Why Get Married?

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What is the main reason for people to get married?

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

24

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#11

When I was in what is considered marriageable age ( 20-25) in my country, marriage was an automatic goal for girls at least. The situation has changed quite a bit in the last decade or so. When I decided to give my career a bigger priority than marriage, it was a sort of rebellion. I always had support of my parents, but the rest of the family could not understand why I would do so.

At that time I had left the decision to my parents - I told them that if you think that this guy deserves to be my daughter's husband and is apt match for her, I'll marry the person at an hour's notice, without even meeting the person or finding out his name. My only condition is that they should be 100% convinced of their decision. So far they have not approached me with any proposal :)

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

24

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#12

However coming to the point of this post - for most girls marriage is the pinnacle of their life's achievement. So often I've seen brilliant girls give up further education, brilliant careers and everything else just to get that tag "Married" to their names. It is considered prestigious to have a Doctor DIL, it even reduces the price of the groom in the marriage mart.

Most often the pressure on the parents is not just from the groom's families but also the girls themselves. The girls want a more expensive wedding dress than their cousin or friend, they demand lavish weddings and expensive "dowry" - jewelry, clothes, gifts, household items, honeymoon trips to exotic locales.

One reason in my opinion is that parents look for grooms in a more affluent family than their own. Like it was mentioned on the show - "an Engineer's son" "father, grandfather, uncles are all beauraucrats" and so on. Then it becomes a matter of prestige to match the lifestyle and standard of the groom's family.

In most cases the alliance is treated like a business transaction. The bride's family is referred to " bade maldaar asaami hain" (literally, a very wealthy party) the groom's family is usually " achhi party hai". There is no mention of family background. People would compare how much property is owned by the other family and their relatives. Jobs, living standard, NRI status all contributes to make one an eligible parti. Little attention is paid to the education, nature and background of the bride and groom in question or even their families.

Often parents of daughters start investing from the day a girl is born. In some communities, when a girl is born all the relatives make an investment in the name of the girl in form of either gold or fixed deposits. Depending on how affluent the families are and how close these relatives these gifts are renewed every year on the girl's birthdays so that by the time the girl is 18 or so the parents have a head start on the huge monies required to get the girl married. In some communities these investments are in the form of land or business that is transferred to the girl on maturity.

But more often than not, the middle class families bear the brunt of extortion and competition in the name of marriage. Mostly these girls do not pursue further education or careers and are satisfied to be housewives. Such a waste of human capital, esp. when you consider that every year and at every level girls score higher marks and better grades in schools and colleges and professional courses.

The worst is when I see girls who are Doctors and Engineers and MBAs and IAS officers give up their careers for the sake of marriage and being a housewife. Why should these girls waste a seat that can only be achieved through stiff competitive exams, extreme hard work and intelligence in order to peel potatoes is beyond me. And they think nothing of other deserving students who might have gotten that seat and made use of the education and thus contributed to the country's growth.

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undisclosed

@undisclosed

Trailblazer

44

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#13

wow Chitrashi ...i need to catch my breath...this is all very over whelming for me...but in latin culture there is a general tradition...where the girl does pay for the wedding...but the reason for marriage itself is defenitely because she found the " love of her life"...well you know the american way...but in resent years...the whole system has shifted to where the couple themsleves pays for the wedding...so they aquire the debt if they want a lavish one...and further parents are more like guests...the world is at extremes i guess...

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686375

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Posted: 13 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: undisclosed

@ Chitrashi ...yes i am always surprised at the things i share on IF also :) ...actually your case is similar to mine ...except of the special someone ( i don't have one)...but taking care of my parents is a major factor for me not marrying yet...though for my culture marriage is not an automatic goal..only if you plan to live with the person...but i can perfectly stay single for the rest of my life i think...now i think i should go back to whole point of this post...which was to sort of link it to the Dowry episode...i just remember that Aamir kept saying that marriage has turned into a business in India because of the reason why people get married...so i was wondering what was the reason why Indian's are getting married...

my father alwayes sayes this '' situation tab se spoile hui when ladkey bikney start ho gye like jo jyada boli lagayega vo hi hamara PRESIOUS boy🥱 le jayega '' jesey girls ki to koi value hi nhi hai KEEMTI to sirf boys hi hotey hai 🥱

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686375

Suspended

Posted: 13 years ago

#15

[QUOTE=Chitrashi]However coming to the point of this post - for most girls marriage is the pinnacle of their life's achievement. So often I've seen brilliant girls give up further education, brilliant careers and everything else just to get that tag "Married" to their names. It is considered prestigious to have a Doctor DIL, it even reduces the price of the groom in the marriage mart.

Most often the pressure on the parents is not just from the groom's families but also the girls themselves. The girls want a more expensive wedding dress than their cousin or friend, they demand lavish weddings and expensive "dowry" - jewelry, clothes, gifts, household items, honeymoon trips to exotic locales.

One reason in my opinion is that parents look for grooms in a more affluent family than their own. Like it was mentioned on the show - "an Engineer's son" "father, grandfather, uncles are all beauraucrats" and so on. Then it becomes a matter of prestige to match the lifestyle and standard of the groom's family.

In most cases the alliance is treated like a business transaction. The bride's family is referred to " bade maldaar asaami hain" (literally, a very wealthy party) the groom's family is usually " achhi party hai". There is no mention of family background. People would compare how much property is owned by the other family and their relatives. Jobs, living standard, NRI status all contributes to make one an eligible parti. Little attention is paid to the education, nature and background of the bride and groom in question or even their families.

Often parents of daughters start investing from the day a girl is born. In some communities, when a girl is born all the relatives make an investment in the name of the girl in form of either gold or fixed deposits. Depending on how affluent the families are and how close these relatives these gifts are renewed every year on the girl's birthdays so that by the time the girl is 18 or so the parents have a head start on the huge monies required to get the girl married. In some communities these investments are in the form of land or business that is transferred to the girl on maturity.

But more often than not, the middle class families bear the brunt of extortion and competition in the name of marriage. Mostly these girls do not pursue further education or careers and are satisfied to be housewives. Such a waste of human capital, esp. when you consider that every year and at every level girls score higher marks and better grades in schools and colleges and professional courses.

The worst is when I see girls who are Doctors and Engineers and MBAs and IAS officers give up their careers for the sake of marriage and being a housewife. Why should these girls waste a seat that can only be achieved through stiff competitive exams, extreme hard work and intelligence in order to peel potatoes is beyond me. And they think nothing of other deserving students who might have gotten that seat and made use of the education and thus contributed to the country's growth. [/QUOTE]

lovly written spacially red part

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undisclosed

@undisclosed

Trailblazer

44

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#16

Originally posted by: ANNMT
my father alwayes sayes this '' situation tab se spoile hui when ladkey bikney start ho gye like jo jyada boli lagayega vo hi hamara PRESIOUS boy🥱 le jayega '' jesey girls ki to koi value hi nhi hai KEEMTI to sirf boys hi hotey hai 🥱

can you translate for me?😳

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

24

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#17

translation :

"the situation became bad from the day that the grooms started being sold, like whoever is the highest bidder will get our precious boy. Its almost like girls are worthless, only boys have any value."

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undisclosed

@undisclosed

Trailblazer

44

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#18

Originally posted by: Chitrashi
translation :

"the situation became bad from the day that the grooms started being sold, like whoever is the highest bidder will get our precious boy. Its almost like girls are worthless, only boys have any value."

thank you...wise words...thats exactly what these dowry cases sound like...

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