hmm its good post...!😉
In some ways it seems people's minds are hardwired to think about other people in a way you may not consider logical. It can be frustrating when people act in ways that don't seem to make sense. I think it's one of those things you can't really change. It can be helpful to know what you're dealing with though, and to make peace with it. You can also tap into these tendencies to make them work to your advantage.😛
Here are some ways people aren't entirely rational when they think of others. A lot of these are based on the way our brains are set up. If you're familiar with the concept of cognitive biases, you'll recognize some of them below.
We're overly quick to judge people based on superficial impressions😛
When we meet new people, we can't help but form a snap opinion of them, based largely on surface information. Of course, we often get this first impression wrong. The psychological explanation for this is that we don't have the mental capacity to carefully evaluate each new person we come across. Making an overly quick, and possibly inaccurate, judgment is a shortcut.
We're prone to relying on stereotypes and other rules of thumbs
Not only do we size people up too quickly, we often fall back on stereotypes to help us do it. We all do it, even if we're progressive and should know better. It's another shortcut we unconsciously use. The stereotypes can be negative or positive, subtle or exaggerated. We may also use our own, more personal, rules. Like if you've had good experiences with a certain type of person, in the future you may automatically like anyone who seems similar.😉
Our overall impression of someone is sometimes based on a few key traits
Often, if we decide someone has a few key positive traits, we'll see them positively on the whole. This halo effect is often mentioned in regards to attractiveness. If someone is good looking, we're more likely to say they're also smart, confident, fun, etc. Similarly, if we see someone as having a key negative trait or two (also attractiveness possibly), then our overall impression of them will be more negative.😃
Once we've made up our mind about someone, it's hard to change our opinion
First impressions are strong, but they aren't everything. People do sometimes admit they were initially wrong about someone. It is harder than it has to be for people to come around like this though. Once we've formed a belief, a confirmation bias can kick in where we look for information that supports our views, and selectively ignore that which doesn't. For example, if someone has decided you're shy and uptight, they may not notice all the times you are friendly and outgoing, but seem to pounce on the times you are a little reserved.😃
We sometimes create self-fulfilling prophecies to cause people to act like how we expect them to
You can do this to inaccurately judge other people, or they can do it to you. The way self-fulfilling prophecies work is that when we think someone will act a certain way, we sometimes unintentionally change our behaviors to bring out the very actions in the other person we expect. The classic example is if I think someone is a snob, when I run into them I'll act unfriendly and aloof. Naturally, they'll be offended and snub me in return. Then I can go, "See, I knew it. They snubbed me." A more positive example is expecting someone to be friendly and so being really open and bubbly yourself. When they see you, odds are they'll be just as friendly as you thought they would be.😛
When we judge other people, we often give a lot of weight to the social impression they make
The points above feed into this one. When we form an overall opinion of someone, we base it on a lot of factors. I've noticed that we often give too much weight to how someone comes across socially. This impression is largely quick and superficial, and is based on what people say, as well as their non-verbal messages, like their tone of voice, or how they dress and groom, and their overall appearance. If someone comes off as well put together, likable, and socially polished, people will tend to see them positively. Note that I mean they genuinely come off well, not that they're overly slick or falsely-chummy, which really is a knock against them in most cases.😃
On the other hand, if someone's social skills are bad, then everything they do gets tainted by association. If a personable, regular guy says he likes a stereotypically dorky interest, like science fiction, then people will probably say something like, "Oh yeah, it's really interesting." If an awkward, disheveled guy says the same thing, the people will respond with, "Ugh, what an obsessive loser. He needs to live in the real world." The actual interest carries no weight, we respond to the person who's doing it. 😊
You can probably see where I'm going with this. If you have good social skills, and you look half decent, and generally don't set off a bunch of negative stereotypes in people's minds, then you've pretty much got a free pass to do whatever you want. No one will really think badly of you.
Good social skills are always an advantage, but you can only go so far with changing your appearance to not set off stereotypes. No matter what group you fall into, it will have some negative associations. You can't win with everyone. So if something about your appearance is central to your identity or subculture, then don't change it. On the other hand, if you don't care much either way, then you may as well go with the option that makes you come across better. Like it cost me nothing to lose my glasses, get a better haircut, and not dress like a slob. People stopped instantly assuming I was a dorky engineering student.
We often care more about how well we get along with people than other factors😛
This point is the bane of highly competent but mildly prickly employees everywhere. In some situations we should be judging other people primarily on factors like how skilled, productive, intelligent, or creative they are. But we don't. We seem to reward the people who are easy to get along with. Their more talented but difficult to get along with peers are held back.
It's not that simple of course. "Soft skills" do matter. We have to be able to properly communicate with each other. Lots of people just don't care about their jobs that much either, and would much prefer to pass their days with a fun, mediocre colleague over an uptight effective one. Also, talent and social skills aren't always an either-or thing. Still, it seems sometimes the most rational, beneficial thing to do would be to reward people purely based on merit, and forget about all the softer stuff. We usually let our social judgments get in the way though. The idea of letting someone unlikable get a free pass can seem wrong to us.😃
We tend to judge people mainly based on how they treat us, and are sometimes too quick to overlook how they treat others
This point discusses a more ugly side of human nature than the others. In general, if someone is a jerk to other people, but cool to us, we tend not to be as upset with their dickish behavior as we should. They treat us well, and we can't help but put more importance on ourselves. Also, we feel how we're treated in an immediate emotional way. We tend to think of others in a more abstract, detached way.
This is all within reason of course. If someone beats up our little brother, or yells at our niece, we're going to be mad. But if our good buddy makes fun of some people we barely know, we can only be so annoyed. There's often more to it than that. We may be too scared of the jerk to say anything, or he may be picking on people we don't care about at all. Still, I think this effect is there, though I wouldn't complain if it turned out I was wrong about this one.😃
C89😉
Mr And Mrs Parshuram
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