Chapter 1:
'Relax... Just breathe Gunjan its just college... remember just college - your studies, you need to get a hold on your nerves for Chris sake - there is no need to panic ' Gunjan thought to herself as she exhaled even while checking the timetable for the lectures next day in college, her 3rd day here in Excel - one of the premier institutions in Mumbai, the city which to her appeared even bigger and crowded then she had ever imagined in her dreams despite the numerous stories she had heard of it, the clippings she had seen on TV when in Morena... her hometown - the place she grew up in alongside her grandparents and dad.. and now here she was in the first year of her college in the city of Mumbai - the city of Dreams... the city that never sleeps.
The last title conferred upon the city - the city that never sleeps - how apt - Gunjan concurred - she always could see activity in this place no matter what the time, no one was always truly asleep as was she, she admitted ruefully shaking her head post her encounters with him. Shaking her head vigorously to jerk off the thoughts she was about to have she finished with her preparations for the next day and walked towards the window to gaze at the night sky only to find herself peering at the skyscrapers around her own room that sometimes towered above the one that she now herself lived in or dwarfed by it. There was no sight of a crescent moon that shone down its luminescent light upon the moss here, nor the appearance of twinkling stars in sight... for miles on ahead all there was, was a jungle... a jungle of concrete before her eyes.
The only time her eyes saw something aglow in the night sky was when a plane flew overhead.. and below as far as her vision allowed her to see with or without glasses all she could see was a trail of lights in red and yellow shades that would move haphazardly at times, at times with a consistency of the traffic moving down below , she could remember how she had seen even at 2 AM in the night on her first day here, nearly 3 months ago; the presence of a similar trail - a sight she found both fascinating and utterly daunting at the same time. She had never been this far away from home without her father in a place almost unknown which scared her, and at the same time it fascinated her cos it was the first time she had seen how miraculously in the days of her simpler life back at home she had never witnessed a sight such as this one, back home at 2 AM the sight of someone on the road meant trouble or possible danger.. here it seemed so normal so casual people dint mind it... and she in her sleeplessness had felt for the first time a pull to learn more about the ways of the people here, the life here, the city where she was to be now to complete her studies henceforth after her dad had dropped her off to stay at her uncle's place, having enrolled her in Excel where her cousins Diya and Uday too went and so did 'HE'.
Her breath stopped for a moment and then quickened, her pupils enlarged as the very thought of him, facing him again came rushing to her mind and she closed her eyes, as her legs gave away the strength to lift her weight anymore at the moment making her collapse on the beanbag. Her father had left the very next day after dropping her off and she recalled her first encounter with him... those light brown eyes that twinkled with a hint of naughtiness in them, that teasing smile which exuded friendship, his smirk which though made her sense trouble was on its way and there would be a head on collision with it the moment they made contact - yet nothing felt sinister about it...
She could recall the ease of his swift moments, the wink that had made her jaw drop the first time it happened, the quickening of her pulses as she felt his breath on her skin warming her cheek when he stood close to her their faces inches away in the darkness which was faintly only diminished by the candlelight emitted by the candle held in his hand on the trip to Goa with the gang... Her hand automatically pressed her heart with a reflex she found herself developing these days whenever she thought of him, Gunjan could swear she could hear the loud thumping sounds of it in her ears though it was impossible, but feeling her erratic heartbeats against her hand she knew very well she wasn't completely hallucinating or flipping her marbles. To her horror this was worse... completely more worse then those things she had at first imagined and dreaded... this was the 'unknown'... the 'unexplored' terrain of her life.
Could it be?... she wondered as her head whirled with more of his thoughts hard as she tried to fight him, his thoughts... no it cant be - it shouldn't be - what would I tell dad? how would I face him if my studies, my career got affected cos of him... this boy - this unknown godforsaken boy who had simply appeared out of nowhere in my life when finally it had seem peace was at hand in it. She closed her eyes once again only to now see the slideshow of those memories flash before her making her jump up in frustration, pacing in her room now, her fists clenched by her sides.
Tell him away - she heard a little voice echo the words at the back of her mind somewhere
"Yes! I will tell him away I would ask him to stop trying to talk with me, be my friend, be around me.. I will just tell him to leave me alone - oh why cant he?" - yes why couldn't he have simply been like one of those friends of Diya and Uday bhaiyya .
Those friends who dint bother her - who she knew looked down upon her Morena upbringing as it wasn't cool, as it wasn't the In-thing, as she wasn't one of them, simply cos she wasn't city bred.
Why cant he have been like them ?
She thought with a pain which stabbed her heart and pricked her eyes which began to well as she sank to the floor, hiding her face in the blankets as she remembered him with a little voice faintly whispering to her in her mind,' Don't worry Gunjan, it will be alright, it doesn't have to end like this, you don't have to hurt him, you don't have to think like this, you know it, you know its only normal, only natural you don't have to fight it off or fight him, you like him.. don't you ? And I know not as you liked the boys who were your friends, the ones who grew up with you, who you went with school to, you.., you like him more.. really, really more - he's... he's 'Special' - he's your crush... you are attracted to him, but that's no reason to break off a possible friendship which you are developing with him anyway- Gunjan a scarred past doesn't have to mar or define your future.. just go along with the flow.. its only normal, only natural - you never felt it before that's what panics you, but it dint have to stay the way always, you are 18 and at your age there are always chances of a girl liking a guy, as you like him, of being attracted to him as you are - don't stress over things so much - you will get over this, yes you will - let things be just as they are... stay friends with him... he doesn't have to know you like him, are constantly thinking of him, you are growing up Gunjan.. and this is just a part of it, life will move on as will you - for the moment just go with it.'
"Yes I like him... I like Samrat a lot... he shouldn't have to bear the brunt of things that aren't his fault in the first place, my situation on the whole or just related to him are mine to deal alone... it shouldn't have to end this way - I will continue being friends with him no matter what" saying aloud that to herself Gunjan wiped off the tears, moved up on her bed, gulping down a glass of water having poured one from the flask beside her bed kept on the side table, before she switched off the lights of her room, pulling the covers on her drifting away in a sound dreamless sleep.
Edited by Neha2704 - 14 years ago
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