Translucence - Finished. - Page 38

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Murlal thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
Hey, Sookie
What a terrific read!
Love this latest offering from the fount of creativity that you are! Really like the way the story is shaping up, you've made great use of the non-linear narrative structure, you've got the pacing right.
I loved your idea for M's thesis topic and your description- must admit had to read it twice to get what you meant. Very, very clever!

My only gripe is with the language in chapter 6, needs a good bit of editing that chapter to rein in the language.

But that is just a quibble, so pay no attention and carry on writing.

You are a very talented writer and I'm thinking you should think of publishing- seriously, I'm not joking.
Love some of the music you've got to match the chapters.
Here's something I feel that kind of reflects M and G's relationship that you've etched out in your story, it is one of my most favourite pieces of music from my most favourite show

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmInifeZkzY

Let me know what you think.
And anyone else in this forum who'd like to listen to it, please feel free to do so and let me know what you think about it.

Meannwhile, I am waiting eagerly for the next update, Sookie. keep the creative juices flowing. Btw, just reread Bitter Symphony for the nth time and have given it to a friend to read! It is one of your best.
Edited by Murlal - 13 years ago
-Saibo- thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
His moms not dead?!? W*F is goIng on)!?
mystique_girl thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
Yaah, i agree with people saying that Dilip wants Maan to be the heir - but why did Venkat pose the qn at such a wrong time !!

Ok, never mind.

I am amazed by the extent love and respect for Geet's family in Maan's mind when compared to his feelings for his own family. I am waiting for you to say exactly what had Geet's father done for him that he is sooo indebted. And why does he respect Maya when he knows she had a hand in destroying her husband ?!! Intriguing

Why do I think that Maya and Damini are in touch ...
mechantefille thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: mystique_girl

Yaah, i agree with people saying that Dilip wants Maan to be the heir - but why did Venkat pose the qn at such a wrong time !!


Ok, never mind.

I am amazed by the extent love and respect for Geet's family in Maan's mind when compared to his feelings for his own family. I am waiting for you to say exactly what had Geet's father done for him that he is sooo indebted. And why does he respect Maya when he knows she had a hand in destroying her husband ?!! Intriguing

Why do I think that Maya and Damini are in touch ...


ur not the only one - I think so too!!
-Sookie- thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago

Chapter 11:

"You should see this," Satya said coming into Maan's cabin. Maan who was typing on laptop looked up and watched Satya switching on television. Seven minutes later identical smiles were spread on Maan's and Satya's place. It wasn't a huge victory but they had successfully managed to install a setback for Vikram.

"Perfect timing, isn't it? Proceed to next stage and ask everyone to go underground," Maan ordered. Satya nodded and starting making the phone calls.

Khurana Capital was in trouble. The debt was rising and the bank that was planning to invest had taken a step back.

Satya had gotten a bunch of people and hired their services ensuring the capital or the information that flowed to the group wasn't traced back to Maan. These people worked on contract basis for firms who specialized in day trading and were notorious when it came to the kind of contacts they had. It wasn't a public knowledge that Satya was one of them years ago when he scrounged to repay his education loan.

The plan was quite simple; the group had set up contacts with investment firms and boosted the share price of Khurana Capital selling the idea about the bank alliance. Increase of stock prices made the investment capital increase thus making the bank retreat their offer. It wasn't the most original idea in the world as it was bound to fail after the trend was. Maan knew it too and he was banking exactly on that. All he had to do was cover up the tracks really well, throw breadcrumbs in the wrong direction and he would be safe for at least a quarter till someone sat and sorted all the cobwebs his team had laid out. And a quarter later he wound induce another set of problems for Khurana Capital making them handicapped to spare resources to pursue internal investigation.

Only there was one small thing that Maan didn't think of when he planned all this.

Vikram rarely did things which could be termed legal. Maan miscalculated his big brothers reach when it comes to finding out the truth by whatever means. Vikram had an ace up his sleeve which he rarely played.

It was only a matter of weeks and not quarter actually.

-- o00o --

Mitalee had done everything in her power in finding out the hands behind the varying stock prices. She had gone as far as meeting the chairman of SEBI with her apprehension towards growing trend. It wasn't abnormal but it was odd considering how she had lost an investor. Though market didn't give indication of insider trading she had had a bad feeling about it. Whoever was doing it had covered their tracks too well for her to retrace their steps. Everyone now believed that prices were falling because of failure in the alliance.

"Why is that every time I am out of country something shitty happens here?" Vikram asked Mitalee shrewdly. Mitalee hated it when he spoke as if he was the synonym of sunshine and goodness. Vikram was neck deep in the latest project as the actual work was already by two months the pressure had started to build.

"I don't have the time to find out what went wrong Vikram. Help me." Mitalee said wearily. Vikram didn't respond for a long time. He could simply say no and let Mitalee deal with all the shit on her own but if she did move and introduced JCI as a potential investor, then he was done for.

"I know a guy who can find out who is behind all this."

"Can I meet him?" Mitalee asked eagerly.

"f**k no!" Vikram replied. "There is no way in hell I am going to give away my source of information Mitalee," he admonished her.

"I am planning to ask father to allow some capital injection to Khurana Capital." Mitalee said a moment later.

"Keep Khurana Construction out of this game Mitalee. I am warning you," Vikram replied smelling Mitalee's plan a mile away. Mitalee scowled.

"I don't care f**k about from where the money is going to flow in Vikram. Don't forget it's just not me who is responsible for Khurana Capital. If you leave me hanging midway, I will remember it. You know what I am capable of." Mitalee hissed.

"Did you just threaten me little sister?" Vikram said calmly. Mitalee only smiled a smile which held the threat of exposing his darkest secrets. He was still spluttering and breathing venom when Mitalee left him in his cabin.

"Crazy bitch," he growled and made the phone call; the one that would dampen Maan's grand plans.

-- o00o --

She didn't know how she got roped into this. It was early afternoon when she came home from hospital after full twenty four hours of ER duty and she wasn't due at hospital till next morning. After a three hour nap, she felt fully refreshed and energetic.

"I am not going," she refused flatly when Maya asked her to go to a party with her.

"It's going to be fun Geet. People keep asking me about you and how you never attend any sort of social gathering." Maya said rummaging through her wardrobe.

"Do you need something?" Geet asked her mother pointedly.

"Come with me Geet. I want to show off how intelligent my daughter is to every youngster in that party," Maya coaxed. "I promise we will leave the party by midnight," she added in for good measure. Geet sighed and shrugged.

"Sure, why not?" Maya did an internal victory dance. She really did want to show off to her friends how terrific her daughter was.

Maya never really understood reasons behind Geet's decisions. She could have easily led a life of luxury yet she had chosen a profession which took most of her time and energy. Even in her profession she could have been an administrative head and no one would have dared to oppose yet she had chosen ER duty – the ones that required maximum attention and was far from being cozy. She took local trains, wore ordinary clothes and hung out at local caf with her friends. Maya never asked her about her choices knowing fully well that Geet would probably fabricate an answer. When she knew that she wasn't going to get truth she didn't see a point in knowing a lie.

Maya had looked at her appreciatively when she had walked out after getting dressed. And like Maya many had turned their heads to take a second look at her when she had walked into the party. Her simple white ensemble had set her aside from the rest of the glittering crowd. She picked a glass of orange juice and stood in shadows and observed the people who moved around the vast garden in an elegant ease.

It was ten minutes into the party when her eyes fell on the couple at the bar. The man had his arms around the woman's waist and she was resting on his side. They clearly were having a good time and their matching smiles meant that they were truly enjoying each other's company. She observed them for fifteen more minutes reading in every physical contact, every time the man whispered something in that woman's ears and how she averted her eyes and chuckled and generally the affection that surrounded the two. She came out of the shadows and walked towards the bar. He looked startled when he saw her coming closer.

"Fancy seeing you here Maan," Geet said pleasantly. Maan was staring at her speechless.

"Hello Geet," he croaked. The woman in his arms turned to look at him.

"Kiki, meet Geet Handa. Geet, this is Kiki," Maan said introducing the two women.

"I prefer to call you by your real name, Vaidehi. How have you been? You look happy." Geet asked as she flicked her eyes once towards Maan and back towards her. The woman smiled and hugged Geet briefly.

"I am wonderful Geet." She said warmly. "I am really happy now that I have Maan by my side. He has been so good to me." Vaidehi gushed.

"How long have you been together?" Geet asked looking at the happy woman.

"We have been together for almost a month now. It seems like only yesterday when he came to my art gallery," Vaidehi reminisced. Geet nodded. Maan had always hated the way she maintained a blank face without showing a hint of emotion. He didn't know if she was maintaining a faade or was she truly undisturbed by his affair.

"I wish you both my very best wishes. Congratulations Maan." She smiled at the couple and walked away.

The constriction that she had felt in her chest when she had observed the couple from shadows slowly seemed to loosen. She had believed the interaction between him and her for the past few weeks actually meant something but Maan had clearly proved her wrong. She didn't know how long she stood there her gaze stuck on beautiful water fountain.

"Geet," she heard him standing next to her.

"Hello Maan," she said pleasantly. He looked at her. There were no traces of hurt or disappointment in her. He hated himself for wishing to see it in her face. Suddenly he felt like explaining himself. Against his better reasoning, he tried.

"I deliberately got closer to Kiki to get close to her father. She is the youngest child of a major petrochemical manufacturer as you very well know. I met her in her art gallery first and then asked her out for coffee." Maan paused. Geet merely listened.

"Coffees turned to lunch and lunches to dinner. Before we knew it we were hanging out whenever I had some time to spare. She is witty, intelligent and beautiful. It is fun being with her and made my job of somehow getting closer to her father easy." Maan said softly. Geet nodded. He still couldn't make out what she was thinking.

"And then you slept with her," Geet said thoughtfully drawing conclusions from her observations of the two. Maan's eyes widened.

"I had to play the part…" he was cut short by Geet.

"How absurdly arrogant of you Maan Khurana," Geet said harshly. "You conveniently forget that there is a possibility that there could be other smart people besides you in the room. So please stop insulting my intelligence any further and cut your bullshit."

"What do you want to know Geet?" Maan asked resigned.

"Why her?" Geet asked without a hint of emotion in her voice. She purposefully truncated 'why not me' from her question. Maan didn't answer for several moments. She waited patiently.

"In the beginning it was because of her connection and her family. And after few days I realized that I was truly enjoying her company. She has grown in an environment which is such a contrast from where you and I come from. With her everything I feel is new and every meeting with her is fresh. We are practically strangers so we learn a little about each other every time we meet. It's exciting and it's adventurous when you are dealing with someone much different than you, you know?" Maan said honestly. Geet was still looking at him as if he was explaining to her his next business plan.

"Well that's about it I guess," Maan said seeing Geet silent, his eyes still averted.

"What happens when you achieve what you wanted?" Geet asked. Maan looked at her helplessly not wanting to answer and hurt her. Geet chuckled mirthlessly.

"Congratulations Maan, today you proved that you truly are a Khurana." She said and turned to walk away.

"Geet..." Maan started.

"You truly are your father's son," Geet said without turning around and walked away towards crowed. Maan felt an incredible amount of ache in his heart as if someone was clenching it.

He had given into his feelings and he had made his choice. He had only himself to blame for his predicament.

To be continued

Music companion for the day: Erik Satie - Gnossienne No. 1
And: O Fortuna by Carl Orff, Andre Rieu Orchestra
-Aarya- thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
R for Torture...

Sooks, you know exactly how to torture your audience... 😆

Here, I was hoping for a hot-date and a wet night, instead I was left high and dry! 😡 What happen to the candle light dinner, the soft music, the hand-holding and
dancing under the moon-light... 😳 I am truly heart-broken! 😭

ps: I want more torture... the more the merrier!!! 😆





Edited by night13 - 13 years ago
bhakbhartifan thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
Seriously this is torture.. I was expecting them to get close, but this way she is never going to accept him when he comes back..

Sookie, do you have to write this?? 😭😭

I dont know how Maan is going to make up for all this and yet he says She is the one whom he will go home too😕.



-Elfin- thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
As much as I am a loyal Maan-Geet fan, with not wanting even a breathe between them, I truly wonder if Maan deserves Geet at all?

And when I say this, I dont mean the fact that he slept with this Kookie or many other girls for that matter, I meant that he actually enjoyed the company of the girl.

This part chocked me Sooks,

"In the beginning it was because of her connection and her family. And after few days I realized that I was truly enjoying her company. She has grown in an environment which is such a contrast from where you and I come from. With her everything I feel is new and every meeting with her is fresh. We are practically strangers so we learn a little about each other every time we meet. It's exciting and it's adventurous when you are dealing with someone much different than you, you know?" Maan said honestly. Geet was still looking at him as if he was explaining to her his next business plan.


For the first time I am not sure whether I have it in me to read the story further.

Heartbreaks are bad.


But the update was brilliant as usual Sooks, thanx for the pm.

Edited by manashi - 13 years ago
613528 thumbnail
Posted: 13 years ago
This part let my stomach in a knot and an ache in my heart. Is that weird? 😆
maaneetsangel thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
chapter 11 ...

awesome ... superb ...

thnx 4 d pm ...

continue soon ...

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