"It Felt As If I Was Being Controlled By The Devil"
As a journalist, every once in a while I come across stories that inspire me. Common amongst those are the rags-to-riches success stories, or stories on how one has gotten over a traumatic relationship. The people in all of these have emerged triumphant, but not without having gone through their share of hell. Saurabh Pande's story is no different, as it is also one that is bound to inspire. A while back, the Ganga Ki Dheej actor was into rampant usage of drugs. It took him more than a year to get back to his old self. In a heart-to-heart with Showtime, he reveals how he got caught up in the unfortunate circle of drugs; how it almost damned him and the struggle he went through to get his life back on track.
When this Delhi boy first came to Mumbai and enrolled himself in an acting class, little did he know, where hundreds of strugglers find it hard to get a break in the entertainment industry, he would hit jackpot in no time and bag the lead in the then newly launched channel, 9X's most ambitious show, Jiya Jale. While he got a dream debut, recession hit the industry soon and like others, he struggled to get work. "But in spite of it, I managed to bag Shaurya Aur Suhani and Tere Mere Sapne. It was during this time that the tragic event took place in my life," Saurabh begins the interview.
A common notion would be that due to frustration in his professional life, he resorted to taking drugs. But he dismisses this and replies, "Though there was recession, I didn't face any kind of problem. I was getting the money I was asking for my show. So work wasn't the reason. Towards the end of the shooting of Shaurya..., I got into bad company. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I can't even think of repeating what I did. Back then, I didn't know much about drug abuse. I actually got into it unknowingly."
He takes a breather and continues, "You know, I was an innocent lad from Delhi. I had never touched alcohol. I didn't even eat non-vegetarian food, until I started doing so for building a good body. I belong to that kind of a background, so I had no idea about all this."
It's not easy to talk about something as devastating as substance abuse, but Saurabh unflinchingly speaks about the darkest and the most depressing phase of his life. "I was living in a completely different world. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing. I wasn't in control of myself. It felt as if I was being controlled by the devil. I couldn't understand anything. It totally turned my life upside down. I would smoke up hash and weed, but had no idea what I was doing. In fact, I didn't realise when I got addicted to it."
As typical of drug addicts, the repercussions of his addiction affected him badly. "It was a very difficult period. While I was doing Tere Mere Sapne, I couldn't give a scene without smoking up. Even when I wasn't shooting, I was indulging in it. My body was out of shape thanks to the drugs." One had also heard rumours about his unprofessional attitude on the sets. He confirms the news, "It's true. Because of my behaviour, there were a lot of problems on the set. When you are consuming such negative things, you tend to become negative and attract negativity. All the people around me would wonder what was wrong with me. Nobody knew about my addiction, except for a few of my 'wrong' friends. But at that time, they were really good friends of mine, so it didn't matter."
Not only did his relationships with people suffer, even professionally he was ruined. "I lost out on a lot of work because of this. People in the industry thought I had gone mad. Obviously they would think so, as my behaviour wasn't good. I had become desperate and weird," he says emotionally.
I ask him the one question that everyone who reads this interview will want to ask him. How did he manage to get over his addiction? He calmly replies, "The day I realised that this habit is not taking me anywhere ahead in life, I took a stand. I decided not to do it further. I started working out rigorously. I maintained a detoxifying diet, so that I wouldn't crave for drugs. It took a lot of will-power and every cell in my body to stop the craving."
Getting over the addiction hasn't been an easy task but it's been more than a year that Saurabh has gone down that path. "The phase lasted for almost 15-16 months. I dread to think of those days. I don't like that time of my life. It was my biggest mistake. Now I don't speak in favour of using drugs in any form, even if it's for body building, because eventually your mind gets screwed. You are left with no judgment of your own. It's very bad."
They say sometimes you have to go through major upheavals in life to emerge a stronger person. Saurabh believes that this has been his learning experience. "They say, when things happen, they happen for good. When you make mistakes, you see to it that in the future, you don't repeat them. You can be an example for the world. So I've learnt my lesson very well. If any of my friends are trying to get into it, I stop them right then and there. I've seen my friends ruining their lives due to this addiction."
He may have taken a stand to quit drugs all by himself, but there were people who helped him recover from his addiction. He is eternally grateful for their unconditional support and faith in him and says, "I went on the wrong path but I thank my friends like Gurmeet Chaudhary and Debina Bonnerjee, who helped me recover. I also thank my parents back in Delhi and most importantly my girlfriend Soni, who has always been a pillar of support."
So he has a girlfriend, I ask. How did they manage to maintain their relationship in all this mess? He explains, "During Shaurya..., we had a little problem and so we broke up. Then during Tere Mere Sapne, we got back together. She's from Vancouver, Canada but we first met at our acting classes in Mumbai. At that time, we didn't even think we would get along."
He is all praises for Soni. "She's the love of my life. If she would have not been there in my life, I would have been nowhere. Thanks to her, I came out of my addiction. They say, behind every man's success, there is a woman. It's true; she's the woman behind my success. We've been together for a while now, so marriage is definitely on the cards. But right now we are concentrating on our careers."
Life post the trauma is stable and much sorted for this actor. "Trust me, now I am tension-free and at peace with myself. I'm back to work and have just wrapped up Ganga Ki Dheej, but now I am exploring other offers. You see, I had to get off from that show. To begin something new, I need to finish what I am doing at the moment," he ends.
It's human to falter and make mistakes. But it takes great courage to own up to those mistakes and rectify them. And that's what Saurabh Pande has managed to do.
*By Purvaja Sawant
Cricket
Marathi TV
