Troubled Love life of Bollywood stars

Dear Drifters,

My overflowing Inbox must be a sign of the mental health crisis in Bollywood. Being the egalitarian analyzer that I am, I decided to divide up my therapy hour into slices. Each celeb crisis gets 60 seconds of my time...

As the Bard say: "Brevity is the soul of sanity."

I give you below my "Blink" responses to these beautiful people.

A(bsolutely) B(efuddled) said...
Dear Mind Rush,

I am a moderately successful Bollywood actor who is married to an actress much more famous than me. My mother is a beloved actress from yesteryear. To make things worse, my Dad is a Bollywood legend. Whenever I'm at a press junket, I get asked more questions about both of these than my own work.

I try to put on a brave composed face. But its hard to be calm when a pesky reporter says "You are promoting a movie?! Let's instead talk about those pissed friends who didn't get a wedding invite from you".

No matter how hard I work, I am overshadowed. Besides I'm not terribly hunky like that Ritwik, my dancing is a cross between Asrani and Yunus Parvez and I have bad taste in hair accessories. Help!

A(bsolutely) B(efuddled)

Dear AB,

Don't be a baby!
Tumhare paas bungla hai, daulat hai, car hai, biwi hai. Tumhare paas Maa bhi hai.

"Aish" karo!

-Mind Rush

S(hamed and) K(onfused) said...
Dear Mind Rush,

I am a terrifically personable actor with a short body and a big head. I used to date a hugely famous actress who was skittish but very loving.

Unfortunately Mummy didn't like her and my woman threw a fit and up and went - straight into the arms of a known casanova who has lately been hitting on anything in a skirt that moves.

This breaks me up inside. Especially now that our last movie about how we met has been acclaimed by everyone as a super love story.

How do I get over her when her face is splashed on hoardings around town and all my best songs remind me of her?

Dear S.K.,

Love is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you get truffles sometimes you get nuts. Go get yourself some assorted "Go-diva" chocolates.
And one more thing! Love your mom, but leave her out of your bedroom.

-Mind Rush

S(vengali) K(icked out) said...
I have the original hot bod which I've made a career of showing off in my many films. While my 6 pack abs have enduring appeal, I haven't been quite as lucky with my lady loves – they seem to flee my arms with alarming regularity!

I've only recently got over the humiliating defection of the most beautiful face in the world with the help of a promising PYT whose career I helped nurture.

Now that my K(aptivating) K(atch) has tasted success, she too is throwing me over like an old shoe on the flimsy pretext that I'm too controlling, possessive and interfering.

Please help ---- I'm running out of chances to snare THE ONE!.

Dear SK,

Dude! In therapy jargon, you have what most professionals call "serious problems". Instead of looking for an LTR (long term relationship) you need to be looking for LTP (long term psychoanalysis.)

Please call me at 1-(800) MIND RUSH for an appointment ASAP.

-Mind Rush

S[eriously] R[estless] said...
Dear Mindrush,

I am a musician and unfortunately i am better looking than most people in my profession.

The problem I am facing is that I have too many females gaga over me.Not that I dont like it, but now today being my birthday, I cant even breathe peacefully.I am online the whole day doing absolutely nothing except checking my orkut scrap book which is being bombarded by crazy fans.

Please help!

S[eriously] R[estless]

Dear SRji,

Aap ne hamko bhi "restless" kar diya hai. I will see you in my clinic for free.

Autograph, please?

-Mind Rush

Disclaimer: Please don't mistake this for medical advice