ArHi OS: Reason for His Existence

He woke up groggily as the harsh sunlight hit his face ruthlessly, waking him up from his world of dreams filled by her laughter, her presence, dragging him into the harsh world of reality, where her absence was evident in every moment, wherever he looked. He pulled up the comforter that she had used, once so long ago, unwashed since her departure, hiding his face from the light. He desperately wished to escape the memories that were slowly returning to him with consciousness, as he awoke. But life seemed to decide that his punishment wasn't over yet, and willed him to another day of torture, another day of bereavement, another day without her here.

"Chotte, you have to wake up. You have a meeting with Mr. Sharma today," said a dull voice that mattered to him as much as she did. Di.

He sat up groggily, and opened his eyes, blinking, adjusting his vision to the brightness. He found Anjali sitting beside him, her eyes holding the same shallowness they have been for over a year. Her departure, and all the events associated with that, broke down the peace and accord of two families in the process.

His Di softly reminded him of his duties to the company that he'd singlehandedly brought up. He didn't protest, there was no strength left in him nowadays. Separating himself from the bed, he walked mechanically to the bathroom without a word to Anjali, only to stop as the same vision struck him again.

There she was, in all her glory, standing by the bathroom door. Hands crossed, she was leaning on the doorframe, smiling softly at him, a smile that he didn't deserve. She was dressed in yellow today. The same salwar she had worn when he had given her the only thing he had ever gifted her- those bangles that were now lying broken in his drawer.

He looked at her, knowing that she wasn't real, just a figment of his imagination, and yet couldn't help wishing for the hundredth time that she was. He'd given up questioning these visions he kept having of her that were a part comfort, and yet a part torture. At least they reminded him that she was out there somewhere.

She continued smiling at him, and this gave him the little strength he would require another day without her. With renewed energy, he stepped forward to face the world.

Mr. Sharma's lawyer droned on about the conditions he wished to set, while he bowed his head down, looking, but not quite seeing, the piece of paper set before him. He paid little attention to anything nowadays. In fact, if it wasn't for Aman who, in reality, ran the company along with Akash and Mamaji, AR Group would have collapsed. He was literally useless.

He had no wish to live anymore, really. Not since the day she left him, vowing to never return again. He contemplated on this, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. There she was again, this time in his favourite- the red sari from the photo shoot. Her hair was loose, just like that day, and more than anything, there it was' That all forgiving smile'

She smiled serenely, looking at him and then looking sideways at the lawyer, her eyebrows slightly raised' Coaxing him to pay attention. He sighed inaudibly, and conceded to her demand, listening to whatever the guy had to say.

He drove down the highway at 120mph, for a second, almost hoping that some force that controlled his fate would choose this moment to let the car go out of control. It would then be over within seconds' A whimper from the passenger sea caught his attention. There she was again, dressed in the magenta sari she wore on the initial day of their marriage, a terrified expression adorning her face, eyes as wide as saucers, pleading without words to slow down. She was terrified of speed, he remembered with a jolt. Without thinking about it, he slowed down.

It was late; no one was waiting up for him as he entered the building that was once a house. His home. The ghosts of a happier past still wandered the corridors of this place, but it wasn't reality, just an illusion, like her. She'd said she would take nothing of his when she left, but she was lying. She had taken one of the most important things in his life along with her- his family's happiness.

He made his way upstairs, not bothering to eat, but was stopped in his tracks, his foot in the air, by the sound of those familiar tinkling laughter of those anklets, one of which he'd been in possession of for a while, a lifetime ago. Turning, he found her yet again, this time dressed in his favourite pink salwar from Akash and Payal's mehendi, when he had kissed her for the first time. She had an endearing pout on her face, and on seeing that he wasn't moving down towards her, she climbed up to him, caught his hand, and tugged him to the kitchen, towards the cooled down food. Giving in, he stepped up to take a plate.

When he'd finished picking at his food and chucking the rest in the waste, he made his way up to his room, only to find the two people left in his life that he cared for as much as he cared for her asleep on the bed. His Di must have been up waiting for him, he thought, as he picked up a sleeping Raina in his arms. The only thing worth living for in his life was now Raina. She was the reason he got up each morning, willing himself to face another day.

Lying down upon the recliner by the poolside with Raina dozing off against his chest, he looked up at the starry cloudless sky. Without having to search too far, he found the three stars he'd been looking for.

"Daddy?" Raina stirred against him.

"You're up?" he asked as he looked down at her sleepy smile.

She nodded sleepily.

"When did you get back from your Nani's house?"

"This afternoon. Chachu came to pick me."

"Did you have fun?"

"Yeah. Badi Bua told me a lot of stories. Can we talk to Mamma before I fall asleep again?"

He smiled. A simple daily ritual meant so much to her.

He looked up at the third star among the group of three.

"Hi, Khushi," he said.

"Hi, Mamma," he heard his daughter say to the woman she never met, the woman who died giving birth to her, but who she knew had loved her even without knowing her.