Hi friends. This os is about aham's feeling if gopi ignores him. I always felt that aham got it easy with gopi. but it is time for him to suffer. So this is about gopi's reaction to aham's partial memory loss. Sorry I got a bit carried away and it ended up long. Hope you all like it.
Nobody loves me kanaji, not even you. Why did you do this to me?
Aham froze midway when he heard these words. It was nothing new that she was talking with her kanaji. But these heart breaking words stopped his heart. What is she talking about? He knew gopi was upset since he scolded her, but never expected her to think that he never loved her. His inner voice said: idiot did you tell her you loved her. But I was showing it in all my actions. Not wanting to embarrass her, he left to his room. But her words kept haunting him. He could not see her during dinner, which was rashi affair, so by the time she reached their room he was impatient.
It took him a few times to break her concentration. Her eyes were expressionless and sad to the core.
Gopi is everything okay?
Ji
Is there any problem
No
He was taken aback by her monosyllable. Without another word, she changed and went to sleep, leaving a shocked aham. Recently they had started the habit of wishing each other good night and talking till they sleep. But gopi just turned her back to him and went to sleep.
The ring of alarm woke a disoriented aham. It took him a few minutes to realize that he was woken up by an alarm and not gopi. She had never done that. His anger got the better of him. She was going to pay for this. Even before he could make a move, he found his clothes laid out on the bed and meethi entering with his green tea. When questioned meeti informed that gopi bhabhi was busy in the kitchen so she sent the green tea. Aham realized that gopi was avoiding him. This made him angrier. Oh she avoids me since I scolded her. Well let us see who wins. If she avoids me even I can do that. No one avoids me and goes off easily. Within a couple of days she will come begging for my attention. I will take care of her then. With a huff he left for his work.
It was nearly a week and aham was very miserable. He had never been like this in his whole life. His actual plan was to tease gopi by avoiding her. He was sure; she will find one way or other to talk with him and was waiting to use the opportunity. But she ignored him perfectly well. Since she knew his schedule, each and every detail of his was taken care of without being with him. Even if they come face to face, she just stared at him. More than that she looked straight into his eyes which she never did. He could not bear to see her like that. He felt as if all his life force has been drained. Gone was his shy smiling gopi who looked up to his approval for everything. It was replaced by a stone hearted stranger whom he did not like. He had been breaking his head thinking what had gone wrong. He knew he can never hate her. There was a time when her mere presence made him blow like a volcano. But he had realized that she was too precious to be hated and he was a fool for not recognizing it soon. He was making his moves to close the distance between them. When he was sure of his success here he was banging his head at a brick wall she had erected.
As planned he woke up just in time to catch her leave their room. She had been doing it perfectly, leave the room before he wakes up, serve him breakfast, look after his needs and come to bed as late as possible. No eye locks, no smile, not even a small emotion on her face. He called out gopi. All she did was hesitate a second, but proceeded to go out. Aham sprang up and caught her. He slammed her to the cupboard. His anger took over him
Just what do you think you are doing? Why are you avoiding me?
Gopi looked down.
When I question you, I expect an answer.
I was busy.
Even before you used to be busy, but you never avoided me. aham took a deep breath and sighed. He said in a soft tone. Gopi is sorry. He eyes flashed back to him. I know you are hurt because I scolded you. I was irritated that I forgot the job mom gave me and what happened during holi. And the headache was splitting. I did not do it intentionally. Please don't avoid me
Aham felt gopi stiffen. Her already blank face went cold. Aham waited for her reply. When she remained silent he urged: gopi say something. Say what wrong I did?
Before she could say anything they heard someone at their door and found jigar standing there with a grin. Aham backed off slowly. Jigar looked at gopi saying: I m sorry about the timing bhabhi. I will come back later. Gopi gave him a small smile: it is alright devarji, I m on my way to the kitchen. You want something.
No bhabhi I want to talk with bhai.
All the time aham's eyes never left her face. He was wondering, what happened to her? Where are those blushes, those shy looks at him? She looked unconcerned about being found together by jigar. Her answer to jigar was neutral revealing nothing. Jigar broke his thoughts: bhai I have something for you.
He gave him a gift wrapped package. Open it
Jigar I m in no mood for all this.
Comeon bhai open it. you will love it
Aham opened it to find a framed picture of him and gopi during holi. He had no idea when it was taken. Jigar was bursting with enthusiasm. Oww bhai you two look made for each other. You could not keep your eyes off bhabhi. By the way bhai did you color bhabhi.
Aham gave him a small nod realizing so this is why she is upset, that I did not color her. He could remember trying to color her but being interrupted. Well he has to make amends for that. Finally seeing a ray of hope aham left for office. It took all his years of experience to concentrate on his work. His mind kept wandering back to gopi. He had ordered a beautiful ring for her. So tonight he will make amends for not playing holi with her. He kept on imagining her shy smile and the sparkling eyes. He sighed thinking how terribly he missed those. His life without gopi's smile was like a life without sunshine.
With bubbling emotions he waited for her. He waited till she completed her daily routine and called gopi come here. She hesitated a bit but gave a small shrug and came near him. He gave her the box with the ring: this is for you. All his dreams of seeing her happy came down crashing. She looked squarely at his eyes sayng: I don't want this ahamji.
What are you saying?
I don't want this and please don't buy things for me again.
Before he could react they were interrupted by kokila who wanted to know why the lights were still on. Gopi made the first move. Maaji can I ask you something?
Ji gopi vahu.
Maaji, who, ahamji has an important meeting in a couple of days. My presence in the room distracts him. So can I sleep in your room till then.
Teek chi gopi vahu. Actually aham ki papa is also not there. So come along.
Gopi left with not even a back glance. aham sat on the bed thinking what was that? He had thought of bringing back her smile but ending in hurting her more. It was for the first time her realized that something has gone wrong. Something that he could not remember. Something which had hurt her so deep that it needed both words and actions to heal. What did I do? Thousand questions broke in his mind. He closed his work and lay down. Slowly he drifted to sleep.
He was in the holi ground. He was trying to color gopi. Then he followed her inside. Ah the touch of her soft cheeks. Her closeness. He was chasing her somewhere. Her laughter was infectious. He had never seen her laugh so open hearted. Finally the fall on the bed.
Aham woke up sweating. Was this just a dream or all this happen? If this was a dream what could he not give to make it happen? If it happened then how did he forget? He realized that his lost memory of holi had something to do with gopi's behavior. He knew that gopi will not say anything. Then he had the flash of this memory. A couple of day's earlier he had walked inside his room to find gopi applying medicine on her hand. He could see that she had mild pain. He rushed to her side offering to help. Gopi decline point blank. I can take care of myself ahamji. Do you want something? She did not like the mere touch of his. His heart was crying for his sweet gopi. He knew she was upset because of him, because she acted normal with others. Whom to ask? Maybe the pictures of jigar may hold some answers. He decided to clear this misunderstanding.
The following days held more surprises. First he found gopi on the way to the market. When he offered her a ride, she refused saying that maaji might be angry. When he was stubborn and insisted she accepted. All his attempts to make her talk failed. She looked sad and forlorn. He wanted to erase those worry lines on her forehead. But she was aloof from him. She could write a book about avoiding people. He never thought that gopi could be this smart. On reaching the market aham took her hand into his: gopi please say what is hurting you. I cant bear to see you like this. I hate those expressionless eyes and you cold stare. If I had done something unintentionally forgive me. aham felt gopi flich at his touch. She slowly pulled her hand: ahamji you are blocking the traffic. I will be back soon.
She once again left a shocked aham. So much for trying to come close to her, to understand her problem. Second, he stumbled upon rashi and gopi's conversation. Rashi was irritating her with lots of nonsense. He felt his anger rise at her for treating his gopi like that. But gopi did not need his rescuing. She just cut rashi: rashi ben you have made it clear earlier out the concept of your family and my family. I would be happy if you keep off from my life. I know how to handle it.
Aham could not believe his ears and rashi's expression was worth the watch. By each passing day the holi dreams were becoming clear and clear. Aham was stunned to see the holi pictures. Never in his life had he danced. And he was mesmerized by the love and glow in gopi's eyes. Where has it gone now? What did he do to make those love filled eyes become emotionless? He wanted to bring them back, no matter what happens. Finally he located that random picture where he was following gopi towards their house. So it was true. His dream was real. But how come he had forgotten the most cherish able memory of his life. When he tried confronting gopi again, she merely said that she was tired and had lots of work, so she was going to bed. He even thought of seeking his mom's help. But the expression he might face stopped him. He was frustrated. Hell being the best businessman. He could not solve his problem with his wife. But this also thought him few lessons.
Gopi's cold treatment showed him her pain. He realized what she had gone through when he ignored her. It was heartbreaking to love someone and not get reciprocated. Now all he wanted was to destroy their past sorrow and build a new beginning. Gopi had built a new wall around her. She was always alert for his presence and ready for an escape. It was nearly a month since holi, aham was beyond tolerance these days. His employees were terrified of him. He was like a ticking bomb about to blast any time. Even jigar was puzzled by his behavior. Aham was becoming sure that something happened during holi. The image of him waking up in his vest and shorts, the disarray of their room spoke volumes. He had also remembered the joy in gopi's eyes, the way she had dressed up that night. It was only after he shouted at her that she become cold and distant avoiding him.
To his joy, it was gopi who gave him answers to their problem. On night as usual he sat on the sofa watching her. He had been doing it a lot these days. It was good to see her calm face. But occasionally a tear would drop from her eyes. He had to refrain from disturbing her. He felt gopi mumble in her sleep. Unable to control himself she sat next to her and caressed her hair. In a low broken voice gopi was saying: why did you do this to me ahamji. I thought you love me. you destroyed the most beautiful moment of our life. A tear rolled down her face. Aham was sure about what happened. Her words collaborated his dream. No it was not a dream but a suppressed memory. He had made love to gopi on holi and had forgotten. But she thought that he regretted it. No way. How could he regret it? All he hoped was to remember it. But now he knew the real reason he was not going to backoff.
The next morning he confronted her. He sent meeti back saying he wanted gopi immediately to find something. Gopi came with a weary look in her eyes. She had these expressions lot more on her face. The moment she entered he closed and locked their door.
Ahamji I have lots of work. Could you please tell why you wanted me?
I m not sorry.
What?
I m not sorry for what happened during holi. But I m sorry that I could not remember exactly what happened.
Gopi looked at him: I know you will say this ahamji. But please don't worry about it. I have got over it. I will not trouble you anymore
Gopi are you not listening to what I m saying. I m saying that I don't regret that we made love. Infact I had wanted to do so for some time. But it is frustrating to thing how I could forget something so important.
Because you did not mean it ahamji. You were overcome by the atmosphere of holi.
Aham starred back. Is this his gopi? Oh god what had he done to make her like this?
There will be no problems too ahamji. We cant go one living like this. I know you slipped for a moment. I will make sure it will not happen again. I m planning to talk with maaji. I will go to nani's place for a few days and then decide what to do.
Aham shouted: nooo. You will not do such a thing. What did you think that you can leave me and I will watch you go? No way. I will drag you back.
Ahamji calm down. I know you are trying to say the correct thing. No need for that. It does nt hurt anymore. I have learnt to strengthen myself. Tears broke from her eyes. What else could I do? I had always hoped to get your love one day. But I don't want to be an unwanted wife.
Gopi turned to leave, when aham pulled her towards him: gopi are you mad. I want you with me. I love you with my heart. Don't do this to me. I will never allow you to leave me.
Saying this he kissed her. He tried to put everything he felt about her in his kiss. He broke his kiss when he felt that she did not respond.
Ahamji you are attracted to me physically. It is not enough for a marriage to last long. Please don't make this hard. My heart has been broken into thousand pieces there is nothing more to be broken. And I don't have the courage and strength to face more disappointments
She drew away from him and left the room. For the first time in his life aham was left clueless about his next action. Unknown to him fate had other plans. Gopi was trembling. all her thoughts wer jumbled. His kiss had brought back those memories she had tried to forget. How many days she had waited for her husband's love? The thought that he had forgotten something special they had shared was unbearable. She had been thinking about going away from his life before it is too late. Knowing that he wanted her physically but did not love her was dreadful. She felt it morally insulting to accept something like that. Tears blinding her eyes, she did not know that she had reached the terrace. Rashi's voice brought her back to earth.
Mummy it is all your fault. Who asked you to bring that bhang laddu. Now you have forgotten were you put the bag.
Gopi blinked back her tears. What is rashi ben saying? Bhang laddu. Mamiji brought bhang laddu. Oh god what has she done. She herself had given a laddu to ahamji and he had a couple of them stuffed in his mouth by his friend. Discreetly she stepped back to recollect herself. So this is why ahamji had forgotten their special moments. Now all his words were playing back in her head. What had she done? She had not only broken her heart but his too. No matter what she must clear this misunderstanding. Hoping that she was not too late gopi raced back to their room. It was a relief to see him there. Her heart twisted to see him in such misery. To think that she was the reason made her sadder
Ahamji
Aham looked at her
Ahamji you had bhang that day.
What?
I just heard rashi ben saying that mami brought bhang laddu for holi and you had one too many.
So?
This is why you had headache and forgetfulness.
So?
I wanted to tell you what happened on that day. Slowly as if it was even painful to remember she narrated what happened between them. At one stage, she stopped and looked down. Aham stood up and came near her. Gopi I m sorry that I had hurt you.i m sorry that I did not remember our first time together. But I will never regret it. I had fallen in love with you lond back. But I did not have the courage to say it. I was afraid that you might not feel the same way. Maybe bhang gave me the right courage to speak my mind out. So do you feel the same way about me?
Ji, why else would I give myself to you?
Aham hugged her tightly: gopi this is why you are so special. You have such a large heart. You forget and forgive easily. These past days were hellish. I missed you gopi. I missed you smile and the love in your eyes. I promise that I will not be such a jerk in future. I don't want to see any more tears in your eyes. The thought that I had hurt you but what or how was killing me. I will shower your life with all the happiness in the world. In return I want you to promise me something else/
What is it ahamji?
I want you to love me no matter what. I want you to never leave me or talk of leaving me again.
I never stopped loving you ahamji. As for leaving why would I, when all I want is to be with you.
This time when aham pulled her for a kiss, he felt her respond with all love and passion. He was happy that he had finally found a way to bring back the smile and sparkle in her eyes and in their life.
this is not even 1%of suffering that i want aham to undergo. it will need a FF for me to do that. i just hope the CVs think something quick and bring back goham together.
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