Husband vs. Wife

* To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. - To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.

* Married men live longer than single men, - but married men are a lot more willing to go.

* Any married man should forget his mistakes, - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. - A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

* A woman has the last word in any argument. - Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

* There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not
saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a
barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
the wife replied, "in-laws"

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..." The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain . God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee ." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......... "HEBREWS"


The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00" He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.