Total Hours = 96
Hours Slept = 14
Sleep Deprived Hours i.e. Hours Awake = 82
*yawns*
*sigh*
At the risk of sounding like a total cry-baby I want to point out that if my eye lids felt as heavy as lead yesterday, they feel like magnets today - not only is the "gravity" working on them but they're actually attracted towards each other! π₯±
*realizes she's gone on a random Physics tangent*
*smacks forehead*
*sigh*
I am going to shut up - I haven't made up my mind about how detailed this TIN is going to be. I WANT to do a full re-watched TIN but I don't know if my exhausted mind will support me there. So I'm going to do this as I go - because I HAVE to do it. Warna toh I cannot sleep... π The things that will run around in my head after this episode if I don't do the TIN.. OMG! π
π
Anyways, before I go off on some other random science tangent - read at your own risk! π€£
- I absolutely DISLIKE this dubbed voice on Nakku as she's talking to Baji in the first scene - DIS. LIKE. *hmph* I have nothing more to say to this. *stubborn muh*
- When Nakku told Baji about her decision to tell Dutta the entire truth, Baji wasn't worried that Dutta won't be able to handle the truth - No, he had no doubt that Dutta would be able to tackle this problem head and come out of it. What Baji was worried about was the ill-timing of the confession - he was worried that telling Dutta that Nakku had lied to him all along at a time when he's just severed one of his closest (at least to him) relationships for Nakku might not be the smartest tactical move. I mean, he even thought about all the past "betrayals" and when he thought of them he didn't dwell on the "lie" as much as he did on the "revelation" of it. With Seema, she was seen getting cozy with the pedophile on a car - she could have told him like a sensible person but instead she let him "walk in" on their obscenity. And THAT threw Dutta in that downward spiral to become Dutta Bhao. With Supriya, all she had to do was tell Dutta that she loved the mavali and he'd have gotten the two married himself. But instead she chose to elope with the mavali, arrange a "death" fiasco and ALL this on their wedding day?! No one Dutta was livid enough to go lethal on all the glassware in his house. And now if Nakku tells him that he just fought with Kala for her but she'd been harboring a lie all along - if that isn't going to make him seem like a Grade-A idiot and if that isn't going to shatter his self confidence then honestly, I don't know what will. It isn't the lie that's the issue - no, that lie can be dealt with; it can be handled - it's how its revealed to Dutta that's the critical issue. At least for Baji.. Umm.. at least that's what it seemed to me - but I could be wrong here.. π€
- Nakku's suffering from a state of self-induced high. She's been lying to Dutta so long and she's been suffocating because of it for so long that now she just doesn't want to stop. She's made up her mind to tell him the truth - she sees the light at the end of the tunnel - and she does not want to stop for anything until she gets it, so help her God!
- Kala's so angry as she's packing - she isn't heart broken or depressed. She isn't even demoralized. She's just plain pissed! *sigh* Is it weird that I like that..?βΊοΈπ€£π€£
- OMG! I LOVED the Kala-Aayi Sahib confrontation! I mean I just LOVED it! I think I watched it and re-watched and then re-watched it! And every time I tried to write about the scene, I'd just get caught up in it and forget to pause or put my thoughts down at the moment (which is how I do TINs usually). So then I'd have to rewind, re-watch (and I'd forget to pause again) and so on and so forth! This scene has taken me forever to figure out and I'm not even sure if I got it right.. π€£ But here it is none the less. Kala's in her room packing - she's fuming in anger thinking about the indignity she's just suffered below. SHE - Kalavati - has been shown the door and all because of a petty maid?!?! A nobody (according to her)! And while she's pacing around the room in anger, Aayi Sahib walks in to placate her - her comment about not letting Kala go "aisey" made me feel that even though she was glad that the situation was under control and wasn't particularly worried about Kala leaving the house (why should she worry? Kala's leaving with her husband.. Quite normal, I say), she didn't want Kala to leave upset. I'm sure there have been speculations about why she wanted to pacify Kala after asking her to leave in the first place, but I honestly feel it was just her motherhood. I mean I can totally see my mom coming after me to make sure I'm okay, even though a minute ago she might have put her foot down against something I'd said or done. But when Kala sees her, she doesn't even skip a beat - as soon as Aayi Sahib starts to "fix" what she'd said earlier (tries to make it seem less insulting than it might have seemed to Kala), Kala's at her throat! She counters EVERYTHING Aayi Sahib said and with great ferocity! Like she didn't want to give Aayi Sahib any chance to mend this - she had the chance down stairs and she BLEW it by taking Dutta's side over her and now she cannot come back and get herself off the hook! Kala's made up her mind and there is no changing it. EVERYONE that has taken a part in "dethroning" her today shall pay. Everyone. No exceptions. No excuses.
- Another broad thing I noticed about Kala today - today, she was done pretending. Today Kala's reaction and comments were a mix of manipulation and sincere emotions. One instance she'd be manipulating someone and the very next she's be voicing her genuine sentiment. And the shift was so quick that I really cannot sit here and document EVERY shift chronologically.. I'll just have discuss this behavior as a whole.. Anyways, lets get to it! *rubs hands* Every time we've seen Kala so far, she's always had a cloak on - she's always actively (yet effortlessly) tried to conceal her true intentions from everyone else, but today she was done. I mean, she still manipulated people. She told Aayi Sahib that Dutta took away her father and today her mother too, hitting Aayi Sahib where it hurt the most i.e. accusing a mother of picking favorite between her kids. She told Leela and Roops that they changed colors like a chameleon - they were with her when things were good but the minute things got hard those two ran for the exit - and that after all she'd given up for them she was still hung out to dry. So, yes she absolutely manipulated people! But what was different this time was the casual manner in which she alluded to herself - telling Aayi Sahib that WHATEVER she was like was all her fault or being angry at how Dutta insulted her because of Nakusha (talked with her in such a rude manner for a maid!) or telling Leela and Roops that she will not trust them or grant them mercy! That was HER talking - no farce, no cover up. *wonders if she's making any sense here* Like she assumed that now that her "cover" was blown, there was no need to pretend to be nice - she was still operating under the excuse of being "wronged by the family", but she was being evil about it as she did it. Telling Aayi Sahib it was her fault! Accusing her of picking favorites and using her father's death to manipulate Aayi Sahib - along with telling Aayi Sahib that "jaisi bhi hoon jo bhi hoon" it's because of her (hinting towards the fact that she assumed Aayi Sahib knew what her real intentions were or that she just didn't care enough to cover up otherwise). With Leela and Roops, her play on words with "choti behnain" (how she seems disgusted as she utters the word "behnain") or her whole "I did so much for you guys when you were young" bit as she played with their sentiments - all that was manipulation. But then the comment about not letting them off the hook - that was her threat to them, knowing that they'd understand the seriousness of that threat because they knew just how dangerous she could be. *takes deep breath* I do not know if that made ANY sense - and I'm not even sure if I'm right - but that's what I thought... π€
- Another think about Kala ( I know, I know.. This confrontation was a complex one for me - I've isolated three different layers to it already.. Hopefully this is the last.. π³) - she seems really genuinely upset with Aayi Sahib about something. Not the whole sending her away from home, not the whole making her lose her strong hold on the power and money in the house - but something else entirely. Something deeper and older. Something that's had a while to sit there and stew. Whenever she would accuse Aayi Sahib you could see a hint of the "daughter" in her accusing the "mother" in Aayi Sahib. YOU made me how I am, YOU picked between Dutta and I, YOU will never accept your mistake - it's almost like Kala's holding onto some wrong she perceives Aayi Sahib to have caused her. And the fact that Aayi Sahib has neglected to acknowledge that wrong makes Aayi Sahib's lack of acknowledgment for ANY other "issue" just as worse if not more. *hopes she made sense here* I don't know if the past made Kala who she is or who she is as a person i.e. her character and personality has influences how she views her past and uses it. I still cannot decide that. But I do know something happened and it has resulted in this festering anger she hosts for her mother. π€ *phew* *wipes swear off brow* Done with analyzing Kala's behavior (if I missed mentioning something here, I refuse to go back. That scene leaves my brain in an overload of "things that I notice". Seriously! π³)
- *sigh* I loved how the first thing Dutta "thought" of as he thought of this whole deal on the terrace was how he had "lost" Nakku in that dream of his - and right after that he remember how he'd lost her in actuality (right after he proposed). And that stunned him back to reality - he opens his eyes and looks around as if to make sure that he wasn't there and it wasn't happening all over again - and that if it was happening again, then he do something to stop it!
- The fact that Dutta was thinking about Nakku in a mix of memories - those that he'd dreamt and those that had actually happened - maybe goes to show the confused/lost feeling he's experiencing in Nakku's absence? As if nothing makes sense and it's all just a big mess in his mind - he has an excess of things running about in his mind and he just cannot get a handle on his thoughts..? *goes silent*... Or it could just be that that's what goes through my head when I watch certain intense scenes.. π€£ He remembers Nakku - the good times with her (real and imaginary) and then he remembers Kala's warning to him (about all the women in his life leaving him!) and then he thinks about Baji telling him how Kala was taunting Nakku (and therefore making her an unreliable person to heed advice from). He's just trying to figure things out and it just seems to be too much! (Or again, it could just be me.. π€£)
- Oh. My. God. *runs to hug the CVs* Kya brilliance dude! What a mind blowing depiction!! *realizes no one else knows what she's talking about* Oh.. *giggles nervously* I was referring to Dutta "imagining" Nakku behind the curtain - THAT was sheer brilliance! Usually when someone imagines their loved on on TV (while they're wide awake - with eyes open) then tend do SEE the person standing there and giggling and smiling or what not! Which is absolutely not how the rest of us normal folks imagine people - I mean I for one have NEVER seen anyone jump/dance/twirl/giggle around in my room unless they are actually really there! But I have MAYBE seen something that looked like someone when I was way too lost in thoughts.. You know what i mean? Like it could be someone..? Or it could just be weird light effects.. And that is what the CVs showed this time (unless I'm reading too much into this - but then that's the point of the TIN to begin with.. π€£) and I loved it. I really did! π And even when he is eventually "called on" by imaginary Nakku, it's really just one of his memories and not an actual clear-as-day imaginary Nakku. *sigh* *sigh* *sigh* Call me weird but I loved it!
- *sigh* Dutta's reaction when he "sees" Nakku behind the curtain are just brilliant. As soon as he realizes that Nakku might be behind that curtain, he slowly straightens himself - pauses - and then starts to walk towards the stairs, all the while keeping his eyes glued on the figure that could be Nakku - as if any sudden movements on his part might scare her into thin air. *sigh* π
- Dutta slowly walks back to his room (after going down in search of an imaginary Nakku) and as soon as he walks in he seen "Nakku" standing there with her back to him. And almost reflexively his head turns towards the stairs - as he thinks of the imaginary encounter he almost had downstairs. He's almost certain that he's probably imagining her again (you know how love makes you see things - or so they say... π) - but just to be sure that he isn't losing his mind, he closes his eyes (to see if "Nakku" is still there when he opens them). And even with his eyes closed, he sees Nakku - the devoted Nakku who looks at him like he's the know-all-be-all of the universe! *sigh* When he opens his eyes and sees Nakku still there by his bed, he braces himself and decided to confirm her presence himself! With slow, soft steps (as he tries not to "scare" her into disappearing) he walks towards Nakku and with every step you can see him holding his breath - hoping that it's really her and not knowing that it is. And when he finally raises his hand as a final test to confirm her presence... *VOILA* She's still here! He calls out to her - so as not to startle her (not that she won't know his touch!) and as she slowly turns, he braces himself for her reaction (I almost felt like he expected her to bolt again! π Poor guy!). He looks at her - studies her features - and waits for her to react. And when she just stands there expectantly, waiting for him to speak to her - totally receptive of his presence - you see a wave of content wash over him, followed by that slow, subtle, almost-not-there smile. (I think I am in love with that smile! Just saying.. π). *sigh* Dutta, Dutta, Dutta! You shall be the end of me! I know you shall! *sigh some more*
- I LOVE how as soon as he realizes that she isn't going anywhere, Dutta looks down at Nakku's hands! Like he knew that picture would be there just as he knew that she'd try to hide it! And then they both pretended like the "hide-the-picture" moment didn't just happen - but he smiles, as if daring her to do something otherwise! And she looks around trying to find something else to cover up her transparent affection for him (not that she can ever hide it, really!)... OMG! *sigh* I LOVE this couple! Love, love, love! *sigh* π
- The entire time Nakku tries to keep herself busy - from the moment she comments about his room till the moment she gets ready to leave - Dutta's always waiting for her to break this cycle of "pretending-nothing-is-happening". But he isn't going to break it for her - he isn't going to push himself on her - never again! So as she goes about cleaning the room, he just watches her intently - like a lion (really!) watches his prey (only this was going to be a different type of "devour" ... βΊοΈ *ahem*) - and waits for her.. And when she stumbles upon her mangalsutra under his bed, she knows he kept it there (probably slept with it under his bed!) and he knows SHE knows he did! And as both of them look at each other, a smile crosses their face because of the knowledge they share - like truth of that mangalsutra's presence there was a secret delicate enough that they couldn't even speak about it amongst themselves! And as Dutta waits to see what she'd do - take it as her own or leave it there for him to give it to her - she quietly sweeps it under his pillows (looking at him for just an instant right after she does so, to let him know what she decided - and you know he understood because he lowers his eyes as in realization)... And then she continues with the anything-but-mundane activity of making Dutta's bed. *SIGH* *hyperventilates* I think I might need a break from this TIN! *goes to grab some water* π€£
- As soon as Nakku tells Dutta that she's leaving the room, his eyes snap up - like he is subconscious worried about her stepping out of this room. With his smile all but gone, he watches her hurry towards the door - until she suddenly stops. He's held on to her hand and if Nakku's surprised by his sudden claim on her, so is he! It was like he hadn't consciously realized that he'd reached for her hand and now that he had held it he was almost caught off guard for a moment by the intensity of his own emotions that led to it. But even then, he doesn't let go (*takes a deep breath* *sigh*) and finally musters up enough presence of mind to ask her what he desperately needs to know - that she isn't leaving for good (again), that she will be back (because anything else is just not acceptable or bearable by him). And if the "cause" of this question was his worry, the "result" was that knowing smile that spread across Nakku face - even though she knew he cared for her and "appreciated" her presence, the fact that he actually made a point to ask her and confirm that she won't leave just caused her heart to swell two sizes! (And mine too.. *sigh* π) And she reciprocates his care with the only truth she deemed fit - that she wasn't going anywhere! And that was all the assurance Dutta needed to "loosen" (not "let go of") his hold on Nakku, as she slowly walks away from him - their hands grazing together for a moment too long as if trying to capture as much of each others' touch as they could and lingering it that touch after. *sigh* *sigh* *swoon* *sigh*
- When Dutta told Nakku that he wanted to apologize to her for "one thing", there was an instantaneous spread of worry across her face - like she knew he was going to bring up the proposal but just didn't know in what capacity and with what expectations! And she didn't want to deal with the proposal until after she'd told Dutta the truth. When he tells her that he decided to marry her without ever consulting her or asking for her permission, she fears that he might consider doing so at that moment - another thing she isn't ready for yet. But when he bows his head instead - as he tries to gather his thoughts in a more presentable manner - and tells her that it was just "habit" that caused him to rush her into this and now his own ignorant desire, you can see that it was a statement she hadn't expected. She had expected some more "persuasive techniques" and a few more questions like the night before - but she had absolutely NOT expected him to tell her in now uncertain terms that he was ready to wait for her and be there for her as long as she needed and in whatever capacity. Because he'd left it all to Bappa! THAT she had not expected! And the fact that he was giving her desires and comfort preference over his (as if he wouldn't - being the gentleman that he is! *sigh*) was all it took for Nakku to pushed deeper into love with this man ( And me too! Me too!! *sigh* *sigh* *sigh*)... π
- OMG! *sigh* I LOVED how Nakku stood behind the door post and stealthily looked back at Dutta - the man that she loves and the man that loves her even more! *sigh* Can I go stand out side of Dutta's room and stare at him too? Given that I can go past his Nakku-Bodyguard! π€£ What?!?! I still remember the thrashing she gave Supriya and Sudarshan when she thought they were unwanted guests in "Sahib's" house! π€£
- "Kiyoun k nah toh mein tum logon pe vishwas karongi, na reham!" - Kaala... *tries to whistle like a mavali* Oye hoye dude! I LOVED this dialogue!! *tries to whistle some more - and fails* *notices the weird stares* *ahem* Uh.. Umm.. Nahi, woh mein.. Umm.. *looks for the next point to talk about.* π€£
- Dutta didn't ask Kala to go but he isn't even going to stop her when she is - she tried out take Nakku away from him and she hurt her in the process! This is something Dutta cannot let slide! Cannot and will not! But when Nakku keeps asking him to stop Kala (being that she's Nakku!) he gets upset AT her FOR her - She doesn't want you to live in this house, he says! And you still want her around?!?! And when Nakku silently rushes down the stairs, he turns away in stubborn anger but only for a moment - that's all it took before he turn back and followed her (to protect her or support her - whatever she needed!). *sigh*
- So, who else said "Kali mitti ki!" out loud at the screen when Dutta asked Nakku "Kis mitti ki bani ho tum Nakku!?'...? I totally did! π€£
- Was it just me or when Nakku walks in and starts speaking to Kala, everyone's expressions were shouting "Oh Crap!"... π€£
- "Arey chal hut!" - Kaala... *dodges flying chapals coming her way* I know! I know she's evil! But this dialogue was brilliant - it was so dismissive that it was almost bad as*! She really didn't care for Nakku's apology, concern or permission - Nakku wasn't even part of her trouble. That's how insignificant Nakku was to her at this point. Yes I know, evil.. But bad as* too right?!?! *looks hopefully*
- With every insult Kala hurls at Nakku, Dutta gets enraged. Every word sends a wave of anger through him and every wave he tries to control - by turning away, closing his eyes or shaking his head. Because Nakku wanted to talk to Kala and he'll die before he cuts Nakku's conversation and dismisses her, albeit unintentionally. *sigh* Even as he's livid with anger, he still manages to be a gentleman about it.. *sigh* Or maybe that's just how it seems to me.. π³π
- "Apney ghar mein rukhne k liye, nah to mujhey tere madad ki zaroorat hai aur nah hi ijazat ki." - Kala.. Oye Hoye! *ducks from flying chapals* *sigh* π€£
- When Kala told Dutta that he'll learn the difference between right and wrong once he realizes Nakku's truth, I don't think she knows that Nakku's even hiding anything. I think she intends on creating a "truth" that can be "uncovered" later, so that she can be proven right.. *thinks*
- OMG! When she called Baji "a leech who's insignificant without Dutta" (OMG! I can't believe she said that! Is this or is this not the more bindas "evil" Kala - one who doesn't feel the need to camouflage her intentions anymore?!?!?), I felt like it was her way of making a distinction between her and those whom she deemed "leeches". She wasn't a leech - she was never latching on to Dutta for support. She was always using him to gain what she needed - but she always had/has an identity of her own and she was always a person of great importance even with out Dutta. And this was her way of saying that just because you threw me out doesn't mean I've lost or I'll become insignificant! At least that's what I thought, but I could be wrong here.
- That last warning Kala gave Dutta - about having no fear when you're at the verge of losing everything and friends turning into backstabbing foes - I felt that she was really talking about herself. She has now lost everything - she feared she'd lose it all and that's why she had lost all sense of inhibition earlier. And just as she felt everything she cherish (power and control) slip from her hand so did everyone else - and that's when they all changed colors and kicked her some more while she was down. And now that it's happened to her, she's sure (almost too sure! *suspicious muh) that it will happen to him too!
- The entire time Kala is addressing Dutta, he's looking away from her. He isn't disrespectful (not that he ever is) - I want to believe it's because Nakku told him that Kala's older than us and if Nakku respected her in spite of all she's done, so can he! - but he isn't soft on her either. He knows what or rather who he wants - he wants Nakku and anyone else who makes him choose between themselves and her should know that it will always be her! *sigh* Again, it might just be me reading too much into this. I am sleep deprived, you know! π€£
1:15 a.m.
Wow.. I started at 9:10 p.m.! π€£ Pata nahi kya likha hai, kaisa likha hai. But as always, I warned you guys before toh I cannot be held accountable!
*brushes off her shoulders for effect*
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