It is 1:30 in the morning here in USA and I could not sleep until I posted this.
I do not like Anita's entry like most of the you guys, so another positive spin on something that has put fear in me.
Hope you like it.
OS: Realization
Two day after coming face to face with his past Ahem stood by the window in his room, arm across his muscular chest, tiny smile on his face staring at the clear night and the full moon outside. The anticipation was killing him but he knew some things shouldn't be rushed. He has waited this long few more minutes won't matter. He wondered how she would react to his confession. The past two days have been an emotional roller coaster for him.
Two days ago he woke up with a new anticipation and happiness. His family had made it through another crisis and Baa's request to get her watch fixed had made his anticipation for rest of the day even sweeter.
FB.
The day had started out well; the crowd in the mall had given him a perfect excuse to be close to her. Then her fear of the escalator had given him another opportunity to not only touch her but to indirectly let her know he was there for her and will always be there for her. He realized he hadn't gotten too far with his assurance lately. Just when he thought everything was well between them she pulled the rug from under his feet leaving him wondering and baffled. The day before he had to ask her twice to sit next to him and today he had to ask twice to give him her hand, he just did not understand her hesitation. Things had looked better when her fear of moving steps made her tumble right into his arms giving him excuse to hold her close to his body. He had been lost in her simple beauty. She had smelled like a fresh flower, and the softness of her skin had made him want to stay on that escalator forever.
All good things come to an end, as the ride up the escalator had and later his pleasure at spending sweet moments with the person that owned his heart. When he heard the voice from his past he thought he was hearing things, but realized no he was not. When he turned towards the voice and saw the owner of that voice he felt as if his whole life had flashed in front of his eyes. Anita, his ex-girlfriend, was standing in front of him. She wore the same expression of shock and surprise that he was sure he wore on his face.
He didn't know how long they both stood like that in front of the door, too stunned to move. She had finally broken the spell by saying his name. "Ahem?"
"Anita, what are you doing here?"
Anita gave her signature smile. "This is my house Ahem." She gestured for him to enter and once he was inside she closed the door. They both felt awkward not because they still felt something for each other, but because they never got the closure they needed to move forward.
"How are you Anita?"
Anita looked at Ahem and wondered why she did not feel anything more than regret. Regret for the way she had behaved with him in those last few days before his marriage. "I am fine Ahem. How about you?"
Before he could answer there was a knock on the door. Anita moved to open the door and saw a petite woman standing in front of her with a pallu on her head. She recognized her instantly as Ahem's wife. The woman gave her a hesitant smile and said, "Jai Shree Krishna." Ahem did not give Anita chance to reply.
He rushed to the door, his whole attention on the woman in front of him. "Gopi, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
Anita saw the worry, tension and love clearly on his face. She realized she had ceased to exist for him soon as he heard the hesitant voice. Anita turned her attention to Gopi. She could clearly see the love and devotion in the shy girl's eyes. She realized they both loved each other to distraction but there was also distance and hesitation. She wondered why.
Gopi smiled up at Ahem. "Ahemji I am fine, I know you told me to stay in the car but Maji called and was worried you might be late getting to the office so I thought I would get the watch and catch rickshaw home so you can to straight to the office from here."
Ahem gave her a tender smile. "No worries Gopi, I will drop you home first then go to the office. I don't want you to take rickshaw." He turned towards Anita and hesitated. She smiled and handed the watch box to him, and he handed her the box he was holding.
Anita smiled at the couple. "Thank you for going out of your way to return the watch." Ahem nodded and Gopi smiled. They both bid Anita bye and turned to leave. Anita watched them go thoughtfully and then went back to join her friends.
Ahem had gone to the office after dropping Gopi at home. All the way to the office he had thought about his encounter with Anita and felt as though he had left things unsaid. He still had lingering guilt for hurting her year and half ago. He needed to apologize to her so he can finally have a closure on that part of his life. He wanted to move forward with Gopi, and he didn't want any lingering shadows of the past in his present life. He realized he needed this so he can honestly tell Gopi that he only loved her and no one else. He had once told her that he could never love her because he only loved Anita. Today he realized he hadn't really loved Anita, if he had he would have fought for her; he would have stood up for her, like he does for Gopi.
Once he was in the office he put everything aside and concentrated in work, only to be distracted by the morning spent in the mall with Gopi. At lunchtime his secretary buzzed him to let him know someone name Anita was on the phone for him. He told her to transfer the call. He frowned and let the phone ring two times before picking up. "Hello?" He said in a neutral tone.
"Ahem I am sorry for calling you at the office but I didn't have any other number for you." Anita said to him. "It's okay, was there something you needed?' For a minute he thought she hung up when he met with silence at the other end, then he heard her speak hesitantly. "Ahem I wanted to see you in private tomorrow. We didn't get a chance to talk earlier today, so I called to see if you could meet me for lunch tomorrow." Ahem hesitated, but agreed after thinking about it for a moment. He was thinking about clearing things with Anita anyway and this would be the best way to do it. They agreed to meet for lunch.
Next day Ahem sat at a corner table in one of the popular restaurant of Rajkot and waited for Anita to join him. He glanced at his wristwatch to make sure he was on time. Just as he was getting ready to dial Gopi's cell number he looked up to see Anita walking towards him. He stood up and waited for her to take the sit. Once they gave their orders the silence turned awkward. Again it was Anita who broke the silence.
"Ahem I didn't come here to cause trouble. I just wanted to clear things that were left unclear between us in the past." Ahem looked at Anita and nodded. "Actually I wanted to contact you also Anita." Now that she was sitting in front of him he didn't know what to say. He didn't want to hurt her further by apologizing for not loving her. Still he needed to start somewhere.
He looked at her. "Are you happy Anita?" She smiled widely. "Finally, I thought I was going to have to do all the talking. Yes as a matter of fact Ahem, I am very happy. I am getting married in two days." Ahem was relieved to hear her say this and smiled back. "Congratulations! Do you love him?"
He guessed she did by her smile and the sparkle in her eyes. He had never seen her this happy, not even when they were together. "Yes I am in love with him and he is in love with me." Her smile faded.
"Ahem I think you also have realized what we felt for each other was not love but infatuation. Am I right?" Ahem played with the spoon in front of him then looked up at her. "Anita I am really sorry for hurting you in the past. I realized that if I had loved you like I claimed to love you then nothing or no one could have stopped me from being with you."
Anita placed her hand on his compassionately. "Now you know what love is right?" She saw Ahem's smile fade and his eyes fill with pain. "Yes I do but I think I am too late in realizing this."
"Why do you say this? From what I saw yesterday your wife seems devoted to you. Her eyes were full of love for you." Ahem looked away in shame. "Yes she is devoted to me, but love, I think I killed whatever love she had for me long time ago."
Anita was taken back by his despondent look and frowned. "Why do you say this Ahem?" Ahem finally looked at her and decided to tell Anita everything that happened after his marriage.
When he finished telling her everything she sat back and nodded her head. "Yes I can see why you would think she stopped loving you, but I think she genuinely loves you and you really haven't told her anything yet. Have you tried talking to her?"
Ahem shook his head. "No, I wanted to tell her how I felt on Holi, but something happened that day and I can't remember half of what happened on that day and she has pulled away further from me since then and I don't know how to get her to tell me what I did to cause the pain I see in her eyes."
Anita leaned forward. "Ahem I think you need to tell her how you feel, I think you will be surprised by her response. I am glad you were able to move on Ahem. I just wanted to apologize to you for causing you pain when we parted and wanted to tell you that I am genuinely happy for you. I think your mom made the right choice for you. You and I would not have worked at all, but Gopi is a perfect life partner for you."
Ahem smiled when she said Gopi was perfect for him. "Thanks Anita, yes she is perfect for me in every way." Anita smiled at his smitten look.
She gave him a serious look. "In case you haven't yet figured out Kinjal may have been involved in the necklace incident with Umang's influence. That was the other thing I wanted to apologize for Ahem. Please believe me if I had known what my brother was up to I would have stopped him."
"It's okay Anita let it go. It's all in the past now. I am also glad you found your happiness and a perfect life partner for you." Ahem did not want to dwell on the past as far as his sister and her brother were concerned, but he also hated the fact that his own sister had a hand in ruining the start of his marriage.
They talked little longer and parted outside of the restaurant wishing each other a good life. Ahem had felt lot lighter after his talk with Anita. He was glad he was able to put the past behind him and look forward to the future.
Later that nigh he had been too lost in planning how he was going to confess to his wife to notice his mom's glares towards him. It wasn't until he went to her room later to tell her something that he realized his mom had seen him with Anita that day. She had blasted him for disregarding Gopi's feelings. It had taken him few moments to calm her and explain to her what happened. She had finally listened and said she did not want him to hurt Gopi again like he did in the past. He had promised her that he will never hurt her vahu again and that he was glad she chose Gopi for him. His mom had given him a proud smile and blessed him.
Ahem had wanted to go straight to his room and tell Gopi everything but to his surprise she was asleep already. He decided to wait to have his long awaited talk with her until the next day.
And now the moment has finally arrived. Ahem's ears picked up the sound of Payals and Bangles. He only had one small light burning in the room, he didn't want Gopi to avoid coming to the room until later by thinking she will distract him from work. He frowned when he heard Rashi call out to Gopi. He stood behind the slightly ajar door when Rashi said something to Gopi that stunned him.
"Gopi wait." Gopi turned towards her cousin and waited. "Ji Rashiben, did you need something?"
Rashiben smirked and Gopi realized her cousin was still upset with her. She braced herself to hear a hurting remark from her cousin. "Nahi Gopi I don't want anything from you. I just wanted to tell you soon you are going to feel the fear of losing the person you love the most, just like I told you the other day in the kitchen"
Gopi frowned at her cousin. "What are you talking about Rashiben?" She asked with confusion. "I am talking about the fact that Ahem jiju's ex-girlfriend is back and Kinjalben saw them together yesterday at lunchtime. No wonder his lunch was returned uneaten. Get ready to see this everyday now that she is back Gopi; now you will see how it feels to be insecure." Rashi said with a smirk.
"Rashiben I told you before also, I have left my faith in my Kanaji's hands. I am okay with whatever he has decided for me." Gopi said with a sad smile and sheen of tears in her eyes. "Ahemji was never mine and I know he will never love me. I also know that Anitaji is back and he met her yesterday. I heard him talking to maji last night."
Rashi was shocked, she had wanted to make Gopi realize what it felt to be always be sidelined. Her mother had called her earlier to let her know about Anita. She had heard Kinjal mutter the name that morning and asked who Anita was, but she had already known whom Anita was from the letter sent by Ahem to Gopi before the marriage. Her mother had gotten Kinjal to tell her what had made her mutter that name and Kinjal had revealed to Urmila about seeing her brother with Anita outside the restaurant yesterday. Her mother had called her to let her know so she could extract revenge on Gopi for threatening her few days ago.
Gopi turned towards her room but turned back towards Rashi. "Rashiben the other day you said my problem is that I have gotten everything and I don't know what it is like to always have fear of losing the things I have, but the truth is you are the one who has gotten everything but you just don't see it. You have a husband who loves you very much, and mother in law who loves you what more do you want? What do you fear losing?"
Gopi did not wait for Rashi's answer and walked towards her room.
Ahem staggered back to the sofa and sat down. How dare Rashi try to hurt Gopi after all that Gopi has done for her? He shouldn't be surprised at Rashi's selfishness but for some reason he was very surprised. What surprised him more was Gopi's lack of self-confidence. She hadn't batted an eye at knowing he had lunch with his ex-girlfriend. He was astonished by her humbleness. She never once thought she had the right to question him or expect him to love her. He had thought that in the past few months his actions had spoken for him but she never thought that what he had done for her was out of love. She still held on to the words spoken by him out of anger.
If he could go back in time he would take back every word he ever said to her in anger. He would take back all the insults and abuse he threw her way. He would stop himself before he raised his hand on her, but unfortunately what was done and said could not be undone or unsaid. All he could do is apologize and promise to never do it again. He waited for her to come out of the bathroom so he could start making up for all the pain he caused her in the past and tell her how much he loves her and tell her that he would not be able to live without her.
He waited for her to go towards the bed before calling out to her. He noticed she had not looked at him once or asked him why he was still up. "Gopi?" Ahem stood up and turned the bedside lamp on before looking at her. He could see that she had cried while she was in the bathroom and his heart clenched at unintentionally causing her more pain.
"Ji Ahemji, did you need something?" She had put on the pallu on her head when he turned to switch on the light. "Yes Gopi, I need to talk to you. Come sit with me." He said. He held out his hand and waited for her. She hesitated and looked down nervously. "Gopi come here, don't be nervous." She finally moved to the bed and sat down leaving huge gap between them.
Ahem sighed and stood up and moved close to her. He took her hand in his. "Gopi look at me." She looked up at him hesitantly but lowered her lashes to hide her eyes from him.
Gopi was trembling from head to toe. "Hey kanaji give me strength, please don't let me breakdown when he tells me he wants me out of his life." Gopi would not be able to bare the pain of him rejecting her again. "Ahemji I know about Anitaji's return. She is the woman we met yesterday right? The one you are in love with, the one you wanted to marry but I got in the way."
Ahem couldn't speak to save his life. She amazed him, she must be hurting from inside yet she still sounded calm. "I heard you talking to maji yesterday. I know she is getting married, but if you still love each other.." Gopi couldn't continue so she stopped and waited for him to tell her what he wants her to do.
Ahem felt his eyes sting looking at the amazing and courageous person in front of him. He hoped he was not too late in confessing his feelings to her. "Gopi she doesn't love me. She loves the man she is going to marry day after tomorrow." Gopi looked up at him sharply. "I am sorry Ahemji." Ahem was confused. "Why?"
"I know she is your first and only love and because of me you lost her." Ahem couldn't take it anymore. "Gopi please stop!" Ahem exclaimed. Gopi looked at him in surprise unable to hide the hurt in her eyes. Ahem cupped her face. "Gopi stop putting others needs before your own. Why don't you yell and scream at me for giving you so much pain?"
Gopi shook her head in denial. "I can't do that Ahemji."
"Why not?"
"Because I lo-" Gopi stopped before she could go any further. Ahem looked at her bent head. "Gopi I don't love Anita either. I love someone else." When she didn't say anything and continued to look down. "Aren't you going to ask me who I love?" She just shook her head, but he felt her tears on his hands.
"Gopi please look at me." He begged her; she finally looked up at him. "There is only one person I genuinely love and that is you. I have known this for a long time but did not say it to you. I only love you and no one else. What I felt for Anita was not love, it was infatuation; you are the one who showed me what real love is, what it feels like to be in love with someone." Gopi threw herself in his arms; he was not prepared for the impact of her slight body and fell back on the bed taking her with him. He wrapped her in his arms and let her cry her heart out. He soothed her by running his hand up and down her back.
He didn't know how long they stayed like that but once she stopped crying he took her chin in his hand and made her look at him. "Gopi please forgive me for causing you pain in the past, for not understanding you, for insulting you." Gopi placed her hand on his mouth to stop him. She just shook her head as fresh tears streamed down her soft cheeks. Ahem took her hand off of his mouth and kissed her palm. "Do you love me?"
She nodded her head yes. "More than my life Ahemji. I love you very much." Ahem hugged her to him. He realized this is not the first time he has held her like this; that this is not the first time they were in each other's arms in this bed. Ahem glanced at the Holi picture on the bedside table and knew more had happened on Holi, he just couldn't remember what.
He decided to ask her again. "Gopi I still don't remember what happened on Holi." Gopi stiffened, then relaxed and lifted her head to look at him. "You said you had flashes of memory, what do you remember?"
Ahem frowned trying to remember. "I had a flash of holding you in my lap and running after you with colors in my hand. After that nothing." Gopi laid her head on his shoulder. "I am sure you will remember soon."
"But what if I don't?" That made her look at him again. "If you don't remember by your birthday I will tell you." Ahem wanted to know now but didn't push her. He saw her hesitation and fear and didn't want to cause her more pain if he did something that had hurt her.
"Okay if that's what you want then I will wait. Now it is late, go to sleep." He pulled the blanket over them and wrapped her in his arms. He wanted to hold her close as he can and never let go.
That night Ahem dreamed about the Holi day and by the time he woke up in the morning he had remembered everything that happened on Holi. He couldn't wait to share it with Gopi, but decided to wait to tell her. Now that she knows how he feels about her it won't hurt her if he doesn't say anything for now.
He continued to get ready for office as he waited for her to bring him his green tea. He looked towards the door as soon as it opened and smiled. Gopi smiled back shyly and came towards him. He took the teacup from her hands and placed it on the table. He then snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her to him. He kissed her forehead and looked down at her. "Why didn't you wake me before going down to prepare breakfast?"
She hugged him back. "It was too early to wake you." She said simply. "Theek hai, but next time, don't leave without waking me. Now I want to ask you something." She looked up at him inquiringly. "If I remember what happened on Holi before my birthday what will you give me for a gift?"
Gopi smiled up at him confidently. "Anything you want." He raised an eyebrow. "Anything?" She nodded. "Okay I will hold you to it." He said. He gave her another kiss on the forehead before releasing her. He couldn't wait for his birthday to arrive. This birthday will be very special for him and her Ahem thought as he finished getting ready for office.
*~+~*
Thank you everyone. This is are my thoughts only, who knows what CVs have planned for us, but hope it is all positive and in Gohem favor.
P.S. Those who are waiting for Destiny update, I am working on it, but it may take a while to post, as my kitchen renovations start tomorrow and who know what next two weeks are going to be like. I apologize in advance.
CID
