Girl dies coz bro didnt let her watch KA

Are you hotheaded?

A girl who should be eating her wedding sweets consumes poison because her brother wouldn't allow her to watch "Kavyanjali." A father smashes the baseball coach's head saying he deliberately kept his son out of a game. A man bludgeons his friend out of shape because, hold your breath, he hadn't refilled the toilet paper holder.

You'd think when people choose to burst their veins they would at least do it over worthy causes. Anger obviously has more power to it than you think.

From caveman to cyborg, no one has been delivered anger-free. The symptoms appear early, some would say at birth. What do you think the toddler's temper tantrum is? A preschooler pushes, a school goer taunts, a teenager turns hostile and an adult rages. Anger grows with you. Don't believe people who say you have to control, suppress or get rid of anger. Believe them less if they say they never get angry. And compliment those who have a pasted smile on their face. They are good actors. For some, the smile that hides seething is just a defence mechanism. They are scared of showing anger and protect themselves with that weak grin. Can't do their health a lot of good.

Guess what? It's ok to be angry. In fact, it is necessary to be angry. Look around. The guy next door is reversing his car that goes 'wok, wok, wok'. A dog picks up the cue and joins in for exactly those five minutes when the story actually moves in your favourite serial. Anger is part of our psyche. It is a natural response to life's unfairness. You learn how to ride anger so you don't make things worse. Deal with anger in a way that is useful. Like dashing off a letter to those whose job is to keep noise pollution at manageable levels. Or organising a cleaning drive. It's more fun solving a problem than wasting time being just angry.

How do you take charge if you get angry quickly? Different things work for different people. Choose from Relax, Communicate, Problem Solve, Leave the Spot and Look for Humour. Teach yourself to say why you're angry. When you speak out the reasons for anger, you'll see how trivial and inconsequential they often are. Anger is energy. Put it to good use. Get that familiar feeling of rushing blood, tensing muscles, pounding heart, aching stomach? Do something physical. Of course, don't throw the plate or paperweight! Step outside for a walk, breathe easy, munch a carrot or listen to some music. Write down all you want to say and do (hide it well!). Or stroke your dog.

What are your anger-causing agents? Put an end to them. No, not what you think. If the guy in the next cubicle has a knuckle-cracking hobby, tell him it's distracting. Can't? Send e-mail. Most people respond well.

Save your anger for important issues. If you're going to lose temper because somebody chats in the middle of the road, parks at a turning or litters ice-cream wrappers, you'll spend every day being livid. Remember, they don't do it on purpose. And you aren't perfect, either.

If you have uncontrollable bouts, meet a counsellor for an anger management plan. The bottomline is this. If you are always yelling, only those who can put up with it (for whatever reason) will stick to you. And they may not be the most efficient.

GEETA PADMANABHAN