Parents or Spouse?Whom to choose?

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sanju01

@sanju01

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

Guys,i am in a big confusion.

I got married in december last year.First few months of marriage were good.The problems started after i suffered from malaria in september.My husband didn't take much care of me.My parents came and there was a big fight between them and my husband regarding my health.He crossed the limit by slapping me twice even in that condition.He apologised to me as well as my parents for hitting me but my parents didn't forgive him for that neither do i.Somewhere in my heart i am still angry with him for that.His parents also did not supported me. Now the situation is like that neither my parents trust/like him nor he trusts/likes my parents.

Now our relationship is kinda ok.He is behaving well with me but the problems between my parents and him are not over.Neither does he like my parents nor my parents like him.I thought everything will be fine slowly but now the biggest problem has started.

My husband wants to go to USA and wants me to accompany him.I want to go with him but i am still finding it hard to trust him.I don't know whether he'll treat me well there.My parents are suggesting me to stay in india with them.They too don't trust him any more.Now i am in a big confusion,whether to trust this guy and go to US with him or stay here with my parents.

Please give me your valuable suggestions.I am really in a big confusion and am not able to take any decision.I don't want to hurt anyone,neither my parents nor my hubby.Please help me guys.

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Frequent Posters

Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: sanju01
Guys,i am in a big confusion.

I got married in december last year.First few months of marriage were good.The problems started after i suffered from malaria in september.My husband didn't take much care of me.My parents came and there was a big fight between them and my husband regarding my health.He crossed the limit by slapping me twice even in that condition.He apologised to me as well as my parents for hitting me but my parents didn't forgive him for that neither do i.Somewhere in my heart i am still angry with him for that.His parents also did not supported me. Now the situation is like that neither my parents trust/like him nor he trusts/likes my parents.

Now our relationship is kinda ok.He is behaving well with me but the problems between my parents and him are not over.Neither does he like my parents nor my parents like him.I thought everything will be fine slowly but now the biggest problem has started.

My husband wants to go to USA and wants me to accompany him.I want to go with him but i am still finding it hard to trust him.I don't know whether he'll treat me well there.My parents are suggesting me to stay in india with them.They too don't trust him any more.Now i am in a big confusion,whether to trust this guy and go to US with him or stay here with my parents.

Please give me your valuable suggestions.I am really in a big confusion and am not able to take any decision.I don't want to hurt anyone,neither my parents nor my hubby.Please help me guys.

Points in favor of going

- You have to spent life with your husband not with parents. Option of staying with parents is not a long term solution.

- You are going to US so if he gets violent you can use 911

- Maybe your parents intruded also

- He did apologize

- He is improving

- There will be no influence of anyone's parents and the real cat will come out of the bag

- He might take not going as a mistrust on him

- There is a chance of him singing a song on Brooklyn bridge and spreading his arms for you.

Points in favor of not going

- He has violent tendencies

- He might not care of you much

- There will be no one to take your side in US

- His parents might go as well and then it will be 3 versus 1

- You might remain in India and sing "mere zindagi hai kya, ek kati patang hai"

I cant answer much as I dont know about your husband. In the end it all depends on what kind of person he is. Is he too violent? Is it possible that while his actions were wrong he had a point too? Maybe too much was being expected? Too much intrusions?

Based on this information I would suggest going with him.

Good luck!

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TheUltimate

@TheUltimate

Navigator

Posted: 14 years ago

OP - since this is a serious issue, I will refrain from adding poor attempt at cheapest possible humor.

I would say that take a step back and check your gut. Are you feeling warm and fuzzy that your husband is not going to get violent again? As years pass by, the responsibilities and problems will only increase. Are you sure that violence is not going to be a stress buster for that coward? If so, and if you have such a big heart that you could forgive him, go to USA.
Just remember - contrary to the popular belief, in the USA also, 911 does not reverse anything horrific. In some cases it might prevent a horrific tragedy from occurring. Domestic violence is not one of those.

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180506

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

This is something only you can answer youself my dear. The shoes are yours, and the story around it: the entire truth, backstory and prologue is only something you know and understand. What you're telling us is what you know and believe- there fore I can't give a complete analysis on the entire situation but rather propose these questions back to you:

What do you want? What makes you happy- or who makes you happy?

Where are you happy? and Where do you see yourself in the future?

The answers to these questions should add up, and I think that's where what you want lies.

I personally, am a Parent person- that too because I havent had to choose. I believe your parents usually want the best for their children. BUT at the same time, you as an individual need to understand what makes YOU happy.

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P1nk

@P1nk

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

What a coward slapping his woman, you should have kicked his family jewels.

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Bankim Chandra Chaterjee

@mr.ass

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: P1nk
What a coward slapping his woman, you should have kicked his family jewels.

I don't have respect for men who slap their wives, it's unpardonable, unless his wife is an amazon. And P1nk, I bet he doesnt have any jewels ,considering what he did.

I don't want to anger or insult you maam, but let me go on record by saying that your husband is a piece of shit.

I will edit this if requested to.

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Summer3

@Summer3

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

Ah shoot the Bloody Hubby.

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Summer3

@Summer3

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

Looks like you married an idiot without knowing him fully.

Was it an arranged marriage ?

some idiots can be changed no doubt.

But do consider his good points too, if none, I would still say shoot him.

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Believe

@-Believe-

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: sanju01
Guys,i am in a big confusion.

I got married in december last year.First few months of marriage were good.The problems started after i suffered from malaria in september.My husband didn't take much care of me.My parents came and there was a big fight between them and my husband regarding my health.He crossed the limit by slapping me twice even in that condition.He apologised to me as well as my parents for hitting me but my parents didn't forgive him for that neither do i.Somewhere in my heart i am still angry with him for that.His parents also did not supported me. Now the situation is like that neither my parents trust/like him nor he trusts/likes my parents.

Now our relationship is kinda ok.He is behaving well with me but the problems between my parents and him are not over.Neither does he like my parents nor my parents like him.I thought everything will be fine slowly but now the biggest problem has started.

My husband wants to go to USA and wants me to accompany him.I want to go with him but i am still finding it hard to trust him.I don't know whether he'll treat me well there.My parents are suggesting me to stay in india with them.They too don't trust him any more.Now i am in a big confusion,whether to trust this guy and go to US with him or stay here with my parents.

Please give me your valuable suggestions.I am really in a big confusion and am not able to take any decision.I don't want to hurt anyone,neither my parents nor my hubby.Please help me guys.

Okie...No person can physically, mentally abuse you either in your family or profession if you do not allow him too. The first time they try to do that take action and firm stand and no one will dare abuse you physically or mentally...there are many theories about violence ... chemical imbalance, frustration, short temper, lack of self control, genitics...etc etc..and Dr's says its no just men...women also have these kind of imbalance...I think Ppl will ask Why do they remain together? Why doesn't s/ he leave...But...you should understand whats -ve n +ve things in you n ur life..., most important thing you need to do is be strong...!! and think how long you can stay with your parents!!?...Communicate openly...Go for mature love after marriage or marriage after love...The"COUPLE is the only one who can 'SUSTAIN' the marriage - the more the advisors the more the Problems!!!..😊