Posted:
Today on KarwaChauth when my MIL has sent me her blessings and love.....I was recalling this beautiful relationship and how contrary it was to the usual story we hear in joint families.
A particularly endearing relationship in the Ramayan that has not often been highlighted is that between Sita and her mother-in-law Queen Kaushalya..
Sita was a darling of Kaushalya who lavished her love on her as her own daughter. She was so charmed by her beautiful, dutiful , gentle bahu that she supported her even against her own son. There is a telugu song I had read about in Manush called 'Sita Gadiya' (Sita locked out) in which Ram locks Sita out of their bedroom because he gets annoyed by her tardy arrival to his chamber. Sita had taken elaborate pains to dress up beautifully ignoring that her husband had in fact called for her several times. Seeing Ram behave so angrily, Sita immediately runs to Kaushalya who scold's him for his juvenile behavior.. she says 'buddhi ledatero' ....have you lost your mind ?. A mortified Ram reasons with his mother saying that if she continued to pamper Sita such then he would lose any power over her as a husband !
It the typical Indian culture, when a woman leaves her home and becomes a member of her new family, to take the central place in her man's (a mother's son's) heart, there are frequently rivalries between her and her mother-in-law. However, in the Ramayana the relationship between Sita and her mother-in-law Kausalya is almost a joining of forces to an extent that they had an unspoken understanding of one anothers feeling
Another tender, beautiful scene takes place when Sita is getting dressed in her vanvaas clothes Kausalya comes forward and gathers Sita in her arms and embraces her tightly to herself; Kaushalya though pleased with Sita's decision to accompany Ram, is depicted as being more worried about her daughter in law's well being than her own son's - how will she manage my delicate daughter in law, she who is used to every comfort in the palace , how will she cope with life in the jungle ? Kaushalya worries.
There is another Bhojpuri song which also alludes to the beautiful relationship between Shri Ram's mother and wife. When walking in the forest for the beginning of their exile Sita exclaims she is tired and requests Ram to go slower - for she is drained of her energy. However as the lyrics of the song suggest, what has exhausted her is not the walk, for she does not state the distance, or the stones in her path or the hills they have covered. What has really tired her is her pining for what she has left behind. And of all that she has left, what she misses more than anything else is the love of mother Kaushalya.
Dheere chal, ham haaree, e raghubar.
Walk slow, Oh Rama, I'm tired
Ek ta chhutelaa mor naak ke nathiyavaa;
For one thing, I have left behind my nose ring
Dosar chhutele mahtaaree e raghuvar.
And the second thing is that I have left your mother !
Dheere chal, ham haaree, e raghubar.
Ek ta chhutelaa mor gare ke hasulia;
For one thing, I have left behind the hasuli of my neck
Dosar chhutelaa jheen saaree e raghubar.
And for another my thin sari.
Dheere chal, ham haaree, e raghubar.
Ek ta chhutelaa nagar ajodhyaa;
For one thing, I have left behind the city of Ayodhya
Dosar chhutelaa mahtaaree e raghuvar.
And for another I have left your mother.
Dheere chal, ham haaree, e raghubar.
Ek ta chhutelaa mor god ke god-haraa'
For one thing, I have left behind my anklet
Dosar chhutelaa jheen saaree e raghuvar. ..........
(from Boloji)
It is interesting that Sita is missing her mother in law and not her own mother during these very painful times. This is indeed a relationship to envy !
Outcome of a marriage in India does not depend solely on the attitude of the husband but more so on the kind of relationship a woman has cultivated with her martial family - most crucially with the MIL.
A saas is the flagship of a daughter-in laws respect love and honor with the extended family and society. Without the support of the mother of her husband - a woman life in her sasuraal can become an unpleasant challenge. Although the generous view of a mother-in-law is that of another mother - most saas-bahu relationships are very tumultuous.- riddled with a constant power struggle.
Some women can learn to live with their MIL's antagonism, but not our Radhika. For her, this marriage has astitva if it receives the blessings of all the elderly whom she respects- It is her and Dev's duty to be the happiness of their elders ... - "Give us strength to be the joy of our family" she had prayed to Kanha.
When Vaishali expressed her desire and fears to Radhika, irrespective of whether Radhika viewed it as a command or request - somewhere in her heart Radhika's own enthusiasm for her future happy maritial life must have been shattered. Oh how Radhika must have dreamt of finally being embraced by Vaishali as her Choti Bahu !.. Getting the love from her and the Purohit family that she was deprived off.
That too on a day when Vaishali should have showered her with gifts and blessings...!
How crushed must Radhika be realizing that her future is nothing but the past playing up again and again....
A particularly endearing relationship in the Ramayan that has not often been highlighted is that between Sita and her mother-in-law Queen Kaushalya..
Sita was a darling of Kaushalya who lavished her love on her as her own daughter. She was so charmed by her beautiful, dutiful , gentle bahu that she supported her even against her own son. There is a telugu song I had read about in Manush called 'Sita Gadiya' (Sita locked out) in which Ram locks Sita out of their bedroom because he gets annoyed by her tardy arrival to his chamber. Sita had taken elaborate pains to dress up beautifully ignoring that her husband had in fact called for her several times. Seeing Ram behave so angrily, Sita immediately runs to Kaushalya who scold's him for his juvenile behavior.. she says 'buddhi ledatero' ....have you lost your mind ?. A mortified Ram reasons with his mother saying that if she continued to pamper Sita such then he would lose any power over her as a husband !
It the typical Indian culture, when a woman leaves her home and becomes a member of her new family, to take the central place in her man's (a mother's son's) heart, there are frequently rivalries between her and her mother-in-law. However, in the Ramayana the relationship between Sita and her mother-in-law Kausalya is almost a joining of forces to an extent that they had an unspoken understanding of one anothers feeling
Another tender, beautiful scene takes place when Sita is getting dressed in her vanvaas clothes Kausalya comes forward and gathers Sita in her arms and embraces her tightly to herself; Kaushalya though pleased with Sita's decision to accompany Ram, is depicted as being more worried about her daughter in law's well being than her own son's - how will she manage my delicate daughter in law, she who is used to every comfort in the palace , how will she cope with life in the jungle ? Kaushalya worries.
There is another Bhojpuri song which also alludes to the beautiful relationship between Shri Ram's mother and wife. When walking in the forest for the beginning of their exile Sita exclaims she is tired and requests Ram to go slower - for she is drained of her energy. However as the lyrics of the song suggest, what has exhausted her is not the walk, for she does not state the distance, or the stones in her path or the hills they have covered. What has really tired her is her pining for what she has left behind. And of all that she has left, what she misses more than anything else is the love of mother Kaushalya.
Dheere chal, ham haaree, e raghubar.
Walk slow, Oh Rama, I'm tired
Ek ta chhutelaa mor naak ke nathiyavaa;
For one thing, I have left behind my nose ring
Dosar chhutele mahtaaree e raghuvar.
And the second thing is that I have left your mother !
Dheere chal, ham haaree, e raghubar.
Ek ta chhutelaa mor gare ke hasulia;
For one thing, I have left behind the hasuli of my neck
Dosar chhutelaa jheen saaree e raghubar.
And for another my thin sari.
Dheere chal, ham haaree, e raghubar.
Ek ta chhutelaa nagar ajodhyaa;
For one thing, I have left behind the city of Ayodhya
Dosar chhutelaa mahtaaree e raghuvar.
And for another I have left your mother.
Dheere chal, ham haaree, e raghubar.
Ek ta chhutelaa mor god ke god-haraa'
For one thing, I have left behind my anklet
Dosar chhutelaa jheen saaree e raghuvar. ..........
(from Boloji)
It is interesting that Sita is missing her mother in law and not her own mother during these very painful times. This is indeed a relationship to envy !
Outcome of a marriage in India does not depend solely on the attitude of the husband but more so on the kind of relationship a woman has cultivated with her martial family - most crucially with the MIL.
A saas is the flagship of a daughter-in laws respect love and honor with the extended family and society. Without the support of the mother of her husband - a woman life in her sasuraal can become an unpleasant challenge. Although the generous view of a mother-in-law is that of another mother - most saas-bahu relationships are very tumultuous.- riddled with a constant power struggle.
Some women can learn to live with their MIL's antagonism, but not our Radhika. For her, this marriage has astitva if it receives the blessings of all the elderly whom she respects- It is her and Dev's duty to be the happiness of their elders ... - "Give us strength to be the joy of our family" she had prayed to Kanha.
When Vaishali expressed her desire and fears to Radhika, irrespective of whether Radhika viewed it as a command or request - somewhere in her heart Radhika's own enthusiasm for her future happy maritial life must have been shattered. Oh how Radhika must have dreamt of finally being embraced by Vaishali as her Choti Bahu !.. Getting the love from her and the Purohit family that she was deprived off.
That too on a day when Vaishali should have showered her with gifts and blessings...!
How crushed must Radhika be realizing that her future is nothing but the past playing up again and again....
Ganesh Kartikeya
