Hypocricy of Saloni's ILs but good dialog - Page 2

Originally posted by: ramas

xyz in many houses once a daughter gets married and daughter in law comes. If daughter try to do something that is called interferenc. saat phere is just story. But in real life Bhabhis won't allow it saying this is not your house anymore. They will even make you feel like you are the guest in your own house. Also I am against the law that gives the right to son in laws that can inherit father in laws property. We will have more people like dheer who will marry for girls parents inheritance.
I agree parents can stay with daughters and sons. I believe daughters will take care of parents better than sons.

I agree with you especially with this "I believe daughters will take care of parents better than sons". Exceptions are there but in general I too have seen that! Thank God my bhabhi does not make me feel like a gues at my parents but hey she does not live with my parents either. My parents even now say that if my brother were to stay in the same town as my parents they would see to it that they stay in a separate house independently. Works well for everyone.

Good discussion you have got going here...
To me paraya is anything that you emotionally detach yourself from... but one can never emotionally detach from parents and parents cannot do that to their kids.. so where does paraya get into the picture?

Brijesh's dialogues were so out of place... with his character. I have not watched the serial even once.. but I tend to read the updates.
I am glad this serial is addressing the age old issues that some of the people are stuck with. But I do wish Kaveri's role gets toned down a little.

I agree with you Vazz. We have discussed this in many forums before and I am never tired of repeating myself - I do not believe a girl becomes pariah after marriage or that her parents don't have a say in her life - BS is what I call that. To me there is NO difference as to whether a girl gets married or a boy. Both are marrying INTO each other's families......Brijesh has totally disgusted me..

As for Kaveri I think she went over the top saying "What of your daughter Pia gets pregnant" but the rest of what she said to Saloni's in-laws about them insulting Saloni's parents, etc. was true!! I dislike Kaveri as much as everyone else and she might have said what she did to stir up and create more problems in Saloni's sasural but what she said to them were facts.. Saloni should and could have slapped Kaveri months earlier in more appropriate times.. 😆

Originally posted by: diyacool

Those dialogues are definately great!!!
A son in law is just like son as Nahar said he has equal responisibility for Saloni's family.
Even though Saloni is married she has equal responsibilities and rights as Samar does.
Good thing about this show is that they don't show that stupid dialogue 'beti ke ghar ka paani bhi nahin pina'.
Saloni's family happily celebrates Shubra's birthday at their daughter's sasural.

It doesn't bother me that Dheer lives with his wife's family, but that he doesn't do anything. I don't see him contributing in family in any way weather its financial, emotional or any other support.
Jerk that he is.

True, of course Saloni's mom keeps talking of pariah crap but Saloni's dad pooh poohs it always.😆 I wish they would also show that not staying in a joint family is not bad (both have their positives and negatives)..Like they did in Astitva where Abhi's parents hand over the keys to their Daughter-in-law saying "These are the keys to your place". Said with all good intentions and love and they continued to maintain a great relationship...I know my parents would do the same with my brother - though of course they love him to death...But at the same time they are very practical.

And one big advantage of staying indepedently is that both sets of parents can come and stay with their children when they want. If I were living in my in-law's place (not my in-laws' staying with me but me staying with them) would it be possible/practical for my parents to come and stay with me for days together in my place (actually my in-law's place)? No and that would be grossly unfair.. But by staying in a separate house, both the girl's parents and boy's parents can come and stay with them when they feel like...

I know that if I got a job transfer to a place where it is possible for my hubby to get a transfer/change of job, he would consider it. Same with me..

I too don't have problems with Dheer staying with his in-laws, just that he is an useless idiot..

Very true said xyzzee. When they say 'betiya parayi hoti hai', it just aches! Not fair! Altho daughters leaving parents and moving to in-laws has been a tradition since ages/generations, that doesn't mean us daughters are born to break nata with our parents. I donno if you mentioned or someone else, one can't emotionally detach from parents. I mean yes its okay if we live with in-laws, lekin that doesnt make us 'paraya' in that literal sense. Our parents bring us up, do everything for us, and guys are lucky enough that they get the opportunity to take care of our parents at their old age. Us girls, unfortunately don't get that opportunity legitimately. But as daughters, tho we dont live with parents, we have ALL the right to take care of them emotionally. And keep our relationship strong with love and joy. I strongly believe that you don't have to be living with the people you love to take care of them. You can do so in many other ways. By simply saying a prayer as well. We aren't literaly 'paraya'. When girls get married, as mentioned earlier by someone, we have more responsibilities, yes BUT the responsibility towards our parents should not go any less. As much responsibility we have towards our husbands and his family, we had prior to our marriage towards our parents and should remain so! Right?

Originally posted by: belize

Very true said xyzzee. When they say 'betiya parayi hoti hai', it just aches! Not fair! Altho daughters leaving parents and moving to in-laws has been a tradition since ages/generations, that doesn't mean us daughters are born to break nata with our parents. I donno if you mentioned or someone else, one can't emotionally detach from parents. I mean yes its okay if we live with in-laws, lekin that doesnt make us 'paraya' in that literal sense. Our parents bring us up, do everything for us, and guys are lucky enough that they get the opportunity to take care of our parents at their old age. Us girls, unfortunately don't get that opportunity legitimately. But as daughters, tho we dont live with parents, we have ALL the right to take care of them emotionally. And keep our relationship strong with love and joy. I strongly believe that you don't have to be living with the people you love to take care of them. You can do so in many other ways. By simply saying a prayer as well. We aren't literaly 'paraya'. When girls get married, as mentioned earlier by someone, we have more responsibilities, yes BUT the responsibility towards our parents should not go any less. As much responsibility we have towards our husbands and his family, we had prior to our marriage towards our parents and should remain so! Right?

I agree... Let me also add that these days parents also physically do live with their daughters after marriage.. (Some anyway). In fact that was a condition I put forward to both my parents and hubby before we were married. My hubby has no problems with my parents coming and staying with us either (Just like I have no objection to his parents staying with us). Marriage is give and take - it has to work both ways...And I told my parents that they need to feel that my house is like theirs. Fortunately they agreed, lol. Which is why I feel it is better for a couple to stay independently in their own place after marriage. If I were living in my in-laws' place, my aprents would never feel as much at home there. As I mentioned before, it makes it easier for both sets of parents to come and stay with the couple when they feel like if the couple stays separately...My husband also does not believe in the joint family system where in a girl goes and stays with her in-laws because it becomes somewhat lopsided that way....

Not sure how many people are out there who are an only child and that too a girl. I am one of those. My in-laws, hubby, my parents everybody knew what we were getting into.. meaning, my parents would need to live with us when they grow older.. do they have a choice.. I dont think so 😊.
My parents do not live with me right now. They visit me and so do my in-laws. But if I were living with my in-laws my parents would not visit me as comfortably as they are now. They may visit me for a few days not as long as I would like them to. Yes, I sure can go and visit them, but I would like my parents to also enjoy my house. I would like them to see how their daughter has set up a house and that they are also very welcome here.
As a daughter I feel that I have grown closer to my mom after my marriage.. may be because I understand her role better as a homemaker, how things need to get addressed without hurting the other person and also without hurting myself. All this knowledge transfer will happen better if mother daughter pairs are together after the daughter's marriage too.
Yes, some mothers of daughters are interfering, they cause problems with in marriages, but do we not have mothers in law too who create havoc in the marraiges of their sons? It works both ways. I would prefer to live separately from both sets of parents and have them visit me or me visit them. Kids love to spend time with both sets of grandparents. Nana Nani have the same amount of love and affections like the Dada dadi, then why would the kids spend more time with their paternal grandparents?
All situations are complex. Some families just do not like the way I am suggesting and am hoping times will change their thought process slowly and will change the saying to dhan for a lady without associating the word paraya to it.

Originally posted by: vazz

Not sure how many people are out there who are an only child and that too a girl. I am one of those. My in-laws, hubby, my parents everybody knew what we were getting into.. meaning, my parents would need to live with us when they grow older.. do they have a choice.. I dont think so 😊.
My parents do not live with me right now. They visit me and so do my in-laws. But if I were living with my in-laws my parents would not visit me as comfortably as they are now. They may visit me for a few days not as long as I would like them to. Yes, I sure can go and visit them, but I would like my parents to also enjoy my house. I would like them to see how their daughter has set up a house and that they are also very welcome here.
As a daughter I feel that I have grown closer to my mom after my marriage.. may be because I understand her role better as a homemaker, how things need to get addressed without hurting the other person and also without hurting myself. All this knowledge transfer will happen better if mother daughter pairs are together after the daughter's marriage too.
Yes, some mothers of daughters are interfering, they cause problems with in marriages, but do we not have mothers in law too who create havoc in the marraiges of their sons? It works both ways. I would prefer to live separately from both sets of parents and have them visit me or me visit them. Kids love to spend time with both sets of grandparents. Nana Nani have the same amount of love and affections like the Dada dadi, then why would the kids spend more time with their paternal grandparents?
All situations are complex. Some families just do not like the way I am suggesting and am hoping times will change their thought process slowly and will change the saying to dhan for a lady without associating the word paraya to it.

Ah, exactly what I have been trying to say too all along!! Let me also add that I am not an only child - I have a brother but yet my parents are as comfortable with me as with my brother!! I would have hated it if my parents showed more comfort at my brother's place - seriously I would not even have considered marriage if it meant compromising time spent with my parents....No way, why should it happen?? Just because they have a son too and I HAPPENED to be born a girl????? Absolutely not!

I also feel that this so-called interference from parents is blown out of proportion! Boy's parents do that too...And what would one categorize as interference? What Brijesh did is interfering (and I am being nice here)! Abhi's mom was intefering until she realized Simran's worth (Astitva) as with Simran's dad. However towards the end I did not find Simran's dad as intefering - if my dad had a SIL as Abhi who could not understand his (Abhi's) daughter's emotions - he may have reacted that way too....!! But I find that giving advice is often seen as inteference - I don't agree, after all they are more experienced than us, so why should they not? I know I turn to my parents for advice all the time and I am even closer to my mom after marriage than before, like Vazz said....

Today's episode in US was another good reason why I think joint families may not always work..