Amrita Rao - interview

WHEN YOU THINK OF AMRITA RAO, WILD IS THE LAST WORD THAT WOULD COME TO YOUR MIND. BUT THIS SUFFICIENTLY MILD ACTRESS IS SURPRISINGLY GAME FOR OUR WILD ENCOUNTER.

IN HER RECENT AVATAR AMRITA HAS MADE NO BONES ABOUT SHEDDING HER SECOND SKIN SHY NATURE AND MAKING BOLD DECLARATIONS. BUT IN HER HEART OF HEART, MS. RAO IS VERY MUCH THE TRADITIONAL, CONVENTIONAL GIRL WHO YOU WANT TO WAKE UP TO THE WORLD AROUND HER.

Her rigid concepts might even seem outdated to you but the good thing about Amrita is she lets you be with your vices as much as she sticks to her virtues. And finding a medium between these extremes, Amrita's candour does spring a few surprises. She won't make you jump out of our seat, but sit back and notice, you will.

SD: When you become an actress you have to put yourself out there, open and vulnerable to people's perceptions and fantasies. Does that bother you?

AR: Everybody has their own perception about the same thing. That is something we cannot change. What we can control is our conduct; the intention should be pure. I don't do anything just to titillate the audience. So it reflects in the purity you see from me on screen. Every successful actress has had a sensual side to her. I think, sensuality completes womanhood. There are different ways of portraying it.

SD: But as an actress you are often under the male gaze. Does it unnerve you?

AR: Absolutely not. Everybody likes attention. I'm not shying away from attention but I'm not an attention seeker either. I always believe, if the energy you give out is positive you draw positive energy back. What is sometimes disturbing is people constantly stare at you. But that comes along with the territory; that's a part of our profession.

SD: Do you think it is alright to judge a woman just because she dresses provocatively, to get attention or otherwise?

AR: Different people have different prerogatives and ambitions. The ways that they take to reach their motive would be different. It's their call to make. Everyone has the liberty to dress the way they want to. I would never say that this girl dresses up provocatively so she is of bad character. It's none of my business to get down to character analysis and judgements. But the decisions you make in life, you have to face the consequences for them.

SD: What do you mean by that? You almost sound like the chauvinistic male who says a girl dressing up provocatively is calling for violent repercussions.

AR: You might be dressed scantily and be in a group of people whose intentions are good, not sexual towards you. But then there will be times when people's intentions aren't good. You cannot decide how people think of you or dream of you. All I'm saying is, if you dress in a certain manner there might be a different kind of a situation and you need to be prepared for it.

SD: There is this perception generally about actresses that they lead a fast and wild life. Do you think its fair?

AR: You cannot make sweeping generalizations like that. Every individual is different. When people say actresses lead a fast life, or could be compromising, it's not only true for actresses. As a rumour or speculation, it is used against any girl out there who's a bit independent and free.

It's not just confined to actresses. According to my own experiences, I have never come across any sleaze or any situation which was embarrassing. I have never had to compromise. That's purely because I came from a certain background, I chose to deal with a certain level of people. I was fortunate to come across A list of people.

But if I ever had to compromise on my values, I wouldn't have been here. There could be girls who come across things like that, but you can't say the whole industry is like this or that actresses need to compromise. Nobody can force you to do what you don't want to do. The choice is yours eventually.

SD: How far would you go on your first date?

AR: I'm the sort of a person who keeps analyzing the other person all the time. So I guess my first date would be limited to that and just having a good chat. As far as making moves is concerned, I'd just leave it to how comfortable I feel on the first date with a person. But I'd like to add, I'm not so easily impressed with people. So I wouldn't come that easy.

SD: What if the guy you are on a date with, is not so much into the conversation but flirting with you outrageously? Would you be cool with it?

AR: If the guy is not my type, I'd just laugh it out. But if he is somebody I fancy,
I might just play along. I might start flirting back with him.

SD: If you saw a man at a party and he could be someone you fancy, would you go up to him and make the first move?

AR: I believe the man should always make the first move. That's the charm of it. Maybe I'm losing out on a lot of guys because of that, but I've always been a bit shy. I believe women who walk up to men to begin a conversation would be perceived as fast. I wouldn't want to be caught in that situation. I'd rather have it my way and let the guy walk up to me.

SD: What does sexual liberation mean to you?

AR: It could be simple awareness or knowledge about sex. You don't need to experience it to know it. You have to be aware of things, you cannot just be nave in today's times. That will lead you into trouble. So sexual liberation to me would be a real awareness about sex amongst people and a sense of choice that every individual can exercise.

SD: What are your thoughts on one night stands?

AR: Not my cup of tea. If you are not very emotional and just want to have your fun, you can go ahead and have a one night stand. But from what I see and know, women get emotionally attached even when there's only physical intimacy involved. It takes a lot for a girl to open up to a guy.

So but naturally, a strong emotional bond evolves through a physical relationship. And if the other person is not ready to accept that, it can lead to hurt emotions.

SD: So you would not be in a relationship purely on the basis of physical attraction?

AR: No. The whole persona of the man needs to come with qualities that would appeal to me. Just physical attraction will go out of the window after you start spending time with the guy and he doesn't have the qualities you seek in a man.

On the other hand, physical attraction can grow if you evolve emotionally with each other. I don't know if you've noticed, but a person you've known for weeks and months starts looking different and more appealing to you. That's what they call, 'growing on you'.

SD: Would you ever date a guy who has a reputation of being a player?

AR: No. You might think you can change a person but you cannot. It's very difficult to change someone after a certain age because by then your personality becomes you. Having said that, there are certain men who had a past and were termed Casanovas, but they are very clear about their next step. In today's times, it would be difficult to meet a guy, who is, say 20, and doesn't have a past.

SD: Do you think marriage is just a paper and live in relationships are the way to go?

AR: Marriage is certainly just a paper. If you have a girlfriend and you know she is
going to be your wife, you know it. You don't need a paper to tell you that. And that's when you need to start treating your girlfriend like that; you cannot have an affair on the side.

You can't tell yourself, 'Hey I'm still not married. After marriage I'll stop'. What is 'after marriage'? You cannot have dates, ceremonies and a priest changing things for you. As far as live in relationships are concerned, I know of friends who are in them. It's a good way of discovering each other.

It's a fantastic way of deciding and choosing your future because four months down you realize your personalities, traits, habits don't match with each other. You can call it quits then, rather than being tied in a messy marriage. What's the point of involving families, children in some cases and getting into a complex situation that you can't come out from?

SD: If you were ever dating a guy and he cheated on you, would you take him back?

AR: I believe in giving allowances to people. But I guess in this situation it will entirely depend on my frame of mind at that time. At this point, its very easy for me to say, 'Not at all, I'd never take him back'. But in reality, you might be hopelessly in love with that person. The person might genuinely be in love with you but had a slip up. I do believe in giving people second chances. But it is also true that it would be very difficult to trust him again. The whole incident might end up making me an insecure wreck.

I might not be able to trust not only him but any other relationship I might get into after that. But such things happen all the time. Naturally your ego and sense of self worth takes a beating when your partner cheats on you. But apart from that, it's a question of intention, commitment and the person's character.

SD: Has Bollywood helped sex come out of the closet in our society?

AR: Of course it has. But more than Bollywood, what is more available to you is television. Even the cartoon characters are kissing and smooching each other all the time. You think 'my kid is watching cartoons', but your kid is watching and learning a lot more through these cartoons. And then there's internet, which is so easily accessible. Everything is available at the click of a button.

Sex is on display all over the place. I come from a time, not to sound like a relic, but when we'd be watching a Hollywood film with the family and there would be a kissing scene, the channel would be instantly changed. There has been a quantum leap since then. I remember there was a Karisma Kapoor song, 'sexy, sexy, sexy' and there was a huge uproar then; today everything is sexy. We use the word sexy so callously.

SD: So you think our society still has double standards when it comes to sex?

AR: Yes, we still have double standards when it comes to sex. When we say India, we often confuse it with the urbane society that we come across. There's
a whole different and vast India in small towns and the rural parts. Several things are still a taboo in our country. In terms of exposure and awareness in western countries, we are still not there.

SD: Would you ever date a married man?

AR: A big NO. I think every woman seeks security in a relationship and its always long term. Every woman wants a man who's only devoted to her. I can never be comfortable with the idea of sharing my man with another woman. So a married man situation is not so advisable. 'Coz eventually in dire situations he will go back to his wife and family. And if he comes to you, it's still not a happy feeling, breaking a family.

SD: They say, 'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it'. Do you agree with that?

AR: We all go through situations where we need to stop ourselves and let our mind take over the matters. When you choose to take a certain step, you need to prepare for the consequences. And they can be not the best of consequences. And that's for me, personally. Otherwise it's a free world. Everyone can do what they want, I'm not a preacher or a crusader.

SD: What if any of your co-stars made a pass at you?

AR: Thankfully nobody has so far. I think I come across as a person at whom you can't make a pass and get away with it.

SD: What if a woman made a pass at you?

AR: I'd be stunned initially. But then I'll be like, 'Chalo at least somebody made
a pass at me'. (laughs)

SD: Do you believe that love happens only once?

AR: No. Love happens a few times over. Sure, why not? You can fall in love with someone even though you are with somebody else. Love is not at first sight, it could be attraction at first sight. And you can grow to love two people at the same time or different times. But again, the intensity with which you love two people can never be the same.

***BY SHASHANK SAMANT