Fashion Report Card: Kareena Kapoor

Fashion Report Card: Kareena Kapoor

This one's known more for her fluctuating dress size rather than the dress itself and the board feels it's time we went beyond her size and onto her style quotient. Presenting, Ms Kareena Kapoor.

he board is presented with a beaming picture of student. They are impressed by her shiny hair and equally shiny lip gloss. Not so much by her ensemble.

"Let us break it down", suggests Professor of pants, Professor Pantwardhan.

Board agrees and finds that by themselves, the two pieces are quite nice. Student's shiny top is very 80s disco and fun. Her dark blue jeans are also a great colour and fit her very well. Worn together, they're too blue. This top worn with white pants or a short skirt would've been so much nicer, they lament.

Not a complete disaster, board agrees. But not a winner either. Let us move on.

Hain?

Board is confused. Is this a picture of the glamorous Kareena Kapoor or some lesser-known dumpy cousin who's behaving as a doppelganger for her famous relative by representing her at a wedding with real boyfriend Saif Ali Khan.

"Look, look," points out accessories teacher, "even the bride is pretending to talk to Saif but actually sneaking a peek at his date to make sure it is THE Bebo they have on the guest list."

The badly-fitting churidhar kameez which almost makes her look... gasp! fat!, the hastily styled hair, the most un-Bebo like pose, what is going on here?

Panel is perplexed and shaken to be presented with such a picture so early in the examination. They plead an inability to pass a judgement due to unexpected development and ask to be shown next photograph. Please.

Well, at least she's in a form and pose we can all recognise, the board of examiners sign in relief.

The shiny hair, the slightly outdated trendy red sunglasses, the fitted jeans - all point to the Kareena the board has been hearing so much about.

While most of the board finds her top and jeans to be all right, albeit a tad casual, the shoe dean is not looking pleased at all.

"...not unless she's a lumberjack in the northernmost regions of Canada," she mutters. "And even then, certainly not in that colour."

Hmmm...

Board is thinking of the right words to express what about this ensemble they don't approve. They are, after all a group of professionals who ought to be able to break down any fashion problem and present a simple and workable solution to it.

So, here it is: too red!

To begin this very bright shade of red seems to be screaming for attention - a trick that is most unnecessary for someone as beautiful as student to adopt. Besides, she is the star of the film this event has been organised for. She is going to get all the attention anyway.

Then there's the matter of wearing red on red, points out the Professor of Poses and Postures. This is a basic and rather logical tip that all red carpet walkers must keep in mind. Red on red is too much red!

Another "average" score for student. So far, the board is a little disappointed and also starting to feel a little sleepy.

Never a good sign.

Oh! How pretty student looks, gush the examiners.

That light green is most becoming on her and see how glam she is even without any jewellery around her face.

And that shy bride look is so attractive, says the accessories teacher who's inclined to generally go overboard with the gushing.

Sound of throat being cleared is heard.

Without even wondering who it might be, the entire room turns towards the grouchy shoe dean to see what she has to say this time. Considering the student's shoes are nowhere to be seen in this picture, this should certainly be worth hearing.

"Well, I don't like the way she's being dragged by that muscular arm," remarks the shoe dean. "It's not like she can't look after herself." 😆

A collective rolling of the eyes later, the board turns their heads back towards the monitor and ask for next picture to be presented.

Board agrees that at least student tried. And for that they will give her marks.

That her experiment with the printed maxi and messy up do failed is another matter altogether.

Woo hoo! Board of examiners bursts out into applause upon seeing student's sexy Blumarine dress.

While some other Bollywood actress may have played it safe with a black dress or a net saree, Ms Kapoor here has taken a risk and come out flying. The black strappy shoes look great with the dress and the board ignores the shoe deans mutterings about the way Saif is protectively holding student's hand, and unanimously agrees that this look is a winner.😆

Some of the younger board members snigger over how Saif's glasses and beard make him look like a Mafioso but are reprimanded and asked to focus on the student's dressing and not her date's facial hair.

Beautiful! The board of examiners agree that this colour looks lovely on student and her hair and makeup are just right.

The accessories teacher remarks that the student has really mastered the art of wearing just the right amount of jewellery that compliment, rather than overshadow her outfit.

Although.

Don't you just hate when there's an although?

Certain members of the board are starting to feel a little ennui with student's constant choice of net sarees.

Well, what do you know? More net.

Ever considered silk Kareena? Or maybe a salwar kameez?

This has happened before. The board suggests something, only to regret it almost instantly. :lol:

Like here for instance. Regret and distaste have taken over the room and the board can be seen squinting - partly to protect themselves from the blinding shine emanating from student's churidhar-kurta and partly to blur out its all-round hideousness.

Not only is this shiny beyond permissible limits, it is also shaped like a hammock. And a green shiny hammock adorned with golden balls is never ever pretty.

Add to that those sandals. Shoe dean suggests the same fate for her footwear as befell the film she is here promoting - a quick flush down the toilet only to be never seen or heard of again.

Another picture. Another tepid response.

Student's Roberto Cavalli top is smart enough but her insistence on pairing everything with jeans is really taking the buzz out of things.

AND THOSE SANDALS!

The shoe dean loudly cuts off anything anyone else was about to say. She's not about to have her crown as the witty-yet-catty remark maker taken away without a fight.

"Those sandals are just awful!"

Clearly, in her hurry to say something, the shoe dean didn't have time to think of what to say. The rest of the board wonders if it's time to introduce her to the voluntary retirement scheme options of the school...

Darling! If a pair of sexy pink peep-toes could transform a nighty into a dress to wear outside one's bedroom, don't you think we would all have latched on to the idea by now?

Hmm. Very nice. Board approves of student's pretty kurta/tunic that she's teamed nicely with her silky tresses here. Very un-Bollywoodlike. And that's usually a good thing.

The whole room turns to look at the shoe dean to see what she has to say about those shoes now.

As awful as they were earlier, comes the stoic reply.

These shoes must really be something if they've stumped the high and mighty dean of the shoe department! Board agrees that dress is a noncommittal nice but should've been worn with strappier sandals to really bring out its true beauty.

All agree that it's a tough colour to pull off and student wears it well.

A little cow-like but over all interesting.

Oh man!

Student's shiny red dress and heels would've almost been perfect, had it not been for that red clutch she decided to carry with it. Hair and makeup department loves her smoky black eyes and all agree that in general, student looks great.

Shoe dean wonders aloud if it's in Saif's contract that he must hold student's hand at all times they are together. 😆

Well done! Student's choice of black and white maxi gets resounding applause from the panel.

Board is divided. Some feel that student's BCBG dress is very cute and youthful and she wears it very well with those peep-toes, while others find it too batik-y.

Well, what's wrong with batik then, asks the pro-dress section.

The anti section shrugs and asks slide changer to kindly move to the next item.

In a bit of an anti-climax, the slide-changer informs them that this is the last slide and could they please announce their final scores so everybody can call it a day already?

Final Grade: A-
Additional remarks: Despite a rocky start and one or two real horrors in between, student made a strong impression with her individualistic taste and perfect command over hair and makeup techniques. She must however, learn to look beyond net sarees designed by Manish Malhotra and venture into other fabrics and designers. It helps keep your wardrobe varied and your style fresh.

The dean of the shoe department would like to make a special statement here: chuck those awful shoes and learn to walk without having your boyfriend hold on to your hand for dear life. 😛

Please note: this statement is shoe dean's alone and the school does not subscribe to her views.

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article was a good read, liked the humor and agree with it except for the final grade. i thnk she gets a B for effort and diversity not necessarily for pulling the looks off.