i am really getting angry with sony and sbs

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beena

@bsingapury

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#11

Originally posted by: mcm99
Lets all accept the fact that in our culture daughter in laws are blamed for any thing that does not fall in the normal routine of an existing family. If a new person enters the family things are bound to change. But we have inertia in our blood and any change is blamed on the "new" person. i am not saying this for SBS specifically but it happens everytime , every home and every caste and creed.
No one wants to accept it...

If sons (aka new husbands) "try" to balance things, obviously which they should to make the new member comfortable, he is blamed for being henpecked. If daughter in law tries to bring a new change she is blamed if anything goes wrong but is given no credit if it goes right.

In this case EVERYONE except VED and CHEDI were happy about malti coming back so now why the blame on Toasty. Obviously becoz she has no blood relation to this family.

Many of us live in our joint family for several years and endure/bear everyone's negative points and try to adjust. But no one says anything becoz of several reasons. Then if a new member comes and says or expresses exactly the same thing he or she becomes a villian..

No one wants to accept it...but is true and all young men and women may agree silently in their hearts

very well said ...and only woman who has lived in joint family could relate this situation and understand thsi situation very well

the youngster and specially male who has always lived in nuclear family could not understand what it takes to balance this kind of situation

Raj its not about keepign quiet or suffering many times its keep relations intact...if people start fighting and breaking relations on this kind of matters our society will become like western kind of society where divorce is like norm...and broken families are common...

it takes lots of effort and hard work to create your place in new family...many times your entire life finishes...but you always remain outsider...

your mother in law also start telling you...outsider...though she herself is one kind...where in this SBS all are men...

i am with toasty but the time and surrounding is wrong right now and she is pressing too much...where she knows every one's nature...

i have no complain with Tej because he is exactly behaving like indian male or i will say Male...like in past when he was supporting toasty his family used to tell her henpecked...eventhough he was right...and many times toasty also supported chaturvedi's and her mom used to tell her wrong...that's way it is you have to make soem one angry to support someone...

tej is supporting his family right now because he knows how difficult it is for his family...but same time he is too harsh with taosty...but see that point also that...when he tried to explain her with love and care she did not listen...he tried to warn her many times..but equally she is stubburn...only thing work for her now is this kind of harsh word...and pressed by all trouble Tej has no option but to react this way...

even he is helpless seeing his family in pain...

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Suresh

@suresh555

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#12

I agree with the OP about a lot of serials showing the negativity towards female characters. If Chaturs behaviour towards Toasty is taken in account from the day 1, Toasty has taken a lot of abuse from them, whether it's her cooking, cleaning for them, their sarcasms, their controllong what she can or cannot do, not involving her in family conferences/decisions, insulting her parents, objectiong to her working outside, etc, etc. Toasty has been calm and polite throughout and even forgave them after being kicked out and begged to come back. Having said that, Tej has been a great brother/son/grandson but a horrible husband as his support towards his wife is not consistent and his occasional rudeness and cruelty towards his wife is not fair. It's like Toasty has to follow all the rules and understand the needs of the family but she is still considered a low class citizen about her feelings or needs.

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Indomitable

@Indomitable

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#13

Originally posted by: 100raj
where is show headed.??

in the name of family they are justifying daughter in law abuse.
is it correct??-the way family and tej threatens to throw out tosty every time whenever some thing happens??

does not womens have any rights??why should silently dil take so much pain with out saying any word??

many say it is very near to real life??
i never seen in real life dils keeps quite if such things happens.and i agree why should they keep quite??
and whenever dils kept there parents in dark about shabby treatment they are getting in sasural,in most cases disasters happened in real life.like burning girls alive ,beating them to death,etc.
it actually send very wrong signals to society.

i never support this kind of regressive serials.

wake up sony tv and sbs makers.

don't show and support-- women abuse in the name of family.
don't you know how many dils burnt alive and beaten to death??

for proof you see your own serial crime petrol -dastak.

wake up guys.
take stand against dil abuse.

show tosty as strong and not taking abuse .she should become ideal for modern day girls.

I totally 200% agree with ur comments, these are the reasons why always women have to suffer. Does the women has to forget her self-respect, her desires everything after getting married & entering into in-laws house. She doesn't have any right to put her word in front of her in-laws or husband, i hate this track. Only a women can understand the pain of Toasty. Sometimes i feel like giving a tight slap to all the family members & especially Tej. Being a husband he never fulfilled his duties & on of it he always wait for an opportunity to hear Toasty bad things and kick her out of the house, if so why did he get married to her only to do all house hold works & keep him happy not more than this...I am sorry to say that this show is again becoming like a typical saas bahu drama without saas...Very disappointed with this show now a days...😡

Edited by Indomitable - 14 years ago

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maheen hanif

@maheen55

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#14

agree wid u Indomitable

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

#15

OK Need to say a few things on the topic started by Raj and Raj himself. Let me start with Raj.

The accusation that raj started this thread with the intention of creating mischief is in my opinion baseless. I've myself had a couple of discussions with him and I've come to understand his position better.

Yes, his threads are sometimes quite negative and mostly aggressive in tone, but that I think stems from his frustration about the depiction of women in the serials as brainless bimbos and spineless doormats.

He seems to be irritated with what he sees around him in society and the same thing reflected in a medium that has the power to act as an agent of change.

However, the powers that be use this very powerful medium of television not to bring in the change but to propagate and encourage the same old stereotype that denies women their rights of equality and voice of individual freedom.

Now don't you all think that we should honor him for having such sentiments, instead of accusing him of mischief-making? I respect people who want to bring that change in society. So should we all. So can we absolve Raj of trying to make mischief and simply applaud him for saying and believing in things that we got tired of fighting? We all started as youngsters with the same zeal and fire in the belly and lost it somewhere. We like to call our defeat "maturity and acceptance of reality, or even practicality and pragmatism" but in any guise, it is just that - giving up the fight before the end is reached.

You go Raj, say what you have to for we all need to hear the voice in wilderness, lest we become too complacent with the ills of society.

PS: Rest in my next post, this is too long as it is.

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

#16

Let's now come to the charge that Raj has laid against the serial and the channel.

If Toasty was an employee joining a new company and she started by pressurizing the HR and admin deptt to hire a manager who had been fired for embezzlement, wouldn't the company administration be justified in firing her or at the very least doubting that she had honest intentions towards the company?

In a family a daughter-in-law is a new entrant. She is an unknown stranger set in the midst of the family. All the other members of the family have a long history with each other and have fair estimation of each other's characters, flaws, strengths and intentions. With a daughter-in-law, these an only be surmised. It takes a long time for women to accurately understand the true nature of the family she is married into.

For Toasty to insist on something that has caused such grievous hurt in the family is wrong. For her to go on scheming to bring it about is compounding that error. To be deaf to all assurances from all family members that they do not want what she has set her heart upon is being stubborn to the point of idiocy, To still be unmoved from that position even after seeing her father-in-law sent to the jail is foolhardiness.

Tej is not wrong when he reprimands her on this course of action. Toasty is right now being extremely irritating and I wish they would end this track with Malti and her mother behind bars for 30-40 years.

Before you all vilify Tej's character - let me clarify my stand. Tej was never part of Toasty's "ideal desi bahu" drama. He always objected to her doing all the household chores unaided and he was strictly against her giving up her job. It was Toasty who insisted on this charade. Tej even went so far as to take a promise from the family that they would not burden Toasty, it was she who asked for these responsibilities. So if it's the bed she made, she must lie on it.

Freedom for a woman does not mean only in denying or withdrawing from the responsibilities of the hearth and home. Freedom in true sense means that a woman be free to choose the way she wants to live her life. In this case Toasty has chosen to turn the clock back 50 years and live exactly the way her mother-in-law used to live. That is her choice as an educated, independent woman and we must respect that. In Malti's case she did not choose that life so she chose to walk out. Which again one must respect.

What makes Malti's character unpalatable is that she chose to hurt a lot of innocent people in order to be avenged for what she considered an injury to herself. A lot of women walk out of unhappy marriages, none of them choose to accuse the male members of attempted rape. Even a passerby would stop to help an old man who has stumbled down the stairs, Malti chose to leave that old man helpless and bleeding at the foot of the stairs. She chose to send her husband and father-in-law to jail on false charges when they should've been attending to the old man at the hospital. That is reprehensible.

Neither Malti with her vindictive and avaricious mother, not Toasty who comes from an urban background is the type of daughter-in-law who is likely to be burned by her in-laws. Neither of them is the doormat variety.

The current track is interesting in that none of the characters is fully wrong or fully right. Each of the participant in the current drama has ambivalent feelings towards the issue that they need to resolve. The only blind person is Toasty who seems to be charging ahead full-speed with blinkers on. Where this issue should've been handled with kid-gloves and sensitivity she is riding roughshod on everyone's feelings and insecurities.

Sony itself should be applauded for daring to tackle a social evil much on rise these days - and that is the harassment of the groom/husband's family by the DILs on exactly such charges and issues that Malti has tried. While in rural and semi-urban cities the harassment of DILs is still prevalent, the urban society is trying to grapple with the other end of the coin and I salute Sony for trying in its own way to raise this issue.

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akash08

@akash08

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#17

Gangu.. interesting topic.. here are my bits:

1) do not think serials in TV are necessarily media to stage a social revolution.. they are primarily for entertainment.. as long as it provides entertainment without violating social values.. the duty is over. and what SBS is showing is "Ghar Ghar ka Kahani"- there is no distortion.. what message audience takes from is upto the audience.. there is no point in blaming the CV(s) for this- they are not here to change the society..

2) I do not think anyone thinks Raj is mischievous ..If Raj has somehow got this message from my post.. here is my apology to him. it is only that it is bit frustrating to see the forum filled up with someone's strong opinion pages after pages when he views the world with only one coloured glass.

Let me explain. When Toasty was thrown out of the Chaturs family.. whole forum was united behind her.. swearing in the name of Chaturs. I did not find a single one supporting Chaturs.. why?? because clearly the treatment given to Toasty was wrong.. you can not simply throw someone like that from the house and that too without giving any chance to her to speak..

In the same forum majority now trusts Toasty has created the problem with her stubborn and arrogant single minded agenda without caring for other's sentiments.so, a majority do not support Toasty..

This is what is called a balancd view. Gender equity does not come from sniffing female abuse everywhere around the corner and jump from your seat but it needs a balanced view of the surrounding.. I guess we objected because the balanced view is clearly missing..

Toady what is happening with Toasty is not happenning because he is woman, DIL etc.. it is happenning because she is wrong and it would have happened even if it was Gyan or Prachin in her place and what more proof you need for that when you see her parents also do not support her.. clearly they are not insulting her because she is woman??

I can not speak for others but my objection comes when someone looks at every thing with same narrow (and sometimes distorted ).. view.. it does bring in negativity when there is none..

At the end, I must repeat - there is nothing against Raj. I do write whenever I see people try to play the geneder bias card at the drop of a hat - whereas this issue is important to our society-- the overdose of this as dangerous as the gender bias..we need an open mind to appreicate that the first issue was a clear case of abuse of male power whereas what is happenning currently is not..

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

#18

Akash, didn't mean you particularly when I posted that defense of Raj. And seriously, understanding or even approving someone's point-of-view does not mean that I necessarily agree with him.

I might understand where Anna Hazare or Manmohan Singh are coming from, doesn't meant that I agree with either f them. For the record I think both are limited in their views, but we will discuss that on some other forum at a more appropriate time. :)

In the meantime, Please do read my second post. You and I concur on this issue, at least :)

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