Posted:
Last week, a friend of mine who is pregnant watched the CSA episode on my insistence and she scolded me the next day for putting her through a distressing time. She vowed that she'd not watch the show , at least in her current condition, for it will affect her emotionally and it is not good for her baby but that did not stop her in voting in the favor of the law against CSA. I felt she was right in her own place, after all she DID get the point AK was trying to make with the episode. However, that got me thinking, what if there are several others like my friend who want to "escape" seeing all this? Is the show "negative" ? Is it affecting in a depressing way? I also felt a little concerned that if the percentage of people who think this way is more (and they are justified in their place), will we ever be able to boldly take it in our stride and muster up that courage to fight the evils plaguing our society? You can understand it is a conflicting situation to be in- on one hand the people who want to keep away are not wrong yet on the other the drop in the percentage because of them can weaken the stance on the issue.
So far, SMJ has managed to put in a balanced perspective - throwing light on the pros and cons just to make sure that no one gets bogged down by the depressing facts. Today's episode had a more positive bend that way and it was really inspiring to watch someone like Rani Tripathi and her husband Pavan Tripathi - when I look at such people it gives me HOPE that there ARE people like Pavan and his family and all the others who came forward to marry Rani, who can actually admire a strong woman đ. And women like Rani make me REALLY PROUD đ đ đ - the irony, however, is the fact that VERY FEW people can actually understand her courage and not discount her thinking as "juvenile" or "abnormal" but I will come to that later. Rani's zingers made my day honestly and I was really entertained in a way. On the other hand, Komal's story was touching but what was hurting was her and her family putting up with all of this without any retaliation. Same with the other Punjabi girl, why did they put up with all of it? Why is our society so hard on the girl? Our society has preferred arranged marriages over love marriages always - technically, in an arranged marriage, if you are a guy or his parent, you choose the girl, you choose the family and you do the background check and you do all the work, so it is all your choice and your wish and YET you have a problem with it? WHY? Why is it SO HARD for you to stick to YOUR OWN DECISION and work on it by showing commitment? Why have so many expectations from the other person when you yourself can't guarantee that you can live up to the other person's expectations? My question is not just for the parents of the grooms and their families who put the girl through hell, it is also for all those girls who don't value the guys in their life. Let's face it - in today's day and age, the guys are as much victims as the girls, it is not a rosy picture for them and their families either. I have seen sad stories on both sides, it is just that it has been happening for a longer period of time in case of the girls. Sometimes though, and I know it is wrong to think this way, I feel like the innocent guys are getting punished for the sins done by their fellow men.
This brings me to the fact that AK did not skip over the fact of guys being victims - the groom kidnapping in Bihar is no less appalling and shocking, it is traumatic for the guys and it is unfair to them but then that is merely an offshoot of the dowry system and I am not sure how many people realize that . And even in that case, the girl only has to suffer eventually- what if the guy does not accept her? It is actually great that the victim who came today took it in his stride, displayed sensitivity and maturity to accept that girl đ, when I see such people, somewhere I feel hopeful that what our culture preaches about respecting women has made an impact. And I am totally TOTALLY for the laws that support simple, modest wedding ceremonies âď¸. Personally, I have always wanted to have a low key wedding with no pomp myself. The amount of money that is spent on a wedding nowadays is ridiculous - I keep thinking about the over priced food that is wasted by the guests and the eventual dissatisfaction of some guest or the other, who can never appreciate the efforts of the bride's family. Instead, I keep thinking, HALF that money can be spent on those who are ACTUALLY starving for food and a simple reception can be thrown for the guests- that way both are happy. Oh well, that was just my personal opinion anyway, never mind.
All the positivity of the episode aside, may be it is just me but I felt that today's SMJ diluted the impact the subject of dowry could have created, not that I expect AK to always show distressing stories and try to hit the viewer's sentiment but somehow the balance tilted in the favor of showing positivity only, it looked like a conscious effort to show positivity. Perhaps that was because a lot of people complained about the show being "negative" and affecting them in a distressing manner? No judging or comparison here but if I look at the PROJECTION in the first episode and the kind of impact it created (with a perfect positivity-negativity balance) , today's episode seemed to dilute things somewhat. I understand that this time the idea was to create impact by showing positive aspects and by putting forth inspiring models (like the modest wedding ones and NE communities ones where dowry is unheard of) for other societies to emulate but like I said the PROJECTION left a little more to be desired for me personally.
Coming back to Rani's case, it affirmed that the fundamental problem, as this show had showed us time and again, has always lied in OUR thinking. WHY do we rarely give a chance to someone who has an opinion that is different from the general consensus that has been accepted as a "rule", why is it a sacrilege to question the decisions of elders at times, why is it always termed as being rude and harshly judged as wrong/failed upbringing by both the girl's and the guy's families? When WE are always asked to have an open mind and think positive, give respect to others' opinions why can't our opinions be met with the same respect and objectivity? Why? Why does it not occur to someone that if such questions are arising then there must be a flaw somewhere that triggers this thinking? I ask all this because Rani had to convince her brother to actually do the sting operation, because he totally dismissed her idea initially- 90% of the families think that way, they would never take a "risk" by letting the girl have her say- sometimes it disturbs me that no matter how much we progress, we sometimes hold on to such regressive beliefs that it totally defeats whatever progressive steps we have taken. I understand there is usually SO MUCH pressure on the girl's family when it comes to marriage that in their desperation, parents sometimes take decisions against the girl's wishes and that may or may not end up ruining her life. Success of any marriage, love or arranged is always a matter of chance and the couple's ability to work on maintaining the compatibility consistently and that requires BOTH (note, both being the operative word here) the people involved and both families adjusting at some point or the other. When have we let it go so far that we TAKE IT FOR GRANTED and DEMAND IT AS A RIGHT that the girl and her family only adjust all the time? And WHY do the girls' families ENDORSE such thinking? Why can't everyone accept that times have changed and balance can be attained if and only if the older generation stops to apply the rules of yore today and takes a step FORWARD to understand today's generation? I am not saying that all is hunky-dory with our generation either, we need to learn to be more patient and less impulsive and we should stop magnifying everything , showing extreme reactions. In a nutshell, I believe BOTH the parties NEED to work but it is unfair that just because they have experience and we don't have it, we are expected to accept whatever they say - while we respect their experience, are we wrong to expect them to CONSIDER our exposure?
I guess I digressed a little bit there and perhaps got emotional even, sorry about that đ.
So far, SMJ has managed to put in a balanced perspective - throwing light on the pros and cons just to make sure that no one gets bogged down by the depressing facts. Today's episode had a more positive bend that way and it was really inspiring to watch someone like Rani Tripathi and her husband Pavan Tripathi - when I look at such people it gives me HOPE that there ARE people like Pavan and his family and all the others who came forward to marry Rani, who can actually admire a strong woman đ. And women like Rani make me REALLY PROUD đ đ đ - the irony, however, is the fact that VERY FEW people can actually understand her courage and not discount her thinking as "juvenile" or "abnormal" but I will come to that later. Rani's zingers made my day honestly and I was really entertained in a way. On the other hand, Komal's story was touching but what was hurting was her and her family putting up with all of this without any retaliation. Same with the other Punjabi girl, why did they put up with all of it? Why is our society so hard on the girl? Our society has preferred arranged marriages over love marriages always - technically, in an arranged marriage, if you are a guy or his parent, you choose the girl, you choose the family and you do the background check and you do all the work, so it is all your choice and your wish and YET you have a problem with it? WHY? Why is it SO HARD for you to stick to YOUR OWN DECISION and work on it by showing commitment? Why have so many expectations from the other person when you yourself can't guarantee that you can live up to the other person's expectations? My question is not just for the parents of the grooms and their families who put the girl through hell, it is also for all those girls who don't value the guys in their life. Let's face it - in today's day and age, the guys are as much victims as the girls, it is not a rosy picture for them and their families either. I have seen sad stories on both sides, it is just that it has been happening for a longer period of time in case of the girls. Sometimes though, and I know it is wrong to think this way, I feel like the innocent guys are getting punished for the sins done by their fellow men.
This brings me to the fact that AK did not skip over the fact of guys being victims - the groom kidnapping in Bihar is no less appalling and shocking, it is traumatic for the guys and it is unfair to them but then that is merely an offshoot of the dowry system and I am not sure how many people realize that . And even in that case, the girl only has to suffer eventually- what if the guy does not accept her? It is actually great that the victim who came today took it in his stride, displayed sensitivity and maturity to accept that girl đ, when I see such people, somewhere I feel hopeful that what our culture preaches about respecting women has made an impact. And I am totally TOTALLY for the laws that support simple, modest wedding ceremonies âď¸. Personally, I have always wanted to have a low key wedding with no pomp myself. The amount of money that is spent on a wedding nowadays is ridiculous - I keep thinking about the over priced food that is wasted by the guests and the eventual dissatisfaction of some guest or the other, who can never appreciate the efforts of the bride's family. Instead, I keep thinking, HALF that money can be spent on those who are ACTUALLY starving for food and a simple reception can be thrown for the guests- that way both are happy. Oh well, that was just my personal opinion anyway, never mind.
All the positivity of the episode aside, may be it is just me but I felt that today's SMJ diluted the impact the subject of dowry could have created, not that I expect AK to always show distressing stories and try to hit the viewer's sentiment but somehow the balance tilted in the favor of showing positivity only, it looked like a conscious effort to show positivity. Perhaps that was because a lot of people complained about the show being "negative" and affecting them in a distressing manner? No judging or comparison here but if I look at the PROJECTION in the first episode and the kind of impact it created (with a perfect positivity-negativity balance) , today's episode seemed to dilute things somewhat. I understand that this time the idea was to create impact by showing positive aspects and by putting forth inspiring models (like the modest wedding ones and NE communities ones where dowry is unheard of) for other societies to emulate but like I said the PROJECTION left a little more to be desired for me personally.
Coming back to Rani's case, it affirmed that the fundamental problem, as this show had showed us time and again, has always lied in OUR thinking. WHY do we rarely give a chance to someone who has an opinion that is different from the general consensus that has been accepted as a "rule", why is it a sacrilege to question the decisions of elders at times, why is it always termed as being rude and harshly judged as wrong/failed upbringing by both the girl's and the guy's families? When WE are always asked to have an open mind and think positive, give respect to others' opinions why can't our opinions be met with the same respect and objectivity? Why? Why does it not occur to someone that if such questions are arising then there must be a flaw somewhere that triggers this thinking? I ask all this because Rani had to convince her brother to actually do the sting operation, because he totally dismissed her idea initially- 90% of the families think that way, they would never take a "risk" by letting the girl have her say- sometimes it disturbs me that no matter how much we progress, we sometimes hold on to such regressive beliefs that it totally defeats whatever progressive steps we have taken. I understand there is usually SO MUCH pressure on the girl's family when it comes to marriage that in their desperation, parents sometimes take decisions against the girl's wishes and that may or may not end up ruining her life. Success of any marriage, love or arranged is always a matter of chance and the couple's ability to work on maintaining the compatibility consistently and that requires BOTH (note, both being the operative word here) the people involved and both families adjusting at some point or the other. When have we let it go so far that we TAKE IT FOR GRANTED and DEMAND IT AS A RIGHT that the girl and her family only adjust all the time? And WHY do the girls' families ENDORSE such thinking? Why can't everyone accept that times have changed and balance can be attained if and only if the older generation stops to apply the rules of yore today and takes a step FORWARD to understand today's generation? I am not saying that all is hunky-dory with our generation either, we need to learn to be more patient and less impulsive and we should stop magnifying everything , showing extreme reactions. In a nutshell, I believe BOTH the parties NEED to work but it is unfair that just because they have experience and we don't have it, we are expected to accept whatever they say - while we respect their experience, are we wrong to expect them to CONSIDER our exposure?
I guess I digressed a little bit there and perhaps got emotional even, sorry about that đ.
Hindi TV Shows
Cricket
Kumkum Bhagya
