Chapter 32: The Error of my ways.
Maan sat back in his chair as he watched Geet charging towards his cabin, her hair streaming behind her.
''What the hell is your problem? '' she barked, the moment she touched the door. ''Do u have a problem that I have the keys to the studio? Vicky trusted me with those, you obviously don't. Fine, take them. But I wanna know why you're taking them away''.
He wondered what made her speak out so She had always tried to stay away from conversation.
''Where were you yesterday after the stunt we put up?'', he asked in return, trying to keep his temper in check.
''What do mean where was I - I had left for home. We'd finished the stunt, hadn't we?''
''Handa, you weren't present when the crowd wanted to see the troupe together and left me looking foolishly for you. That is completely irresponsible . I don't think I want to hand over the keys to somebody who isn't able to think straight''.
''When have I ever slacked at the studio?'', she argued back.
''I don't favour your choices. You seem to floundering throughout the day. Is that how you lead your life?'', he attacked.
''My life is none of your business. I know how to lead it well.''
''Hah!!'', he scoffed. ''Yeah!! Sure, you do know how to lead your life well. Living in the past shows how well you do it. Losing out on the present that's there in front of you. Sure!! Crying all night long over some pathetic sob story of an ex boyfriend who dumped you. Sure Handa, you seem to be leading your life well.'' He sneered looking at her.
She paled and went visibly stiff like she'd been slapped. Her anger wiped off her face, as she silently pulled the keys out of her pocket.
Picking up her bags, she spoke in a deathly cold voice, ''You seemed to have nailed my character right on...except for one thing''...she gave a bitter laugh and continued, ''...dead boyfriend. He never wanted to leave me.''
Saying this she pushed the door and walked out.
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Maan's brain refused to react for five minutes. He processed and reprocessed all that had taken place in the office with Geet. He felt mean. He felt disgusted with himself. He didn't want to be himself at that moment. Clutching his temple in shame, he ran after her looking for her; only to find that she'd left the studio.
Abhorrence and revulsion were words that seemed to mild for him at that moment. Maan Singh Khurana who sought to do everything perfectly; without flaws, had made the most wounding one... all, a result of his anger; his one hamartia.
A part of him tried to excuse his anger ... in hindsight, he truly had been disappointed in her. She had just not seemed to be the girl, who would be cut up over a guy who dumped her. He had misjudged her all through. She had always seemed stronger than that. Vicky had been right after all.
Guilt seeped through him spreading to every inch of his conscience, covering him; smothering him. He went back and tried to work on the publicity of the show - but he kept messing up with the simplest of tasks. Unable to stay in the studio, he left Farhan in charge of the paperwork and went home for lunch ; in pursuit of peace.
The house seemed quiet. Vicky was at KC, Annie was in college, and Daadi was entertaining somebody. He gulped what he could of his lunch, all of it tasting ashen in his mouth. Just as he was walking by Daadi's room, he heard the sound of sniffing. He peeped in from behind a curtain to find Vidya aunty in the room with her. Daadi was comforting her as she cried.
He started walking away, when the next few words stood him rooted to the ground.
''Geet is young. Children recover from tragedy sooner.''
''Savitri, you haven't seen her lately. While Nikhil's apartment was there, she seemed ok. She would stay over at his flat almost every night. At times, she would return early in the morning, so that Mohinder and I wouldn't know where she's been.
But now...she hasn't eaten a proper meal in days. She tries to act like she's fine. But she fools nobody at home. ...My baby... my poor poor baby. She 's drifting from one day to another. And I can't do a thing about it. Why does she have to bear so much in her life?? Why her?'' She broke down into tears again.
''Vidya, Geet is mourning. She had dreamed an entire life with Nikhil. She's mourning for the loss of those dreams too. You can't expect her to deal with this rationally. And you can't barge into her life either. Give her space, give her room to get the urge to live once more.''
Maan had heard enough. He was feeling sick. Sick with his lack judgement. Sick of his prejudice. Was he that unthinking, unfeeling? He had thought he'd make a change in himself and had been very content in his improvement. It all felt like a farce. He'd only been deceiving himself.
He walked quickly on the tiled floor, eager to get away from the old lady's tears, away from her grief, away from the self disgust that threatened to spill out from himself. He sat on the chairs placed outside on the verandah, trying to make sense of everything he'd overheard.
''Maan?? Is that you?'', called out Daadima.
He turned reluctantly. ''Hi Daadima, I just came to have lunch.'', he replied, monotonously.
''Are you off to the office? Oh, to the studio, I mean?''
''Yes, did you need something?'', he asked, hoping the answer was in the negative.
''Beta, could you drop Vidya Aunty home? Her home is on the way to the studio. Her car's broken down.''
It was the last thing he wanted to do, but there was no way he could disobey his grandmother. He nodded.
He helped Vidya aunty to the car. The ride was a silent one. A million thoughts kept running through his mind. He felt guilty just being in her presence, knowing how he'd hurt Geet. In all these years of her friendship with his grandmother, never once had he met Geet. He'd always been in his own world. He'd hardly had time with his family...or maybe he had met her...which was why she looked to familiar.
Naanima broke into his contemplation.
''Beta, the mansion on the left. Stop there.''
He looked around and turned to park. A drizzle had begun. The water reached him, cold and unwelcome as he opened the car door for the lady. The ivy covered wall looked familiar. He looked around astounded. He had been here before! He remembered it all too well. All the events had coalesced that day. Realization dawned upon him, overwhelming him.
It was her!!
Geet! She had been the girl! The girl with the laughing eyes. That one glimpse had shaken him, they had yanked him out of his comatose existence.
Geet?? Had she been the one? How could it be?
He stood motionless, long after Nanima had thanked him and dwelled upon his epiphany. How ironic it was. He had envied her, her laughter, he happiness. Her eyes were what he remembered when he thought of his listless life. He thought of her eyes now. Deathly cold, frozen - inert.
Resolve formed in him as he thought of her life. She was there somewhere beyond those walls. He knew it. But he knew that she'd be shedding tears. He couldn't be passive now. His guilt overpowered him and he made a promise to himself.
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It was difficult. Maan Singh Khurana who could multitask without lifting a finger, was finding a dearth of his mental faculty.
He hadn't been able to talk to Geet privately throughout the week. All his efforts to meet her and apologize seemed fruitless. She either ignored him , or the circumstances made sure that he could never talk to her alone. He was ashamed too. He had no clue how he'd face her. What would he say to her? Maybe she herself avoided him, of course she would.
He struggled to go back to the matter at hand. Now that the studio had garnered so much interest, putting up the show was essential...and at it's earliest. He had put Zakhir in charge of the theme and he , like a true romantic had come up with a tragedy straight out of a Greek play. Boy and girl love, destiny that intervened and tragedy struck. Maan had approved. Crowds loved romance and heartbreak. It had potential. And his troupe and a few of the students were excellent when it came to performing on stage.
However, there was the problem of the competitors. A new studio had been advertising vigorously, testing his said flair for multi-tasking .
He called for a meeting and asked the troupe. After laying out chits, he asked the troupe to draw lots, making it easier for him to decide who'd dance to what. Zaakhir had already made the playlist, and the remixes were ready for them too.
They had a 3 weeks to choreograph it. And within that time, Maan could choose one person to dance with. The draws were kept secret ;the secret only to be known to Maan at a later date ,when all their choreographies were done and ready.
He sat now, looking over the design and the budget for the stage. Try as he might, he was failing. He needed to apologize to Geet.
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Geet listened to the song selected for her. It was ironic, it was poignant, it was her!
How was it that she had got that part. Like it was destiny to play that? Or was it fortune? Wasn't it enough that she was in that state in real life? The moment she'd opened the chit, she'd known she could do justice to it. But did she want to do justice to it?
Her argument with Maan had been hurtful. But, despite that. She couldn't get herself to leave. How could she? This was her last lifeline.
No. She couldn't leave.
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Maan had just finished watching Zakhir and Nida's practice choreography. They were perfect for it. They would surely get the house down. He had to watch Farhan's yet. He was doing a solo...and a student was going to do the other solo with him. That left just one more ...Geet. His heart constricted every time he thought of her. He still hadn't seen her's. Pushing thoughts her, out of his mind he walked to the outer practice room. He saw Farhan in the middle of helping the student with her steps. He waited till they had begun the routine. It was an aggressive filler , showing their emotions and the personalities of the character. But something didn't add up. If the happy in love couple were Zaakhir and NIda, and the other two styles were by Farhan and his partner, then the slow painful version was left for...???
He ran out of the room towards the smaller studio, where he knew he'd find Geet. It wasn't fair that she got that part ot play. He would allow her to change it.
He stopped short of the door, keeping himself from view. Why he did that, he didn't know, but on some level he knew she might not want to see him.
She was already dancing. He watched her move, the dancing giving her pain an expression. It was beautiful, filled with anguish, but beautiful. Did that make him a sadist? For liking the pain that reverberated off and around her. He watched her. It was impossible not to watch her.
When she finally stopped, panting, he mustered his courage and walked towards her.
''Geet''
She stiffened and turned at his voice. Her expression hardened on seeing him and she turned away without a word.
''Geet please stop.'', he said desperately.
She did...turning her face away.
''Look, Geet... ...I...I want to...have been wanting to apologize for a lot of days. I had no excuse for myself and I don't ask for forgiveness either. Cause I can't forgive myself, and I wouldn't expect you to. But I want you to know that I'm extremely sorry. I shouldn't have spewed my anger on you. And I shouldn't have aimed baseless conjectures at you either.'' He paused. ''If you'd like to, you could change your song selection and dance to another part. I have reviewed everyone's choreography now, but I hadn't realized that you had got the finale. If you aren't comfortable ... I'm sure Nida will be willing to change. It's ur choice. Personally I liked your choreography and Nida might not do justice to it.
And err...I'm really sorry...again.''
Geet looked up to meet his eyes. There was nothing but an earnest regret in there and she found herself believing him. She nodded once and walked away.
Maan ran a hand through his hair. It felt like his heart was thudding threatening to burst out.
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Over the next few days, Maan watched each of the performances. They were apt for every performer.. Like the chits of the draw had known which hand would suit them the best and had delivered themselves.
He knew the one person he could perform with. It was Geet; not because he wanted to , but because she was the lone dancer in her performance. But her dance was breathtaking. He didn't want to fiddle around with it and take away its essence. But, he wanted to be a part of it somehow and he had to be a part of one performance, as was tradition. He sat at the end of the hall watching Geet perform on stage. This had become a habit and she had become used to it too.
The moves of her dance were perfectly imperfect.But hers being the finale, needed that extra touch.
He walked out discreetly and moved to the wings, taking in her movements, her steps, the area she left for the props, and the unused area of the stage!
He walked out, and called Zakhir to his cabin.
Precap - Geet's performance
Guys ,
I'm not too happy with this one...so sorry bout any sloppiness.
I decided to break it up into two - there's too much in one update otherwise - this one shall go up soon.
Hope u enjoy it.
cheers.
Chapter 33 -Jiyein Kyun - Page 67
Edited by mechantefille - 13 years ago
Ishaani
