Sorry for the late update guys, i was busy all week and when i had time to write the update i was jst being lazy :P But here it is, this is basically a chapter on Armaan and his feelings since later on in the FF it will mainly be on Riddhima i thought to let you guys have more of an insight on Armaans thoughts :) It's kind of short😆
Chapter 11
"Hello?" He groaned in to the phone, raising his head from the pillow, his eyes half closed. He glanced to the side to see the alarm clock reading 9:45am. Shit, he was late for Uni! But who would be calling him at this time?
"Erm hello, Armaan? It's me Anjali speaking." He sat up on the bed in a flash, was something wrong? Was Riddhima hurt?
"Hey what is it? Did something happen to Riddhima? Isshe worse? Has she woken up yet?" Anjali chuckled softly at his bombardon of questions.
"She's fine Armaan." He sighed in relief, "Actually I wanted to ask you for a favour."
"Yeah sure, what do you need? By the way, how did you get my number?" he asked confused.
"Oh I found your number in Riddhima's phone, whilst she was sleeping," He was shocked, Riddhima still had his number? He had expected her to delete it by now, he was confused but he then realised Anjali was still speaking to him and decided to ask her about it later, "Armaan could you come over and look after Riddhima for today? I know you have Uni but I need to go to work today early and I wont be back till late so I need someone to keep checking up on her just in case."
"Of course, I was going to call in sick to Uni anyway for Riddhima, I guess I'm taking a day off too, I won't miss much."
"Thank you, Armaan."
"No problem, Anjali. What time shall I be there?"
"I need to go to work in about half an hour so can you be here by then?"
"Yeah sure, I come ASAP. Bye." He cut off the phone after hearing her good bye and got up to take a shower. He quickly cleansed himself and got ready within 20 minutes. He stepped out of his room to see the house empty, and walked out of the house to his car and drove to Riddhima's. He rang the bell, and Anjali opened the door with a smile. They greeted each other with a hug and Anjali went in to the kitchen to grab her purse.
"Riddhima is sleeping, I gave her some medication to keep her like that, she needs all the rest she can get. If there are any issues, call me okay? Thanks for doing this." She said walking towards the front door.
"No need to thank me, im happy to help." He said truthfully, he really wanted some time to think by himself and this was the perfect opportunity. Anjali smiled at him warmly and waved good bye as she drove out of the drive way to work.
Armaan closed the door and sighed, he was alone now, in an empty house, with Riddhima. He never thought that would happen, not even back then. He took his phone out of his pocket to ring the University so he could let them know of their absence. Obviously he had lied saying he was away for family business and Riddhima was ill with flu, but the damn reception lady wouldn't take it for an answer. She kept on bringing up how she needed to hear it from a parent, he tried to tell her that they weren't there right now but the woman was one stubborn lady. So after 10 minutes of arguing, swearing, persuasion, it ended up with him telling her to screw it and slamming the phone down. The reception Lady looked at the phone stupefied, ouch.
He sighed frustrated, knowing he was going to get a long lecture tomorrow by the Head teacher. He leaned against the kitchen counter and ran his hands through his hair, and then he remembered that Riddhima was upstairs sleeping, all alone. He walked up the stairs, and quietly opened the door to her bedroom. He saw her laying there on the bed, on her side, sleeping oblivious to the world around her. He heard her breathing in and out lightly, snuggling more in to the blanket. He walked up to her and caressed her hair, smiling. he put the blanket properly over her so she wouldn't get cold, receiving a moan from her as she turned to her other side trying to find a comfortable spot with a frown on her face. He noticed her arm where he saw the blood yesterday was now clean but was red around the area and swollen.
He sighed, this was not how it was meant to be, he wasn't supposed to be like this, Riddhima wasn't supposed to be like this. But this was not her, it was a completely different person, he could hardly recognise anymore. She changed so much, physically, emotionally, socially; this was just someone else who had her face. This was just a mask, a mask to cover her real self, her happy old self, the one he was trying so hard to find and get. She was just going to be difficult, she was difficult; she always had been, even back then. But that was different, she had been difficult in a good way, she was difficult so she would never turn like this, but now, she was difficult so she wouldn't be like her old self again. Turning in to this is easy, but turning back' That is a challenge. It's a test, to see if she is strong enough to turn back, to see if he is strong enough to turn her back. It was a test of their friendship. It was real, their friendship was real, and it still was. He just had to show it. Prove that this wasn't her, that she hated being like this, make her see sense. Make her realise the truth that she was stopping herself from seeing. The truth that she was in pain. The truth that she needs someone, someone to be there for her, someone to help her get through this. The truth that giving herself physical pain wouldn't get rid of the pain emotionally. It was still in there, he just had to get it out. Let her release it all, once she did, he would be able to help her properly. Help her take the route back, realise her mistakes, help her get past through the guilt of it, help her face the past, help her move on from it all. And start it all fresh once again. Help her make a new Riddhima, the one that she would be happy with, not one that would make others happy, one that made her feels satisfied with herself. This was the plan.
He walked back to the door, looking back at her before closing the door leaving it slightly open so he would be able to hear her if she woke up. He walked downstairs to the kitchen and made himself some toast since he was hungry. He walked in to the living room and put on the TV, sat back, and started to eat his toast. He put on Match of the Day, hoping to catch up on some football which he missed, but as much as he tried, he couldn't help but put turn the TV off every now and then, so he could hear if Riddhima had woken or not. After watching an hour of TV, well not exactly an hour since he kept on turning it on and off, he walked upstairs to check up on her.
He entered her room to see her sleeping with a slight frown on her face, he moved towards her grimaced noticing her face looked paler than before. He sat on the bed and out the back of hid palm on her forehead, she was burning up. Riddhima whimpered, turning her face to the side, looking like she was in pain. Immediately, he fished through his pockets for his phone, and dialled Anjali's number, he waited for a few rings and finally she picked up.
"Hello?"
"Anjali, thank God. I need your help, Riddhima is getting worse, I think she has a fever or something."
"Woah, Armaan calm down. Does she have a high temperature?" she asked.
"Yeah. And her body is pale white and whenever she moves she moans like she's in pain." Anjali stayed quiet for a second in deep thought, leaving a scared Armaan waiting for a solution.
"Okay Armaan, listen to me. I can't come right now, because I'm at work, so you're gonna have to take special care of her till I get back. Get some towels from the bathroom and soak them in cold water, keep putting it on her forehead and every time it goes warm soak it again. Make sure she is sleeping straight so she doesn't feel uncomfortable, and put an extra blanket on her to keep her warm, she cant get cold Armaan, it will make things worse. Just keep doing that till I get back, I will leave early but I don't know when. Can you remember what to do?"
"Yeah erm I think," He fumbled, his mind troubled for only Riddhima. "Thanks." He cut off the phone and ran to the bathroom to get some towels and then to the kitchen to get a bowl of cold water. He came back and put the towel and bowl on the side table and then made her sleep straight, trying his best not to hurt her, and covered her fully with a blanket. He sat beside her, and dipped the towel in the cold water and squeezed the water out so it wouldn't drip. She shivered slightly as he placed the towel on her forehead, she was breathing heavily because of her fever. He repeated the action again when the towel was no longer cold, which happened very quickly since she was very hot. He smoothed it out on her forehead; he noticed she was sweating a little. He loosened the blanket a little but didn't take it entirely off her, he moved to the sofa on the side of the room to give her some space. He sighed seeing her perfectly still, pale.
She was so weak, physically and emotionally. But she never showed it. No, she hated showing people her weak side, he knew that very well, she hardly ever showed it to him either. Bt whenever she did, she never made it obvious, no one would realise that that was her weakness, unless they knew her as well as he did. He knew everything about her, well he thought he did. She told him everything, yet she didn't, she had secrets. He had secrets, ones that they could not tell one another. Not now anyway, not after everything that had happened, it was just too late. Hopefully one day they could tell each other what they feel, what they think, what they are. He hoped that one day wouldn't come too late though, because then only God would be able to help them. He never really believed in God, after all that had happened to him, he lost his faith in HIM, whenever he was in the time of need, God was nowhere in sight to help him through it. He didn't hate God, no he couldn't hate something that he didn't believe in anymore. He now believed that you make your life the way it is, no one controls it, and wherever you end up, that was by your actions, not God's.
Looking at Riddhima now made him think, did she believe in God also? Did she have faith in something that could've created her like this? Or did she lose hope which resulted in her becoming like this? Did she believe in anyone anymore? He already knew the answer, she was too scared. She wouldn't bring that wall down around her to let her believe in anyone. She didn't want to believe in anyone anymore. But why? What had happened to her that made her lose everything? This question came back to him every so often, and yet he couldn't think of a reason. He didn't know like that anymore. The day he walked out on their friendship, was the day he walked out on her and everything to do with her. He lost his chance, he did this to himself. He had lost her. But he got another chance, was it because of God? Did God give him another chance or did he just do the right thing that gave him a second chance? Was God real? Was He there to help him? Or was he just doing this all himself? Was Riddhima bringing his faith back? Or did he bring himself back to Riddhima? Was this all meant to be? Or was it another test for them? Was this friendship? Or was it something else? The most fearful question running was, was he going to be able to do this? Did he have enough trust in himself to not fail this challenge? Would he fail himself and Riddhima? Would he be able to bring everything back to normal? Yet nothing could be normal again, not like before, too much had happened to erase everything. And some things he couldn't bring back. Her parents, the safe gate she had around her before all this had happened, that was all gone. He wouldn't be able to make her feel completely safe and stable as before, she had too many scars on her. He wouldn't be able to make their friendship like before, because it had been broken once, they both didn't have that much trust in it to believe it wouldn't happen again. He wished he could reverse time, and she had not gone to India. Nothing would've changed. would it? Even if she stayed in England, would this all have happened still? Would their friendship been stronger or weaker? Would everything be different now? Would she still be the old Riddhima? Would he have been the old Armaan? Some things are left unanswered, and will remain unanswered.
He woke up hearing a cry; he looked around frantically and saw Riddhima moving around in the bed. He hadn't realised he had fell asleep on the sofa. He got up and groaned feeling the pain approach on his neck and shoulder. He ran to Riddhima, trying to hold her still as she kept on fidgeting, it seemed like she was having a nightmare.
"Shh Riddhima, it's okay. Calm down." He soothed her, even though she wouldn't be able to hear him, he hoped she would sense it and calm down. And she did, after embracing her and rubbing her back, she calmed down breathing heavily, still unconscious though. She trembled moaning in pain and fear. She was scared because of the nightmare. What could it have been about? Was it about her? Him? Her parents? He heard her whimper mumbling something, starting to fidget again. He caressed her hair, shushing her softly to relax her.
"Let him go. Please leave him alone." She cried almost inaudibly, but he heard. He? Who was he? And why was Riddhima trying to him? Was it just a dream or did it mean something? Was he supposed to know who he is? Was he a villain in Riddhima's life, or a hero? And what connection was there between Riddhima and him? He would have to find out later but for now Riddhima was his first priority.
"It's okay Riddhima. No one is going to hurt him. He's safe." He whispered to her knowing that he must be important to her if she was dreaming about him. Riddhima stopped moaning and started to breath less heavily now, as if she heard him. Armaan sighed in relief realising she back in to her deep, dreamless sleep again. He put her back down on to the bed properly, and moved off it to give her some space. He looked at the clock on the wall, it was only 3oclock, Anjali wouldn't be home until a few more hours.
He kneeled down in front of her, watching her. He noticed all the piercings on her face, and the red marks they left around the piercing hole. Her face was pale as usual, but was it because of the makeup only, or was she just naturally that colour. The glow she had on her face was now nowhere in sight, it disappeared, she was drained. Under that mask she put on, there was nothing, she felt nothing. He knew that. He wished he could just snap his fingers and she would be back to normal, but no, this was something he could not do. This was something she was going have to do herself. He couldn't and wouldn't force her to change herself, it would help anyone, all he could do is wish she sees sense and do it all herself. Which he hoped would be soon because it would make it all much easier. For him, for her sister, for herself. It counted on Riddhima now. Not Armaan, no he was there to help her along the way, push her when she needs it, but in the end Riddhima is the only one that could change herself. Because no one owned her. No one could force her, you can't force a person to do something, no, you could push them to do it until they did but in the end it's their choice. Now it was Riddhima's turn to make her choice. And that was another thing no one could force her to do, to choose. She didn't have to choose anything; she could do whatever she wanted. But wasn't that a choice too? Everyone makes a choice everyday sometimes without even realising it; did she know she made these choices? Did she realise the impact these choices had on him? On her sister? Did she even care? Did she feel anything? If he looked at her two weeks ago, he would've said no but now he was stumped. She was too hard to understand.
He heard his stomach growl and realised he was hungry. He went downstairs, leaving the door of her room slightly open, and got out some pasta to cook. He sat in front of the TV and as before he put the volume low so he could hear any noise from her room. But he wasn't interested, yet again. Riddhima was on his mind, still. He could help but think about her, whenever he tried to stop, it frightened him. As if he would lose her. But he had already lost her, so if he never thought about her it would be as if she never existed to him. He didn't want that, he was scared to lose her more than he already had. If he had any part of her left of course. Did she disconnect herself completely from him? Was there any part of her still yearning for their friendship as much as he was? Did she still trust him? Did she still have hope in him? Only she could show him the answer, not tell but show. People say actions speak louder than words; in this case it was true. Riddhima was a good liar. She could easily tell him she trusted him and he could believe her but she could never show it. But now she had to show it, to let him know where they stand. Did they even stand anywhere at all? Was it over for them? Did they stand a chance? They needed it. He needed it. It was the only way to make her happy once again. She wasn't happy, but she wasn't sad either. She was emotionless. She kept her heart locked up so tight, that to others it seemed like she didn't have one. But she did, you need a heart to survive. She needed one as much as the rest do, but she just denies it.
He went back up to check on her again, he couldn't leave her alone for too long it was irresponsible and worrying, to see her sleeping soundly. He walked up to her and placed the back of his palm against her forehead, her temperature had gone down. His lips curved up slightly in relief that she was getting better.
"Armaan?" He heard the door downstairs close and some footsteps walking up the stairs. He turned to face the door to see Anjali walking in. "Hey, how is she?" she whispered.
"She's better, her fever is going, hopefully by tomorrow she will be fine." Anjali nodded at his report, "What are you doing home? I thought you weren't coming home till late."
"Oh yeah, my boss had to go somewhere suddenly so I got to leave early. How was today? Did anything happen?" He knew she was asking about Riddhima, if there were any problems, but should he tell her? Should he tell her about her nightmare? Ask her who he was? She might know who the person was, but something stopped him. Was the invisible trust that he thought Riddhima had on him? Or the fear of her sister getting more tension than she already had.
"No. Nothing. She did get a little worse after a while but she calmed down." He wasn't lying, but he wasn't exactly telling the truth either. For now it would do. Luckily for him she didn't ask on it any further.
"Okay, do you want anything to eat?" He shook his head, "Let me do her check-up to see how she is." She went up to Riddhima, with her kit and starting checking her heartbeat, blood pressure etc. After about 10 minutes she put it away. "She's better now, it's amazing how well she has gotten in one day. Thank you Armaan for looking after her so well."
"No thank you necessary, I'm glad I could help, do you need me to stay to look after her more or anything else?" He asked politely.
"No I think I can look after her now. You must be tired, go home and have some rest; you've been up since nearly 10." She said worried. Before Armaan could protest, a yawn came out of his mouth on its own accord, leaving an embarrassed Armaan and triumphant Anjali.
"Fine I guess I should go home and rest for a while. I will come back later on."
But Anjali frowned, "No Armaan, seriously you done enough. Go home and rest," She protested. Not enough to bring back Riddhima though, he thought. "You can come back tomorrow if you want." He sighed in defeat and nodded.
He gave her a hug and glanced back at Riddhima once more before leaving. He drove his way to anywhere but home. Tomorrow it was going to begin; tomorrow would be a new day and the day he officially started his mission, one which he was going to complete.
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Love Zarqaa
Edited by cant.be.assed. - 13 years ago
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