Hey all, I'm a long time rambler on IF. I've written a few things for very few couples.
Here, I've decided to post one that I am working on for Shiv-Gauri (Iqbal Khan-Pallavi Subhaash) from the original Karam Apna Apna days.
I'm a die-hard fan of theirs, and will always be. I also have the same going on for another dear jodi, Adi-Maithali (Jatin Shah-Shalini Chandran) of Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki fame. The link to that one is: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/kahaani-ghar-ghar-ki/1066782/footprints-adi-metz-ff-ch-7-up-06-16
This one for SG will also be posted in the forum itself.
Please feel free to leave your comments/suggestions/criticisms… very much appreciated!!
"Footprints"
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."
"Kuch log humaari zindagi mein aate hain… chale bhi jaate hain. Kuch tohri der tehar jaate hain, aur apna nishaan humaare dil par chodh jaate hain. Aur phir, zindagi pehle jaise nahin rehti…"
Chapter 1: Fire and Water
Lifting veiled eyes, she braced herself for a look at the zealous skies, finding it very much like what was expected… dusky, grey… Blinking quickly, she retreated her gaze towards her rain-soaked clothes. There was a howling storm; one as such seemed to occur rarely… In sync with her mindless observation, she suddenly found an image in her mind come alive through a haze. Dark, passionate… overwhelming… Closing her eyes for a minute, she allowed the unseen eyes of her mind slowly etch out the details of the familiar eyes… and then abruptly opening her own. The air seemed to have thickened just as quickly, and she found herself unexpectedly short of breath. What was she thinking… And why… after so many years. The water stuck to her for life, and she decided this was all getting to her head… An unexpected breakdown of her car, no available taxis thanks to this unforeseen weather, it all had her in a hazy state. Shaking her head she pulled her dark, lavender chunri over her head… letting her fingers linger there for a few minutes before stepping back into the muck.
Taking a few hesitant strides, her mind fluently distanced again as her eyes stared deeply into the mud… A current of startling air brushed past her cheek, leaving a spiral of shivers run down her body. Again, she felt herself falling at the thought… the memory… Why now…
(Flashback)
Faraway the cawing of soaring birds clung to the soft air. Waves of fierce water raced against one another, rising... and falling... as they touched the delicate sands. As far as the eyes could see, a mass of tan-coloured dust lay as an open blanket, untouched by wanderers… but inescapable to an admiring gaze…
They walked along, taking long, uncalculated strides. The tender sound of their footsteps was muffled as their feet stepped into the moist sand. There was nothing awkward about the silence between them… it was soft, peaceful… compassionate. With passionate eyes, they scanned the plain before them. A yawning sun was readying to bid adieu in peaceful setting, while the sluggish clouds parted for a blend of colours to fill in the blankness. It was a scene of tranquility.
The sky seemed to descend to the grounds in these few minutes, as her aimless thoughts touched the zenith of content. Here, as she walked quietly with this man, her life before this moment slipped into the abyss of the forgotten. The missing piece of her jigsaw had finally been fit into place… A slender, timid smile formed discreetly on her crimson lips as the tender touch of his skin touched upon her own. His index finger had seemingly found a place in grasping hers, while the later responded with a curl… interlocking in consent. The demanding voice of water crashing more violently against the shores filtered into her thoughtless state. Her thoughts suddenly gained momentum, even in there blankness… Why was the water raging… her heart pounding… An unknown fear crept within her heart and she realized that her feet had stopped. Was it right to disturb this peace… Why was the ocean so furious… It suddenly seemed so near to her… as though something had awakened within her, after long years of dormancy. Before the silent questions could be addressed, she felt the ground beneath her give way… Looking up, it dawned on her that her fears were nothing… Nothing in the arms of this soldier who now carried her so gracefully, to a place she did not know, nor perhaps cared… This solider, her soldier… if love be a war.
Presently, the nameless insecurities within her dimmed against the spark of soothing embers peering into her through the dark reservoirs of his soul-searching eyes. It was as though nothing beyond this moment had ever existed… she hadn't existed. How could she have ever existed… without him… It seemed such an unfathomable idea… unnerving. Clasping her hands further together behind his neck, she continued staring at the dusky features intently… as though rendering them entirely her own, carving them in her memory. The gentle smile retreated upon her lips again, void of any fears…
She could hear the ocean more closely now, as he carried her towards the indefinite line between water and earth. In a hazy state, her eyes fleetingly wandered behind him… a single set of footprints engraved freshly in the moist dirt. But the singularity was deceptive… It marked not the journey of one, but two… which had somehow become one. The thought made her muscles unravel in their rigidity. Words were less in expressing what she felt… it was just something of experience.
"You see those footprints Gauri? Whenever you feel you're alone, remember them… Remember them with thoughts of me, carrying you… in your solidarity… You'll never be alone…" (Gauri... Ye nishaan dekh rahi ho... Jab bhi kabhi akelapan mehsoos ho na, toh inn reth mein dabbe nishaan apne zeham mein bhar lena... Tumhari tanahai mein bhi main shaamil rahoonga...)
Her distant eyes lingered at the imprints, freshly moist in the dirt... A few absent strands of hair danced lightly before her gaze, but they formed no barrier to her yonder view. Her features were calm, inflexed... Slowly, she turned her eyes back towards him. He was standing still, but there was no indication of tension... Her attention shifted from his calm features towards the direction of his sight... A dreamy complexion of sunset hues awaited her in warmth. But even this marvellous vision seemed to hide something of an intense passion.
Chalka hai…
Jahan se aankhon mein…
Woh rang sunehra dekha hai…
Sab pyaar ki baatein karte hai… maine pyaar ka chehra dekha hai…
Feeling icy warmth upon the ends of her toes, she realized she was now sitting on the shores... her arms still clinging to his neck, as though this were impossible... without him. She knew it was. Releasing him, she shifted to a position direct to the fallen sun... leaning against his chest while he sat behind her. His arms which had now sat loosely to her sides, now enclosed upon her... effectively sealing her from all else.
Time lapsed into the insignificant... as they sat there for minutes uncounted. Blinking indifferently, she thought she felt a light imprint of his lips upon her temple... it lingered, filling any remote place of emptiness within her.
(End Flashback)
Blinking, he ceased the memory in its course… sealing it back where it remained… irremovable.
A thin trail of silent curses fell through with the next few breaths he exhaled. They came in heavy sighs, as though having neared a fatal edge. Lifting a hand, he ran it through his dark mane… over his eyes… surprised by the moisture that had unknowingly formed on his face. He had ventured so close… so close. How… All of that was insignificant now, wasn't it? It had been for years… had it not…
Looking to the side, he recalled the half-full glass, which he had at some point discarded on the small table. Slowly, the rest of the scene returned to him. Half-full… half-empty… what difference did it make to him anyways… He laughed inwardly… a sarcastic, low laugh.
So persuading himself, the rest of him returned… the same, bitter-sweet nature of… His eyes wonderingly poured over the name sticking out of the document set afore… Shiv Kapoor.
Seene se laga kar rakha jinhe…
Hum jin ki khaatir hi khaakh hue…
Ehsaas ye hota hai ek din…
Mutti se… woh rishtey… phisal gaye…
He could again hear the swift whistle of wind and rain pounding in a vicious challenge to each other outside. In some strange way, it seemed to satisfy him… Getting up with the glass in hand, he took slackened steps towards the window revealing a retiring city. Just a few hours, he thought. It had been but a few hours since he had stepped into this damn city, and that's all it took. Bringing the acidic liquid to his mouth, he relished the burning sensation in his mouth. Mumbai City… a city of dreams… one that had shattered all his. Sweet irony, he thought with a wicked grin lazy-ing on his lips.
Water streamed down the window pane… as though trying to burn the unseen fire inside. Foolish downpour, he thought, this fire has been burning for years… it's going to take more than one of your most brazen attempts to quench it.
*~*
Extending a nervous hand outwards, she braced an unexpected fall. Looking up startled, the rain soaked through her thoughts again. The wind churned violently through her clothes, threatening her dupatta, but she clung to it defensively… who knew what would unravel with its unveiling.
Ek pal ko… ye toofan aata hai…
Ek pal ko saare lehron mein…
Iss reth se lekin sadiyon taq… kadmon ke nishaan reh jaate hai…
Reh jaate hai…
With an unknown instinct, she suddenly had an urge to look up again. It was as though something were there, following her. Fighting off the urge as a stupid, insignificant feeling, she decided to move on towards her apartment, which was thankfully only a few more minutes away. But as she set a foot forth, she found it difficult to move. Instead, she looked upwards again… A blinding stream of moisture washed over her face… while she fleetingly caught the stormy sky, and the dimmed lighting of a large building. There were lots of windows, but it seemed none of them were lighted. Strange, she thought. Dismissing the mindless observation, she continued on hurriedly.
Chapter 2: A Bitter-Sweet Cup of Chai
The air in the dark room suddenly seemed to reach for his throat, clogging him. Removing his stiff eyes from the glass, he extended a hand subconsciously towards the satiny tie suffocating him, forcing the knot loose. The lifeless snake responded without a protest, ready to slither away at the slightest pull further. A deep breath of air reached his lungs, and he held it there for a pause… relishing it. After a few seconds, the air escaped his slowly parting lips and he realized an impulse to feel some real air. Without a thought further, he picked up the dark jacket long awaiting his call and walked towards the door. At the base of the building exit, he stopped momentarily watching the nodding head sitting loosely upon a tired owner. For a second he contemplated waking the fellow, but then shrugged off the idea, quickly stepping into the vacant parking area.
A thick flow of cool air felt like life against his numb skin. The rain had stopped a little while ago, leaving its tracks fresh in the streets of the crowded city. A refreshing smell reached his nostrils with intensity… it was not over, the rain. He moved to start the ignition, keys readying in place… but then removed them. Instead, he found himself indifferently adjusting the rear-view mirror. Sitting still for a long minute, his deceitful eyes travelled towards the glass once more. Reaching underneath him, he pulled out the dark leathered object… his wallet. His stiff fingers opened it, unfolding the layers as though it were a secret diary. An image of sweet innocence smiled deeply back at him… as always, sending a wave of calm over him. Closing it suddenly, he set the thing aside, before roaring the machine to life.
As the Mumbai night unfolded before his eyes, he found his sombre mood dull down to something more intense… if it were possible. Miniscule droplets of moisture began to fall over the front mirror again, indicating the coming of another round. Soon enough, the skies poured down, stirring the earth to life once more. Watching the drops cling desperately to the glass afore, an unmarked craving gnawed at him… Turning the dial of the radio compartment, he allowed the flow of melody ease the unexpected urge.
O…
Woh lamhe… woh baatein…
Koi na jaane…
Thi kaisi raatein…
Woh… barsaatein…
Woh bheegi bheegi yaadien…
Voluntarily, he found his foot force down upon the breaks… It was as though someone had thrown a rock at the gates of his glass house. In front, a long stream of traffic made itself present through a steady beeping of horns and curses… but his mind was detached from all of that right now… Unrolling the tinted window to his side, his eyes scanned the sparkling black bobs of umbrellas… a light of reminiscence tingled at his skin. Looking down, he watched a single drop of rainwater cascade from his hand, upwards the length of his arm… The longing he felt now, had transformed into a humble request… and as he gazed around… it were as though the world lay in front of him… like the empty palm he still extended…
Na main jaanu…
Na tu jaane…
Kaisa hai ye mausam…
Koi na jaane…
Kahin se ye fizaa ayeen…
Ghamon ki dhoop sang layeen….
Khaffa hogaye hum… judaa hogaye hum…
Her suddenly tired feet ceased mid-step, while a ceaseless stream of empty thoughts stopped for a needed rest. In between the exchange of air, a sweet melody began in a rhythmic flow through her…
O…
Sagar ki gehraii se… gehra ha… apna pyaar
Sehrao ki inn hawaon mein… kaisi aayegi bahar…
Kahan se ye hawa ayeen…
Ghatayein khaali kyun chaheen…
Khaffa hogaye hum… judaa hogaye hum…
For pause, she stared blankly into the puddle of water having formed by her feet. A lone leaf had somehow wandered into the liquid, now at the mercy of the undetermined flow… Letting out a breath, she realized a sudden loss of energy. Lifting her gaze, she saw her building… The walk was longer than she had expected, though truly not far. Seven minutes, she contemplated… seven minutes… she would be home. But the seven minutes now seemed aged to seventy, while her head began to feel light.
Woh lamhe… woh baatein…
Koi na jaane…
While the train-like syllables of melody penetrated her nothingness, she began feeling the aches of her tired feet… The feeling of exhaustion slowly ran over her entire body and she wished nothing more than a comforting cup of chai. Lifting the heavy lids of her eyes, it was as though someone had gone and whispered in God's ears and He had acknowledged her humble desire. A gentle, luring aroma ran towards her with the help of a confident breeze. After a few minutes of uncertainty, a faint smile leaped gratefully upon her lips and she momentarily looked to the skies. A thin current of rain streamed down and she held the dark chunri closer to her head while wondering at the energy that allowed her to run towards the loosely busy vendor.
The pungent smells of the spicy liquid filled her nostrils strongly now, like a breath of fresh air… Inhaling fully, she held the mouthful of air in for a few lingering seconds while her eyes cast a relaxed scan over her surroundings. As she noticed the stray shady figures linger underneath the tarp, her fingers unknowingly clung tighter to the base of the warm cup secured between her determined hands… edging close to her nose. An almost childish feeling ran through her at receiving such warmth in the overwhelming weather.
Her gaze had slipped into a sort of video mode, capturing the slightest movements of the tired figures in the shadowy corners of the large tarp hovering above the stand. The shameless observing suddenly found her conscious and she quickly averted her attention towards the humble earth. Holding the darkened cement floor between her eyes, she stood loosely there for a minute… as though the waves of life recently captured in her mind were unfolding in front of her open gaze now… a hundred flashes per minute. It seemed to happen so quickly, she doubted if the ground was still beneath her feet. The looseness she had known seconds before now dissipated… giving way to pulses of rigidity. Slowly lifting the hooded hazel pools of her eyes, she lifted her attention straight ahead… turned slowly to the right… freeze.
The warmth of the liquid in her hands now seemed to take on an icy texture. For a moment, her composure waned… but she quickly turned away… finding refuge in the watery scene afore. It was as though her own mind was playing games with her… but she was neither in any mood nor position for such play. In her hurried decision, she lifted the glass close to her mouth, while the burning liquid gushed through… Fighting the fire, she juggled the liquid in her mouth, squinting her eyes at the unexpected jolt. Clamping her lips tightly together, she held the glass just as firmly… while watching the thin drops of moisture fall lightly upon the earth.
Her mind had again taken her distantly… as she found the image of a young woman meander through the bobbing of umbrellas… Her arms were outstretched, unlike the other around her, which had hidden as tightly possible beneath their covers. It was almost as though they had transformed into a pair of feather-weight wings… allowing her to feel, which none other in her presence could… A smile of internal wealth shimmered on her crimson lips, while her graceful feet danced upon the pools of water. Through some unseen corner, another figure joined her… a young man… His face was dark, but radiant… an element of great happiness evident through the slender curve of his lips… They suddenly seemed to fall into their own world as the man lead the woman through lacy steps… jiving rhythmically to an unheard melody… It seemed highly clichd, but somehow dear… near… "Care for a dance…"
The picture immediately blurred… and she felt the colour race furiously in and out of her cheeks, while a silent stream of curses exhaled with her breath. The surreal vision was so stupidly childish she thought, and mentally slapped the back of her head… but somewhere, she realized it was more than a dream… The voice had uttered not another word, but she could hear it echo still in her mind… Care for a dance… It was a familiar voice, deeply familiar. But the tone of it was cold… acidic. Without turning her head to address the presence, whom she knew to be looking where her eyes searched vainly, she whispered into the air, "You've grown bitter…"
The air seemed to carry her words, hanging them before his face. Bitter… she says. The sweet chai also had acquired a bitterness to it… but bitter, he thought with a mixture of emotions, sarcasm at its highest. Suddenly, he felt like laughing… Bitter! He was bitter? Instead, a low, sardonic chuckle gave way through his lips… Interesting, he thought.
Silence hung above them like the clouds above… but they didn't complain, nor care much for it either. It seemed to provide a strange comfort, a sort of shroud from the unknown.
He quietly recalled the lone vehicle he had passed a while back… There was a garland of small white roses hanging from the rear view mirror. The image had immediately brought with it a thought, which he had long intended to discard. White roses… His foot had paused at the brake for a minute, before he quickly pushed hard on the race.
"It's getting late… let me drop you home, (Raat gehri hai… chalo main tumhe ghar chodh aata hoon)" he stated more defiantly than expected. And then paused, "Unless you don't interact with strangers… that too, of course, would take a small amount of risk… Something you never were much interested in (Unless, ajnabeeyon se tum katraati ho toh… waise bhi, aise situation main kuch khatra toh hota hai… Joh baat tumhe kabhi jammi nahin)," he noticed the immediate flinch of her fingers almost losing the glass between them. A flicker of satisfaction grew within him. It was disgusting, but he felt good… as though he had achieved something… out of nothing. Casting a scrutinizing glance at her slowly agitated figures, a sly grin formed on his mouth and he walked silently towards his black machine.
The gentle current of nervousness slid away as his statement broke through her crust. How dare he, she thought with distaste. There was that hard arrogance in his tone again, almost sarcastic… the chai indeed tasted bitter now. Setting the half filled cup on a forgotten corner of the table, she hurried after his tall figure. I am not a wimp, and you're the last person whom I need to prove that to Shiv Kapoor, she thought bitterly.
The drive was wordless… It was strange, there was so much that could and should have been said… but the words were absent, as was often the case when two acquaintances met in strange, unexpected circumstances. But then awkwardness was not exactly new here… It was there because the participants of the silent conversation allowed it.
She had flatly pointed out her destination and clung tightly the edge of her seatbelt, as though preparing for a jump. The road here was strangely empty, and she could feel it with the pace of the vehicle… He was always was always a maniac when driving. But there was control at work… more than just the car. She found a mild surprise tingle her nerves as the machine rolled to a slow and stopped. Getting out immediately, she noticed him do the same, but much more nonchalantly. Muttering a pathetic "thank you," she began towards the entrance when his rough voice stopped her path. "Won't you ask me to come in Mrs. Agarwal? (Mujhe andar aane ko nahin kahoge Mrs. Agarwal)" Pause. She turned slightly, noticing the damn half grin dancing lazily on those lips… her long fingers unknowingly clamping together in a fist. He came walking towards her now, with slow, cool strides… his hands hanging loosely in the pockets of the dark trousers. Her jawbones hurt. He was standing right in front of her now. "In any case, now that I am in town again, we will likely be running into one another anyways… Have a good night. (Khair, ab jab main yahin yoon… milna toh hota rahega… Have a good night)." She watched blankly at his retreating back… dread slowly etching into her tired features…
The ancient creaking of the chair was the only sound echoing dully off the silent walls. Mumbai City lay at the mercy of the wild temper of a storm having steadily amassed… resembling the tornado gaining momentum in the silence inside.
Back… and forth… back… and forth. The chair protested in unheard groans, but the owner refused to hear them. His mind revisited the events of the day… He didn't know what to make of them, but then his fate was never trustworthy. The ceiling seemed to sway with his vision as he rocked the crude chaise, an emblem of his grandfather's pride. The rocking abruptly stopped standing immobile for a second, before he raised and walked towards the closed door.
The cool gush of water felt refreshing upon his burning skin… Dabbing the towel over his face, he held it momentarily over his eyes, pressing the soft fabric against them. Her calm features etched clearly against his blank mind… the shower of minuscule droplets clinging to her skin, determined to hold on to its caress-able texture. The feeble veil of lavender did the same at her head, as she clung to it, holding herself against time… It was a sight he had seen before… but the context had been different. Suddenly feeling nauseous, he pulled the towel away, barely catching a glimpse of the twinkle in gaze as he left the front of the mirror. Throwing the towel to a side, he proceeded to take unbutton his dark shirt… He stood now in front of the shower door, the shirt hanging loosely to his side… parts of skin peeking through. Pulling off his socks, his belt… the image continually retained itself in his mind, refusing to budge now. The drops of moisture on her skin… the lavender material clinging to her… Suddenly, he opened the sliding door and stepped in still clothed… Pulling the tap, he allowed the water drown his thoughts… A buried memory now came arising through the dust… their first meeting… God, he hated her.
(Flashback)
The intensity of the previous events still pounded against her ribcage, slowly dulling as she drifted farther from the scene. In actuality, it had been over an hour ago, but it felt as though she was still there, amidst that ignorant crowd… watching that iron fist pound mercilessly against an unrecognized face. Another shiver ran up her spine at the chilling thought… How could someone be so severe? It disgusted her actually, and she wanted to get the picture out of her mind, but the damn thing would not relent. As the flashes came before her eyes, she continued walking with a slow, tight stride… unaware of the paleness of her knuckles as she clung tighter to her notebook and folder. In the chaos of her thoughts, it suddenly dawned on her that she didn't know the reason behind it all. She had just seen the crowd… the fist… the victim… The onlookers were as though stone, watching the scene with no interruption, completely engrossed… amazed, perhaps.
Not knowing what had gripped her, she ran forward, trying to contain the fist. Just as she was readying for a fall, she remembered an arm capture her waist, bracing her imbalance. The thud of the fist had silenced, instead… there was a low, throaty voice laced with words of threat or comfort… she couldn't decide. "Raising a hand on women is not in my principles… (Ladkiyon par haath utahana meri fitrat mein nahin…)." Her breath had lost its course and she realized she had been holding it in all along. Still a little faint, she tried to struggle out of the grasp steadying her… and then the authorities had shown up. She had turned just in time to catch a quick, but detailed view of the owner of the arrogant voice. Impulses of anger and fear raged through her nerves as she watched him being sided by the principal…
And now her feelings were confused. The hall had become slowly vacant, with a few students lingering here and there. Stopping before her locker, she heard bits conversation float to her hears wantonly. Don't eavesdrop, she scolded herself mentally. But the words were stubborn and she found her hands fumble uselessly with her lock combination while concentrating on the flow of words… "… he shouldn't have been taken away. The other guy was Shashank, you know, the cocky jerk who thinks he owns everything he sees."… "Yeah, but why was Shiv pounding him?"… "Apparently the guy has been doing circles around Shiv's cousin-friend, whoever she is…" She bit her lip at the tone of the last few words. There was an element of disgust and jealousy in them. "Click…" Startled, she looked at her lock with surprise, it never opened so easily when she was paying attention. Throwing aside the thought, she opened the door of the locker, replacing her History notebook and reaching for her Hindi one, along with another folder containing an unfinished draft of her Hindi paper for Professor Chakarborty's class. Looking up, she realized the dials on the mini clock she had hung… 4:17! Oh no, she was so late. Shoving the rest of her things quickly aside, she picked up her books and bag, shutting the door and locking it, before hurrying ahead in the vacant hallway.
The importance of time dulled in slow-motion as she realized herself being swung around… her eyes barely catching the fall of her books. Instinctively, she brought down the curtains of her vision, while searching for sense in the chaos of the present. The breaths came rapidly to her, and she felt her wrists become secured in handcuffs while her back hit a solid wall... sealing her fate. After a few seconds of contemplation, she opened her eyes barely adjusting to the darkness… There was a dim, forgotten light coming from some corner, casting a gloomy light across various objects, which she recognized as being from the janitor's closet. Janitor's closet!… Her cheek was pressed firmly against the wall, and she felt a tingle of warm breath meet her skin. Jerked alive, her heart began to run… "Mere mamlon mein mujhe dakhal-andaazi bilkul pasandh nahin…(I don't like others interfering with my matters…)" The voice was not heard of much, but she instantly recognized the rough whisper… In a split second, she realized the handcuffs imprisoning her wrists were indeed handcuffs… his hands, holding hers. Hesitantly, she turned her face towards his… illuminated through stark rays of light. Despite the dimness, her eyes focused on his. They were dark, impossibly dark. For a minute, she forgot her struggling wrists, amazed by the eyes. Were they burning hers too?… But then the voice broke her trance. She could read the distaste in his voice clearly now. "Shiv Kapoor ka ek asool hai… Pehli baar, aakhri baar. Issilye chodh raha hoon… warna… (Shiv Kapoor has a moto… First time, last time. Hence, I'm leaving you… otherwise…" Her mind juggled between fits of anger, irritancy, confusion, fear and something she could not recognize. "Ayenda apna muh kholne se pehle soch lena… (Next time, think before you speak…)" Dumbfounded, she felt the words escape her… After a long, intense pause with his coals of eyes burning through her, she felt a thick wave of consciousness well up in her eyes. "Waise bhi, kehte hain ehri gehri cheezon ke muh nahin lagte…(Besides, they say you shouldn't get involved with useless, random things…). She felt as though slapped tightly across the face. As he released her with a force of disgust, insulted, infuriated, doubtful and crumbling… she watched his dusky, tall figure merged slowly with the shadows stopping shortly in the divide between light and dark. Noticing her dupatta trail desperately after him, she realized that a mere stranger… this stranger, had managed to take something away from her that no one had, or could. He had unveiled her and stolen a precious part of her… He stood immobile for a minute, and then she saw his head turn slightly, while gathering the soft material within his rough grasp… forcing it upon her face. Her head turned to the side and she could feel the shame burn her cheeks as she looked towards the black floor, a solitary tear falling down her face. She would never forget him… or herself…
(End flashback)
She woke up with a start… Beads of perspiration formed upon her forehead and she ran a shaky hand through her open tresses… The presence next to her did not stir and she felt relief swarm over her as she looked around at the familiar shadows of her room. Without much thought, she found herself throwing aside the covers, heading silently to the closed door. As the water gushed over her skin, she relished the cool against her warmth… Looking through the glass, she realized the reflection stare back at her pensively… Startled, she took a step back… The day's events ran back to her… Her mind was stirred in chaos… and relief seemed nowhere near. Standing next to the door to the tall shower, she suddenly undid the satiny tie of her night robe before stepping in… The water came over her like a flood of memories…
Chapter 4: A Fiery Encounter
A bland expression fell across her face, much like the failing stream of light cascading sleepily across the floor. The night outside was rich, but falling prey to a slow morning. Sound was feeble against her numb ears, while she sat slightly bent forward in her crouched position. From a distance, her silhouetted figure probably looked much like a cucoon of sorts. The cool surface of the hardwood stuck like ice against her flat feet, but she didn't remove them. She could still feel the fast drops of water rushing against her body... The soft ticking of a clock desperately vied for attention against the reigning silence. She had stood there, underneath the watery flow for minutes uncounted... trying to drain the thoughts. But they were as relentless as the water. At some point she had pressed her fingers against the steel knob, enclosing it tightly in her iron grasp... for a pause, she the ambitious thought of controlling the thoughts like the water ran past her mind. Holding her hand there for a minute longer, it occurred to her that her ambition was beyond her control. Instead, she had stepped loosely outside, slipping carelessly into the soft robe awaiting her warm presence. Now, she sat unmoving… vulnerable to the gulf of the past readying to choke her…
(Flashback)
Oh god Gauri, dus minute! Indeed, if she did not get to Janki madam's office within the ten minutes, the lady would have her head and that being the last thing she could lose when she had three papers due in four days! Grabbing her blue notebook, she shoved her locker shut and stepped urgently down the hall. The hall was quite vacant, with the odd person hanging near a door, or sitting on the floor… their nose lost in some fat, non-interesting book. A breezy, inward smile crept on her lips as she passed one such yawning figure… The smile faded almost instantly as her eyes transiently caught sight of him.
The absolute last person she wanted to see right now would be that idiot Shiv Kapoor. Too late sweetheart, he's already filled your eyes, she thought bitterly. She could feel her arteries already begin to constrict at the mere thought of his arrogant name. Breathe baby, she reminded herself mutely and continued past him in a whiff of ignorance. "Bijli…" Freeze. Hell, why does he have to do this every single time, she thought with a flicker of irritancy. Squinting her eyes shut for a passing second, she clung tighter to her notebook and turned. Why do I even bother, she thought disgustedly. Looking up, she perceived the expected… That damn grin… as lazy as himself! His eyes were clearly mapping her, as she tried to control the fire emitting through her eyes… Shouldn't he be a pile of ashes by this point…
If looks could kill, he thought amused. She irritated him to no end, but still, there was this inexplicable thrill he got out of annoying her thus. He could almost feel the heat from the embers glowing through her eyes… those eyes… shrugging them off, he continued his lazy, nonchalant tone of addressing her. Its payback time for the last humiliation, he thought vilely. A polished smile snaked across his lips as his mind mapped it out. They had encountered each other enough times, and each time it was more than an encounter… it was an unnamed friction. Last time she had the upper hand, this was his day… He knew where she was headed and the person she was supposed to meet in ten minutes was in another building. If she were late, Lady D (Janki Ma'am, the principal) would unleash hell, he thought with an intense thrill. "Chakarborty ne bola… apna wohe paper waper utaane ko…" (Chakarborty said… pick up that paper of yours) An electric amusement ran outwards through his body seeing her rigid features try stubbornly to remain so. The embers of her eyes betrayed the thought… he could see them dim mournfully. Sweet revenge, he thought while casually striding around her frozen figure. His feet stopped teasingly at one point as his lips hung devastatingly close to her left ear… "Aur waise bhi, tum toh jaanti ho na… Chakarborty ko addat hai, na ek minute upar… na ek neeche… Run fast." (And anyways, you know… Chakarborty has this habit, not a minute before… not a minute after… Run fast). He hung there, in the midst of her fog… a part of it. He could smell a crisp combination of lavender and something else tingle his nose. It was a strange mixture, whatever it was… strangely enticing. Lingering for a few seconds more, he stepped back just as casually… the fragrance still loitering on his lips… just as he left the words in her broken bubble… Stuffing his hands in the pockets of his denims, he inhaled deeply… satisfied.
A thousand things ran blindly against her mind… The fog created by his words had successfully affected her vision, at least for a few minutes. Could he be lying, she thought contemplating his news. But why would he lie. She paused for a sarcastic chuckle at this, why wouldn't he… duffer. For another pause, she thought the situation over. Well, what harm could it cause? She was already in the building, and Chakarborty's office was just on east end of it. She could probably reach there in two minutes, grab the paper, which she had handed in for editing for the actual one, and then run quickly to Jank ma'am's office. I can do that, she thought resolutely. No doubt, she couldn't stand him, but at least he was good at something… khadoos.
"Arre yaar, ye dhuaan kaisa?" (Hey man, where is this smoke coming from) he wondered aloud to none of his buddies in particular. His eyes were fixed on a steadily growing fog coming from the eastern sector of the science building… the one he had left but a few minutes ago. Suddenly a blaring sound erupted in the air. A sort of chaos began to form and he could catch fragments of conversation… "Aag lagi…"… "Science…"… "Third floor…" Bijli struck him… the colour slowly falling from his face. Without a further thought, his feet voluntarily raced towards the building, leaving behind faint traces of calls…
Smoke had just begun to descend into the first floor. Taking the staircase two at a time, he raced to the eastern side of the building. He could now start to feel the competition between oxygen and smoke in his lungs, while his eyes squinted through the dismal fog… A raw tension attacked his muscles as a nerve pulsed erratically at the side of his neck. With wild eyes, he scanned the hallway… Chakarborty's class was near the far end. Stirring up again, he reached the room to find it quite filled with smoke. There was little he could see… and time seemed to pause for a defying second. No. The pulse at his neck hammered harder now, ready to burst in anxiety… and then the subtle cough set the dials of time clicking again. He wanted to yell out her name, but a part of him felt she would not respond… something he could least afford. With alert ears, he found her rather close, fumbling blindly against the wall to his right. A hand covered her mouth, while the other supported her disshelved figure. Thoughts were amiss. Grabbing hold of the oblivious hand still searching aimlessly against the wall, he led her out back into the hallway. "Kapoor?" he heard the choked voice whisper questionably in the air. He let it hang.
He could sense the heaviness of her legs, her pace had slackened considerably. She had in fact tolerated the smoke much longer than himself, and now they were standing on the first floor… searching for escape. While he scanned the deteriorating surroundings, her sharp voice whispered into the inferno, "Tum kyon aaye ho?" (Why have you come?). Goddamit woman, he thought… Turning calculatedly to his side, he looked at her with gravity, "Maine tumhe yahan bheja, aur main hi le kar jaoonga" (I sent you here, so I will be the one to take you out). A pause held sway until her voice betrayed it, "Mere liye…" (For me…) She gave out a low, sarcastic chuckle. Immediately, the tone changed. "Jiss din mujhe tumhaari zaroorat padehgi na Kapoor…uss din waqt toh kya, saari kayanaat ek pal mein tham jaayegi…" (The day I need your help Kapoor… that day, not only will time stand still, but so will the entire universe…) Silence hung in slow motion in the background of the scene… And then the clatter of a fallen piece lit with fire brought it back into the immediate pace.
He looked around once more, noticing things fall apart… Rubbing a hand over his stubble, his mind contemplated the situation. In the midst of wandering aimlessly, his eyes caught hold of the closet… A distant memory whizzed past as he realized the door was hanging loose… but above, flames threatened the wooden composure of upper floor baseboards.
Immediately, he turned towards her unstable figure. She coughed again… and again, oblivious to his observation. As though sensing the presence of his vision, she paused after another weak cough. Her face was blank as she looked from him to where he looked again momentarily. "Oh no you don't Kapoor…" she started defiantly, while approaching him. "Go," he stated firmly. Her face twisted in a mixture of emotions… The fire outside began to show itself within her as she put it all into context. Stepping in front of him thus, she allowed not a breath of exchange by without her touching it. Acidic moisture stung at the edges of her blurring vision, which she tried to match with his. Her eyes bore into the coals of his… it occurred to her rather alarmingly how dark they were… was it possible? It seemed almost as though they held another unexplored world beyond… Shrugging off the thought, she felt the cough tingle at her throat and she released it wheezing. "Aisa kuch bhi nahin hone laga Kapoor…Main… main mar jaoongi, lekin waha… tumhaare bina hargiz nahin jaoongi… samjhe tum?" (Nothing like that is going to happen Kapoor… I… I will die, but won't… go there without you… you get it?). She cursed inwardly at the whispering tone at which her voice trailed off. Cough. Was it that cough?… Her eyes blurred again… The smoke hit her again… She could feel her shoulders slouch, but her heart was steel… impenetrable… It irked her, that he did not respond… His face was blotted by the stains of smoke. She watched him look back towards the only exit. It could hold only once… the moment someone ran past it, the baseboard above would fall over. She knew not anything, but she was not leaving him here. "Tum chahte ho ke main wahan… akeli… akeli jaoon na? Taan ke tum hero banjao… Aisa… kuch bhin nahin…hoga…" (You want me to go out… alone… alone right? So you can… become the hero… Nothing… nothing like that is going to hap… happen…) She again stubbornly pulled at his empty gaze. A moment passed again, as he remained unresponsive. And then the earth fell through… she watched it confused for a second, as it passed her vision with such quickness. Her body suddenly felt very light… and it dawned on her, she wasn't the one carrying her own weight… he was. She watched with her neck strained up as the baseboard fell through, barely as they did… him, with her over his shoulder…Feeling utterly exhausted, she felt herself being placed… somewhere… His eyes were the last sight her vision captured as the rest of the world fell into that black abyss…
(End Flashback)
The moment freezed for him then… the rest of it was blank as he had blanked out… Getting up from the warmed leather of the couch, he wandered to the full length window… Mumbai was alive, even at this hour… It was one such night, when fate restored itself through another encounter…
Chapter 5A: Deja Vu
"Beep beep… Arre chal bhi aab!… Ye gaadi ko kya hogaya abh… beep!"
(It starts with)
One thing / I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
Typical Mumbai. Voices… unheard… People… unseen… Time… timeless… Mumbai, sapno ka shehar. Or so was the claim. The familiar thought left a bitter taste in his mouth once again. People came to this city with dreams… aspirations… hope… life… Indifferently he shifted his glance across the tinted black glass to his side. Behind it, lay the city… Mumbai City… While reflecting off it, was the distant outline of a man… a man who had come to this very city… and left… without anything. Once there was a dream… an aspiration… a hope… there was even life. But now, there was nothing… but the crusted outline of footsteps. He turned his eyes towards the muddy puddle laying beneath a street vendor's cart. An oblivious foot stepped into the freshly moist dirt… Faintly, he could hear the cursing voice of the owner, as he continued without a look at the imprint he had unknowingly left…
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
"Honk honk…"
Jerking back to the present, he returned to his current occupation and pressed down on the gas.
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn't even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
He could feel a strangeness tingle at the ends of his fingertips today… it seemed to expand slowly throughout the course of his body… It was a feeling… For years, he had forgotten it… lost it within the monotonous rhythm of his self-made life. That feeling of familiarity… It disgusted him… in fact he abhorred it… Because familiarity had brought him only pain, anguish, betrayal… There was only sense that he had come to know… Bitter, she had called him. A bubble of ironic laughter welled up within his innards. Was there something he was supposed to feel sweet about… clearly, the notion had slipped his mind. Perhaps there was… afterall, living the way he did, was certainly an accomplishment. His life was perfect… perfect… monotonous… The steady hum of the engine droned to a stop and he looked up expectantly. Stepping out of the black machine, he stood facing the dazzling letters jumping off the top of the entrance… "deja vu"… Sweet irony, he thought as the significance of the name swept him back to another time…
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
(Flashback)
Khaab dekhe jhoote moote
Batiyaa banaane kaise
Sajna anari baiyman…
Holding the silvery shawl closer, she entered into a coloured world of shadows… the regret steadily increasing with each step. Already, she could feel unseen eyes caressing her silhouetted figure… but she shrugged off the uncomforting thought with a tight smile as a bright face shimmered at her. Just this once, she told herself comfortably. "Gauri, kya hua? Chal na" (Gauri, what happened? Com'on). Before a thought crossed her mind, she felt herself being dragged between a throng of bodies drugged by the enticing melody…
… Kaise batoon tujhe baat jiya kii
Jaanu main toh jaanu saari chaal piya kii
Chain mera loote loote
Ratiyaan jagaye mujhe
Sanjna anari baiyman…
As she passed the various bodies moving to the tune, she could see the world condense for them… it was as though nothing else existed. She hated crowds. But the thought of their unabashed bliss held an inspiring note, and she felt the corners of her lips turn upwards sparingly… while joining the still smiley-faced owner on the dance floor.
The music was louder where she stood… she could almost feel it thump within her… the vibrations were slender, beginning to become demanding. She had always loved dancing… but there was a strange awkwardness hanging over her… a sensation of being the object of another's conscious glance. Looking up expectantly, she found nothing but the haze of bodies. It was rare when she stepped into places like this… In fact, she could only discreetly recall doing so once. Then, it was almost a duty… a need… a need to prove herself… He had provoked her. The thought broke off quickly much to her relief, while the smile afore turned into a concerned frown, "You alright?" asked the tender voice. Shaking her head loosely, she waved off the worried look on her companion's face, which read her discomfort. "Pakka?" Offering a small smile, she squinted her eyes in response.
She found herself concentrate on the smile again… the one that belonged to a friend, a dear friend… Shalini. Shalini Mehta… her best friend… who apparently is in "love" with a guy she had barely met – didn't even know the name of - while attending a sangeet ceremony of another friend, this past summer. Love, she thought. It was inexplicable, beyond her understanding… It was an bizarre passion, a hint of which she had gathered in Shalini's dazzling eyes. She had always admired those kinds of individuals… people with passion. It was more than a feeling, it was an experience. She only recalled a depth within her once… a few years ago… That raw intensity… she recalled the embers it had ignited within her… something she had never believed capable of… But then he had always driven to her an edge. He. Her throat suddenly felt dry…
Gesturing to Shalini, she threaded rigidly through the unfazed throng. Her throat already burning with thirst, she increased her pace to the counter. At last, her hand reached the marble of the counter. "A glass of water, please," she fumbled with the words. As soon as the glass was laid, she grabbed it between her fingers, allowing the liquid to thunder down her throat. Why the hell was he invading her thoughts all of a sudden? Khadoos…
Feeling slightly anxious, she shifted her weight into the tall stool to the side. With empty thoughts and scattered vision, she looked around the crowd, and back. The ice juggled in the glass… It was Shalini's birthday, and here she was… forced by friendship. Her friend was in another world… and she felt happy for her, in a strange way but…
God, she hated crowds. She had always sought the open sky…
"Tumne kabhi socha hai, maine tumhara naam bijli kyun rakha?" (Have you ever wondered why I named you Bijli?)
The ice slowed in its looseness… dulling to a stop. In place of the aimlessness moments before, a name writ itself in her mind… Shiv Kapoor. For a moment, she was idle, while the name accompanied a picture… which came an unexpected ease to her memory. Turning around with a controlled nonchalance, she addressed the familiar features… the familiar grin… This time her arteries did not flex… "Shiv Kapoor… Aap yahan?" It came more as a statement rather than a question, she realized too late.
His grin famously deepened… but only a little.
"Tumhara peecha kabhi na chodne ka tehka joh le rakha hai." (Since I've been obliged never to leave your side). The sarcasm was there… of course, dipped in reminiscence. Something flared up within her again…
Awkward silence.
Subconsciously, she pulled the shawl back over the part of her shoulder, which lay bare to the wandering eye… while her own cascaded past him. There was no thought in process, but a strange friction.
"Sach kehte hain… kuch cheezein kabhi nahin badaltee," (Its true… some things never change) he stated flatly, observing her hand swiftly pull up the betraying cover. An unknown comfort entered his zone…
She raised her eyebrow sceptically at his observation. There was an irony in her glance… she peered into his eyes. If she knew anything in this world, it was those eyes… Yet, she always found herself confused in their midst. He was sipping on something… some clear liquid… water? The shock of his presence was still strong… but she held it within, deep within. Her thoughts, his presence…
"You want to dance?" Her thoughts… his presence… rendezvous. What did he just say…
Cheers,dc
57