OK ladies. Here's something to sooth your frazzled minds.
Assume that as usual something has happened in the M-household and Santu as usual has done something about it. But as always it has backfired and she is being blamed. She is trying to talk to DM about it, but he being his arrogant self doesn't give her the space nor opportunity.
It could be about anything, because let's face it we've been here before over so many things and will no doubt be here again, so take your pick!!
23rd December - The Voice Within
" Ay Kahan na. Baath khatam. There is nothing left to talk about? I've made my decision and that's that".
"Lekin malik..."
"Are you going to teach me now what I should and shouldn't do as a father? Vaise, it is because of you that it has all come to this. Sometimes it is better that you don't talk".
So saying DM walks away, leaving a dejected Santu alone in the room to console herself. Why is it that whenever she tries to do right by others, it always invariably goes against her? She had thought she was doing the right thing, but as usual everyone had misunderstood her intentions. Perhaps malik was right. Sometimes it is better not to speak. All she had ever done was give a voice to the thoughts and needs of others, and all it had ever done was cause her problems. She would atone for her past mistakes. Starting now.
She gathered her clothes and went to take her morning wash. Sometime later, standing in the stillness of the early morning, she performed the puja around the tulsi plant.
DM walked into the room and his eyes scanned it, searching for something or someone. He frowned and then nodded in realisation. He walked back out of the room and went upto the terrace. Looking over the wall, he watched Santu perform her morning worship.
After a few moments of watching, he began to furrow his brows in puzzlement. There was something wrong with the scene. What was it? There was something missing today. He didn't feel that sense of calm that he usually felt when he watched Santu at worship in the mornings. Suddenly, he realised what it is. He could see Santu going around the tulsi plant, and he could see her lips moving. But he couldn't hear her. He couldn't hear her invocations. That was strange he thought to himself. Why was Santu silently praying today?
Santu finished her puja and walked back into the house, all the while unaware of her spectator. DM was still pondering as he walked back into the room and sat at the table.
Some moments later he heard the chan chan of her payals and a few moments later she entered the room with his tea. Santu walked to the table and placed the tea in front of him and was about to walk away again when DM's voice behind her stopped her. She turned around.
"Why were you doing the tulsi puja in silence today?"
Santu merely gave him a look and left. DM was perturbed. What was that about? Why didn't she answer his question, and more-over what was that look? He couldn't read it and didn't understand it.
"Yeh Santu ko aj kya hogaya"? She had never behaved like that with him before.
He picked up his tea and began drinking. After the first few sips, he put the cup down and once again confusion wrote itself across his face. The tea tasted the same as it always did. Santu had made it. He knew that. Toh phir, why did it taste the same and yet not taste the same this morning? It was a nice cup of tea as usual, but for some reason he wasn't enjoying it.
This strange behaviour from Santu had really riled him. It wasn't like her at all. Normally, she came to him, tea in hand and a smile on her face uttering her usual 'Malik chai'. DM looked up in surprise. That was it. Santu hadn't said anything when she had given him his tea. She hadn't said 'malik chai'. Why hadn't she said it? And why did it bother him so much that she hadn't said it? What did it matter?
He thought for a few minutes. It mattered. It was a familiar thing. A comforting thing. And perhaps somewhere in his heart of hearts he had come to believe that those two words were synonymous with saying 'I Love You'. He shook his head, perplexed at his own fanciful thought. And yet he knew it to be true. He really did feel that everytime his young wife brought him his tea with the words 'malik chai', what she was really saying was 'Malik I love you'. And he missed it. He missed hearing her say it. He had drank the tea and it had tasted as good as it did always, but he had not enjoyed drinking it this morning. DM sank back into his chair and wondered at this state of affairs.
Several hours later, when Santu came downstairs and into the dining area, the whole family except DM were sitting down to breakfast. As she approached the table, each and every member of the family turned to look at her in surprise and appreciation. Santu was wearing a green saree with a yellow border with mirror work. She looked beautiful and radiant and it registered with everyone there.
'Arre waah! Bahut sundar lagre hai meri beti aaj". Baa was beaming with pride as was bapuji. Everyone threw in their compliments and little Suraj came running up and hugged her around the waist.
"Maa aaj beautiful lagre hai", he pipped in his little voice, which made Santu laugh silently. She ruffled his hair in return.
DM came downstairs and caught the tail-end of this conversation between the family. Baa called him to come and eat, but he refused saying he had some important work at the factory with Kanji bhai and he was already running late.
'Santuri, bring me some water'. Santu picked up a glass and pouring some water into it she walked over to DM. DM looked at Santu and waited for a few moments. Santu wondered what he was waiting for? DM took the glass from her and drank from it. He gave it back to her and once again waited a few moments expectantly, looking intently at Santu. Santu likewise wondered again at DM's strange behaviour all of a sudden. 'Inko kya hogaya"? she thought to herself.
DM took one last look at her before he walked away and out of the house. Sitting in the car on the way to the factory, DM was lost in thoughts. He closed his eyes and leaned back into the seat. No sooner ahd he done so, then the image of Santu as she had looked earlier appeared before him. He smiled to himself. She had indeed looked lovely today. No matter what Santu wore, no matter how she wore it, she always looked lovely. Truth be told, Santu didn't need make-up and jewels to make herself look beautiful. All of those things merely enhanced what she already possessed. And what Santu possessed was a simple sort of beauty. An innate simplicity that never diminished and always shone through as the true beauty of Santu. Real beauty, he concluded lay in simplicity.
The whole family had noticed it this morning he thought. And they had all appreciated and complimented her on it. It had pleased him. He suddenly felt somewhat upset at this. And it wasn't until he had nearly reached the factory that he reason suddenly hit him. Santu hadn't given him the opportunity to say anything. To compliment her. Santu had not come bounding upto him, with that silly grin on her face and an expectant look in her eyes. She hadn't asked 'Malik kaise lagri hoon main"? She hadn't asked him. Not even hinted at with one of her ridiculous ideas like wearing her saree all wrong in order to catch his attention.
DM didn't know which he was more upset at. The fact that he hadn't been given an opportunity to tease her as he usually did in these circumstances, or the fact the Santu hadn't thought it desirable to know his thoughts. After a further few moments of pondering, he came to the conclusion that the latter was by far a more painful thought to him. For even though his good opinions and compliments were not required as such, he nonetheless liked that fact that Santu wanted them. That she cared enough to know what he thought. That she cared enough to want to please him and be pleasing to him. DM did not feel as relaxed as he usually did this morning.
It was evening before he arrived back home and walking into the house he found the family sitting in the lounge and chatting. He was walking towards them, when Champakali came from the other direction with Suraj in her arms.
"Malkin, as usual he refuses to go to sleep until you have sang him a lullaby". So saying she hands Suraj over to Santu and heads back into the kitchen. Baa looks at Santu and laughs.
"I'd like to see how you get around this problem Santu. Kya karegi tu"?
Santu merely smiles at baa and walks up with the stairs with Suraj. DM follows her with his eyes, and when she is out of sight he turns to baa.
"Baa, yeh Santu ko kya hogaya aaj? Why is she not talking and behaving so strangely"
Birwa too asks baa what Santu is up to today. Baa smiles at Birwa.
"Santu ne uvaas rakhi hai"
"Uvaas? kyun" asked Birwa. DM too waited for baa to explain. There wasn't any religious occasion today that he knew of which required her to fast.
"Tapas ke liye" answered baa. " She is fasting and has taken a vow of silence to atone for her sins".
Birwa looked at baa, incredulous. DM looked at baa ever more confused. "Kya"? he asked. Birwa laughed.
"Nani I don't think Santu has ever committed any great sin unknowingly, let alone knowingly, then what is she atoning for"?
Baa looked at DM as she answered Birwa's question.
"Santu said that her mouth has got her into a lot of problems. Or rather, it has got others into a lot of trouble. Apparently it is sometimes better not to talk, so she decided not to talk and to atone for all the times when she has spoken"
DM shifted uncomfortably in his chair, fully aware of the meaning of baa's words and their significance to him. Baa continued.
"She always speaks with a pure heart and good intentions, but I don't know why she is always misunderstood. Anyway. She decided that if one cannot understand a persons words and their meaning, it is futile to use them on him"
DM got up and walked upstairs. Baa watched him go and finished aloud behind him. "If you can understand a persons silence, then you can understand that person, and words are no longer even needed"
DM walked to his room, baa's words ringing in his ear. Santu had taken Suraj to bed. She had been momentarily stumped by Suraj's insistence for a lullaby, but then an idea had come to her. She prayed silently to god and asked him to accept her uvaas. She began to hum a tune and gently tapped Suraj on the arms lulling him to sleep. She wasn't speaking. She wasn't even moving her lips. The sound she was emanating came from within her, it was true. But it was projecting itself through her nose. Thus she had kept her vow of silence in a manner, and was still able to fulfill Suraj's wish. Suraj was so tired anyway, that he feel asleep almost immediately and Santu wasn't required to hum for long.
As DM walked along the hallway, he passed Suraj's room and seeing mother and son in the bed he stopped at the doorway to take in the scene. Santu was laying next to him with her cheek against his head. DM stood there for a while, just watching them sleep.
Presently he went away from there and to his room. He took of his watch and lay it on the table. Pulling out a kurta he undressed for bed, all the while going over what baa had said downstairs.
He understood what Santu had been doing today. He understood what she was trying to say. He had missed her today. Granted she hadn't gone anywhere, but he had still missed her. She was here, and yet not. He missed hearing her talk, hearing her voice.
He turned out the light and lay on the bed. He couldn't lie still. He was restless. He missed hearing her sing her lori to Suraj somewhere along the hallway. A lori that sent his own son to sleep in a voice that calmed his own mind and brought peace to his own heart.
He had missed her.
Cricket
CID
