women, pregnancy, ambition, career and family

Now, I have a bone to pick with Jagat's friend - Dr. Raghuveer -- who said that it will be good if gauri has a child because it will tame her ambition. At first I was like what? what did he say? did he really say that? oh no he didnt!!

But sigh! he did.

I really dont understand why we still ask this question to a woman when she is pregnant -- will you be able to balance career and family.

Certainly, when a man announces he is going to have a child - nobody asks him - will he be able to balance both career and family?

I did not think that there was any man on earth who could irritate me more than jagya -- I even liked Mr. Karmanand -- rather than irritating me, I found his pravachans so silly that they used to make me laugh -- he was a source of humour. But now Dr. Raghuveer has taken that mantle.

Oink! Oink! Male chauvanist pig.

There is a book called "Lovestrong". It was a new york times best seller about twenty years ago written by a lady doctor called Dr. Dorothy Greenbaum in New York. It's not an extraordinary story, but still compelling and heart warming and a very easy read.

She and her husband were school teachers, and she had no interest in medicine prior to her first child being born. After that, she started reading books on child development, and pediatrics as she took her daughter to the park etc. and she suddenly realized that she had an overwhelming desire to be a doctor. she fell in love with all the medical texts.

Her husband supported her, and she started applying to medical schools. But at that time in the 1970s and 1980s, she was already in her thirties, and had one child so she was not a prime candidate for a medical seat. Nobody would accept her. Then eventually, she got a handfull of interviews. So she went to them, and there were men in the admissions committee - and they would always ask her "how do you plan to care for your daughter?" etc. and they would enquire into her finances and her child care arrangements. She would explain that her husband would help and her mom and her mom-in-law would work it out. But nobody was satisfied. So, then she re-applied for two more years, all the time feeling more and more insecure that she would not be able to fulfill her dream. More and more expenses on application fees etc. and time slipping by.

Then all of a sudden, one day she got an interview call to a medical school. and she went there and it was a woman doctor as the admissions officer. so dorothy greenbaum started explaining about her child care arrangements.

and the admissions officer stopped her and said "I know that as a responsible individual, your first concern will be your child. So, I'm not going to ask you about your child care arrangements. I'm sure you've made good plans for your child. Instead, lets talk about medicine."... and dorothy was stunned 😲 because she had never prepared for medical talk. Instead, for interview preparation, she used to prepare detailed sketches of her child care plans.

Somehow she started fumbling initially, but then collected herself, and started talking about her interest in medicine, what she wanted to do etc. (which is what an interview should be about).

And she got in and was later accepted to medical school and now is a pediatrician.

It's a story about thirty years ago. She is now in her 60s. But at the time, men with families were not being asked how they would manage their children. They talked medicine at interviews.

But raghuveer's comment reminded me about this excerpt in the book.

For that matter, I highly appreciate the dean of charak medical institute, who gives gauri many opportunities to participate in different surgeries. He doesnt discriminate against her on the basis of her gender and give the opportunity to jagat instead. He sees her drive and ambition. 👏👏👏.

I think they are trying to show BV as a 2011 drama with 2011 issues. in 2011 if a guy was over ambitious with not much regard to his family life many friends and parents would pull him up and remind him of other responsibilites. the onus is on both parents these days to become active parents.

i think it is a fair when one or both parties are involved in intensive courses or professions to discuss family and work life. esp. in gauris case when she is also questioning where the baby would fit into her life. dr rag merely aswered it and said once she has kids things automatically fall ino place. which is true for many people once you have kids your responsibilities change ..doesnt mean it changes for the worse. it just changes.