Tum Kaun Ho?
A Maaneet Fan Fic
Chapter 37
From the pages of Geet Handa's Journal
My therapist Mandy suggested that writing was a good way to deal with my feelings about things that happened in my life. This is my second attempt to put on paper my thoughts about the darkest days of my life. I burned the first attempt, and felt somewhat better afterwords. I am hoping that by writing about that time again, I will be able to let go of a little more of my pain. I will be writing things here that no one else knows about, and that I haven't even been able to talk about during my therapy session. It may only ever be for my eyes, but I feel the need to tell the story of how Geet Talwari became Geet Handa.
Spring is usually a time when people feel happy. The days grow longer and plants start to grow and bloom. The weather gets nicer and school is almost out for summer break. These are things that I always looked forward two as a child. Even when I was a senior in high school, I looked forward to them with the added bonus of graduation. Life seemed to be going the way I expected, until the first weekend in April.
It was a typical Saturday for me, on my own as usual. Dad and Daarji had gone out of town for something business related and Brij was out with his friends. Being the only girl, in the richest family in Anderson, Wisconsin, who happened to be a very conservative Punjabi family, I didn't have any friends. I usually spent my Saturdays studying. Sometimes I would walk out to McGee Lake and enjoy the nature there, but it was too cold to do that during April. I spent my day at the Rusk County Community Library, in the hopes that I could improve my ACT scores. I had already done well enough to get into the university of my choice, but Daarji had been complaining about the cost of sending me to another state, and I was hoping to get some better scholarships with better scores.
In the late afternoon I came home and did my usual household chores. The housekeeper made dinner and then left. I was still the only one at home, but that was typical, so I went right back to my studying. Around 9:30 my brother came home, and I ignored him until I heard some loud thuds. When I went to see what was going on, I found my brother drunk, which was nothing new, and struggling to get up the stairs to his room. When he saw me looking at him, he demanded that I help him. Like the dutiful sister I gave him my help, ignoring his insults, for he often insulted me.
I don't know if it was because we were alone in the house, or if it was some other reason, but once we were in his room, he wouldn't let me leave. He grabbed my shoulders and complained that girls were "all show and no action". He said that he was Brij Talwari, grandson of the most influential man in Rusk county, and he could get any girl he wanted, even me. As much as he abused me verbally, I couldn't believe he would say such a thing, and I told him so. He response was to taunt me by saying that there was no one there to stop him, and since he was my brother he could do anything he wanted to me.
I struggled to get away, but he was too strong, and I couldn't escape. He pushed me up against the wall and began pressing himself closer to me. I kept pleading with him to let me go, and trying all I could to get away, but he grabbed my hands, ignoring my protests. I told him that if he continued, I would tell everyone what he had done. He just laughed crazily and said who would believe that he would ever need to force himself on someone who was as plain as me. At that point he began licking my cheek and I lost it. I couldn't stop screaming for help as loud as I was able.
This was a good thing, because he let go of one of my hands to cover my mouth. With my hand free I was able to pick up a lamp. I don't know how I got ahold of the lamp, but somehow I did. I smashed it against the side of his head as hard as I could. I don't know if he was only stunned or totally knocked out. I didn't wait to find out. As soon as he let me go, I ran out of the room and out of the house. I knew I had to get away. We lived on the edges of the town, so the closet house was a few minutes walk away. The first house I tried, no one answered the door. I was afraid that Brij was after me, so I quickly hurried to the next house, which was the home of our housekeeper. She was a nice, elderly woman, and when she saw it was me, she let me in quickly.
I told her all that had happened, and she immediately called her son, who was the county sheriff. Anderson was too small to have a police force, so the sheriff took care of any criminal activity. He came as quickly as he could to take my statement, but not quickly enough. In the time between my leaving the house, and the sheriff going to arrest Brij, Daarji and Dad had come back. They had succeeded in cleaning up most of the evidence after Brij lied to them about what happened. Though we were all taken to the sheriff's office, and the whole situation was laid before my Dad and Daarji, it was really only my word against Brij's. They chose to believe Brij.
I was shocked. I had always been aware that Brij was more favored because he was a boy. He was allowed to do everything and I was allowed to do nothing. It had been that way for as long as I could remember. I was used to it, but when Daarji said that I wouldn't be allowed in the house, and that he wouldn't pay for my schooling if I didn't take back the "lie" about my brother, I was shocked. I was an A+ student, and my brother didn't even work. All he did was party with his friends and spend Daarji's money.
It wasn't just me who Daarji threatened. He told the sheriff that if he arrested Brij due to my "false accusations" that he would see that the sheriff was never reelected. We all knew he could do it. The Talwari factory employed half the people in the county, and everyone was afraid of Daarji, including the Sheriff. Everyone, except our housekeeper.
When she heard Daarji threaten to throw me out, Mrs. Carlson declared that I could live with her. Daarji then threatened to fire her, but Mrs. Carlson told him to go ahead. She was past the age of retirement, and had only taken the job for something to do. However, she wasn't interested in working for a man who allowed his grandson to do such things to his own sister. With no concern for anyone, she marched me right out of the Sheriff's office and took me home.
I can't even explain how difficult those final weeks before graduation were. The stares and the whispers were like little knives cutting my soul. I doubt I would have taken my own life, but I never would have survived if it wasn't for Mrs. Carlson. It was she who helped me continue my ACT studying. It was she who helped me get loans so that I could still go to university. It was she who helped me get registered for summer classes, so that I could leave Anderson right after graduation. It was she who helped me with all the necessary steps to legally change my name from Talwari, to Handa, my mother's maiden name.
Three months after the incident, when I was told about the fire that killed my family and destroyed my home, I was blank. I had no emotion. Even when the Sheriff explained that the fire had been set by a girl who Brij had raped during one of his drunken episodes, before she killed herself, I was still blank. Why should I feel anything? What had the Talwari family ever done for me that I should morn their loss? I was no longer a Talwari. I was a Handa. Geet Handa, a girl who was independent and who could survive on her own.
Mar. 23, 2011 10:40 pm
Maan put closed the journal and laid it on the bed. He didn't know that he had tears in his eyes until one rolled down his cheek and fell onto his hand. He tried to think of something to say as he wiped his eyes, but he couldn't. Moving to stand next to Geet, who was still looking out her window, Maan placed his hand on her shoulder, slowly turning her so they were looking at each other. Without any words, they understood that comfort was needed. Maan pulled Geet to him, enveloping her with his arms, while Geet wrapped her own arms tightly around his waist. She laid her head on his shoulder and he rested his head against her own.
They stayed in each others arms, holding on tightly, for quite a few minutes, before Maan said, "I'm sorry, Geet. I'm sorry that you had to go through such terrible experiences. If that devil wasn't already dead, I would kill him for daring to touch you."
"You don't need to say sorry. You couldn't have done anything. You didn't even know me when it happened. But, it's good that you know now. This way you will understand why I have to leave."
Maan pulled back abruptly, shocked by what he had heard Geet say. "Leave. What do you mean, leave?"
It was such an absurd suggestion, that Maan half expected to see a joking expression in Geet's eyes. When he saw she was serious, he all but shouted, "You can't leave. You can't leave me. I won't let you!"
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