Dear Diary,
Aaj ke baare mein main kya bataoon…? Holi ka din, kitni baar aya hai meri zindagi mein. Haan, Sanjeevani mein aane ke baad, meri zindagi mein yeh tyohaar phele se zyaada alag lagne laga hai. Waise kuch cheezein nahi badli; wohi khoobsurat rang, wohi pichkariyan, wohi hasi mazaak, lekin ab jaise ek naya waqt agaya hai. Naye waqt ke saath, naaye log aur unke saath naye rishte, dosti ke…pyar ke. Aur is saal maine yeh tyohaar ek patni banke manaaya- aur usmein bhi ek alag baat thi.
Waise to maine umeed karna chodiya hai, expectations often means disappointment. Aur jo bhi hua wo umeed ki waje se hi to hua…umeed. Umeed ke mujhe Armaan wapas milega, umeed ke main Armaan ke saath shaadi karoongi, umeed ke meri zindagi mein aur koi takleef nahi hogi, umeed ke iske baad sirf khusiyan.
Umeed bhi insaan ko swarthee bana deta hai…aur aisa hi kuch mere saath hua. Umeed rakhte rakhte itni swarthee hogayi ke kisi aur ke baare mein nahi socha, papa se kitna kuch kehgayi, Mama se, aur Siddhanth…
Waise kuch had tak yeh bhi sach nahi ke maine poori tarah se umeed ko chodiya hai…sirf ek umeed.. ke ek din, main aur Siddhanth ek doosre ko samjhenge. Pata nahi ke isse umeed kehna teek hoga yaan meri koshish. Lekin ek baat saaf hai ke kuch to badal raha hai…main…Siddhanth.
Mujhe iska phele ehsaas nahi tha, lekin aaj jo bhi hua…kuch hua bhi? Nahi jaanti. Main badal rahi hoon…ache ke liye, bure ke liye? Samaj mein nahi aata-sirf apni dil ki sunti hoon…zyaada nahi. It's all impulsive…Jab Siddhanth ne mujhe aaj sab ke saamne apni patni hone ka darja diya to hairaan thi…lekin jab phir unhone uski ek keemat maangi, ke main unki baat manoo, jo bhi wo kahein, aur pata nahi phir mujhe todha sakoon bhi mila. Sahi baat hai, unki naraazgi, gussa, dard, jayaaz hai…jo maine kiya uske baad unka poora haq banta hai ke wo bhi mujhe dard de. Aur yehi meri kismat hai, it is what I deserve. Issiliye jo bhi unho ne kaha, maine kiya, bina kuch kahe. Sirf ek baat ka bura laga…jab wo mujhse baat kar rahe the, unki ek nazaar thi mujh par jaise koi aur wahan tha hi nahi…ek aisi nazaar jo mere andaar tak jhank rahi thi, parak rahi thi mujhe…aur us waje se mujhe apni nazaar hatani pari…us waqt mujhe yeh mehsoos hua ke sab, Siddhanth ke dost, Suvarna, humein dekh rahe the. Lekin phir laga, ke wo humein nahi, sirf Siddhanth ko dekh rahe the. Unki ankhein apne Siddhanth, apne dost, apne bhai ko dhoond rahi thi….par har nazaar dhoondte thak gayi, kisi ko bhi wo Siddhanth nahi mila…sirf meri wajah se.
Meri wajah se ek insaan jiski haasi uski pehchaan thi, ab sirf gham mein jeeta hai. Aur main kuch nahi kar sakti…kya karoon?! Letter ke bare mein baat karni chahi to unho ne mana kardiya, ajeeb lag raha tha, ek jhalak se humare beech mein fasle to kam the, lekin paas jaa ke dekho to dooriyan hi hai.... sochna kuch nahi chahti, wo to bhang ka asar tha….dost nahi ban na chahte, aur naa hi dushman. Patni kehte to hain, lekin andar se sirf nafrat karte hain…lekin achai abhi hai unmein aur usse main kho nahi sakti….mazaak kehdiya lekin andar se unki achai thi, nashe mein bhi wo khabi apne aap ko jhootla nahi sakte. Aur agar mere chup rehne se, unki baat mane se, wo phele jaise bansakte hai to ab se yehi karoongi…karna hoga.
Par waqt lagega mujhe, jitna apne aap ko rokne ki koshish karti hoon, utna hi Siddhant mujhe azmane ki koshish karte hain…main… main Armaan ko itni jaldi bhool nahi sakti. Apne dimaag mein main yeh baat manchooki hoon ke yeh shaadi meri kismat hai, apni kismat ko main apna chooki hoon… Par dil ab bhi nahi manta…Siddhanth ko khabhi apna paoongi ya nahi….!?! Nashe mein the, baar baar mere kareeb aane ki koshish…bauhaut roka khud ko…shuruat mein to maine apne aap ko samjha liya lekin phir, mujhe bilqool acha nahi laga….waqt hi to chaati hoon, letter mein bhi wohi baat likhi…dost nahi bansakte?? Aur agar nahi to zabardasti kyun?! Apni nazron mein jitna gir sakti hoon utna giroongi....lekin har cheez ki ek hadh hoti hai...Insaan hoon, gussa aaya, takleef hui, ghootan….aur phir main dhaka diya… grrr! And now to suffer the consequences…..
Riddhima
Hope you liked it, I can't write the next part as this is merely analysing Riddhima's present state of mind, if you imagine her writing this out at the end of the episode haha!...Please comment! x
Bigg Boss 19
