Varshu and Baby

Page

Next Last

Charishma

@Charishma

Voyager

Posted: 15 years ago

Hello All😃 (once again...lol)

I have been reading some comments on this forums lately, regarding Varshu's refusal to get pregnant (as her Saas requested)...

My question to all of you is, do you find fault with Varshu for her decision?

Personally, I don't. And I don't see why anyone else should have a problem with her refusal either.

Its kind of hypocritical, dont you think, to accuse Archu of being a non-feminist (and stupid...although she is going into a no-sense zone..lol) for not kicked her worthless husband's rear to the curb, while on the other hand, criticize Varshu for not immediatly popping out babies after marriage?

I understand that everyone wants grandchildren...but keyword being, "grand". Its not your kid, and therefore not your decision.

Varshu and Satish have not been married for long. Maybe she wants some time with her husband. She will not have this time again if a baby is part of the picture. Not until that child is married and has children of their own😆...(i like how that works..)

Varshu knows her own body and her own mind. If she is not ready to have children, then so be it.

No woman should feel forced to have children. Motherhood is a wonderful, joyous part of life. It can also be a rite of passage. But to have kids before you're ready, simply because society expects it (now that you're married), is unfair to both the mother, father, and the child in question.

Having a child should not be a sign of manhood, or fertility. Having a child is a sign of love.

Case in point, I have a cousin who got married and moved overseas with her husband. She lives with him and his family. Her Saas says please have kids, once you have 2 you can go work. So she did.

She is happy...but doesn't that whole thing just suck? Now she is working happily, after spending 18 months carrying 2 kids, as if it was some job to be done. Like taking a required course so that she could get her degree.

Having children should be your decision. It should be something you do when YOU feel the time is right.

If there are mother-in-laws (and father-in-laws ) out here who are pressuring (demanding or requiring) their bahu's to have kids, I have just one thing to say to you::: ADOPTION. If you want a baby so bad, go adopt a child, or have one yourself (if you're capable😆)

Don't enforce this responsibility onto people who might not be ready for it, just beause you feel like playing with a baby. 🤢

What do you guys think? Is Varshu in the wrong?

Edited by Charishma - 15 years ago

Quote

Frequent Posters

veil_of_roses

@veil_of_roses

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 15 years ago

nope i dont think vershu is doing wrong..if they dont want child they dont want..it has been merely a yr of their wedding...n if she is not ready i dont blame her...having kid a very big responsibility...its not a joke...for sake of 1s in laws or prents wants 'grandchild' 1 cant have child..1 shud have kids when both partners are mentally prepared to have..its 1 of the most joyful days 2 enjoy as well as most stressful days to go through..taking care of kid is a bigggg responsibility..n once u have child life changes priority changes... i like varsha's attitude..more like today's woman who takes her own decision..not dormant n much more practical

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

Charishma

@Charishma

Voyager

Posted: 15 years ago

Originally posted by: gargi.shah
nope i dont think vershu is doing wrong..if they dont want child they dont want..it has been merely a yr of their wedding...n if she is not ready i dont blame her...having kid a very big responsibility...its not a joke...for sake of 1s in laws or prents wants 'grandchild' 1 cant have child..1 shud have kids when both partners are mentally prepared to have..its 1 of the most joyful days 2 enjoy as well as most stressful days to go through..taking care of kid is a bigggg responsibility..n once u have child life changes priority changes... i like varsha's attitude..more like today's woman who takes her own decision..not dormant n much more practical

Yeah..I like her personality too. No one will be pushing that one around. She'll have babies when shes good and ready...lol😆

Quote

Aisha

@MOTHERHOOD

Stunner

+ 10

Posted: 15 years ago

I am with Varsha.No one can force a woman to be pregnant.Motherhood is a divine feeling and it should not be forced in to someone.Before bringing a child in to this world you must make sure that you are able to give her all comforts and happiness that she deserves.If the mother is not comfortable with the pregnancy then it will definitely affect the child.ML's have no right to force her DL to be pregnant.It is a complete personal desicion.

Quote

koolsadhu1000

@koolsadhu1000

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

My dear , no one is saying it shudnt be Varshus decision . We all r irritated with her constant answer . I AM NOT READY YET . . She has given this answer from day one of her marraige to every thing . . Consummation ...................I AM NOT READY YET . [ ARRE then why did u marry ? There is such a thing as long engagement . Once u marry u commit . } . Telling secret about Ashwin ..............I AM NOT READY YET . The time is NOT RIGHT YET .[ Well we all saw how late she was FINALLY when she decided to tell .} . FORGIVING BHAVNA ............I AM NOT READY YET . I just cant forgive . This , That . The saas got up and went sensibly to stay seperate . After one year this gal came around and started behaving as if there had been no fight at all and as if her saas had run away due to her crackpot whims . Now , BABIES ..........I AM NOT READY YET . . The irritation building up surely but steadily against Varsha is not for HER right to decide about babies .............its for this constant answer she gives . What is she doing with her life anyways ? Just sits with remote control watches TV and dines in hotels or argues unnecessarily with Satish . . Finne dont have the babies , watch TV , ur decision .Totally understand that .But marraige does not mean giving one answer to every damned problem ...IM NOT READY YET . . Besides we dont see her even discussing or asking Satish about WHAT HE WANTS for a change .A child is a MUTUAL decision . She just gives HER DECISION and expects him to comply . . Yes Satish supported her even in this .But Satish is fundamentally decent .This doesnt mean he doesnt have wishes of his own .

That day we saw her fighting with Satish for being NEUTRAL in an argument and she was telling him U CHANGE UR NATURE .Well how will she feel if she is asked to change HER NATURE ? Why the hell shud anyone change the nature he or she is born with anyways ?

When she doesnt like being bullied why does she bully Satish ?

Its one thing not to let people push u around and one thing to be overbearing at times . She literally answers for Satish at times .

She has no problems in her life , she is MANUFACTURING THEM WITH HER IMAGINATION . The happiness she has , she cant DIGEST iT .

MY POV PURELY .

.

Quote

Charishma

@Charishma

Voyager

Posted: 15 years ago

Originally posted by: koolsadhu1000
My dear , no one is saying it shudnt be Varshus decision . We all r irritated with her constant answer . I AM NOT READY YET . . She has given this answer from day one of her marraige to every thing . . Consummation ...................I AM NOT READY YET . [ ARRE then why did u marry ? There is such a thing as long engagement . Once u marry u commit . } . Telling secret about Ashwin ..............I AM NOT READY YET . The time is NOT RIGHT YET .[ Well we all saw how late she was FINALLY when she decided to tell .} . FORGIVING BHAVNA ............I AM NOT READY YET . I just cant forgive . This , That . The saas got up and went sensibly to stay seperate . After one year this gal came around and started behaving as if there had been no fight at all and as if her saas had run away due to her crackpot whims . Now , BABIES ..........I AM NOT READY YET . . The irritation building up surely but steadily against Varsha is not for HER right to decide about babies .............its for this constant answer she gives . What is she doing with her life anyways ? Just sits with remote control watches TV and dines in hotels or argues unnecessarily with Satish . . Finne dont have the babies , watch TV , ur decision .Totally understand that .But marraige does not mean giving one answer to every damned problem ...IM NOT READY YET . . Besides we dont see her even discussing or asking Satish about WHAT HE WANTS for a change .A child is a MUTUAL decision . She just gives HER DECISION and expects him to comply . . Yes Satish supported her even in this .But Satish is fundamentally decent .This doesnt mean he doesnt have wishes of his own .

That day we saw her fighting with Satish for being NEUTRAL in an argument and she was telling him U CHANGE UR NATURE .Well how will she feel if she is asked to change HER NATURE ? Why the hell shud anyone change the nature he or she is born with anyways ?

When she doesnt like being bullied why does she bully Satish ?

Its one thing not to let people push u around and one thing to be overbearing at times . She literally answers for Satish at times .

She has no problems in her life , she is MANUFACTURING THEM WITH HER IMAGINATION . The happiness she has , she cant DIGEST iT .

MY POV PURELY .

.

lol..i agree. Varshu is a little shit-starter.👏👏 No doubt about that. Has to fight about everything..

But I still think that on issues which are completly her choice, and no one elses (like marriage and pregnancy..😆)..no one really has the right to get mad (or annoyed).

On the one hand, her personality is what it is.(and its quite a personality...lol) But on the other, her choice is what it is. Both are sort of independent of one another.

And if someone has a choice (right to choose) on an issue...than part of that right is having everyone accept her choice..regardless how crappy her reasoning is. Because reseaning doesnt really matter.

I agree though...Her "I am not ready yet" is getting tiring. However, thats V for you. Girl's not ready...so she'll let you know. Besides, "I am not ready" is pretty standard. When family asks me if I want to accept w/e rishta they think is "so good", my reply is, I'm not ready yet...lol I guess why thats why Im not mad at Varshu. I have soooo been there...👏

And as for her making the decision (baby-wala😆)..and not consulting with Satish...I dont see whats wrong with that either.

I agree thats its a mutual decision. But a mutual decision is based on individual choices. She's not ready. Thats where she's at. Satish accepts it. Their not having a baby is mutual now.

Ahh I dunno, guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one..⭐️

I honestly think that Archu's doormat-ness makes me sooo notious...and then I hear Varshu being all " I am a woman...kiss my ass" and I get all👏⭐️...I can find no fault with her.

Other than she has a big mouth..lol

Edited by Charishma - 15 years ago

Quote

koolsadhu1000

@koolsadhu1000

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

Yeah I understand Charishma .😆 . Sometimes I feel sorry for Satish though .U see there is such a fine line between declaring ur decision , and accepting the compliance of a decent partner with it as 'A MUTUAL AGREEMENT" and first asking the partner ...............regarding the baby ........whats ur opinion , when wud U like to start a family ? I want to hear UR thoughts . Maybe the partner will say straightaway . Maybe he says , No lets enjoy life more , Two years alater .U can then tell him ur thoughts and if they differ too much ..........u can arrive at some mid point that will satisfy both . In Varshas case its SHE DECIDES and he follows . Satish is incredibly decent . I rather like him more than Varsha.

Quote

Charishma

@Charishma

Voyager

Posted: 15 years ago

Originally posted by: koolsadhu1000
Yeah I understand Charishma .😆 . Sometimes I feel sorry for Satish though .U see there is such a fine line between declaring ur decision , and accepting the compliance of a decent partner with it as 'A MUTUAL AGREEMENT" and first asking the partner ...............regarding the baby ........whats ur opinion , when wud U like to start a family ? I want to hear UR thoughts . Maybe the partner will say straightaway . Maybe he says , No lets enjoy life more , Two years alater .U can then tell him ur thoughts and if they differ too much ..........u can arrive at some mid point that will satisfy both . In Varshas case its SHE DECIDES and he follows . Satish is incredibly decent . I rather like him more than Varsha.

Satish is a paragon...he's like a Monk (so calm and collected). At his worst, he gets a furrow in his brow. I absolutely luvvv watching him and V fight. Its fun to watch her bang her head against a brick wall..👏.No response from him whatsoever. But when you think about it, Satish is perfect for V. Who else would put up with her?😆

But, yeah I agree. She should have atleast asked him what he wanted (even as if just as a formality) before she told him her final decision. But thats V for you. She's not one for beating around the bush.

I agree that she could have been nicer about the whole baby thing (with S)..but I don't find fault with her decision . I think she was too worked up b/c of the way her Saas brought it up (you know...the whole...have a baby b/c its ur farz thing). Something like that would definitly throw (I-am-a-Woman--Hear-Me-Roar) Varshu over the deep end...😆

I think that if the topic came up in the normal way..V would have been all ears (regarding what Satish wants), and nice about telling him what she wants..

Edited by Charishma - 15 years ago

Quote

Dabulls23

@Dabulls23

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 15 years ago

Archu & Varsha both are two extremes...

Yes having babies is Varsha & Satish's joint decision obviously and no one should force that upon her...

But the way Varsha is going with her decisions ever since she was proposed for marriage with Satish is being rather difficult...

"Not ready yet" is her one and only FINAL Answer...Is she the spokes person for Her and Satish both?

At first I liked Varsha for her independent thoughts but ever since she has been married to Satish it is all Bithchiness and Ziddi behavior...She does not communicate with her husband...Baisclaly she shouts, argues and bashes him to accept her ways...Satish has no choice here in this marriage...I feel sorry for him...She is going to lose him one day and will realize his worth when she is left alone...Too bad I wont feel sorry for her...

Kools is totally right abt Varsha in her post...

Edited by Dabulls23 - 15 years ago