'Knock! Knock!'
'Whose there?'
'Luke.'
'Luke who?'
'Luke through the key-hole and find out!'
* * *
There was once a man from Perth,
Who was born on the day of his birth,
He was married, they say
On his wife's wedding day,
And died when he quitted the earth.
* * *
A diner while dining at Crewe
Found a rather large mouse in his stew
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
And wave it about
Or the rest will be wanting one, too."
* * *
A woman once visited a party
Pretty and cute, she dressed smartly
Too much coke she slurped
And loudly she burped
'I wonder who did that!' she said tartly
How does a motorbike laugh?
Yama-ha-ha
* * *
"Have you heard about the idiot that goes around saying, 'No'?"
'No."
"Oh! So it's you!"
* * *
"What's the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?"
"No. What?"
"Oh! So it's you again!"
***
The doctor put the extremely fat woman on diet. She was so fat that standing up she looked like she was sitting down! The doctor said to her, "You can have three lettuce leaves, one piece of dry toast, a glass of orange juice and one tomato."
"Do I take them before or after meals,
doctor?"
