Serious advicee .. Whomm ??

Well my first post over here.I was just to much of confused over this I am gonna tell you myy story here and hopee to see somethingg that helps mee Well,When there was a guy i always used to "LOVE"/Just lets guess he was "M" you know i wasent mature that time.But likee me and my best friend always used to change our crushes which i thought was love.Soo but i was always used to love him even though we changed our crushes.I never told him about this nor my best friends or friends knew about this.Someone told me he liked me too but he used to ignore me most of the time so i just dident care cuz i guess it was just a crush.But i really used to care for him just it was you know half love and thaat.But i never used to cry for him or something like that.So then when our term of 10th class ended.He left the school and i just dident care bcause i guess you know it was a crush. So then he left the school. Then in my 11th class..Make his name "G" A boy one year senior to me always used to look at me.He used to give me smiles.I guess i was JUST attracted to him and i never knew something like this would happen in my life.He just used to stare at me and used to gimme smiles and like that.Then one fine day he purposed me.I took my time and told him that i too love him and that was my FIRST FIRST FIRST love in life.And our school was very very very strict about this matters.So we had it a secret and dident let anyone know.We both were really shy and just used to smile and speak with our eyes with each other.He used to come to my class after every period and in Break"s he used to stand there and stare.Then the stupid holidays came.I gone for holidays to germany and austria.But he gave me a letters before i was going to germany in the hands of My Didi.His email and Phone number and and a cute painting in it.I always used to remember the moments with him in the aeroplane in the ar everywhere.I even have a puppy named after him.His painting was most dear to me and i still HAVE it.Then in my holidays i always used to dream about him and think when will these damn holidays be over.I phoned my friend and she told me that "G" was thrown out of the school because of some reason.I was like Heart broken.I thought my heart was stolen it was torn.I prayed to god wrote him a letter that i will die without him.I dident speak anymoree and my parents were worried.I forgot to smile.I used to get my eyes wet everywhere i would go.Then he phoned me oncee when i dident even think about it.He was very sweet and i wanted to talk lots lots lots and lots with him but my granny was next to me.So he told me he will phone on sunday.I again started smiling and lied to my granny that it was my granny"s brother.Then my parents came to know about it .They dident tell me anything but just warned me.I was again heat broken.I prayed to god everyday every moment But no he dident come after the holidays,I dident wanted to go to school anymore not seeing him there.But was forced.And i could never ever tell this to anybody not even my best friend this matter was like stiched in my heart.Everyday i used to cry and used to pray to god to bring him back.I couldent even say him bye or hug him once. I still havent overcomed it and cry everytime i see that place where he used to stand once and smile at me.I still remember what he used to wear.And i wonder why only mee ?? God just saw mee?? Am i that bad ? Why cant i diee ?? Then on hi5 one day "M" started chatted with me and we became friends.He asked me if he could ask me a thing and i wouldent mind.He asked me if i love him becuse i love you sincee 5 since till 10 class.I said OK to him because i wanted to overcome "G" andd was touched by his words.Its been a word we just chatted with each other on hi5 but still i dont know my feelings about "M".I dont love himm.. I still love "G" and still hope to see him one day again.I dont want to betray "M".But i dont know anythign about my feelings right now.I just dont love M.I still remember those moments with G which were the best moments of my whole life and will always be.I cry almost every day and cant control it. What should i do? Do i really love M or G ? How can i overcome everything ? I knoww its kinda childish but i am really shy soo and of course the M and G were really shy too but i still cry everyday for "G" remembring him and his cute smile and that moments . And i feel guilty when i think that he was thrown out of the school because of ME

Babes, Whats meant to be..will always find a way.

Martikha=)..

Well,He dident contact me once he phoned me and then my parents and his parents came to know.He did try to phone once again but then my parents took the phone.Bcause when i phone him in the STD all the things we talk are recorded. It is not clear to anyone if he was thrown out of the school or he left the school.Because there were holidays and nobody came to know anything.If he was thrown out of the school i guess because the school came to know about me and him.And if he left the school i always feel guilty and i guess it was because i phoned him and his parents came to know.Because there were absolutely NO reasons for him leaving the school.And everybody was saying that he left because of "PERSONAL" reasons For M.In every message he says me how much he loves me and says me that i love you so much baby. He even asked me once about G.In every message he write I love you baby.But i just cant bring it and write him I love you too baby in return.I am not that bravee and cheat on him.He loves me soo much i know.He loved me from 5th class to 10 class but never told anything.Just started at me all the time. I cant bring it and break his heart.He is in germany now so we just write messages to each other Well thanx guys for the advice :) Thanx alot . Hope to see more :)

aaw this is a very sad story and i really feel for u at the moment...