Posted:
So I read the latest article before the episode aired for today - and while watching it I remembered the one line in there on Kesar's behalf:
"I want Gulaal's happiness even at the cost of my own."
... which inspires the title, because it fits today's episode so much!
Highlights of today's episode have to be the silent GK scene at Revji's house, and the final scene showdown... erm, and Neil's haircut?! *sulks* boo! I loved the long wild sticking out hair... but I know mostly no one else did, so I suppose everyone has cause to be happy 😆
Starting of with the GK DV break - as seen in the precap yesterday, Gulaal does call off the DV. Just before she does, Revji Bha walks to her and tells her he is with her, whatever her decision. Then Kesar tells her to take the decision thinking only for herself - if only Gulaal had it in her to appreciate that advice! I truly think she doesn't possess the ability to think for herself - like she doesn't know how to, not that she avoids doing it. Because if the recent chaos in her life hasn't taught her the lesson - honestly, it's just as well she's going to end up with someone like Kesar who stands up for her rights and needs so fiercely, even against her own will at times, because she for one will never really know how to, duh!
Anyway - she calls off the DV - Kesar looks his heartbroken worst (although really, I think nothing broke my heart more than his hollow laugh yesterday at that half cut picture of himself) - and then he says main bhi ye deeyarvattu todna chahta hu... I thought the choice of those words was interesting on the part of the CVs - because they don't make him say main wohi chahta hu jo Gulaal chahti hai ... or something along those lines, he says he wants to break the DV too. I think its his last ode to her. To give her, her freedom, as his wish not hers. If he'd said he agrees with whatever she does - it would have been an obligation. He doesn't put it across as one. Only Kesar could pull off something that sane in a moment when his entire life fell apart.
MB makes to walk towards Gulaal, as the Panchayat gets over, and so does she, and who but Pathetic Baa should step in the middle and stop the bridge in the making?! Oh that black witch! (my mum actually called me in the break to ask me if I was watching, and then she goes does PB have only that one dress?! 😆 Really mum! I was freaking going to get her out of the screen and bludgeon her beyond recognition, you're worrying about her clothes... she doesn't deserve a fancy wardrobe anyway 😡) Anyway - MB and Gulaal exchange that look, which says all about how sad they both are to not be on the same team anymore. Not that the gore between is forgotten, but these are two people who've had a heart for each other like father and daughter - it just shows so simply in that moment.
Everyone leave - except Kesar, and Revji, and Gullu ofc. Kesar walks to her and tells her he knew this day would come, and somewhere he was ready for it - oh no you were not. but you wont say that to her, will you? - he tells her he will handle himself, she should not worry. It's like he knows what she's thinking and going to say - well, doesn't he always? A complex person like Gulaal becomes this easy mind to read, when you look at her from Kesar's person. Only these two can share a bond so complex - where one breaks the only semblance of their formal bond, and the other walks up to assure her of his well being, and rid her of guilt... and it's not sacrificing on his part. he needs to do this. he needs to make sure she is not going to worry crazy about him - because he's really had enough of being the cause of her every pain, as he thinks of the situation! Oh Kesar! Why are you so credibly perfect! It's impossible to imagine another like you, but then everything about you is so, so real! Not even funny!
Anyway - Revji tells Gulaal to come, but Kesar says nahin Baapji, main khud Gulaal ko chodne aaunga... OHMIGOSH! He didn't commit to that - was my exact thought. How much more ordeal will he put himself through?
In Revji's house - PooBaa is crying and grieved as always, saying she'd had this ray of hope despite knowing better - but Revji tells them all to not make Gulaal feel for one second that she is wrong. Or has made a wrong decision. Uff oh!!! He tells his family to support and welcome Gulaal happily like always - and specifically looks at Rewa, who obviously still has issues, but well, she's probably at max going to only silently resent Gulaal - I hope we will not see her defying Revji's trust and word openly, it would be a sad decline in her character. Yogesh btw shows some sudden signs of concern and reform?! 😲 Whoaaa! When did this happen?! Anyway, Gulaal and Kesar are seen coming.
Kesar walks her in, and puts down his bags and makes to move - the family members, one at a time - including Yogesh (whoaaa whammy! ), Rewa, PooBaa, ask him to stay for a bit but he declines. To PooBaa's insistence he says nahin Baa, mujhe jane dijiye. jitna rukunga utna mera jaana mushkil hojayega... 🥺 🥺 🥺 Gulaal looks heartbroken and soulfully at him at these words too - Rewa gives a bad look. Kesar takes my poorly mended and overtly bandaged (in vain) heart and breaks it all over again PooBaa still insists and says he cannot go without having water. Tells Rewa to get water and mithai (hain?!!!! Mithai, on the breaking of their DV! PooBaa to amazing 180 maarti hai yaar!)
Anyway - GK are left alone. They turn to each other, share a silent look, then both go at once - apna khayal rakhna... - OMG OMG OMG 🥺 a smile creeps up on Kesar's face at this, such a sad sad sad smile... can he stop breaking my heart? I'm getting not a second to recover here, geez! Gulaal gets her own version of that sad smile too. Another silent look is exchanged, and then Kesar's impossibility to deal with this with anymore semblance of complacency goes right out of the window - main jaa raha hu - and his fluster and urgency to get out of their... away from the sight of her which reminds him live in person of his brand new, and seemingly forever, loss... the pain is so raw... he rushes out, Gulaal rushes to the door to watch his retreat - Kesar stops in his step, tilts his head slightly, but doesn't turn back, and then walks away.
I don't have words enough to describe this parting. Kesar amazes me with a certain paradox of his character - where he can be the most contained and the most out of control person all in one. When I think of the Kesar from a couple episodes ago who was ready to kill this man responsible for Vasant's murder - when I think of his height of outrage when he had the guy by his throat - when I think of the time he revealed Dushyant's truth to the family, losing his vocals nearly, to the process of this nuclear blast of temper and agony ... and then you see these moments, like yesterday, when he was clicking away at her the unshed pain in his eyes so contained, she didn't know of it until quite a belated moment when he said those words... when you think of the DV break post moment... Kesar can be a very expressive and a very silent man at once. So many times, he manages to contain this euphoria of happiness, and flood of pain inside him - it just hits you how much he can hold inside. And then, at other times, he has those outbursts where there is no holding him back and you begin to marvel at him being both those people. In the end, I remember, that we all have given Gulaal her due in having lived with the dark secret for 10 years... we've not appreciated Kesar enough on that account. Let's not forget he was a mere 10 year old, who bottled up that secret and lived with it a decade - all by himself, and he did not have Gulaal's advantage of mature age, or a trade off in seeing the reason for keeping the secret being a success in the form of family happiness - his reason to keep the secret for a decade was always Gulaal - although he didn't realize it like that all those years, and only thought he wasn't confronting her, or breaking the secret, from the fear of what he would find out as her reason to betray... but really - how many 10 year olds can live like that with secret of that magnitude?! Kesar's outbursts are the visible side of him, which have earned him a reputation of impulse and immaturity - but really, the kind of containing storm powers he can possess - can be easily deemed, most rare, if not absolutely exclusive to him! He is, an incredible incredible character - and yet, the complexity of him, for so many layers and reasons, is so believable, and every bit possible to relate with as if he's a real person! Kudos to the makers of this character! They's truly carved a genius!
I want to post this avi Nur is currently using:
It was while I was looking at it earlier today, when I started to think of the extent of this paradox in Kesar's character. A simple moment of him absorbing Gulaal's sheer happiness because of him - the way he swallows, and just looks at her, and turns to walk away - Gulaal has open tears of happiness and words to express her joy - Kesar just contains the emotion, lets himself fill up with it inside, and then just stores it like that. For someone who can burst like a damn at some easily avoidable provocations... for the hyper kid in him we see now and then ... he's a very very contained person emotionally - when he chooses to be. He can feel emotions to the peak, and just let them brew inside - happy and sad - for a long long time!
Anyway - back to the episode.
Kesar walks through the streets - broken, broken, oh so broken. Has FB's of champa intro scene, of the time Gullu befriended him of her own will (minus Talli looming over this time yayyy, since this is Kesar's memory and not Gullu's we see GK exclusive 😆) ... he sits down defeated someplace random... and he's not the Kesar who broke down in his locked room after the previous Panchayat - he's far more broken, but also far far more resigned. The voluntary let go initiated that day 3 months ago - has finally happened, can you blame him to take the time to let it sink in?!
There the final showdown in the haveli. Giga goes missing, leaving a note behind to say he doesn't deserve to be in this house - or live. The house is chaos - people are playing the blame game, and everything is falling apart and crashing down like a pack of cards - which is when Kesar (who makes his grand appearance with a brand new hair cut, that I do not like... I want the long wild mane back back back!) Giga is brought back by some villagers who say he was trying to commit suicide at the pond (where we had the classic GK confrontation I suppose) and Kesar gets to witness his first raw vision of the divided home. It gets the better of him, and he yells at them - kya kar rahein hain aap log? aapko nazar nahin araha ye ghar tut raha hai, bikhar raha hai? PB 🤬 says people who are responsible for her loss of her son can never be her family - erm, you might as well outcast yourself in that case darling, you're the singular player in being responsible for losing Kesar - imagine if Gulaal had one iota of a brain and did not break the DV?! ofc, you're too dumb to see that! Anyway JK hurls at MB that he cannot touch Giga, because he's responsible and if he had stopped Dushyant from being punished all would be okay (unbelievable this woman is, second to PB only!) and PB yells back to say how can she say stuff like that when it was all her son's fault - and blah blah blah - which is when Kesar yells at them. MB says the house can never be the same. The harsh truth has ripped them apart and nothing can return to being as it once was - and lo! our boy brings on the grand revelation isiliye Gulaal ne sach chupaya! and he goes on to tell them, make them see - how she lived with the dark secret, killing herself, to keep this house one - how all the people in this house have had their fill of togetherness for a decade because she chose to bury the hatchet - he asks them to imagine what it would have been like if they had known the secret - the house would have fallen apart there and then - as would Vasant Bha's dream to keep his people as one. And yes - everyone, including the witch JK, and witch and a half PB have expressions of their own versions of realization - I personally, was only looking at MB and Kesar. And just maybe for a few seconds at Talli.
Interesting turning point at that. Now that she is gone, it takes no time to begin to realize! Well I suppose the idea was somebody needing to show them the ugly face of a split they are currently living with. They all know it - MB has been wallowing in the sorrow of it - but Kesar spelling it out was so needed. And of course, he goes on to hit the iron while its hot.
Overall - another good episode - movement, and GK - spare me mention of Raman. I loathe the sight of face beyond saying.
Itti Si Khushi Sab TV
Anupamaa
Love Friendship Dating and Relationships
