Forgive or Revenge

Originally posted by: PhoeniXof_Hades

^ Do you somehow read my thoughts, because I was about to make a similar topic - after quite a while - regarding this issue.

I think it depends if we are looking from an individual or at a larger organizational level.

Firstly viewing it from an individual level. Personally, I feel that life is too short to hold grudges or resentments against people. As people have already said "To err is human, to forgive is divine". When we forgive and forget, we become larger than ourselves and act out of compassion which helps us in the long run. However, we are all human, not divine. Sometimes we don't have the strength to forgive some things, and that is perfectly fine. It is alright to be upset, hold out and do something from your gut emotions.

Also to add, forgetting means letting go and leaving bygones as bygones. By no means does it mean erasing ones memory or pretending that nothing ever happened. It takes time to amend some wrongs and it should. As they also say "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." You can't let people keep taking you for a ride, there is no divinity or goodness in that.

I also think at a certain point forgiveness becomes more imperative for a forgiver rather than the person seeking forgiveness. If a person makes a mistake and learns from it, they will eventually repent and move on. It does not matter how serious, how grave or how often they repeated it. Receiving forgiveness is usually closure and the push needed to make amends. When people have actually gone forward repented and made amends on their own, they have gone beyond the need to receive closure. Receiving forgiveness maybe the cherry on top of the icing, but they have already made life changes which make them feel good about themselves and let go of the past. At this point it is the person who refuses to forgive who needs to let go, forgive, receive the closure and move on in life. By refusing to forgive people they are simply burdening their own lives with a grudge. For while they are holding on – others surely have moved on and are at a better place. This is not about people who say sorry for the sake of it or just to get done with it, it's about people who have learned the hard way and mean it.

However, I do feel revenge or getting even is extremely childish. There is absolutely no good reason to get back at people. In fact it starts a chain reaction of tit for tat behavior with no good coming from it. To me it is honestly a waste of time on petty revenge, getting even etc. There are a lot of positive, constructive, things that can be done with time. Besides its ridiculous to give someone so much importance that you take time away from better things to plot revenge.

Moving onto organizations – take a country or a business for example. They are not individuals responsible for themselves, but rather entities responsible for a whole lot of people. In fact nations are obligated to serve their citizens, businesses are obligated to serve their customers, stakeholders and employees. When it comes to organizational interaction while there are still ethical codes involved the forgive/forget/revenge areas are not sentimental, closure based like with people. The focus here is practicality and benefit of the organization.

Microsoft may feel that a hostile takeover of a small software firm is in its best business interest. The software firm may feel that's not good for them and cut a deal with Google. Microsoft may try to outmaneuver Google legally, but with unethical aggression. Microsoft will be unapologetic for their behavior, and Google and/or the small firm may be vengeful. Similarly EU may cause the UN to pass a referendum, which USA feels is unfair. USA may impose trade barriers to get back. As long as its all business or benefit of the nation, its all kosher. Of course with business and political egos the personal/professional line is blurred.

But then coming back to a personal level, as people we find ourselves committed to friends, family, loved ones etc. Maybe we forgive and forget wrongs against us. However, can we forgive and forget wrongs against people we care for? When we take on responsibilities as parents, spouses etc. how much or how little should we do on behalf of them? How much forgiveness or vengeance can we commit to for our loved ones? Or should we have no say in that?

I find it really hard to forgive and then forget. If it's something petty then it's easy to ignore and move on but when someone does something that really hurts me, I won't forgive them for a long time. :\ This usually just includes me ignoring their phone/texts/emails or even their BBM lol. (sounds immature but when I'm upset with someone then instead of 'taking revenge', I just ignore them and this saves me getting angry and having another argument with people). But eventually I get round it and at one point when i'm not so angry or upset then I usually forgive people and move on. Like earlier mentioned though, I rarely ever forget. It's hard to just erase those memories or the feeling of how hurt or upset someone once caused you to be. I don't think that not forgetting is always a bad thing. In a way it makes you stronger. It allows you not to keep any false hopes, expectations from people and just learn from your mistakes.

I know I sound like such a selfish person but I guess that's just the way I am.

Sometimes, we forgive people simply because we still want them in our life....better learn to forgive yourself and move on 😊

Hmmm.. I usually forgive but I never forget.