Here goes,
Prithvi was left standing there, all alone, with a look of despair, with a feeling of frustration and with the will to make things alright. He had been under so many misconceptions; he had conveniently assumed so many things over the past months just so that he wouldn't have to be blamed for anything or he wouldn't have to find another to blame. Today he realized that all along he was living in a world he had made for himself, not in reality because today he realized reality was what he had always been running away from, what he had not cared to see.
He sat there, on the ground, after Ila had walked away, telling him the truth, the entire truth about the past, the present and in turn telling him to do something about the future. Prithvi realized that now was the time to at least try and make things alright, to make some amends, to get his love back into his life and to apologize, as profusely as he could for all that he had put her through.
Damini, the woman he loved, he cared for, the woman who was everything for him, his 'dream come true', he had blamed his mother and in turn held her responsible for every wrong that had ever happened, he never tried once to understand the truth, to hear them out. He was so angry that night, it still haunted him but today for the first time in months it haunted him for the right reasons.
It was raining, raining so heavily that it was hard to see anything clearly, even the superficial things and Prithvi thought he saw the deceit clearly in that rain. He had been wrong, so wrong. Damini had in fact never been the reason for the tragedies, at least not in the way he thought she had, and today all that was ever done wrong was right.
He had not even let her mourn the death her father, the father she never knew she had. She had not gotten the chance to be there for him when he mourned the death of his father. How could he have done that he thought to himself today. How could he have even thought that a woman, a mother like Ila could kill someone else's parent? She loved her children more than anyone else and she had cared for them more than anyone else ever could. He cringed merely thinking about his behavior, the way he acted, without any consideration or feelings, without any love, with complete malice. He realized he had not been thinking straight but was that any excuse for blaming the woman you love or for holding the mother who cared for you as her own responsible for someone's death?
How could he have doubted the love that had been bestowed on him? How could he not understand the love Damini had for him especially after all that she had done for him and his family? How could he be so immature to take every single thing on face value and not look beyond what he saw? He assumed Ila was the killer, the murderer he never really found. He doubted the niceties, he at times even doubted the love Damini had towards him. How would he make things alright? What would he tell Damini when he saw her? How would he be able to look at her in the eyes?
Damini, he screamed in desolation and cried, cried in pain, cried in love, cried in betrayal, cried in hope, cried for Damini, cried for his past and for his future. He cried so that the God's would hear him and make things alright, cried so that he would be shown the path, cried so that his tears could wash away a little of his sins.
He went home that night, walking like a zombie, like a human without life, like a man without soul, like a lover without love, like a tycoon without money, like the sun without its rays. He stared into the sky, lit by its moonlight but still felt dark; he stared into it thinking of the things that had happened, thinking of the games fate played and thinking of how he had let everything worth holding onto leave his life.
The next morning he realized that now was the time to talk it out, to tell Damini about his feelings, to not waste anymore time. He called Damini up and then called her again, every time it rang his heart raced faster and he kept the phone down. He called again and this time waited till she picked it up.
Damini: Hello
Prithvi did not speak, he was mesmerized with this voice, and he just wanted to go over to Damini and hold her in his arms, hug her tight, so tight that she wouldn't be able to breathe, he wanted to hear her, feel her, belong to her. He stayed on the line, wanting to speak but words eluded him.
Damini: Hello
When she heard nothing she realized it was Prithvi. Fate did play funny games. Every time he saw her he said something so demeaning and when he called to say the truth, to say the 'good stuff' he didn't have words.
Damini: Prithvi?
Silence did have a way with them, he thought to himself. Silence was what had kept them together, but he realized that as much as silence is golden it also does take you down. Words without action are nothing and similarly silence without words loses its meaning over time. He mustered up the courage but just about enough of it.
'Damini can we meet today?' Prithvi asked her.
'Why?' she asked him back, with coldness in her voice. He couldn't blame her.
'Please, I promise I have a good reason this time. I just can't tell you now' Prithvi pleaded.
Even today he got to Damini, she wanted to say no, she deserved not to be put through it all again, but her heart took over her head.
'Where?' Damini asked
'At the farm, where it all began' Prithvi said, knowing that was a place where no lies could be said, nothing baseless could be believed.
'Ok' Damini said and kept the phone down.
He waited for the evening to come, he couldn't concentrate, he went over everything he wanted to say as if it were the dress rehearsal before the actual performance. Little did he know life was not a show!
He got to the farm earlier than he was expected to and he waited there. Damini came soon after walking towards him. He just gazed at her and then caught her sight. She walked towards him, looking into his eyes and he realized truly at that moment all that he had lost.
'Prithvi why have you called me here' Damini asked him
'I needed to see you, to speak to you, to apologize to you Damini' Prithvi said, not leaving her gaze.
'Apologize for what' she asked
'Apologize for doubting you, for not believing the truth, for not letting you say a thing, for not telling you a thing, for betraying you, for being foolish enough to even consider that the woman I love the most and who loves me would not understand. Apologize for not understanding, for never trying to find out, for believing hearsay and for blaming someone for whatever I did. Apologize for not being there when you needed me, for not being your shoulder to cry on after I misbehaved, for not being the support you needed. Apologize for never asking you how you felt or what was on your mind, for not being the man you fell in love with, for not being the dependable guy I was supposed to be. Apologize for not being the husband I should have been, for being the friend I promised to be, for not being the son I could've been'
Prithvi feel down on his knees, doing everything he could to make Damini believe in every word he said. To make her believe that he was truly sorry, that he would not repeat his mistakes and that he was repenting his actions. Prithvi knew no other way; he had always been to proud to fall in front of someone, not realizing that it did not make him less of a man accepting his mistakes. Today he realized that and along with Damini he realized there are a lot of other people he owed apologies to.
'Damini I love you and I always have I have just been a fool not to say it before or say it enough. I have never stopped loving you and that is a truth I was running away from. I blamed your family for my shortcomings and my insecurities and you accepted them without a word. I don't want to waste anymore time Damini, come back to me. Come back home, to your family so that we can make our family' Prithvi said, hoping the response would be in his favor.
Never leave that till tomorrow, which you can do today. We don't have reasons for putting things off, but it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes and the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, and heard the poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves that knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.'
Bigg Boss 19
