Hi Ali
Very good question and very delicate situation.
Men, however nice they might be, many a times feel left behind and 'useless' due to people taunting and their own inferiority complex.
So according to me, women shud keep this thing in mind beforehand. She shud give him importance IN PUBLIC. It is not a matter of fuelling his ego, but simply a case of understanding that he is feeling unwanted and useless and so she shud try to make him feel that no, you are still very important BEFOREHAND. And make him feel very very loved (by all ways and means) to show that garage or no garage, you are the same to me.
Like if someone praises her in public, she shud say it is bcos of my supportive husband, he is not a chauvinist like other men.
She shud seek his opinion on matters like before.
She shud help him and both shud sit down and try to find out a way out of their problems.
She shud keep him busy. (Empty mind is devils workshop)
Say something encouraging from time to time- like yeh job to added bonus hai but real thing is your garage which we will start together again. You ran it for so many years like a pro.
Now if the damage has been done, and we have to rectify it, then it is a tricky situation.
1.) First thing- try and solve the financial matter as soon as possible since it is the root of all troubles.
2.) Understand that YOUR husband is in DEPRESSION and needs HELP and so if you bend for once it is okay. Later he will himself come and say sorry.
Never answer back or fight with him if he taunts you, or accuses you. Try to justify yourself in as simple and loving way as possible or simly try and avoid the matter. NEVER FIGHT. Becos once there is a fight, matters becum worse and may even go to a point of no-return. Depressed people have a tendency of making wrong and hasty opinions about others. Even if you are fighting for the right thing, then also he might misunderstand you that you don't respect him and more. And never ever PREACH- he wont understand your hi-fi words then, infact he will be angry that my wife just keeps ordering me all day.
3.) Understand that this is JUST A PHASE- in no way does it reflect that your husband is a chauvinist or something. Don't let the frustration build up within you.
4.) If your husband is in a good mood one day, try and have a heart to heart convo saying that it hurts you to see him so sad and unhappy becos of others comments- tell him that they are all wrong and that marriage is like a three legged race- sometimes when husband falls weak, wife has to support and vice versa- she shud tell him that she is doing it for him and him only bcos she loves him.
5.) Tell the other people in the house also about his condition and ask them not to pressurize him about garage directly or indirectly
6.) Try and keep atmosphere in the house light to divert him and keep him busy. Invite good and trustworthy people to be with him and even casually advise him if he is in a good mood
7.) Use sweet lines like- 'Apke bina main kaise karti.' These small things make him feel special. Take financial decisions after discussing with him only.
8.) Try and give special attention without making it very obvious. Like favourite everday food. (not like you make biryani and all for him.. simply make his favourite vegetable and keep asking him how is it.
9.) Follow steps in the begining again. (ekdum shuru wale)
10.) After things resolve and hubby gets back job and mind- talk to him openly and say that please never feel inferior in future if I work since I work bcos we have to ultimately work in a team. You will always be my hero. Please share your problem with me next time. This will make him realize where he was wrong and he won't do it in future.
Oh man, mere ko dhyan nahi raha, maine har cheez 'woman should' kar ke likh diya. It shud have 'I will do this and that'.
I know lamba ho gaya, but kya karoon Ali tumne question hi aisa pucha. Yeh to kuch bhi nahi hai, is-se aur bhi zyada karna hota hai.
But right now I can remember only this much.
Veer Hanuman
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