megustajalebi

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: fannn
>>Only way to treat this menace is to educate the girls and make them economically independent.

I know couple of economically independent women (engineers,doctors) being harassed too. Their husbands are also well off and educated. Greed can make a person so cheap!..Education sometimes has nothing to do with it.

Economic independence is not the only solution to this. As fannn said, even extremely educated women turn into victims of dowry abuse. What's important is education regarding how to act in such a abusive situation. Women need to be told that if they feel unsafe with their in laws or their husbands, they need to leave and seek help. Even if the parents turn their backs, there are women's shelters and police.

They also need to know that leaving is not a sign of weakness or disgrace, but it's a sign of strength and the dignity to move on with life.