Will a child keep the marriage together?

Page

Next Last

Suvj

@Suvj

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

Hi...this may or may not be related to DABH, but while reading posts on MILs, hubbys and kids, one question comes to mind.

When a couple faces a rocky patch, (not necessarily serious) wherein they have different viewpoints / attitudes / priorities, the elders normally advise them to have a child.

According to them once the couple have a child, things change and they get bonded more through parenthood.

How many of you agree or should I say, what's your views??

Edited by Suvj - 13 years ago

Quote

Frequent Posters

zzlondon

@zzlondon

Beginner

Posted: 13 years ago

Couple with children also go through divorce and the whole process is then even bitter. A child can strengthen their bond but only when there is love, trust and respect already established.

In this case, they are unhappy, because Suraj is upset with the divorce papers. In stead of approaching Sandhya to clear the misunderstanding, he prefers to make her a see a side of him which doesn't even exist. And Sandhya doesn't have a clue of what's going on.

And this is actually a reflection of what usually happens between couple. They don't say what's on their mind. A lack of trust and communication can often lead to the marriage being doomed!!

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

Juna04

@Juna04

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

I agree with the above post ... unrelated to DABH which is a fictional show... in real life unless the couples work out problems between themselves and esp without trust and respect between them that marraige is doomed and the child has to suffer watching negativity between parents.

In extreme cases it results in a divorce which again drags the poor child/ren in the middle unless the couple is mature enough to handle it so as to protect their children as much as possible.

Quote

navyaalex8

@navyaalex8

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

According to some older people, the standard treatment is for every illness is: Get married

And if married, the standard treatment is : Have kids

Of course, children are not sticky plasters to put on a rocky marriage...

However,

1.Children do make you work harder at a marriage and ponder more thoughtfully on all the implications because innocent lives are involved

2.All those pregnancy and birth hormones have a powerful, calming effect 😊...

3.It is truly humbling to see the way children forgive without reserve- one can learn from it

4.Some qualities of your spouse do come out on in your babykins' face/behaviour which will always have a special awww factor in your heart

5.One's time, energy and sleep is rationed...Do you really want to spend it in needless fights & petty trivialities or do you want to extract the best you can from each day?

In my personal case, we didnt have a child for a long time so this was a painful spot in our marriage anyway...So we were really thankful when we did have ours... But I must admit, if my child came along earlier in my marriage, I may have been resentful because my career may have been affected but because of the delay, our child was truly wanted...So in conclusion, my marriage is better for having had mine.

Edited by navyaalex8 - 13 years ago

Quote

apoorna_a

@apoorna_a

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

Never expect a child to repair a broken relationship. It's only going to make matters worse for everyone. Sorry., our elders are obviously wrong on this one.

Quote

earth1978

@earth1978

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

my two cents :

why involve a child who is so vulnrable in something gross?

the relationship may or may not improve.

the old wisdom is based on the premise that woman and man wud fall in love with the child and do everything for him, her

but in reality how much do men care/

esp indian men jinko babies sirf khelate waqt achhe lagte hain.

it is usually the women who sacrifice even more to keep the marriage goig.

which nowadays is happenning less becuase of self sufficient women.

so marriage can break even with a child.

then what happens to the poor child.

when ever we fight , i feel sorry for my poor child. she gets scared.

so imagine how childrenw hose parents fight on a much serious note might feel.

children are so helpless , it breaks my heart.

Quote

Fatima

@Fatima_Q

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

A child is never the solution to a marriage going through difficulty.

I speak from my own personal experience of being that child. Having children never ended my parents' fighting...and only added to the resentment because of the additional burden of responsibility.

I always grew up wishing my parents would get a divorce...I hated the fighting and hated to have to choose between them...which both expected me to do...🤢

I would strongly suggest couples to get to know each other, be committed, and solve any and all problems before bringing another life into this world. I waited 5 years to have my first child...because I just wasn't ready.

I'm glad I waited...I make sure to let my children know everyday just how much they are loved and wanted.

Quote

.Ami.

@.Ami.

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: ummesulaiman
A child is never the solution to a marriage going through difficulty.

I speak from my own personal experience of being that child. Having children never ended my parents' fighting...and only added to the resentment because of the additional burden of responsibility.

I always grew up wishing my parents would get a divorce...I hated the fighting and hated to have to choose between them...which both expected me to do...🤢

I would strongly suggest couples to get to know each other, be committed, and solve any and all problems before bringing another life into this world. I waited 5 years to have my first child...because I just wasn't ready.

I'm glad I waited...I make sure to let my children know everyday just how much they are loved and wanted.

I agreed with you with lines in bold. It's been more than 2 years now since we got married. I'm screwed up between wish of my husband and MIL. My husband isn't ready for a kid while my MIL always emotional blackmailing me that she's getting older and wanna see face of his son's son/daughter whenever talk with her on phone. 🤣🤣

Quote

Equine

@Equine

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

if a couple is goin thru rough times, it's all th more reason for thm to not to have a child.

a child is not responsibl 2 make ur life better. rather, its ur responsibility 2 make ur child's life better.

Quote

idiotboxwatcher

@idiotboxwatcher

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

A big NO! Couldn't agree more with everyone out here on this one... our elders are wrong on this one.

A child is not a marriage maker... I have seen enough examples to support this one atleast. Divorce happening after the child is born or worse a couple forced to live a lie because of the children... meaning - keep fighting, keep pretending that fights are normal in marriage, don't even think of divorce because otherwise what will happen to the children?

Either way a bad marriage will have an ugly ending... with or without child.

Edited by idiotboxwatcher - 13 years ago

Quote

1 2

Will a child keep the marriage together?

Related Topics

Explore Topics