I've often wanted to drown my troubles,
but i can't get my wife to go swimming!
******************************************************
A husband and wife stepped up to view the body of his mother-in-law. As he began to cry, his wife punched him and said: Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway. I know he replied, I thought I saw her move!
*******************************************************
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your newcar.
*******************************************************
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
********************************************************
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island.
One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes.
All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each.
The brunette said, "I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened.", and poof her wish was granted.
The redhead said, "I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened.", and poof her wish was granted.
Then the blond said, "I wish my friends were here with me."
********************************************************
The doctor took Dan into the room and said, "Dan, I have some good news and some bad news."
"Oh, no. Give me the good news, I guess," Dan replied.
"They're going to name a disease after you."
****************************************
One April Fools Day, when I was about 15 or 16, I told my mom I was pregnant. It was really funny to see her reaction, but I got in major trouble when I told her I was joking. Some people just don't appreciate a good joke...
*****************************************
My son is so lazy he hates emptying the trash in the recycle bin on his computer.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
